HUNTER’S HEART COULDN’T seem to settle back into his chest. As the thunder of climax subsided, his heartbeat shifted into an uneven, more suffocating rhythm.
Amelia came back from the bathroom and slipped on her nightgown before she slid into bed.
Most nights he was sorry for that thin barrier between them. She wore it so she could rise and go to Peyton if needed. Tonight, it was a necessary layer in the wall he was trying to shore up between them as she snuggled close into his side, resting her bent knee across his thigh. She settled her arm across his tense abdomen. Her head found the hollow of his shoulder and fine hairs caught against the stubble coming in on his jaw, exactly as it always did.
He smoothed it with his free hand, letting his other arm curl around her.
But he wouldn’t fall into a dead sleep the way he usually did. An underlying tension ate at his core.
I love you.
She wasn’t as boneless as she usually was, either. She didn’t sigh and drift off. He felt the blink of her lashes tickling his skin.
I love you.
From the very beginning, he had sensed she could wield untold power over him if he wasn’t careful. The very fact that they’d wound up in bed that first night when he’d had no intention of taking her to his room had warned him that he had a weakness where she was concerned. That’s why he continued to fight the depth of passion she was able to wring out of him. That’s why he held on to his control every single time they came together physically. He never let go until it was on his terms, not hers.
His fear had always been that if she gained the upper hand sexually, she would exact something from him—concessions and indulgence like his father had offered to Irina time and again. Hunter didn’t want to be humiliated by his wife. He didn’t want to be controlled by her.
Slowly, he had begun to believe Amelia would never ask anything from him that he wasn’t prepared to give, but now he realized she would. Had. She wanted his heart.
Once he gave that up, there would be nothing left of himself. She would own him completely.
“Should we talk about it?” she asked with soft apprehension.
He could have pretended he was asleep, but that would have been the coward’s way out. And it only would have prolonged a conversation that would have to happen regardless.
Trouble was, he didn’t know what to say.
There was a long stretch of silence where neither of them moved. Then she swallowed and moved away to her side of the bed.
“It’s fine if you don’t want to say it back.” Her voice broke in the middle of that statement, proving it wasn’t fine at all.
He silently swore and set his arm across his eyes, wishing it hadn’t come to this because he was going to hurt her. There was no way he would lie to her, though.
“You have to remember where I come from, Amelia. What we have here, in this bed, is incredible. But it scares the hell out of me. I’ve seen what sexual infatuation does to a man.”
Her breath was sucked in harshly, and she withdrew even farther across the mattress, so he couldn’t feel the silk of her nightgown or the heat of her body.
“That’s all you feel for me? You called me precious. I thought that meant you liked me. That you had feelings for me.”
“Of course I care about you.” His heart lurched at how precarious everything felt all of a sudden. He sensed he was on the verge of a public disgrace when there was only the two of them here in the dark, barely able to read each other’s expressions. “I care about you a lot. I trust you.” To a point, but far more than most people in his life.
She didn’t move, but he could feel her gaze trying to penetrate the shadows and read his expression. He felt her confusion and disappointment hitting him in chilly waves.
“I’m not trying to hurt you, Amelia. I’m explaining why I’m careful how deep I let myself fall. This is why someone like Eden seemed a safer bet. I knew I would never feel like this about her.”
“Then you shouldn’t have tried to marry her!” Her disgust hit him like wet muck. “And thanks for that heartfelt compliment. Do you know where I come from? A man who reminded me daily that there were other women out there who were better for him, exactly like you’re doing right now. Gosh, I’m sooo lucky you picked me, though. Aren’t I? Except you didn’t.”
“Amelia.” He tried to reach across to her, but she batted his hand away and sat up, throwing off the blankets.
“Do you know what’s ironic, Hunter? Gareth kept telling me he loved me and I thought that meant he should want to marry me. When I asked if he would ever propose, he always dodged. You and I are married, but you don’t love me and you have no plans to do so.”
He came up on his elbow. “Do you want me to lie about something like that? The way he did?” Defensiveness shot the question out of him, sending his finger pointing toward the window and the boat on the water while a trail of fiery guilt went down his throat and expanded through his chest.
“No,” she acknowledged with a huskiness in her voice. She swallowed, keeping her back to him. “Once again, you’re warning me against having false expectations. That’s pretty decent of you. I mean it,” she added when he swore under his breath.
She stood.
“Where are you going? I’ll sleep somewhere else if you’re too angry to share a bed.”
“I’m not angry,” she choked out. “I’m hurt. Crushed. Maybe that’s all it is,” she said with a pang of weak hope. She sniffed and brushed at her cheek. “Maybe it will wear off in due course and won’t hurt so much.”
That hit him like a knee in the stomach. He lifted his hand, wanting to grab back something he felt slipping away, but he was too far away. There was only empty air between them. He let his hand fall back onto the blanket, and heaviness coated his heart.
“Lie down. We shouldn’t argue about something like this when we’re so emotional.”
“Oh, are you emotional? How do I tell?” she asked over her shoulder. “You know, it would have been fine if you had simply said you weren’t there yet. That you needed more time, but no. You had to tell me that you begrudge the great sex. That it makes you uncomfortable because you think I’m going to use it against you. I don’t know what to do with that, Hunter. I only know I can’t sleep beside you. Not tonight.” She walked out.
He swore again, throat thick with the words he didn’t know how to find. He didn’t begrudge the sex. He respected it as the force it was. And he cared for her enough that his chest felt hollowed out and achy that he’d hurt her. That she’d chosen to leave their bed and go to Peyton’s room.
He glanced at the baby monitor as he heard the soft rustle of her movements in the nursery as she climbed into the bed there. After a moment, he heard a shaken breath. A sniff.
Ah hell. He clenched his eyes shut. That’s why she’d left. She wanted to cry. Alone.