Chapter 14

Late September was not supposed to be warm. It was fall. Officially, on the calendar and everything. And yet at 9:00 a.m., it was already seventy-five degrees. I shrugged out of my sweater, realizing I’d probably end up carrying it around all day anyway, and opened my front door, tossing it back inside onto the couch. I wanted to need it. Stupid North Carolina. It always hung on to summer as long as it possibly could.

Jamie waited for me at the bottom of the stairs. We’d only texted briefly the night before. He’d gotten in after midnight, too late to have much of a conversation, but he’d promised he’d pick me up at 9:00 a.m. sharp for my birthday . . . for whatever it was he had planned. He leaned up against his jeep, looking all cool and stud-like. California looked good on him. He’d been gone less than a week, but somehow he’d managed to get a nice tan and what I swear looked like actual, for-real highlights. I reached up and touched his hair. “Did you . . . ?”

He shrugged away like he was embarrassed. “It looks stupid, right?”

“No! I wasn’t saying that. It looks nice. I just didn’t know you were a salon kind of guy.”

“I’m not. But Byron’s sister was at the beach house where we all stayed, and she owns this salon, and she thought it would be a good idea. I didn’t want to be rude about it, you know? She did Katie’s hair too while we were there.”

So Katie had gone to California with Dave. Technically she was a little more invested than I was, what, with an engagement ring and everything, but it still stung a little that she’d managed to make the trip while I’d stayed behind. Also, five days at a beach house sounded very different from five days of hanging out in a hotel while Jamie worked. “I wish I’d been there.”

He reached out and put his hands on my waist. “Me too.”

“Byron. He’s the head guy? The merger guy?”

“Yeah. He owns a house in San Diego. Right on the water. We’re talking an incredible house—huge. Big enough for all of us to have our own space. He brought in all the key players from his development and design teams so Dave and I could get a feel for how they work. It was intense but amazing.”

“Sounds like it.”

“How was your weekend? Good wedding?”

“The bride fell as she walked down the aisle, but otherwise a perfect day.”

He pulled me a little closer. “So, birthday girl, are you ready for your perfect day?” He kissed me, and I leaned in, wanting to feel like I still had some connection to him and his new California life. I believed him when he told me he wished I could have been there. But I still felt . . . removed from it all. Wishing me present didn’t change the fact that we’d barely talked the entire time he was gone. One conversation to tell me Dave was convinced and they were working on final negotiations. And then one voice mail telling me he missed me. That was it. Didn’t make me feel very essential. At least the kiss was something tangible I could hold on to. I pulled him closer, deepening the kiss and slipping my hand to the back of his neck, my fingers tangling in his hair.

“Wow,” he whispered when we finally broke apart. “That was . . . wow.”

“I missed you.”

He kissed my forehead. “We have to get on the road.”

I climbed into his jeep, wondering for the fiftieth time where he was taking me at nine in the morning on a Tuesday.

“So where are we headed?”

He grinned. “North.”

“North? That’s all I get?”

“For now. That’s it.”

We settled into the drive, conversation coming the same easy way it always did. Somewhere right after we crossed the Virginia border—Virginia? He hadn’t been joking about heading north—I brought up the merger, more specifically the likelihood of the merger bringing about a move. He was frustratingly vague in his responses. “Byron likes the East Coast,” he said. “Maybe we’ll wind up staying out here.” I reminded myself that we’d been together only three months. That wasn’t a long time—not long enough to necessarily justify my involvement in his decision-making. But I wasn’t great with unknowns. The fact that he avoided discussing what might happen to us if he moved made me really uncomfortable.

All the stuff Granny said about Simon didn’t help either. It wasn’t like I thought I could just switch brothers. But I also couldn’t deny that had I met Simon under different circumstances . . . I squashed the thought before I let it go anywhere. There was no undoing his very legitimate brotherly connection to my current boyfriend or his very legitimate relationship with Karen. For that reason, it was a nonissue, and Granny was right. I just needed to stay away from him. An easier prospect now that his work with the inn was mostly finished.

Thinking about the inn brought up a new wave of emotion. Sadness, regret, disappointment. Simon had gone straight to Ida after he’d left my office on Friday afternoon. Ida had called down and invited me to join them, but I hadn’t had it in me to listen to his explanations again. I’d made some excuse about the wedding and needing to take care of something and made my escape—to my garage apartment and forty thousand Kit Kats. So healthy.

