IN THE EARLY MORNINGS that follow, Yuliang retreats to sleep (or not-sleep) in Jinling’s room, in Jinling’s bed. She burrows between her mentor’s clean sheets and soft limbs like a small rabbit, seeking safety from a fox. There are names, she now knows, for the things that they do together: laying slippery noodles. Polishing the mirror. But these snide terms seem far removed from the warm, affirming acts the two girls share; and besides, they are terms the men give it. So Yuliang doesn’t think about them—any more than she thinks of the men themselves. For a few hours each night, in fact, it’s as though men don’t even exist.
In her own new room, as in her old, Yuliang keeps the wedding shoes hidden. As always, she has avoided looking at them. But on the eve of her arranged “wedding” she parts the silken pile of her underthings and finds the little paper package.
She opens the tissue carefully and picks up the left shoe. Over the holidays she finally began to embroider in the little hole, although she practiced first, sometimes for hours at a time: couching stitches and chain stiches, split stitches and man-character stitches. Satin stitches, grass seed stitches, oblique stitches to make the stems of plants. She re-created each blossom perfectly on at least two or three handkerchiefs before even picking up the unfinished slipper. Her eyes ached, and her tired fingertips stung with pricks by the time she was done. But her effort paid off. Studying the shoe by candelight now, she can hardly see where the past needle leaves off and her own picks up.
It should make her feel proud—that she’s attained such skill. And yet, all Yuliang really feels is ill. The irony of it doesn’t miss her—that she’s completed her mother’s gift, only to make a mockery of her dreams.
I should just burn them, Yuliang thinks. She pictures it: red silk, orange flame. A final funereal rite. The slippers, now black ghosts, would float back to her mama. They’d return to their rightful owner. In their rightful state.
When Yuliang opens her eyes, the silk’s close enough to the candle that the flame senses fuel and shivers. Almost unthinkingly, she tilts the shoe a little closer, studying not the blossoms now but her own hands, these thin white servants that stroke cat fur and brush Jinling’s hair and clothes and—these past, new nights—her soft thighs. “You have such beautiful fingers,” Jinling has said more than once. “They are like the hands of a true artist.”
Her mother’s hands were slightly thinner, as Yuliang remembers them. And they were almost always in motion: cleaning dishes, smoothing her hair, and of course stitching, always stitching. As she stitched, her mama wove stories: about finding her husband (although never about losing him). About the troubles of the year of the boar. “It was so much worse than anyone had predicted,” she’d murmur. “The rains poured into the Yangtze for days and days. The river boiled, as though cooked on some huge stove. The floods soaked the streets and the fields and washed the shoots of rice and corn until they were waterlogged, worthless. But we ate them anyway.”
“Why, Mama?”
“There was nothing else. When the fields were empty, we plucked wet bark from the trees. We tried to cook it into stews. Eventually that went too. So we ate clay from the riverbanks, special clay that filled you and almost felt like food, if you were that hungry. Sometimes we pounded bricks and swallowed the dust as if it were rice flour.”
“Did you really eat dust?”
“You were just out of my belly. And I was losing my milk.” A gentle smile. “I did it for you. To save your life.”
One of the small stitched peonies roughens, turns brown. Yuliang watches, mesmerized by the spreading brown stain. Three rooms away Jinling cries out in something like pleasure, although Yuliang knows—she believes fervently—that it is not. “Listen, Yuliang,” her friend has told her sternly. “You must never, never enjoy it with them. That’s what makes you a whore. Not their money.”
“Does this make us whores?” Yuliang asked her then, indicating their twined bodies, just half-teasing.
“No,” Jinling said, still quite seriously. “This keeps us alive.”
Yuliang doesn’t see what happens next—she doesn’t know quite how it happens. All she knows is that the candle clatters into the basin. The flame disappears in a wet and smoldering snuff. Molten wax sears her fingers and seeps through her shift, and the shoe tumbles right to the floor. Yuliang gasps. She snatches a hand towel, throws it over the flame. She stamps the sparks out, grinding them with her bare heel and gritting her teeth against the blister. “Fuck you,” she mutters—to her uncle, to Papa Gao. To the “godmother,” who is no mother at all. Perhaps even to Jinling, who two doors down is now giggling. “Fuck you all, you slave-girl bitches. You yellow she-dogs. You cursed-from-birth women.”
She stamps and sobs long after the smoke has vanished.
THE LIGHT SHE SEES the next morning is sweet and watery, a melony sort of yellow. It takes her a moment to register that the sounds outside are early morning’s—a rooster’s self-righteous outburst, a man singing as he shaves. Elsewhere, a wet nurse coos to a baby Yuliang has never seen, although she’s seen the nurse. Her face, though young, is wide, brown, and lined. Her breasts are as plump as two little pillows. Yuliang always wonders about the nursemaid’s own child: Is it alive? Who gives it suck, once its mother’s milk is sold?
