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THE HEAT WAS PICKING up, though in the mountains it reduced the sun’s energy to samples distributed at a grocery store. Rachel pulled at the dandelion flower with care. If she could just get the roots out, maybe the plant would be intact to make a salad.
The leaves gave way. She bit her lip and tried again. Think about anything but the anger and frustration roiling inside. Try the next one. Okay, what would she do with the yellow heads? She had biscuit mix – dandelion fritters would be good.
A footfall sounded behind her, soft grass whispering with the movement. So help Cole if he wasn’t standing behind her. Her movements became clipped and shortened. Damn kid.
“Rachel, I brought Cole back.”
Her shoulders tensed. Josh. He’d been part of it, but she hadn’t wanted to think about his role in endangering her son. Just when she was starting to trust him... With painstaking slowness, Rachel stood and faced him, her husband’s – no, her dead husband’s – best-friend. “Where is he?”
Josh jerked a thumb over his shoulder and Cole stepped into view no more than ten yards from them. Rachel didn’t move her gaze from Josh’s face. But she was a mom which meant she didn’t need eye contact to make her point. Low, like a cougar, she growled at Cole, “Get in the house. Now.”
He hung his head, chewing on a fingernail. If she hadn’t been locked in a battle of staring with Josh, she’d have commented on bad habits. As it was, she let it slide. He was in enough trouble.
The door shut. A small click left behind breathing as the only sound, as if even the birds feared what was about to happen.
Rachel controlled her breaths. Her heart beat was erratic and a flush had worked its way up her neck.
Tom coughed. “Excuse me. I need to use...” He sidled past Rachel and into the house, breaking the hold Josh’s eyes had on her.
“What were you thinking? He’s my son and you didn’t even ask. What if something had happened? What if he’d been hurt? What if you’d been hurt and he couldn’t get back here alone? And Tom... Nobody is here to watch out for him. How could you be so careless?” She inhaled deep.
His damned eyebrow quirked and a taunting half-smile enflamed her ire. “You were fine last night with Tom joining me at my house to use the radio. Why are you so upset now?” Rachel struggled to argue his logic under his penetrating gaze. The smile dropped. “Maybe you’re upset because for once you weren’t in complete control.”
How dare he? She was not a control freak. Cole’s absence had scared the soul right out of her. She’d seen his note too late for it to be calming. So many what-ifs had bombarded her brain. She sported a new migraine and the fresh air was getting to her. She pointed her finger inches from his face. “Don’t twist this around on me. I didn’t disappear with someone else’s kid.”
Josh wrapped his hand around her offending wrist. Rachel gasped. Hot, like fire but without the pain, his touch blistered her skin. The type of mark you couldn’t see but you’d feel long after. He pulled her against his chest, his eyes searching hers. “Don’t. I’m not going to fight with you. He’s a big kid and now, he’s the man of the family. Let him at least try to find his niche.”
She and the kids hadn’t been there a week, but it seemed like forever ago Andy had died and they’d lived in a normal neighborhood, slept in a house with stairs and rode a school bus.
“If you’re not going to let him grow up now, you’ll never be able to let go.” His eyes saw her fear.
A hand’s breadth separated them. She missed Andy’s companionship. No grieving would be accomplished until she could cry on someone’s shoulder. But it wouldn’t be this man who told her to let her oldest son go. He didn’t understand anything about her. She needed her man, not a man who used to haunt her nights with what-ifs.
She pulled free and turned to the house. Unable to meet his eyes, she mumbled, “If you haven’t eaten, I’ve made brunch.” Rachel didn’t bother waiting for him. Her ego had been bruised enough for the day.
Inside, Tom and Cole sat at the table with a growing list between them. Pushing the discomfort between her and Josh aside, she smiled at Tom. “Good morning. Did you sleep alright?”
He shrugged and looked at her from under his bangs. “Sorry, Dr. Parker. I should have made sure Cole came in and talked to you.” Tom nudged her son with his elbow and skewered him with his eyes.
Cole raised his gaze. “Mom, I asked to go with them. I told them I asked you and that you said it was okay.” He returned his gaze to the sheet of paper and breathed his apology.
But... hadn’t Josh been the responsible one for the letter? Heat scorched her skin to her hairline. She kept her back to the boys and Josh as she busied herself at the stove. She’d been certain her pride couldn’t handle any further bashings, but apparently she had plenty of humbling to do. “Tom, please call me Rachel. I’m not your therapist here.”
“It might be a good idea for you to consider treating him. On his way here, he saw some pretty horrific stuff.” Josh’s voice pretended nothing had happened, but Rachel imagined inside he gloated like a championship wrestler. She could think that, she was the injured party.
“Tom, if you’d like to go over some things, you know I’d be happy to sit with you. Just let me know, alright?” She gripped the spatula like going into battle.
“Kayli, Beau, time to eat.” She poured oatmeal into bowls and set light buttered toast onto a large platter which she transferred to the center of the modest table. “Go ahead.” Fingers became serving utensils. Everyone grabbed and loaded their plates. Rachel had started rationing according to Andy’s chart on the wall. Some stuff would stay good awhile and some wouldn’t. He had everything calculated out, how much, when and how.
