Dear Seraphina,
I realized the other day that, in a way, I’m an actress just like you. Only I don’t star in movies and make lots of money. I work as a cashier at a grocery store.
I know, I know, totally glamorous, right? It’s an okay job. Sometimes they let me work overtime. I make a little more than minimum wage, but it pays the bills. Or most of the bills. Okay, I am behind on a lot of bills, but that’s beside the point.
At least they gave me this rubber mat that I can stand on that helps my back. I guess I’m making it sound like I’m special, but they have the rubber mats for all the cashiers.
Sorry, I realize I’m rambling, just like I did in my last letter. But I wanted to tell you that I realized I’m sort of an actress too. Every day that I clock in, I am playing a part. I smile for all the customers who come into the store. Many of them are pleasant enough, but a few others are . . . jerks. (I wanted to say something else there instead but thought maybe it was too mean.)
I guess I can’t fault them too much. Everyone has their own stuff going on. Everyone is dealing with their own stress, and I’m sure coming into the grocery store for ground beef or canned soup or laundry detergent or whatever is the very last thing they want to do after a long day. And then, you know, they need to stand in line because on the weekdays we don’t have every register open, and we only have a handful of the self-checkout registers. So sometimes the lines get long and people get irritated, and they sigh dramatically when they put their items on the conveyor belt, and I have to smile through all of it—just stand there on my rubber mat and smile because my manager is always watching, and if we’re not smiling, then the manager makes sure to say something, because “good customer service starts with a smile,” which is one of the mottos at the store, and if you get caught not smiling, then you might get written up, and if you get written up enough times . . . oh jeez, it doesn’t matter, sorry about that.
But I wanted to say that I am like an actress because every day when I clock in, I have to play a role. I have to smile and make small talk and laugh at the lame jokes some of the older customers tell me when they’re paying for their groceries. (You would not believe how many of them still pay with checks!) I don’t want to sound too down on it, because many of the older customers are actually very nice and they mean well, but after seven or eight hours standing on that rubber mat, it can be hard to keep smiling, you know? I feel like I am putting on a show, putting on an act, and sometimes I wonder if maybe I could star in movies too, just like you.
I live only about three hours from Los Angeles. Sometimes I think maybe I could drive up and try out for movies. That’s how you get started, right? You have to audition and stuff. I’m sure it’s not easy. You probably have to audition for hundreds of things you don’t get. But then, once you do get something, once they finally call and say they want you, it gets easier, doesn’t it?
Maybe not. Maybe it’s all in my head. Because while I do feel like an actress, I know I will never be as good as you. Speaking of which, I watched She’s Not Listening the other night. So funny! I’m super impressed with your range. You can be in comedies and dramas and thrillers, and I know you have that new superhero movie coming out soon. Is it Marvel or DC? I always get them mixed up. Either way, so impressive!
Well, my hand is starting to cramp up. I’m not used to writing letters by hand like this, and now I’ve done it twice! Bye for now.
Best,
Jennifer Smith