Outside her room she hears the madam’s short, cloth-soled footsteps. The plump fist lands on the door: raprapraprapraprap. “Up, up, my little bride. It’s already late.”
Yuliang rolls over, hides her head. Clinking copper coins greet the movement: the other flowers tossed money on the spread last night, for prosperity. If she were a real bride they’d have tossed oranges, pomegranates. Fruit, to encourage fruitfulness. But for this union, a child is not the goal. For a week now, Yuliang has swallowed tadpoles like the rest, squiggling mud-flavored morsels taken after dinner. Godmother says that the cold elements in the fetal frogs counter the warm elements that invite life to the body.
The rap comes again. “Yu-liang.” A tiny note of question now. Yuliang savors its implication: that she’s not here at all. That after all the lessons and demonstration sessions, the new dresses commissioned and carefully columned in the black book, she isn’t here. She has disappeared. Run away. For good.
“Don’t make me beat you, today of all days,” Godmother shouts crossly.
Across the street the wet nurse coos again, then laughs. An image comes: Yuliang’s real mother, scooping up dust with her white fingers. I did it for you. To save your life.
“I’m coming,” she calls, and throws off the quilt.
AFTER A BREAKFAST she can’t eat, Yuliang sits for the first time in a year in a bath that hasn’t already been sat in. Jinling has infused it with pomelo, sweet-sour juice, mottled rind—things to cleanse the new bride of evil elements. Jinling’s eyes are still crumbed with sleep. She has never risen to a servant’s schedule. But she’d insisted that she would do so today. “I want a chance to review,” she’d told Godmother. “If she does poorly, after all, I’ll get the blame.” To Yuliang, though, she simply murmured, “Don’t worry. I will be there to help you.”
Now she ladles fragrant water over Yuliang’s shoulders and, in a surreal-seeming role reversal, neatens Yuliang’s upper lip. The threading sends pin-like tears into Yuliang’s eyes. But she doesn’t complain: it’s Jinling’s touch. And this pain helps distract her from pain to come.
After the bath she is led back to her room, where Jinling lights candles shaped like dragons and phoenixes. She helps Yuliang into silky things picked out for her last week, when the seamstress came with a selection of undergarments and sheer robes in soft shades of crimson and pink. The top girl untangles Yuliang’s hair, puts in oil to add gloss. She threads her hairline too, to make it “high” with the wisdom of a married woman. She combs it three times. But she intones nothing about longevity or children, the way a real bride’s mother or “lucky” woman would do. Instead she whispers advice. “Eat something,” she murmurs as she draws Yuliang’s part. “You haven’t been eating. Eat something light, but not spicy. Pork buns. Rice. To settle your stomach. Have two, maybe three cups of wine. To relax,” she says, as she pins the knot to Yuliang’s nape. “But no more. They get angry if you get too drunk. When you serve him, steer away from the garlic cloves,” she says, as she helps Yuliang into the dress. “Otherwise, you’ll be breathing them all night.”
They still haven’t spoken about Merchant Yi’s switching his favors. But Jinling’s features reflect nothing but an intent focus on making sure the dress’s clasps are correctly aligned. The top girl takes out her phoenix wine cups. She pours rice wine into one, then into the other. She finishes hers in one gulp, hands the other to Yuliang. “Drink this. You need to relax.”
Yuliang drinks, thinking of Yi Gan’s breath. Of the yeasty blast on her face. The shaoxing in her stomach seems to sour, reawakening the nausea she has swallowed back since waking. She covers her mouth and lurches toward the basin. Jinling lifts the red veil just in time.
IN THE END, HE IS LATE. The banquet is called for six, but the Hall clock has chimed seven times and then once more by the time Yi Gan finally arrives. Yuliang, still draped in red and, for the first and last time, seated in one of the chairs of honor, feels her stomach tighten as his voice booms across the room: “So sorry to be late. Troubles down at the docks…Oh, my life.”
The room cheers and claps. Yuliang takes advantage of the disruption to lift her veil a little. He is wearing not a groom’s green robe and cap but dock-dusted work clothes. His windcap perches on his head, a flannel, flap-tailed bird. His nose and eyes are red already; it’s clear that he’s been drinking.
“Ah. Not at all. Girls! Let us begin!” Papa Gao cries cheerfully, even though the banquet’s well under way. He waves his free hand over the table’s shambles: the half-eaten pig, the soupy lobster. Godmother turns to Yuliang, spots her peeking. She frowns. “Cover yourself,” she scolds, pinching Yuliang’s upper arm. “Greet him. Offer him something to eat.”
Yuliang starts to stand. But her dress’s hem, which she’s stepped on, stops her short. Her head spins as she tries to regain her balance. “Ask him,” Godmother mutters.
