“Just be at the Laugh Factory by one o’clock Saturday,” says one of the production assistants in charge of coordinating talent for the show. “Until then, enjoy. Have a ball. Go out and do Las Vegas!”

Much to my dismay, Mr. and Mrs. Smiley not only want to see every inch of the fabled Las Vegas Strip, they want to take pictures of it, too.

Can I just mention how crowded the sidewalks are on Las Vegas Boulevard—twenty-four hours a day?

I spend a lot of time looking at sequined butts. And weaving my way through pretty wobbly foot traffic. And not looking at all the stuff Aunt Smiley tells me not to look at because it’s “for adults only.”

But we also have fun posing for snapshots with lots of Elvis, Batman, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, and Angry Bird impersonators.

We gawk at all the dazzling light shows and wild architecture. I’m blown away by the gigantic marquees announcing the comics doing shows while we’re in town: David Spade, Jay Leno, Kathy Griffin, Tim Allen, Wayne Brady… even Bill Cosby is here! There are also funny magicians (Penn & Teller) and a guy who does comedy hypnosis!

Also, you wouldn’t believe all the incredible casino buildings up and down the Strip. One looks like a pyramid. Another is a miniature New York City, complete with its own Statue of Liberty and Brooklyn Bridge (not to mention an awesome roller coaster). It’s right across the street from a hotel that looks like a castle. A little farther up the road, you’ll find Paris (just look for the Eiffel Tower) and Venice (which has actual air-conditioned canals inside).

I know I’ll be onstage soon, but there’s still time to cook up new material for my act, and Vegas is a comic gold mine. It’s funnier than New York City and the J. Walter Thompson advertising agency combined.

Chapter 66

LAS VEGAS OR “LOST WAGES”?