Rachel smiled at the thought of her husband. At least her children were safe. But something wasn’t quite right. Cole and Tom tossed covert glances at each other and in Josh’s direction. She held her questions until they’d been satiated with food and nearly finished but not enough that they could escape by claiming to be done.
“So, what’s going on? What are you cooking up between the three of you that I’m going to have to say no to?” Rachel sipped her cup of orange juice. “And before you say ‘nothing’, forget it. Just tell me now.”
The boys looked at each other. Their hesitation annoyed her already irritated nerves. She sighed, a special sigh her children recognized as the last straw. Cole’s eyes widened. He swallowed his food and hurried to answer her. “Mom, Tom made contact on the radio.”
“Wow. Really? What happened?” Rather than irritating her, the statement got her attention. What did that have to do with being sneaky?
Tom jumped in and sketched the conversation. Engaged, Rachel forgot her anger. “Militia? Near here? That’s terrific.
Josh scoffed. “I don’t know that their news is exciting. Major Dilbeck reported the enemy is keeping captives alive.”
Captives? Why would she care about... Brenda. “Where? What are they doing to them?” The smallest possibility that Brenda was alive was enough to hope. And hope after the last week was welcome like ice cream to a birthday party.
“The Post Falls captives are being held in the high school.” Brenda had been caught at Rachel’s home. The school was two blocks from her door.
Rachel couldn’t sit still. She stood, clearing dishes and pushing her chair in, wanting to run to save her sister. Her baby sister. She needed to rescue Brenda. She had to be freaking out. Scared beyond measure. What would Brenda do without Rachel?
Snapping the lid on the butter, Rachel closed her eyes. Brenda was an adult. She hadn’t relied on Rachel in years. Had barely been approachable since she’d married Lee. And honestly, her and Andy had clashed worse than Rachel had thought possible. Being around each other too long had been painful and soon they’d avoided each other which meant Rachel had missed out on her sister more. Andy hadn’t had an answer for it when she’d asked him about it. Rachel had soon dropped the topic.
And to be honest and utterly fair, how much had Rachel reached out since Rhode Island? She’d even quit work to avoid reminders of that hell hole.
“What does that mean? Is the militia going in? Can they save her?” She directed her questions at the boys but spoke to the ketchup bottle in her hand.
“No. They can’t go recover anyone because most of their men are overseas. There aren’t enough service people in the area.”
Rachel jumped. Josh was right behind her. Why couldn’t he leave her alone? She needed space. She needed her sister. She sidestepped him and entered the pantry, arms full. Why couldn’t things be normal? She shivered as she tucked the condiments into the fridge. The room was never warm and she didn’t like to loiter in the dark chill, even though she didn’t want to face Josh either.
But Josh had said the militia wasn’t going to recover the captives. Why? She returned to the kitchen but kept distance between them. “What do we do? We can’t leave her there.”
“Mom, we want to go get her.”
“We?” Was he joking? No way. Rachel swallowed the urge to scream.
Josh leaned against the counter. Nobody answered, but Josh watched her, as if waiting for her to come up with the correct answer. There was only one answer and that involved keeping her kids safe. No matter what.
“No, absolutely not, Cole. You’re not going. I won’t have it.” She thrust her hands on her hips, her chin out.
“No? Do you think it’s fair I don’t get to do anything? You and Dad never let me do anything an adult would do. Or even what a teenager would do. I’m stuck at twelve. It’s like you refuse to acknowledge I’m getting bigger. I’m fourteen, Mom. When Dad...” Cole choked on the word. “...disappeared was the first time you let me do something real.”
Rachel stared at Cole, stuck in the truth of his words but scared to admit it. She turned and sat on a seat by the covered window. What would happen if she let him go? Worst case scenario? He’d die. Next worst, he was injured or captured. Best thing that could happen? He brought Brenda home and his self-esteem and confidence were exponentially affected.
And if he didn’t go? Worst case scenario? She didn’t see one, unless potential building rebellion could be counted as an outcome. If Cole reached sixteen and did what Rachel had wanted to do at that age, he’d turn and never look back. Brenda had been the only anchor she’d had. Rachel didn’t want to push her children to drastic measures. The world was hard and getting rougher. Home was the one place they deserved to be safe and supported.
But could she support this?
Rachel refused to be her mother. She needed her husband. What would he say? What funny analogy would he offer to make her understand Cole’s perspective. She glanced at Josh, but didn’t find in his face what she needed, what would have been in Andy’s.
Like an awl slicing and hacking at her heart, Rachel allowed herself to accept that Andy was gone and she had to make the decisions by herself. But she knew what Andy would want. And this time, he wasn’t getting it. Cole needed to go. If not for Brenda, then for himself. But oh, the decision tore Rachel apart.
