Chapter Four

 

The next time I woke up, I actually felt rested. I marveled at the softness of the bed and the pillow beneath my head.

I hadn’t slept with a pillow since we made our home at Gage’s compound and I hadn’t slept in a real bed in so much longer.

My back was stiff from the unfamiliar cushion. I stretched out and realized I had to pee.

That was a very good thing.

My throat didn’t feel on fire and my insides didn’t feel shriveled. Wow.

Nelson stirred next to me. He had pulled up a chair and fallen asleep with his head in his hands. I doubted he meant to sleep, but I was glad he had, even for just a little bit.

With his sister missing and so far from his brothers, I knew it would be hard for Nelson to do anything until we got everyone back.

“Hey,” he murmured, in a raspy voice.

“Hey,” I smiled softly at him. There were so many things to be afraid of right now, but two of my biggest fears seemed to have disappeared.

For now.

I didn’t lose Nelson and I hadn’t gone into early labor.

Eventually I would have to face labor and what it would be like to bring a baby into this world, but I was glad that day didn’t seem to be today.

“How are you feeling?” he asked gently. His fingertips ran down my temple before he splayed his palm across my cheek and then slid his fingers back, into my hair.

“I’m better,” I promised him. “Much better. I don’t feel a contraction coming on and my body feels… lighter. I think the worst of this has passed.” I waved at my belly with my free hand so that he would know I was being topic-specific. We were still smack dab in the worst of everything else.

“Good.” His entire body relaxed with that news. I might have aged him a few decades today, but he finally seemed able to get a grip on himself, on this situation. “You had me worried there for a bit.”

Joy appeared again and handed me a glass of clear water. “I boiled it. It won’t make you sick.”

I let out a shaky sigh. “Thank you.”

“You need to stay better hydrated,” she scolded. “You’re in the desert, my dear. You must know how important water is for survival.”

I refrained from rolling my eyes, choosing to glare at her instead. “The last time someone offered me a drink of water, they hit me over the back of the head, knocked me unconscious and then tried to fatten me up so they could eat my baby!”

“They didn’t try to fatten her up,” Nelson amended. “They never offered food.”

Joy looked thoughtful for a few moments, “I thought they were rumors. I didn’t know they were real.”

“Oh, they’re definitely real,” I confirmed. “If I were you, I’d avoid checking out any mine shafts. Or caves of any kind. Stay away from the cannibals. They are not nice people.”

“Andy,” she called over her shoulder. “The cannibals are real. Better write that down.”

“Write it down? Why?” Nelson sat up straighter, always on the alert for some kind of threat.

Andy started rummaging around in the kitchen, searching the cornflower blue cabinets for something. His gaze flickered to Nelson and then back to a drawer filled with… well… junk.

Reagan’s mom had once told me that every kitchen had a junk drawer, no matter who the kitchen belonged to. She said junk drawers united us, brought us closer together because there was always one place in our houses that we were too lazy to keep organized.

I realized then that she was right. Really, truly, if Andy and Joy had a junk drawer in the middle of the Mexican desert, then that probably meant everyone else left in the world had one too.

That weirdly humanized the moment.

Andy pulled out a leather journal and marked down cannibals. “Thanks for the heads up,” he said. “That will come in handy when we go north.”

“North?” Nelson rubbed his jaw thoughtfully. “How far north?”

Andy walked back over to the bed while Joy disappeared into the kitchen. The sun had set outside and the darkness had crept in the small house. Lanterns had been placed around the house and cast long shadows on the wood beams overhead.

Joy gathered some things from the kitchen and disappeared out the back door. I could smell a fire burning and hoped she went to make dinner. She was so domesticated; I couldn’t help but be in awe of her.

Keeping house during the Zombie Apocalypse seemed so shockingly normal.

Especially after our months on the run.

“We’re planning to return to America,” Andy admitted on a long sigh, as if just saying the words was a struggle.

“But why?” Nelson demanded. “You have a nice place here. You have food and freedom. The Zombies are nearly contained here. I know you have your fair share of concerns too, but there is no way of getting around those. You’d be trading one dictator for another equally bad dictator. America is not what it used to be. We know from experience.”