In hindsight, I wished I’d gone so I could know how Ida had taken the news. I’d looked for her at work Monday morning, but she’d stayed in her rooms all day and asked not to be bothered. For sure I could ask Simon. He’d tell me. But the last time we’d talked, I’d insulted him. Which meant the next time we talked, I needed to apologize. Mix that with all the feelings Granny’s suggestion stirred up and talking to him suddenly felt like a much bigger hill to climb.

“You okay over there?” Jamie asked.

I turned, startled by his voice. “What?”

“You’ve been silent for twenty minutes. I thought you might stare a hole in the dashboard.”

“Sorry. Thinking about the inn.”

He slowed the jeep and exited the highway. “I am sorry about the inn.” I’d given him the rundown earlier in our conversation. “I know you love it there. But maybe change wouldn’t be a bad thing. There are a lot of great hotels that would be lucky to have you on staff. Hotels everywhere, you know? All over the country.” He gave me this knowing look that made my stomach tighten and my heart skitter all over my chest. We might not be having the conversation about California, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t thinking about it.

“So,” he said. “Ready to get some lunch?”

“Where on earth are we?” I asked.

“Blacksburg, VA,” he answered. “Home of Virginia Tech, the famous Cabo Fish Taco, and Carol’s donuts, both of which are on today’s menu. And home to your birthday surprise.”

I shook my head. “I am so confused.”

“You’ll have answers soon enough,” he said with a grin.

Lunch was amazing. Good tacos and great donuts. But everything was even better because I could tell Jamie had done extensive research regarding where we should go and what we should eat. Careful consideration wasn’t in his typical arsenal, so it meant a lot that he’d slowed down enough to think about what I might enjoy.

We walked hand in hand down a sidewalk in downtown Blacksburg.

“What are you smiling for?” Jamie asked.

I looked his way. “What?”

“You’re smiling. We’re walking, and you have this goofy grin on your face.”

I squeezed his hand. “I’m just happy.” I was happy. Really happy. Jamie was being thoughtful and kind, and it was stupid I’d doubted what I had in front of me. With him. Suddenly I didn’t want there to be anything going on with Simon. No confusion. No . . . potential for sparks or whatever. If I was going to take Granny’s advice and put him out of my mind, then I wanted to clear the air and be done with it.

“Hey, I think I need to tell you something,” I said to Jamie as we climbed back into the car.

“Okay.”

“I said something really mean to Simon the other day. I’m going to apologize, but I sort of maybe pulled you into it. So I just wanted to tell you what I said. In case it ever comes up.”

“What did you say?”

“You have to understand where I was coming from. Simon was just being so logical and unemotional. And I was the exact opposite. He’d just told me he thought the inn needed to be sold, and I lashed out. He didn’t deserve it though. It wasn’t fair or kind.”

“What did you say?” Jamie asked again. There was a tiny edge to his voice, which only served to remind me that Simon was his brother to whom he was very loyal. He could hurl insults at him all he wanted because that was the kind of relationship they had, but clearly he wasn’t crazy about the idea of those insults coming from me.

“I told him you were right about him. He really is all books and no passion.”

Jamie immediately started to laugh. “That’s all? I tell him that all the time.”

I relaxed. “I know. But I don’t. And the way I said it . . . It’s fine. I’ll call him tomorrow and apologize. I just wanted you to know too. Since I dragged you into it all.”

Jamie picked up my phone from where it sat on the center console between us. “Here. Call him right now.”

“What? No. Today is about us, Jamie. I don’t—”

“Listen, if I know Simon, those words you said are eating him alive. He hates for people to be disappointed in him. Just call him. It’ll make him feel better.”

“I haven’t even thought about what I’m going to say.”

“Just tell him what you told me. I’ll even get out and give you a minute of privacy.” The jeep idled in the parking lot of the donut place where we’d gotten dessert. “Go ahead. I’m going to buy a few more donuts for the trip home.”

Simon answered on the first ring. I realized I’d never actually spoken to Simon on the phone. We’d only ever texted. He had a nice phone voice.

“Do you have a minute to talk?” I asked him.

“Sure,” he said.

“I just wanted to apologize for the way I reacted last Friday.” My words tumbled out so quickly they sounded more like an incomprehensible heap of syllables rather than an actual meaningful sentence.

Luckily he understood anyway. “You were angry, Lane. I understood.”

“But I had no right to be angry. It wasn’t personal, and I took it personally. After all you’ve done to help, it was childish of me to attack you like that.”

“It wasn’t childish at all. I appreciate how committed you are to a place you love. That’s nothing to be sorry for or ashamed of.”

“Thank you for saying so,” I said. “But I still stand by my apology.”

“Then I accept it. Thank you.”

There. Done. Time to move forward. In the end, I was glad Jamie had suggested I go ahead and get the apology over with.