How could she grieve for a husband and a son? She wouldn’t survive. And in that moment, Rachel accepted Andy’s death. Her mouth dried up and her tongue felt swollen in her mouth. The signs of a long drawn out cry were coming and she didn’t want to do it in front of the boys.
Josh claimed the chair beside her. She glanced up to find concern in his eyes. “Don’t think you’ll never see him again. He’ll be with me. I’ll do my best to not let anything happen to him. He can do this.” His voice lowered. “You can do this.”
Rachel appreciated his comments while she harangued herself for being a weak female. She’d rarely needed to lean on Andy, the hardest trials they’d ever faced included chickenpox and a possible outbreak of the bird flu. When she’d wanted to lean on Andy, she usually did so because he was her best friend and it made her feel good. He comforted her. Plain and simple. Andy had been her rock. Her throat tightened. Damn it.
Listening to Josh’s words of comfort strengthened her resolve to keep her kids safe, even from herself. She couldn’t protect them from trials but she could protect their choices.
Obstinate, Rachel claimed a moment to lower her chin and think of the right words to say. She started slow, unsure where she might be headed. Hesitant to do what she’d decided. “Cole. Come here, please.” He stood in front of her. Green eyes wide and worried, exactly like Andy’s. She didn’t want her husband in her head right now. She was too close to a breakdown. “I don’t want you to go.”
His eyes darkened as the pupils dilated. Fists clenched at his sides.
Rachel arched an eyebrow. “Let me finish. I don’t want you to go, but I respect you enough that if you think you’re old enough to do this, then I’m going to trust you.”
Confusion relaxed his stance. Color returned to his white fingers. “You’re going to trust me?”
“I think you know better than I do what you’re capable of.” She breathed in deep. Her heart lodged somewhere behind her right knee. “You’ll never know until you try, right?”
Speechless, Cole turned toward Tom, Josh. He glanced at the kids sitting at the table and then back at his mom. Her heart didn’t want to see him as a fourteen-year-old. A blanky in his hand and fuzzy blue pajamas had no place on his growing frame. For a moment, long and drawn out, Rachel wanted to grab him in her arms and force him into the cradle hold, like a newborn. He’d break her back, but he’d be with her. And he’d do what she said because Mother knows best.
“When is this excursion going to be?” Rachel avoided Josh’s gaze. He was becoming a fixture in their lives and the acknowledgement was vastly annoying. Not to mention she needed someone to take her anxiety out on and he fit that role with a skewed sense of logic.
Tom spoke up, reminding her Cole wasn’t the only minor going into harm’s way. The poor boy didn’t have parents to worry about him and here she was making a fuss over her son. How terrible Tom must be feeling. “We’re going to leave before noon.”
Noon. The hour loomed so near. “What’s the plan? Are you going on foot? Do you have any idea where or even if there are traps or who the enemy is? They aren’t Japanese. I doubt they’re Arabic or Middle Eastern. They’re white. Caucasian of European descent and this will make it that much more difficult to differentiate which side people are on.”
“We discussed that with the major. He’s only heard from one other hammer and they aren’t sure who is attacking. Communication is sporadic between stations with the east coast going through another hurricane and more earthquakes and the middle states have another set of tornadoes flashing through. We’re on our own.” Tom shrugged, the shadow in his eyes much older than a seventeen-year-old should look. “We have to go soon. They could move the people any time.”
People – Brenda. They could move Brenda any time and then who knows when the next location would be disclosed. She shook her head. Of course. The sooner they went, the less time Rachel had to rethink her decision. Better. Not easier, not enough time to prepare for it, but better. Let them go while their courage was still pomp and flurry. While Rachel was distracted enough by her mounting dismay over the loss of Andy that she couldn’t do much about anything.
Rachel painted on her clinic face. “Figure out how long it will take. What you’ll need. When I should expect you back. Plan for all of the possibilities.”
“If it’s okay with you, we’d like to take one of the quads. It won’t leave you stranded to take one and we’ll be able to cover more ground and maybe carry anyone that we’re able to get out.” Josh looked at his watch. “Boys, layer, hiking boots, hoodies. Make sure your clothes are dark.” To Rachel, “Can Cole handle a gun?”
Rachel blinked. “Yes. Andy took him shooting and hunting all the time. But why?”
“Just in case.” He threw a pointed look in her direction. Ah, Cole was big enough to shoot but not big enough to talk about? Double standards. As if Cole might chicken out at the thought.
“Cole can shoot if he needs to. Make sure he doesn’t have to.” Darting her message back with narrowed eyes and pressed lips. Two can play that game. And as a mom she played better.
What she wanted to scream, yell and whisper while pulling out her hair was “Why Brenda? Why us? Why Andy? My Andy... My Cole. Bring back my Cole.” In her mind, she knelt in the grass and sobbed, releasing her anguish in sobs and wails. But outwardly, her grief was shuttered. She’d need to let Andy go.
She’d need to learn to trust again. Soon. Because one of her babies was running the family’s escape route in reverse. Back to the danger. With a man who might expect her to trust him. Who had lost his best friend when she’d lost her husband.
The sooner they left, the sooner Cole would return.