“How am I going to lead? I can barely take care of Mia, much less an entire country!” I huff, throwing my head back. “Is this even a country? Do you call it a land?” I’m going a hundred miles an hour while Alexander looks calm and collected at my side.
I bury my face in my hands, the overwhelming stress of becoming a queen in a place I’m barely familiar with taking its toll on me. Princess was one thing, as I wouldn’t be required to make decisions I have no business making, and still, I was nervous about that.
Alexander places his hands firmly on my shoulders, soothing me as we stand alone in our bedroom. “You’re going to do great, Ari.”
“What do I do exactly?” I ask, my mind racing.
“I’ll handle all military operations, as usual. You, my darling, will handle the duties of the crown. Surveying that our people are happy, perhaps utilizing your skills as a healer to help them.” he suggests.
“Okay.” I nod, wanting to dive under the covers on our bed and never come out.
We walk to the balcony and he takes a seat on a stone bench, guiding me next to him.
“What is it you fear?” Alexander asks, frowning.
I look out, trying to bask in the sun for a moment while the cool breeze floats through my wavy hair. Briefly, that helps my nerves.
“That I’m not good enough.” I admit, trying to not hang my head low. “All my life, I’ve felt like I was hiding. Just a shell of who I am,” I admit, swallowing hard when tears threaten to spill down my cheeks. “Before my mother died, everything was wonderful. But after she passed, everything changed. I always felt a sense of distance in my home and job ...relationships.” I hear him sigh at the mention of relationships, but he holds my hand in his silent begging for me to continue. “Nothing I did ever seemed good enough. I felt ...” I try to find the words. “Different than everyone else.”
His eyes roam over me. “Do you want to go to the clearing now? I would like to show you why I feel the same way you do.”
We walk hand in hand into the clearing from our dreams. Alexander flashes a warm smile as we both comb through our memories of being here together. It’s better now, as nothing will rip us apart.
I attempt to let my fears wash away with the wind that sweeps through the tall, blowing grass. I want to learn everything there is to know about this man.
Alexander’s haunted expression captures every ounce of my attention. “You really can’t leave me, Ari.” The desperation in his voice is unusual.
I touch his cheek with my hand, reassuring him. “I won’t. Alexander, whatever you’re going to show me won’t scare me away.”
He gingerly removes my hand and walks backward, stepping near the edge of the clearing and standing in front of a familiar, massive, moss-covered rock.
“I don’t know why I’m like this.” Alexander groans, his fingertips gliding over the moss that’s suffocating the stiff rock.
“Like what?” I ask, waiting for him to tell me.
Without warning, his fist collides with the hard stone and the rubble crumbles to his feet. “A monster.” he mutters.
I rush to his side, trying to calm his heavy breathing. His blue irises that typically resemble tranquil, clear waters now house a splatter of gold flakes. “Your eyes,” I squint to try to see in. His irises appear to go on for miles.
He turns away. “Please, don’t come any closer.” he begs.
“Look at me!” I demand, unable to let him push me away.
He shakes his head, his jaw clenched. “You don’t want to see me like this.” he snaps. I grip his face in my hands, angling him in front of me.
“Alexander.” I plead.
“Stop.” he growls.
I shake my head, hating the way he feels about himself. In a land of magic, he thinks his strength is abnormal? “You’re perfect.” I tell him, looking into his golden flaked eyes, a pinch of black fog swirling inside of them.
He scoffs, ripping my hands away from him. “I’m perfect? Arianna, I could destroy you with a single touch.” he retorts with a sarcastic laugh.
I’m mesmerized by the golden hue in his irises. Wanting to get a better look at his face, I use my finger to tilt him in my direction. He turns to me fully. A haunted twine of black rose like vines sweep underneath his eyes, creating a labyrinth of twisted darkness on his handsome face. “You wouldn’t.” I say, knowing in my heart that he would never harm me.
Alexander walks away, gripping the trunk of a massive tree and ripping it from the ground. “I’m a monster, Ari.” He chucks it across the clearing with ease, never taking his eyes from mine.
“You’re the love of my life.” I tell him, my tone calm.
He gets down on one knee, diving his hand into the hard dirt. He pulls it back up from the ground, showcasing the mark he left on the solid earth. A full arm’s length hole into the soil.
“You’re too good for me, too pure.” he croaks.
I disagree with a wave of my pointer finger, walking towards him without fear. He takes a step back. “I could hurt you. I can’t even touch you properly.”
I shake my head. “In the bathtub you didn’t.”
Although no one is around he steps closer to me and lowers his voice. “Water.” he whispers, afraid to let anyone else hear his kryptonite.
“So, you aren’t ...” I struggle to find the words. “Powerful in water?”
He nods his head, lingering next to me. “It hinders me.” Alexander admits. “Also, the clear quartz.”
“So, this is why you haven’t ... made love to me?” I breathe, realizing it wasn’t about me. He does want me in that way. Of course he does.
“I can’t risk it.” he says. “I’m broken, Arianna.”
I almost laugh at how ridiculous he sounds. “You’re far from broken.”
With a shake of his head, he grits his teeth. “If I’m not broken, then why does the bathtub help to hinder me? Water only does so much, but the quartz—” He looks away, breaking off mid-sentence.
An idea pops into my head. “We could in the ocean?” I counter, my mind seemingly in the gutter.
He smirks, his stiff jaw softening for a brief moment. “It’s a risk I cannot take, Ari. What if the water isn’t enough? I barely trusted myself with the tub surrounding us.”
I begin to speak, but he doesn’t allow me to.
“Touching you was one thing. Feeling your soft skin against my fingertips was calming. But taking you? Melting our bodies together? It can only be done somewhere without magic.”
“Isn’t the water magic? It brought me here,” I ponder.
“Yes, and I can’t explain it, but the magic from the water in Haven is what calms my abilities. It’s almost like a medicine.”
I nod, realizing the need for our cottage in the woods. “So, the cabin?” A small chuckle escapes my lips when he nods. “You built us an entire cabin, by your hands, for the soul reason of ...” The thought makes me blush.
“I would enchant all of Haven just to have the chance to ravage your body, Arianna.” He rolls his bottom lip between his teeth, his mind traveling to the endless possibilities, but he shakes it off. His playful demeanor switches back to despair.
When he doesn’t say anything more, I finally ask what’s plaguing my mind.
“What are you?”
He paces the clearing, running his hands through his dark, tousled hair. “I don’t know. I’ve been this way since ...” He looks to me, frowning.
“Since when?” I ask.
With a grim look, I see the silhouette of the side of his face. “Since the first night I saw you in my dreams.”