Chapter Six
Having performed [in drag] as a woman for many years, I find that I have incorporated aspects of “woman” into my everyday interactions. In the past, I would pay careful attention to perform “male” in interactions, and especially at work. The more I performed, the more I realized that I was ignoring a part of myself, the parts typically defined as female, and that it was a lot of work to not be myself. I would say that I am no longer playing with the concept of gender, but I am truly able to just be ME.
—Dave
Dave Gaer is a forty-something professional educator and gay man who grew up in the western United States. He has recently moved to the South after living in the Midwest and West for many years. He performs in drag as a character he calls MiMi, and he has helped others learn to become drag performers. In describing himself, he says, “I like to direct theatre productions, coach speech and debate, and in what little spare time I do have, I love to camp and fish, spending as much time in the outdoors as I can. Fishing is the most relaxing activity there is, and it’s what I do to unwind, and I usually can be found reading a book at the same time.” He also spends a great deal of time with family and friends.
Dave and MiMi
Dave’s drag persona, MiMi, emerged when Dave was in graduate school in the Midwest.
I began my stint as MiMi in the early 1990s. Originally, it was meant to be a Halloween-only gig. A friend dressed me up as Divine [the stage name of Harris Glenn Milstead, an American actor, singer, and drag queen], one of the first and most famous gender benders. I had a blast that Halloween and actually placed in a costume contest at a local bar. What developed from there was an encouragement from friends to pursue drag and to perform in a show doing lip-synch-style drag. It took me a while, and with my theatre background, it seemed like another style of performance that fit with what I liked to do. I performed in one show and was hooked.
My next experience was in a pageant in the same town, and while it was nerve-wracking, I had a blast. At that point, I was [ready to do drag] and loved the idea of performing as MiMi. As MiMi developed, I became more of an impersonator [using the character of MiMi Bobeck from The Drew Carey Show (1995–2004) as inspiration]. [My MiMi] was brash and sassy, and audiences loved her.
Family members were very supportive of Dave, which surprised him, because he assumed they wouldn’t be. “I underestimated my family and didn’t tell them right away [about MiMi]....I assumed that they would not understand, and that they would judge me as a person for wanting to dress and to perform as a woman. I was wrong, and they even laughed about how much [my MiMi] looked like a certain family member.”
Public reactions to Dave’s persona can be more complicated. He says:
People often comment that they are amazed at the transformation that I make from “male” to “female.” I try to present as naturally as possible and often can fool people. I am a bald, bearded man, and the “woman” they see when I dress/perform is a convincing and shocking transformation.
Once on the way to [a] party, the hostess called and asked (a friend and me, both of us in drag) to stop and get ice. We stopped at the local convenience store, and while in the store, a gentleman behind us whistled at us and said, “Damn, you are hot.” When I turned around, with my unshaven face and deep bass voice, and said, “Thank you!” he was shocked. It brought laughter from everyone in the store. He ended up talking to us after the fact and related how embarrassed he was. He was confused by our appearance and by the physical presentation of “woman.” He remarked that we walked in heels like women. My friend and I still laugh about this to this day!
Performing Gender
Performing as a woman has led Dave to new ideas about his genders. He says:
I hate pantyhose and heels! But I have a much deeper appreciation for what being “woman” means and what females go through to transform into the expectation of what being female means. Drag, I believe, has performed an essential function in my exploration of self. Every person has to play with concepts of what it means to be male or female and what society expects from us as such. When we rely on social norms to determine who we are, we often get caught, even chastised, for behaviors that place us outside of the norms.
By performing as “woman” on stage, I believe I began to understand the concept that there is no “woman” or “man,” but simply people with aspects of both, and that no one should shy away from either. I can be effeminate at times, through gesture or mannerism, I can cry in public if I feel it, and I can just wade through this world being myself and not worrying about what others think. Performing as MiMi has been a big part of letting this happen. After thirty years, I am finally comfortable with just being ME.