Chapter 39
Chapter 39
A few, long months later I venture back to Providence, this time neglecting the laudanum and preferring continual, but moderate, drinking to keep my tremors at bay. I arrive at the Whitmans’ estate holding bouquets of the finest roses I can find for Helen and her mother, but forget them once I see who sits with them in the parlor.
Helen is streaked with tears and her mother’s stiff face is struck with disgust as Mrs. Ellet’s smug grin triumphs under absurd half-shingled curls.
I stand there absorbing the moment when Mrs. Whitman says, “You both need no introduction.”
Helen runs from the room and into the library. Mrs. Whitman calls, “Remember your condition.”
Mrs. Ellet stands with a gloating smile. “I have given Helen my warning as only a friend can do. I should make my way home now.”
Helen’s mother pats her bony knee. “You are a good friend, Elizabeth, and I thank you for your concern.”
I drop the flowers on the ground and hurry to Helen. She lies on the floor, leaning on the edge of the serpentine-back sofa, head buried under her folded arms. Her sobs are wet and sputtered.
I kneel beside her and stroke her back. “She is a vile, slanderous woman. Trust nothing that she says.”
“She is one of my oldest friends, Edgar.” She picks her head up and is in need of my handkerchief. I wipe her nose and she rests against the sofa.
“My heart is heavy, Helen, for I see that your friends are not my own.”
“Mother has canceled our wedding.”
“We don’t need her approval. We can take care of everything ourselves.”
She stares, as if asking herself important questions.
“I will take care of you, not in the likes of this.” I sweep my hands in the cavernous library, filled with gold-engraved books two stories high. “But we will have our poetry, and enough.”
She dabs her eyes and hugs me with fervent need. “You must promise me something.”
“I have learned nothing good can follow that.”
She laughs but continues, “You must put an end to all these rumors of intemperance.”
“I would like to.”
“The only way to do that is to pledge your sobriety.”
I guffaw. “Complete sobriety? Why does it have to be so severe?”
“It is the only way.” She lifts her chin in the air and calms her breathing, in the absence of ether.
I get up to pace. “This is all the fallout of a rumor-mongering busy body. Speak to my friends, those that will testify to my character and disposition.”
“It is not just Mrs. Ellet’s many accusations. Your problems precede you, wherever you go. Whisperings and measuring, too varied to ascribe them to a single meddlesome person.”
“Well, I have no problem, and I will prove it to you by simply and abruptly abstaining.”
A wide smile spreads across her face.
“Anything to please you.” I help her stand and make our way out. “Let’s leave by the garden. There is too great a chill in the parlor.”
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Of course, I don’t abstain privately; it’s only publically that I withhold the compulsion to fill my hand. It’s the reputation I must uphold, and only Muddy knows I still take liberty of the bottle in front of the fire. Muddy is at least happy I contain my drinking to the home and feels Helen is a good influence and blessing since she worries when I return late or don’t come home until morning. She prefers I fall asleep mid-sentence in my chair as she packs for the nearing nuptials and move.
A letter arrives with the usual handwriting that normally brings a smile to my face, but this time it’s too short:
Edgar,
You must come to Providence immediately. Something has come up that needs to be discussed in person.
Helen
No dearest, or my darling, Edgar; no fondly or yours, Helen. I hurry through my responsibilities as quickly as I can and jump on the last train to Providence. Their servant brings me to Helen, waiting in the parlor. I go to hug her at once but she puts her hands out to keep my distance.
“Have a seat, Edgar.”
I can’t sit where Mrs. Ellet sat, so I decide to stand. “What is this all about? Has your mother—”
“It is not Mother, but this.” She flaps a letter at me.
“What?”
“A letter. Passed to me in the library of all places.”
“What of this letter?”
“Reporting your insobriety in a most public display.”
“Who said such a thing? I will battle them myself.”
“Anonymous, but signed a friend.” She releases the letter and lets it drift to the floor.
My arms cross as I fight the urge to tear up the letter. “Mrs. Ellet, no doubt.”
“Have you broken your vow?”
I choose my words carefully, so I can continue looking her in the eyes. “I have ceased all public drinking.”
She guffaws. “Is that a confession that you continue to drink privately?”
Damn her cleverness. “What harm would it do if your greatest concern is of my reputation?”
“You vowed to abstain completely. You have broken your promise.”
I sigh. “This is silly, Helen.” I go to her, but she steels herself.
“And what is this of your rendezvous with your childhood sweetheart?”
“Elmira?”
She scoffs. “So you admit to it!”
“Hold on here, you are spinning in circles so that I cannot keep up with you. What are you accusing me of now?”
“This letter also informs me of the inappropriate private meeting you and married Sarah Elmira Royster had in Richmond, at a gala of all things, right under the nose of her poor husband.”
I’m relieved she hasn’t heard of the latest visit. “That occurred long before I meet you, while Virginia was still alive for heaven’s sake.”
She guffaws, having to sink behind her ether and takes some time before she can reply. “All the worse…How could you pursue a married woman while your wife was perishing?”
She can hardly look at me. I try to calm down. What was happening here? “No, there was no pursuing. We bumped into each other. It was a surprise to both of us. No wrong doing occurred.”
“Funny thing how slander seems to swirl around you wherever you go.” Disdain is thick in her graying eyes.
“That is not my fault. I have no idea why others make me the point of their malice. I have made some enemies it appears along the way.” I attempt to console her once more and she gets up to step away from my advance. “Have faith in me and my truth.”
“Even though you admit to breaking my promise?”
“It was a misunderstanding.”
“It matters not the reason why you broke the promise, only that you have broken it.” Silence circles the room, finding no safe place to land.
Finally, she spits, “Do you have feelings for this, other Sarah?”
I open my mouth but find no words. How can I explain Elmira?
She crumples into her handkerchief.
“I didn’t even say anything!”
She screams, “Your hesitation speaks volumes!”
“Allow me to explain—”
“Goodbye, Edgar!”
Her mother, waiting at some doorjamb nearby, rushes out with two of her largest servants. “Get out of here immediately.”
“I am not leaving until I can sort things out!” I stamp my foot, wishing I can plant it deeply in the cherry grain, but her goons lift me under my flailing arms and drag me to the front door, nearly slamming it on my fingers.
I bang my fists against the mahogany, caring little of the pain, slinking down with my forehead on the wood, tears running down the neck of my shirt. Helen never comes.