Feeding all the kids first was an event and the noise rose to new decibels, but the older kids helped. Soon it was the adults’ turn and Jake stayed right with her, guiding her along the buffet Hannah had set out before them.
“I told you it was a lot of people,” he whispered into her ear. “And this isn’t even all of them.”
“It’s perfect.” It seemed everyone was talking at once, but no one had trouble hearing the person they were supposed to be listening to. Plates were filled, drinks were poured, and the youngest kids were set up in the kitchen with some older ones to supervise.
They carried their plates from the kitchen and sat around the great room wherever they could find a seat. Kids went in and out, asking for more and relaying minor transgressions. There was no way to tell who belonged to whom, and it didn’t seem to matter.
They ate and talked, and it was so much like a party it was hard to believe it was all family. One big family and then lots of little families inside it. She tried to keep up, just so she could remember who was who, but it was like playing how many triangles do you see inside the big triangle.
Families. Love. Couples.
She shouldn’t have worried about being uncomfortable the way they all worked to include her, to draw her into their circle. They ate, got seconds, and now reclined, letting their food settle while the frozen ice cream dessert softened.
“It’s always about you,” Andrew was saying to Tony.
“As it should be,” Tony said with a laugh. “I’m number one.”
“Which makes you the oldest,” Sarah said. “Might not want to brag about that too much. I think I saw a gray hair.”
“What it makes me is wisest.”
“Not,” said the woman beside him.
“Remember that time at Disney World?” Lizzie chimed in. “When we were all waiting like good little children, and Tony and Matt were off riding rides?”
Paige enjoyed the back-and-forth. She watched the faces, the smiles and loving looks. Especially from Jake’s parents, who seemed amused at their grown children still acting like kids. Even as they cut each other down, you could feel the love.
Matt shrugged. “We lost track of time.”
“Right. And we lost an hour of park time while Mom thought you’d been kidnapped and the park police were called out.”
“It wasn’t that bad,” Tony said, looking at her. “We were maybe fifteen minutes late.”
“Ten,” Matt said and laughed at his grumbling siblings, then caught the balled-up napkin his mom threw him.
Paige laughed too, but noticed Jake didn’t. He’d been quiet through all the rehashing of childhood. “Where was Jake?”
“Probably sacked out in his stroller. Or back at the hotel with Grandma,” Lizzie answered.
Right. Because he’d still been in a crib during most of their trips down memory lane. “You should see what Jake’s built in California. He’s a genius, you know.” The chatter quieted, eyes turned her way. “People come from all over the country, the world even. Did he tell you about the patents he’s sold?” she went on, because there were times her mouth just wouldn’t stop. This was one of those times. She took a breath when Jake’s fingers curled warmly around the back of her neck.
“We should plan a trip,” his dad said. “I’d like to see the place.”
Matt nodded, his other brothers and his dad added praise. Their faces were full of love and pride, and she realized too late she didn’t need to champion him. But she wanted to.
“He was always a smart boy, and such a beautiful baby,” his mother said, gazing at him with love.
“Especially in my dance outfits,” Lizzie added. “Really cute.”
He rolled his eyes at his sister. “I was two.”
“You were four,” Lizzie corrected.
Things deteriorated from there and several conversations broke out as they talked over each other. Jake was still quiet, but he smiled. It was the best family gathering she’d ever been to. The only family gathering she’d ever been to. She and her mom didn’t exactly count as a gathering.
Sometimes at Christmas, Jenny would be there with her own mom, maybe her stepdad. There were other people too, but never the same people twice. There were no shared memories except the ones she had with Jenny.
“God help me.” Jake shook his head at his brothers’ laughter. “It’s not funny. She never dressed you up.”
“Nope.” Tony chuckled and took a sip of his beer. “Just the luck of the sibling order draw.”
“Well, he was a beautiful little boy. That dark hair curling around his ears. Big brown eyes.”
“Mom. You’re not helping.”
“I’ll help. He was gross. Always dipping his pizza in orange juice.”
Paige’s mouth dropped open and she swung her gaze to Jake.
He winked and squeezed her neck.
“Besides, I played with you,” Lizzie said, just as a group of kids came rushing in. “I let you be the dog, didn’t I?”
“You were the dog?” Casey asked, climbing into Jake’s lap and making herself comfortable.
“And painted your nails,” Lizzie added, laughing. “You can’t say I left you out.”
“I painted his nails too!” Casey exclaimed.
Jake shook his head at the relentless heckling that ensued, but then Casey smiled up at him, and the way he smiled back told Paige he’d let her do it again if she asked.
Mary, Caroline, Cole, and Mitchell sidled up to their respective parents, all angelic faces.
“Uh-oh. Looks like a plan has been hatched,” Matt said. “Brace yourself.”
“We want to have a spend-the-night,” Caroline said.
“Hmm.” Stephen grabbed his son in a headlock. “That might be arranged.”
“And Casey wants to stay too,” Cole added.
Still in Jake’s lap, Casey turned to her. “Mommy, you have to see this room. It’s the best room ever!”