Andy winced, “Do you ever wonder where all of this evil came from?” He ran his hand through his peppery hair, tugging at the roots. “I know there are good people in this world, but where are they? Where did all of these bastards come from? How did we get here? I just, I don’t know what happened.”

He wasn’t a tall man, but taller than me and quite a bit shorter than Nelson. He wasn’t especially muscular either. In fact, overall he seemed pretty average. Except he wasn’t. There was a power in him, a strength that I was envious of. As unassuming as he appeared, I could feel the silent command for respect he demanded and the mysterious threat he carried with him.

But how dangerous could a former missionary be? Weren’t they pacifists by design?

And this world did not have room for pacifists.

“My friend Reagan says that all the time,” I told him. “Everything just disintegrated after the infection. It’s like our entire civilization was built with cards. The first big wind to sweep through completely collapsed our entire infrastructure.”

“Sand,” Andy said. “We built this world on sand.”

Nelson must have felt some sense of obligation to this family because he pushed harder. “You’re safer here. Your wife and son are safer here.”

Andy nodded quickly, “Oh, I know we are. We might not always be safe, but right now at least, the dangers of this region will leave us alone. It’s much safer here than battling through wild Zombies and trying to get through the Colony. But I can’t keep us here forever. We have a calling.”

I did a double take and tried to process the word “calling.” But Miller caught something different and said, “The Colony will kill you if they know you helped us. The Colony is not safe.”

The finality in Miller’s tone and the cold way he delivered his message made a chill snake down my spine, despite the warmth beneath my covers. He was changing.

I had been watching it for a while, but I had also been ignoring it. I had been selfish and preoccupied. Miller wasn’t the same kid as before. His mother’s death or maybe his father’s betrayal or hell, maybe Kane’s death or most likely, all of those things, had changed him.

I watched him from across the room and that one chill turned into a fear that spread roots in my gut. What kind of man was he going to become? Did psychopath run in the family?

Or was that a choice he was willingly going to make?

“They’d kill us for helping a pregnant woman? For helping people escape slavery?” Andy didn’t sound exactly skeptical. I could tell he both wanted to trust that humanity was better than that and also knew better.

“They would,” Nelson confirmed. “We’ve made a few enemies along the way. But they would be our biggest.”

“Is that how you found yourselves down here?” he asked with bunched eyebrows. “Is that why you willingly walked into Mexico?”

“Yes,” Nelson agreed. “We had no other choice.”

“I think it’s time we heard your story.” Andy crossed his arms, all traces of good humor disappearing with each passing moment.

Nelson locked eyes with me and we had a silent conversation. He asked me if I trusted these people and I told him we didn’t have a choice. He asked me how deep he should go into our story and I told him to use discretion.

Nelson leaned down and kissed my forehead, letting me know that he would protect me no matter what happened next.

I loved this man. With all of me.

“We should sit down,” Nelson suggested.

Joy walked inside carrying something that smelled delicious. I instantly perked up and gingerly pulled myself into sitting. Nelson propped some pillows behind me so that I was comfortable. I watched the big pot bob in her hands and couldn’t stop myself from groaning.

“What is that?” I leaned toward the smell.

She flashed a smile my way, “Stew. I thought you might like a hot meal after everything you’ve been through.”

Tears pricked my eyes. It had been so very long. My stomach rumbled in response to the smells and I laughed as Miller suddenly appeared in the kitchen, hovering close to Joy.

“You can tell us over supper,” Andy suggested. “I think we’d all like to hear where you came from.”

I didn’t think that was true.

Nelson stayed with me on the bed. Joy brought us two bowls of soup made with potatoes, corn, tomatoes and beans. I whimpered when she set it in front of me. These vegetables looked fresh.

Miller joined Joy and Andy and their ten year old son Luke at the table. He was an adorable kid with big dimples around a wide smile and sandy blonde hair. His bright green eyes matched his father’s and held that same intensity that I found so startling. He was polite and well-mannered and I could tell he respected his parents more than anyone else.

Which wasn’t a surprise I supposed, because there weren’t many people left in this world that deserved respect.