Through the veil, she sees Yi Gan’s dark shape. “Have you—have you eaten yet?” she squeaks.
“Eager, isn’t she?” someone slurs.
Laughter booms. Tears burn Yuliang’s eyelids, and she is suddenly grateful for her hot red curtain. She drops her head and waits for Merchang Yi’s shadow. But it shifts in the other direction, flinging something away—cloak, hat? When it calls for a glass of maotai Jinling rises obediently from her seat.
For ten minutes or more Yuliang is ignored again. The hot rice wine heats and loosens the cramped space between her ribs. She feels warmly distant, sealed in red wax. She can smell her own wine-tart sighs. She is just reaching to scratch her nose when the red sea vanishes, replaced by a thousand red faces. She blinks in the flickering gaslight. Merchant Yi is holding her veil in one hand, a bony chicken foot in the other. “A man pays a small fortune. He should at least be permitted to examine the goods.” He steps closer. “Stand up, little Yu.”
He plucks the glass from her hand. His fingers brush hers, just lightly, and without thinking Yuliang lifts her gaze. She stares into his face, his drink-sheened eyes. And somehow, the rage from last night reignites. She hates this man. She loathes him! “Yuliang,” Jinling whispers sharply, sensing the shift in her mood, “stop it. Smile at him. He’s your master.”
But the merchant’s eyes are intent, newly interested. “Well,” he says, his voice thoughtful. “Well, well. Our little flower seems to have been hiding some thorns.” He reaches out, chucks her under the chin. “I believe it’s true, what they say about orphans and hot blood. I’ll bet this one doesn’t even need a quilt tonight.”
“What quilt? She’ll have you!” someone hoots.
“She looks like she can’t wait,” another calls out. “She’ll be on the bridal bed before you are!”
“You’ll have to be careful in the morning, though—with feet that size, you might put on her shoes by mistake!”
The table titters, enjoying the game—the Hall’s version of the old tradition of jibing and taunting a new bride to test her composure. Merchant Yi ignores them, sitting heavily in the empty chair next to hers. “Here,” he says, indicating the scattered plates, the jumbled food. “Aren’t you hungry?”
The next hour passes like a magic lantern show Yuliang once saw at the market. Action feels interrupted. Faces are masklike, frozen in odd movements and garish expressions. Later she’ll remember Godmother’s head thrown back in a laugh, the fat pad of her double chin stretched and flattened. She’ll remember Jinling’s eyes, locked on hers for a moment before the top girl is called away to the night wing. She’ll recall red-tipped fingers pushing more food—squab slices, fried rice, well-greased butterfly noodles—onto her plate. But Yuliang doesn’t eat. She looks, listens. She sips wine. She watches the men drinking, the women flitting, serving. Watches their fluttering march to and from the night wing like butterflies from a farmer’s field. She savors the sweet heat of the alcohol on her tongue, the slow glow of her lingering fury. Suyin takes her untouched dinner plate and replaces it with four more, each one filled with sweets. Yuliang ignores them, reaching for her cup.
“I thought all girls liked sweets,” Yi Gan says, sinking his yellow teeth into a mooncake filled with black-purple bean paste. Then, more quietly, almost as if he actually cares, “Are you unwell?”
The question is so unexpected, and so utterly unanswerable, that Yuliang laughs—a high, sharp yelp that almost hurts. She sips some more wine, finally finding her voice: “I’m just a little tired. We all woke so early.”
But by that point he is already gone. And when she looks up in confusion, the feasters are on their feet.
Perspiration traces a line down her spine. It is the same line Jinling’s finger sometimes covers—bump, bump, bump. Jinling, she thinks. “Where is she?” she murmurs to Suyin.
“In the night wing,” Suyin whispers, without asking whom she means. “With Actor Peng. She said to do what they say.”
“What who say?” Yuliang turns. Then she sees Godmother and Papa Gao before her. Their lips smile, but their eyes are as hard as coins. Godmother leans and unhooks Yuliang’s dangling earring, which has caught on the fabric of her shoulder. “You little fool,” she hisses, jerking the trinket. “I hope you can walk.”
Yuliang tries to shake her off. “Let me go.” But they each take one red elbow and walk her past the kitchen and pantry and up the stairs. The feast fades into giggles and shrieks behind her. Mingmei’s lute sobs, the last lines of her song fading with the rest:
At fourteen, I married you, my lord
I never laughed, being bashful…
They near Jinling’s room. The door is shut tight, and as they pass there’s an urge to fling herself on it: Jinling. Jinling! As if sensing the instinct, Godmother tightens her grip and hurries Yuliang down to her own door. She knocks, and a shout comes from within: “Who the hell is it?”