“Really?” She didn’t doubt it. Everything about this house and family was the best.
Andrew stood and stretched. “Time to round up my people.”
Planning, negotiating, and reminding people of other plans they had in the morning followed. One had a birthday party, one a Scout outing.
Casey led Paige up the back stairs while exactly who could stay was sorted out. Family photographs and children’s framed art lined the wall. Paige passed them slowly to look at each one, and to search for Jake.
They came to the top and into a large room. Two entire walls were dedicated to built-in bunk beds, two sets on each wall that met in the corner for a total of eight beds. The rest of the space was available for open play and from the looks of it had been well used over the past few hours.
“Are you sure this is okay?” she asked Hannah.
“Positive. We haven’t done it in a while.”
“But you’re so…”
“Pregnant?” Hannah laughed.
“No. I meant…” That’s exactly what she’d meant, though not in a bad way.
Hannah smiled. “It’s fine, really. Stephen will handle it.”
“I’ll blame this on my two,” Abby said. “They’re usually the instigators.”
Casey made her way up a ladder only slightly slower than the other kids and sat on one of the top bunks. “It’s so cool! I already picked out my bed.”
“Wow, this is a great room.” And the kids did seem to know what was going on, like this wasn’t a new thing.
“Yeah, I’m not sure if Stephen is planning to have eight kids or if it’s for the cousins, but either way it works.”
“Can I stay?” Casey yelled, now sitting on the next bed over with Caroline.
“It’s amazing. All of it.” The room, the kids, the women. She had exactly zero friends with kids.
“Matt and Stephen can’t sit still,” Abby was saying. “You’d think they’d be busy enough with their work outside the house, but no. Always a project.”
“They did it first for the riding camp cabins,” Hannah told her. “Then Matt did it for Abby, then this house.”
“Mine’s next,” Beth said. “My youngest is eight, but it’s just too cute. You know Marge is dying to turn her basement into sleepover central.”
Hannah’s and Abby’s eyes went wide. “That is the best idea I ever heard. A grandparent sleep station.”
“Can I stay?” Casey called out.
“It’s not easy to get alone time,” Abby said with a smile. “I should know.”
“What? You’ve got built-in babysitters,” Hannah said.
“True. Annie and Gracie are always willing. Even Jack does a good job, but there was a time. Dark days.” She grinned and faked a shiver running through her body. “Though Matt can get creative when he needs to,” she added with a slightly dreamy look.
Paige felt a tingle zip through her, thinking of all the ways she imagined Jake could get creative. Pictured them trying to sneak away for stolen moments. “How long have you been married?”
“Nine years this January. I can’t even believe it’s been that long.” Abby turned the diamond ring on her left hand.
“And they’re still sappy sweet in love,” Beth said, smiling.
“And going to Fiji for a week,” Hannah added. “So jealous.”
“Yes, I have Matt’s parents to thank for that. They offered to keep our crew. I know you’ll both be stepping in to help, so thank you ahead of time. And you’re one to talk, Hannah. You and Stephen still live like newlyweds after five years. So do you and Tony,” she added, looking at Beth.
“Yes, though if you count when Tony and I started dating, not even dating, ‘going steady’ ”—she said with air quotes—“we’ve been together almost thirty years.”
Paige got that empty feeling again, staring at the obvious love on Beth’s face. On all their faces. What would that be like? To love a man and have him love you back. To be with one person forever and make a real family like the ones she’d seen here. She hadn’t thought it was real. Hadn’t believed in it at all.
“We all got lucky, that’s for sure. And there’s one more brother to get lucky with,” Hannah said, smiling, and all the women turned their eyes toward her.
“JT’s never brought a girl home before. Not in all the time I’ve known him,” Beth said.
“Oh, well…It’s just for Casey,” she said again.
“Do you really believe that?” Hannah asked. “I have a lot of kids come ride here, and none get an escort by the man personally making their prosthesis.”
“Oh, well, I—”
“We don’t mean to put you on the spot,” Beth said. “I just…I’ve known JT a long time, since he was a little boy. He went through a really rough time, but…I noticed a certain stillness in him tonight. He looked happy. Content.”
Because of her? Is that what they thought? She wouldn’t have thought she’d have the power to influence a man like Jake.
“Mom! Can I stay?”
“And…our talking time is up,” Beth said with a soft smile.
“She’s welcome to stay,” Hannah said. “You’ll have to tell me if there’s anything special I need to do.”
“No. She can handle it.” She couldn’t believe she was actually considering letting her daughter sleep over, but she realized Casey could handle it. “She’ll take it off when she’s ready and put it on when she needs it.”
“Mom, please! I want to stay!” This time Casey added a little teary-eyed desperation.
“We’ll just be a phone call away if she changes her mind, or if you do,” Hannah said.
A slow smile spread across Abby’s face, and the women exchanged another knowing look. “Not likely with JT to keep her company.”
JT met Matt and Stephen in the kitchen, throwing away paper plates.
“Where’re you off to?” Matt asked.
“Casey’s spending the night. I’m going to run down and get her stuff.”