Jamie climbed back in the jeep.

“Things okay?” he asked.

I nodded. “Much better. He was really nice about the whole thing.”

“He’s a decent guy, I guess,” Jamie said with a teasing grin.

“Just decent, huh?”

“Fine. Maybe a little better than decent.”

“How highly you praise him,” I joked.

“You want the truth? Mom thinks he’s the best of us, so decent might be an understatement.”

“She actually said that? He’s the best of you?”

“I don’t mean she loves him more. That’s me. She definitely loves me the most,” he joked. “But growing up, Simon was good, even when the rest of us were totally rotten. He had good perspective. Though sometimes I think that was both a blessing and a curse. He spent a lot of time analyzing situations, trying to decide if stuff was worth going for. Is it worth the risk? Worth caring about? Will others suffer for my actions? It’s a great quality to have, but that kind of perspective is a curse when you’re a kid because you can never just go for something because you want it, regardless of what other people think. Sometimes you have to eat the last Pop-Tart, you know? Because you’re hungry and everyone else can deal. He was never the kid who would eat the last one.”

I chuckled. “I can totally see that about him.”

“So you talked, and you’re good and he’s good?” Jamie asked.

I nodded. “Yeah. We’re good.”

Our next stop was the university bookstore on Virginia Tech’s campus. Jamie gave me a mischievous smile. “Ready?”

“My birthday present is at the Virginia Tech bookstore?”

“Trust me. You’re going to love it.”

Halfway through the store, I saw a poster. Nikki Giovanni. Poetry Reading and Book Signing, 2 PM. I turned to Jamie. “Are we . . . Did you?”

He cocked his head, motioning to the back of the store. “Come on. I think she’s back here.”

Only a few chairs on the back row remained empty. We took our seats and looked to the front, where Nikki Giovanni herself sat quietly waiting for her introduction. Several bookstore employees bustled around her. One leaned in and whispered a question, which made her smile and nod.

I turned to Jamie. “I can’t believe you did this. How did you even know how much I love her?”

A flash of discomfort flitted across his face, but it was gone so quickly I almost wondered if I’d made it up. “I saw her book on the shelf in your office. I figured if you had her collection, she must be a favorite. That the signing was on your actual birthday was really just a stroke of luck.”

I shook my head. “She is a favorite. She’s amazing.” I reached for his hand. “Thank you. This is the most incredible present anyone’s ever given me.”

He leaned over and kissed my cheek. “I’m glad you like it.”

For the next hour, I was riveted on Giovanni and her poetry. I hung on every single word. Most of what she read I already knew, but to hear her reading was miraculous in ways I couldn’t describe. We waited in line after she finished, then we purchased a copy of her newest collection, which she signed for me. In every sense, it was an entirely perfect afternoon. Back in the car, I stared at my new book, running my hand over the cover.

“Jamie, thank you for this. For today.”

“You’re welcome.” He smiled and reached for my hand. “I’m glad you’re happy.”

“Yes. Very happy.” And I was. Hesitations, distance, disconnectedness. All gone by the end of the day. Yet again, the second I’d started to doubt, Jamie had swept in and reminded me why I’d fallen in love with him.

The thought gave me pause. Had I fallen in love with him? I’d never said it out loud, but after the day we’d just had, I felt it. Keenly.

It was nearly dark when we made it back to my apartment. Jamie shifted the car into park and leaned over, resting his hand on the back of my seat. “Happy birthday, Lane,” he said softly.

I grinned. “Thank you very much.”

“What would you say if I told you the excitement isn’t over yet?”

My eyebrows went up. “I’d be curious, I think. Unless you’re planning to take me to the soccer field for another rematch. In which case, I’m much too tired and you win.”

He chuckled. “No more rematches. I promise. Just”—he switched on his stereo and slid in a CD—“this.”

BOYBAND 2.0 started blasting from his speakers. I started to laugh. “What are you doing?”

“I’m jamming down to some awesome music,” he said, his face a mask of mock seriousness.

“You are making fun of me, and I am not amused.”

“You’re right. I totally am. Maybe you’ll forgive me when I give you these.” He handed me an envelope.

I opened it. And then I screamed like a teenage fangirl.

Two tickets. Third row, center at Philips Arena in Atlanta. To the BOYBAND 2.0 Reunion Tour. I leaned over the center console and wrapped my arms around Jamie’s neck. “Seriously. This is the most ridiculously stupid but still incredible thing ever. I am so embarrassed that I am so excited to go, but gah!” It was hard to keep from squealing. “I am so excited to go!”