But he made me excited to have a son of my own. I wanted that relationship. I wanted him to look up at me as if I hung the stars and had all of the answers in the world.

I also wanted my son to live to be his age and older. I didn’t know how it was possible, but I would do whatever it took to make sure that it happened.

Whatever it took.

Over soup with homemade tortillas, Nelson started in on our story. He shared how we met and Reagan’s idea of going south. He went on to explain our complicated relationship with the Colony and who Tyler and Miller were. He explained Linley’s death and what happened to Kane and then he described the last six months for us.

I watched Andy and Joy’s faces carefully while Nelson talked, expecting judgment or skepticism or something negative. I expected them to be anxious to be rid of us or at the very least to mistrust us. After all, we had caused a lot of havoc between Missouri and here. And yet they only listened intently. If there was an expression on their faces, I would have to call it compassion.

And they never once appeared afraid.

They were not afraid of us and they were not afraid of the Colony.

At the end of Nelson’s retelling, Andy pushed his clay bowl to the center of the table and sat back in his chair. He crossed his arms again and regarded us seriously.

“It’s a miracle you made it this far.”

“We know,” Nelson agreed quickly. “We know that.”

“If you can get through Mexico City, you should be able to get to Colombia,” Andy continued. “From what we’ve heard, most of the Zombie population has been recruited to Mexico City. There isn’t much beyond it. It’s not completely clear, but you can survive it.”

“What about the people there? What are they like?”

“There isn’t much chatter to be honest. You know what the territory leaders are like. Mexico City is a hotbed of ex-military and ex-government. Everything we’ve heard points to them running Zombie armies and persecuting the people that are trapped in the city. But then there’s nothing. We don’t know if it’s Mexico City keeping information from us or if there just isn’t anything to be said. We don’t know anything.”

“The scientists, the ones from Colombia, didn’t warn us it was this bad,” I sighed. “We had no idea we would run into this much opposition.”

“I can’t figure those ones out.” Joy’s tone was brittle. “If you manage to get to Bogota, will you trust others like them? How do you know they’re not all that… heartless?”

“We don’t,” Nelson grumbled. “We won’t know. But it just seems like the right thing to do.”

Andy stared at Nelson intently. “I’m sure you have your reasons.”

My thoughts turned to Page and her immunity to the infection. Nelson hadn’t shared that part of the story with them.

We definitely had our reasons. We wanted a cure for the infection. We felt obligated to humanity to find one. But…

But.

Would we risk Page’s health or safety? Would we risk being torn apart… again?

No.

We had miles ahead of us to decide what to do though. Miles and miles. And apparently Mexico City.

But first we had to get Page back. And Reagan and the rest of the Parkers plus Tyler.

Nausea swirled inside of me, making my stomach dip and spin. How could I lay here with a soft bed beneath me while my friends were trapped in cages in the middle of the desert? They had to be battered by the sun and elements by now. They had to be half starved and more than dehydrated.

Or worse.

What if Raphael had let his Zombies out again? What if they had been forced to run from inevitable death?

And what about Page?

Andy had seemed hopeful when Luke and Miller had revealed her whereabouts. He had promised that the man that took her could be reasoned with, even if he was often as bad as the rest of the territory owners around here. And Andy had promised that he didn’t feed his slaves to Feeders. That was apparently a Raphael special.

I couldn’t sit still though. I had to do something. I had to fight for my friends. I needed to get out of this bed and find them.

“Be still, Haley,” Joy warned. “You need to rest tonight or you’re going to end up delivering that baby after all. Unless you’re ready to do that, I suggest you sit still.”

“I’m trying.” I leaned forward to punch at the pillows supporting my back. “I’m not used to not doing anything. And my friends are in trouble. This is hard.”

“How can you help them if you have your baby tonight? Rest, be peaceful, let your body catch up to the water and the food.”

“Haley’s right,” Miller bit out. He shoved his bowl, sloshing stew over the side to spill on the small table. “We can’t sit here and do nothing. They need us. Page needs us.”

“I would be more worried about your other friends,” Andy put in. “They are in infinitely more danger right now. Page will be safe for one more day.”

