Chapter Twelve
The biggest thing I love about being trans* is the unique perspective I get. Most people only see life through the lenses of male or female, whereas I see things a little bit through both. I get a different perspective that I feel is a huge strength when it comes to thinking about things critically and approaching problems.
—Natasha
Natasha and Nancy have been together since 2010, and marriage is in their future. Natasha describes herself as smart and “empirically centered,” meaning she likes facts and numbers. She lives in a small midwestern city and is majoring in psychology as she works toward a law degree. Someday she hopes to represent other transgender individuals in their legal disputes. Natasha is at the very beginning of her transition, and she knows that “fully transition[ing] and liv[ing] full-time as a woman [will help] build a stronger rapport with potential clients who need legal assistance as they transition.” She and Nancy identify as “somewhat nerdy,” and they like to read, listen to music, game, and watch movies. They also work at their local Renaissance festival.
As a child, when Natasha was Nathan, she’d see a girl’s outfit and think, “I would look good in that.” She started dressing as a girl in private when she was nine or ten, but didn’t really understand “what was going on until fourteenish.” At that point, Natasha explored her transsexual side through research for about ten years before she was able to begin her transition. Sometimes, while Natasha was Nathan, she would wear dresses at the Renaissance festival. Now, Natasha dresses full-time as a woman, though she has yet to begin hormone therapy.
Both Natasha and Nancy identify as genderqueer, although Natasha also identifies with the word transsexual. Nancy says she was questioning her own sexuality (though not her gender) before she fell in love with Natasha, but that “being in a relationship with [Natasha] has helped me reach decisions that I might have taken much longer to reach had she not been in my life. Truthfully, I am still questioning [my sexuality] a little bit, [and] I don’t know if I will ever stop either.”
Friends, Family, and Support
Natasha says that “for the most part, I feel comfortable in being out, but I don’t actively bring up my transness either. I still get nervous around people, but for the most part I have stopped caring about their reactions. I have come to the realization that I have to live for myself, not for the perceptions of others.”
Natasha and Nancy have some support from their families, although Natasha’s parents still don’t totally understand Natasha’s gender. Natasha and Nancy told Nancy’s family about their relationship while Natasha was presenting to the world as Nathan. They explained that Natasha was a transsexual woman, and some members of Nancy’s family tried to break the couple up. However, some family members on both sides were very supportive. As time goes on, family members are becoming more comfortable with the relationship.
Natasha and Nancy’s friends are supportive of the pair. According to Natasha, “I’ve had some great interactions with friends. You never know how someone is going to react to the news of you being trans until you tell them.”
For Natasha, the best relationship in her life is with Nancy: “She sees me for the person I am inside and loves me no matter what, and in return I love her immensely.” Nancy loves Natasha just as much: “Zhe is who zhe is. I don’t really look at her gender; instead I see her as a person whom I love for who she is, for her great personality. I love her no matter which gender she happens to be portraying at the time, so I tend to overlook that and see her for who she is.” About her love for Natasha, Nancy adds, “I would have to say a lot of [my attraction] is her personality. She can be very sarcastic at times which, while occasionally being annoying, also reminds me of my father and therefore is endearing as well. She is also a bit of a nerd and helps me develop my inner nerd that had been lying dormant until I met her. Plus there is the benefit of how pretty she is, especially when she gets all dressed up.”