“I thought you would be.”

“Have I even told you about my BOYBAND obsession?”

“You mentioned it in passing. When you were talking about things you and Randi had in common.”

“That’s right. I did. Ohh!” My eyes opened wide. “The concert’s in Atlanta. I could take Randi!” I looked back at Jamie. “Wait. That’s crazy. You have to come with me.”

“I . . . have to be in California that weekend. You can take Randi.”

I looked back at the tickets. “October 31. Halloween. That’s the Thursday before Dave and Katie’s wedding. You have to be in California two days before your brother gets married?”

He looked trapped, his eyes wide, his mouth hanging open.

My jaw dropped. “You just lied to me so you wouldn’t have to go to the concert.”

He grimaced. “Yes? I did?”

I swatted at him. “You are a terrible human being.”

“Come on! I bought the tickets. I support your obsession. I just don’t want to be a part of it. I love you, Lane, but I’m only willing to go so far.”

I froze. I love you, Lane. He must have sensed my sudden discomfort because he reached for me, his hand cupping my cheek. “Sorry,” he said softly. “That’s not how I’d imagined saying it for the first time.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, leaning into his touch. I closed the distance between us and kissed him, then brushed my lips across his cheek, hovering next to his ear. “I don’t want you to go to my concert anyway,” I said. “But . . . I love you too.”

* * *

Later that night, I called Randi to hash out all the delicious details of my day. From the book signing to the concert that, yes, she could attend with me to the end-of-the-day I love you. We covered everything.

“Confession?” I asked toward the end of our conversation.

“Okay. Hit me.”

“When he first said ‘I love you,’ I panicked a little.”

She hesitated a beat or two before responding. “Like, for real panicked?”

“No. I mean, it only lasted a split second. He didn’t even realize anything was wrong. But in my head, I was freaking out.”

“You said I love you back, Lane. Did you not mean it?”

“I think I did. I do love him . . . I think.”

“You think. How compelling.”

I sighed and collapsed back onto my bed, stretching out full length. “I do love him. After today, especially. He orchestrated this incredible day, acknowledged parts of me I didn’t even know he’d noticed. It was a big deal.”

“Maybe that’s the part that’s freaking you out. Suddenly things seem really serious.”

“Maybe that’s it.”

“Don’t run from this guy, Lane.” Randi had on her bossy voice. “I know I haven’t met him, but he sounds really amazing. And he’s been so good to you. Thoughtful. In tune with you, and that’s saying something.”

“You know I spent a lot of time with his older brother?”

“Simon, right? He was helping you with money stuff at the inn.”

“Yeah. Granny thinks he has a thing for me.”

“Oh no, no, no, no. You are not thinking about your boyfriend’s older brother. You stop right now. Stop and run the other direction. Run hard and fast and far, far away from those feelings.”

“I don’t have feelings. All I said is that I spent time with him and maybe he has a thing for me.”

“Right. I’m sure you mentioned it because you haven’t felt even the tiniest of connections.”

“I haven’t felt a connection. I mean, maybe I did at first. But he has a girlfriend, so it absolutely doesn’t matter. Also, the last time we talked, he infuriated me and I insulted him. See? There are a lot of reasons for this to be a nonissue.”

“Then why did you mention it?”

I groaned. “Uggh. I don’t know. Maybe because it’s weird thinking there might be something there? I mean, how do I act the next time I’m around him?”

“Um, you act as if you don’t have the first clue. Because you don’t. You have your grandmother’s suggestion, which hardly makes a good case on its own. Plus, with all the inn stuff behind you, you shouldn’t have reason to ever see him.”

“He’ll be in Bristol when we all go up for Cooper’s missionary farewell. I can’t avoid being around him then.”

“But you’ll be with Jamie the entire time. There won’t be room for weirdness if you and Jamie are always together. Let this one go, Lane. Focus on Jamie. He is right for you. I’m feeling it.”

I smiled. “You’re right. I know you’re right.”

“Now tell me again about the concert,” she said. “Oh my word—I have to find something to wear.”

Jamie: Birthday date was a success.

Simon: I’m glad.

Jamie: Yeah, I owe you one. Things are feeling pretty serious.

Simon: That’s great, man. I’m happy for you.

Jamie: When are you headed home? Want to ride up with me and Lane?

Simon: Cooper asked if he could haul some of his stuff in my car, so I’m driving. Thanks though. I’ll be there by Friday night.

Jamie: We’re riding the Creeper on Saturday. Did Mom tell you? You want to throw your bike on the back of the jeep? The rack will hold one more.

Simon: That works. Thanks, man.