Nelson leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. I could feel his restrained aggression and the full force of his attention vibrate the air around me. “Do you know how to get to Raphael’s place,” he demanded.

Andy nodded once, but didn’t offer anything more.

“We need to go back for our friends,” Nelson growled. “Tonight.”

Andy glanced at his wife thoughtfully. “If you go in there, you won’t come out.”

Nelson’s chin lifted defiantly, “This is our life, man. This is what we do. Nothing keeps us apart. Not Feeders, not Mexican dictators, not any goddamn thing.”

Joy glanced nervously at Luke before turning back to Nelson. “And how are you going to get there? It will take you all night to walk. Then what?”

“I’m going after my family. Nothing will stop me.”

“And your pregnant wife?” Andy demanded. “What of her? She could go into labor at any minute. That seems pretty inconvenient for a rescue mission.”

“What is your point,” Nelson seethed. “Why are you trying to talk us out of this? You can’t possibly think we’d give up or that we’d leave them there to rot.”

Andy shook his head enthusiastically and slid forward on his chair. “I want you to acknowledge that you could use some help right about now.”

“Of course, we need help,” Nelson spit out. “We wouldn’t be here if we didn’t.”

Andy’s eyes narrowed, “Then when I offer to help you now, I want you to take it.”

I did not like the sound of that and from the ticking in Nelson’s jaw, I didn’t think he did either. “What’s the catch? What do you want?”

“Everything you know about the Colony and Matthias Allen,” Andy demanded. “We want to know everything.”

Breath whooshed out of me. I immediately assumed bounty hunters already working for Matthias or something equally as twisted. We’d been double-crossed. These people had known who we were this entire time.

“Why are you really going back to America?” My voice was unbreakable titanium. I clenched the sheets in my fists and tried not to launch myself at them.

After several long seconds of silence, Andy answered, “We’re missionaries. We didn’t lie about that. And we were brought to Mexico to build a hospital. But now… now we feel God leading us elsewhere.”

“He wants you to go to America?” I laughed.

“He wants us to get America back. He wants us to take down the Colony.” Andy sounded so sure of himself. There wasn’t a hint of insecurity in his statement. He believed his words. He believed in this “calling.”

“That’s a pretty big calling,” Nelson whistled. “I mean… you have no idea what it’s like there. Zombies aren’t caged up. They roam and hunt freely. And Matthias isn’t just a power hungry tyrant. He’s smart. He’s really smart. And he gains loyalty wherever he goes.”

“And he doesn’t give up easily,” I snorted. “Or at all.”

Andy’s fist landed on the table, “Yes, this is exactly what we need to know. See? I told you.” He pointed a long finger at us. “Divine providence.”

I just shook my head. What was there to say to that?

“We can give you information,” Nelson confirmed. “But I want to know what you can do for us? How are you going to help us?”

Andy’s wrinkled face broke out into a wide grin, revealing straight teeth that hadn’t yet been affected by the lack of dental services and the dwindling supply of toothpaste. He shoved his chair back and stalked over to us, gesturing at the double bed I lay on.

“Now this answer is easy.” He stooped down and pulled something from beneath the bed.

I leaned over, putting my weight on my left hand. On the floor next to the bed, Andy had pulled a long, flat black plastic case out. He stayed bent over and pulled out another identical case. And then another one.

When the cases were lined up at his feet, he flicked their locks over and opened lids to reveal guns.

Lots and lots and lots of guns.

The insides of the cases were insulated with gray foam and each gun had been placed in a cut out exactly its size.

This looked like something out of a mob movie, not the Zombie Apocalypse. I was stunned speechless. That was a lot of weaponry.

Nelson leaned over me and nearly face planted on the bed. I could feel his surprise ripple through him. He wasn’t expecting an answer like this.

“I thought you were missionaries!” The words exploded out of me. “Why do you have all of these guns?”

Andy chuckled darkly. “It’s pretty hard to build a rebellion without guns.”

My eyes shot to his and I stared at him wide-eyed. “You’re going to go back to America to build a rebellion?”

He nodded once.