“She’s ready,” Godmother calls. She turns to Yuliang, her smile flattening to a frown. “Remember, whatever he wants. Anything. No scenes.” Her eyes narrow. “And remember, finish the job.”
She pushes the door open. Two men explode from behind it, along with the smell of opium, alcohol, tobacco. “She is come!” one sings in an operatic falsetto. He pauses, looks Yuliang over. “Not bad.” He turns to Godmother. “How much?”
Godmother gives a small smile. “I’ll get my book after.”
Then Yuliang is inside her room, and the door is shut and locked behind her.
For an instant she just stands there, disoriented and faintly sick. She makes out a red shape roughly her size, leaning weakly against the far wall. She squints. Mirror Girl squints back, rubs her eyes.
From the bed, Merchant Yi guffaws. “Such vanity. You don’t need to worry about your looks. Why, you’ve always been as pretty as a picture.”
He rolls onto his back. “Come here.”
“TAKE DOWN YOUR HAIR. No, not like that. Do it slowly.”
Endless pins. Jinling’s pearls, woven so carefully through her new matron’s knot, drop to the floor like popcorn. Yi Gan lights his cigarette, leans back reflectively. “Take that off too,” he says, and points.
Her fingers pluck at one button, the next. She peels herself free of the dress. A draft from the window licks her bare arms. For a moment it almost feels good. “Come.”
In the corner of her eye, Mirror Girl walks with her as far as the edge of the glass.
“You know I’m not looking for another wife,” he says. “But if I like you, I may clear some of your debts. I’ve done it for others.” When he reaches for her, Yuliang winces. But he just fingers her earlobe, lifting the earring up and down. “Like catty weights,” he comments. “Don’t they hurt?”
SHE LIES ON TOP OF HIM, feeling precarious, unbalanced. Her face is pressed into the smoky damp of his tunic. His hips rise and fall, rise and fall, the movement even and yet somehow utterly without rhythm. His hands are warm, tracing the band of her drawers, her under-top. Pressing down, down. Up, down. Up, down. No pain yet, just a little discomfort. As though he were a rock she were napping on. She’d like to reach down, remove the lump. She’d like to sleep. That’s what she’d really like.
“How is that?” he murmurs.
His eyes are shut: he can’t see how lost she is for a response.
HE KICKS HIS TROUSERS and drawers free. She’s supposed to be helping: Jinling said so. But she suddenly feels unable to move her arms. He rubs himself, eyes half shut, lips flaccid and half open. He looks dead. But his breath is quick and moist and hot. Sweat falls in streams from his hair. His legs push, opening hers and encountering no resistance. He hits her lightly anyway: “Don’t fight.” Jinling has told her he likes to be the aggressor.
He groans, reaches down, finds her in the place where she is as dry and as rough as wood. Jinling gave her an oil of some sort. Put this on first. But it’s too late now. He is arching, pushing. She grits her teeth, anticipating the pain. Of course, she knew there’d be pain. Nothing good comes without pain, her mama often said. But surely she didn’t mean this. Did she?
“Oh, yes,” he says. “Yes.”
SOMETHING STICKY AND SLIPPERY; the pain giving way to something deeper; a slow ache as though she is swelling inside. Yuliang grips the bed’s edge. Yi Gan’s eyes are like moon slivers, pure white as the pupils roll back. His dock-weathered face knots up with pleasure. Yuliang blinks, and suddenly he looks old, enormous, frenzied. Like Chung Qai, the black-faced keeper of Hell’s gates…It hurts!
But Yuliang won’t cry. No scenes, they said. And besides, she has cried enough: when she woke this morning, her eyes were so swollen that Jinling had to layer cold tea dregs on them to soothe them.
He shifts slickly against her skin, and she suddenly panics: her torso is sticky with blood. But no, she’s just wet; his sweat smears her face and breasts. That’s why it’s called wetting the sheets…A slow rip.
Oh. Oh. No.
You don’t have to let them into your head, Jinling said. Think of something else. Mama’s eyes. Godmother’s garden. The moon on a still night. The feeling she got when she finally stitched a perfect flower…He pushes, two, three, four times. “Ahhh. You are sweet, girl. So sweet…” His throat is a black tunnel, a dangling glob of glistening pink. She shuts her eyes. She is a melon, and he’s splitting her open. She will break. She will break…
“Aiiiiiiiighhhhh,” he says. “Aiiighhhhhhhhhhhhh.” He gives two more calls, shudders as though shot. His eyes are wide; his lips are a rictus of ecstasy. Then he crumples over her, stops moving entirely. Is he dead? For this happens. It happens with old men, and very fat ones. Lirong says it happened to her once. But Suyin says she’s lying…
His foot twitches against her calf. It feels oddly plush, oddly pointed. It takes a moment for her to understand: he never even took off his shoes.