“Try not to sound too excited,” Stephen said with a grin. JT glared, but his brother just laughed. “I just did you a solid, man. Use your time wisely.”
He should have known it’d be a big deal bringing Paige and Casey here, like bringing a girl home for dinner, though that’s not exactly what he’d been thinking when he planned it. Going by the looks he’d gotten all night, big deal didn’t even come close. He’d barely escaped getting cornered by his mother. He could tell she was dying to question him.
“I’ll walk with you,” Matt said.
The night was noticeably cooler than it had been a few hours ago. A light breeze had the tall pines rustling. He walked beside his brother. It shouldn’t feel odd, they were brothers for God’s sake. But when had he ever just hung out with Matt?
He’d said goodbye to him when he was six, spent his childhood idolizing him from afar. Then he’d had his accident, and he’d been the one to leave.
“Cole and Caroline are big,” he finally said.
“Yes. They’re all growing fast. Too fast.”
Time goes by, he thought. He’d missed a lot.
“When are you going back?”
“Tomorrow afternoon. I have to work. So does Paige.”
“Why do you sound so unhappy about that?”
“She works too hard.” And he wanted to wrap her in cotton. “This has been great, though. I’m glad they came. I wish Casey could stay longer.”
“Jack will be sorry he missed you. He’ll be playing JV in the fall. I know it’s a long way, but he’d love it if you came to one of his games. You know you’re still his hero.”
Even though he hadn’t played through college? How much more proud would Jack have been if his uncle had gone pro? And how much would Matt not want Jack looking up to him if he knew the whole truth of the accident? Those were the kinds of thoughts he battled against around his family.
But still…“I’d like that,” he found himself saying and meant it. Maybe he’d bring Casey and Paige. “Send me the schedule. I’ll see what I can do. That’s great about Annie’s shooting win.” His oldest daughter had recently won the Junior Three Gun competition.
Matt smiled. “She’s amazing, that’s for damn sure. I’d trust her at my back.”
“All I remember is a little girl in braids who barely said boo.” Because he’d barely met her. Seen her maybe once at the rehearsal dinner, then the wedding, then…everything had changed.
“Yeah. Things got crazy in our house, especially after the twins were born, so I made a promise to spend some one-on-one with each of them at least every month.”
“Good idea.” A good father idea.
“It was Abby’s,” Matt said, his lips curled up like just saying her name made him happy. “So anyway, Annie was first, and when I asked her, she blew me away. Of all the things I considered, I never expected she’d say she wanted to shoot a gun. It went from there. Jack’s always a sport. You get out any kind of ball and that boy is happy. Always has been.”
“And what about Gracie?” He pictured the little girl with curly hair and big eyes.
“Anything and everything at a fast pace.”
JT smiled, thinking that sounded like Casey.
“I’ve painted pottery, beaded bracelets, even took her to get her ears pierced. That about killed me. Right now, it’s mostly horses for her. Charlie always wanted to go to work with me, so that’s what we did. Hammering, destroying drywall. He’s twelve now, and actually a pretty good sidekick.”
“And you’ve still got Mary and the twins. Damn. Now I know why you started carving out time.”
“Yeah. But it’s all good. Most of the time it’s all of us, one great, big, chaotic jumble.”
He glanced at his brother. “And you wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“Nope.”
“I’m almost afraid to ask, but do you think you’ll have more?”
“Hell, no. Not after I watched Abby labor with the twins.” Matt stared beyond the trees. “That was the hardest day of my life.”
“I don’t think I ever apologized for that day, when you first told us about Abby.”
“No need. You were a little shit, but…” Matt laughed and grabbed him around the neck, then let go. “It’s all good.”
They walked the rest of the way in silence. JT went into the cabin and grabbed the things as Paige had directed. Casey’s pajamas and toothbrush and Bob.
Matt looked up when he came outside, and they started back up the hill. It’d been good to be with the family tonight. Really good. He seemed to fit in better on this visit than he ever had before. Paige and Casey had a lot to do with that. For the first time he felt more on an even plane with his older brothers.
“So what’s going on with you and Paige?”
JT stared at the dark in front of him, then the blanket of pine needles passing beneath his feet. “I don’t know.” He knew what he wanted to be going on. “I haven’t known her that long.”
“Doesn’t always take that long.”
“I guess not.” He glanced at the pink pajamas with the white puppies in his hand.
“You want to talk about it? I have some experience in women with children. You’re right to go slow if you’re not sure.”
He probably did need to talk, but he didn’t know what to ask. Matt had been so sure when he’d told the family about Abby that day. A woman he’d met at the beach and fallen in love with in a week.
But hadn’t he fallen in love with Paige in a day? A minute? And that wasn’t the problem. He was sure about them. He wasn’t sure about himself. “How did you know?”
“I loved them. I loved them more than anything, more than myself, and I knew I’d do anything to make them happy.”
JT nodded, the harder question beating at his mind. How did he know he’d be a good father? A good husband?
“You can’t make it happen,” Matt said as they reached Stephen’s house and climbed the steps. “Or,” he added with a knowing look over his shoulder. “Make it not happen.”