Nelson composed himself and pulled back. His hand landed on my knee and I felt the heavy weight of his hope blossom beneath his touch.

With that kind of backup we might actually have a chance.

We might actually succeed.

“You’ll really help us?” I whispered. I was too afraid to ask that question with a louder voice. I was too scared of that question in general.

We hadn’t had help in a very long time. Too long.

Unless you counted Adela’s grandmother, but I still wasn’t convinced that Adela hadn’t led us straight into a trap.

My doubts about her grew, festering in my chest. What were we to believe about the beautiful stranger? What should we think about her disappearance once we got to Raphael’s?

I remembered that Diego said she was Raphael’s daughter. Yet, his wife was much too young to be Adela’s mother.

Not that the woman running that household had to be Adela’s mother.

I didn’t know what to think except that Adela was probably the very last person I should be thinking about right now. We would cross that bridge when we came to it.

“I’ll help you,” Andy confirmed. “We’ll help you.”

“We’re still going south,” Nelson told him. “After this, we won’t go back there with you. We’re done with that place. We’re done with those people.”

Andy was silent for a minute, as if struggling to accept Nelson’s promise. Finally he said, “I respect your decision. It’s admirable that you don’t seek revenge.”

Nelson’s laugh held a bitter tone, “We just want to get out of this together. There is not enough hate in the world for us to willingly go back to Matthias. We’re not cowardly. We’re smart. And Matthias is dangerous.”

“That’s why he must be stopped.” I felt the heat in Andy’s words like it were a palpable thing, a fire burning in the darkest night, a lonely star in a sky full of oblivion, a lone ship in the middle of a rocky ocean.

He had all the fight we lacked, the fight that had been beaten out of us.

He wanted to start a rebellion? Good luck to him. Nelson was right, I wanted nothing to do with it. I just wanted to survive today. And then tomorrow. And I wanted my friends to survive.

That was as far in the future as I could imagine.

Nelson leaned forward, challenging Andy. “You understand we won’t go back with you? Whatever happens tonight, we’re not going back there.”

Andy’s jaw set stubbornly. “I understand that we were brought together for a reason, a purpose bigger than your child… even bigger than rescuing your friends. I might not know how that purpose will manifest, but I’m willing to be patient. You might not come with us today or even tomorrow but there is a reason we met Nelson Parker. There is a reason our paths crossed.”

Goosebumps pebbled over my arms and a sick feeling churned inside of me. Was he right? Did this happen for a reason?

My eyes flicked to Miller for some crazy reason. He hadn’t been still since he came home with the news of where Page was. He had been on the verge of violence for hours.

And yet now he sat as still as stone. He watched Andy with an unreadable expression, his skin flushed with something I didn’t understand.

“Show me,” Nelson challenged, pulling me from my concern. “Prove it tonight. Let’s get my brothers. Let’s not wait.”

“Deal,” Andy grinned at him. He bent down again and started pulling guns and ammo from the floor.

Joy didn’t say anything. I wondered if they talked this over before. Andy seemed pretty accommodating and Joy didn’t have one hesitation.

I didn’t know how I felt about that.

I didn’t know how I felt about any of this.

“Nelson, I need to get dressed,” I whispered.

His head snapped my direction and his blue eyes burned with determination. “You’re not going, Haley. You’re staying here.”

My mouth unhinged for a moment before I found the ability to speak, “No, I’m not. I’m going. I’m not letting you out of my sight. And I’m not going to wait here while you’re in danger. While Reagan and Tyler are in danger.”

His hand came up to cup my jaw, “I love you, Haley. I love you like I didn’t know you could love someone. I love you more than anything else on this earth. I think you are strong, independent and the smartest person I have ever known. But if you try to get off that bed tonight, I will tie you to it. Do you understand?”

I just barely restrained the urge to slap him. “Nelson-”

“You were in labor today, Hales,” he reminded me, his expression flashing with unbridled anger. “You were in labor and from where I sat, right here, right next to you, utterly helpless, it looked very painful. If you do that to me again there is a very real possibility I will have a heart attack and die. So push me if you want to, but you will have to raise this child alone.”

“That’s not funny,” I winced.

