Dad’s out working, Mom’s out networking, and little Elroy and Judy are up to no good. Today’s latchkey kids know what puts the “super” in “unsupervised.” It’s putting Sea Monkeys in the microwave to see if they explode. It’s going to the 7-11 and inhaling the nitrous oxide propellant out of Reddi-Wip cans. It’s playing William Wegman to the cat’s Man Ray. It’s drinking mouthwash for the alcohol, it’s eating toothpaste to induce vomiting, it’s fear and loathing with Procter & Gamble. The kids are never all right. And the real consumer education doesn’t begin until the role models leave the house. Here are the secret lives of some of our pop consumables.