He leaned forward and pressed a kiss on my nose. “This baby needs us both. And I need you more than I need to breathe.” He dropped his forehead to rest against mine. His eyes fluttered closed and I felt the sweet heat of his breath drift over me. “You have the chance to rest, Haley. Please take it. If not for you or for me, then for our baby. Miller will stay with you to keep you safe. I’ll only be gone for a little bit.”

When tears slipped out of the corner of my eyes, I realized I had closed my eyes too. “But what if something happens? What… what if you can’t come back? What if you don’t make it back?” A sob hiccupped in my chest and I resorted to full blown crying.

He dropped his head to my shoulder and nuzzled his face against my neck. It was weird to have his clean skin against mine. His beard had grown in the last few weeks and his hair needed a trim. But he was still beautiful to me. He still stole my breath and gave me butterflies.

“I thought I was going to lose you forever this morning, Haley. When that cell door opened, I thought I would never see you again.” His voice trembled with emotion I could still feel. I had thought the same thing. “But here we are. I will never leave you. Never. Not for long anyway. And if I have to go, I will come back to you. Nothing can stop me.”

“I’m scared, Nelson. I’m scared that if you leave I’ll never see you again.”

He shook his head against my throat and wrapped his arms around me. “I have to go back for my brothers. Please understand that. You saw… you saw what happened this morning. Haley, I believe you’re safe here. Please don’t make this harder for me than it already is.”

“I want them back with us too,” I promised him. “And fine,” I groaned, “you will probably be better off without me.”

He lifted his head and showed me a half-smile. “You’re jealous?”

“I used to be a bad ass,” I grumbled. “I used to kick some serious ass.”

“And you’ll kick some serious ass again,” he promised. “You won’t always be pregnant, Hales.”

I swallowed around the lump in my throat, “That’s even scarier. Then we’ll have a baby to protect.”

His expression grew somber, but he managed to say, “Imagine what you’ll be like then. Mama bear…”

“I love you,” I gushed. I threw my arms around his neck again and pressed my heart against his. Letting him go tonight was going to be one of the hardest things I had ever done.

I almost couldn’t face it.

“I love you too.” His words were hot and pressed against my ear. I felt them to my bones. “I’ll be back tonight, with Reagan and Tyler. With all of my brothers. And then we’ll get Page. Mexico is not going to destroy this family.”

“Be careful. Watch your back.”

He pulled away from me again. “You, too,” he mumbled. “I’m going to go have a chat with Miller. He’ll watch over you.”

I nodded. We both wanted to trust these people, but there was absolutely no way that was going to happen. We had met too many despicable human beings to blindly put faith in people. For all we knew they had ulterior motives to destroy us or separate us or who knew what.

Nelson bent down and pressed a kiss on my belly through the sheets and blankets. He told the baby goodbye and promised to come right back. My heart melted into a puddle of goo.

“I’m ready,” Andy called from near the table. “Let’s plan our attack.”

“Go,” I urged Nelson. “Go figure out how to save our friends.”

“Manifest destiny!” Nelson waggled his eyebrows at me.

“Divine providence!” Andy corrected.

“Right,” Nelson grinned. “Divine providence.”

“Why not,” I shrugged. “Just as long as it gets them back.”

They planned for another forty-five minutes and then loaded up on guns, ammo and knives. Andy’s stock was surprisingly deep and by the time Nelson kissed me deeply and left me to Joy’s care, I didn’t feel completely miserable about his chances of surviving.

He could protect himself. And he could protect his brothers and my friends. It was going to be a long night waiting for them to get back. And when they did, and I absolutely believed that they all would come back to me, they would have to turn right back around and get Page.

And then what? Then where would we go? How would we escape?

Those were questions for another time. This night held enough uncertainties.

For the first time in way too long, I had a bed to sleep in and a pillow to lay my head. I wasn’t freezing or sweltering, I wasn’t being chased by Zombies or imprisoned by cannibals or human traffickers or just plain evil men.

I was relatively safe. And my belly was full.

Yet I could not wait for the morning.

I could not wait to see if Nelson returned with my loved ones.

Or if I would be left to raise this baby alone.