Chapter 4
Torie sat on the sofa, staring at the fireplace. She’d tossed and turned all night thinking about Keith. Going for a run early that morning to try and get her head back on straight hadn’t worked. The novel she’d bought at the bookstore sat open and facedown in her lap. She’d begun reading it, hoping for a distraction, but after noticing she hadn’t retained a word of the past few pages, she gave up. That wasn’t working either.
She went back and forth between wanting three o’clock to arrive and not wanting it to, simply because she was unsure how she’d handle herself around Keith. He’d kissed her cheek and she’d felt it all the way to her toes. If he ever truly kissed her she might just faint.
When she first arrived at the 4S Ranch, it was for Dane and Aimee’s wedding. Throughout the festivities, Keith had been quiet, mainly kept to himself. It became obvious crowds weren’t his thing. But in the past few days she’d seen a side to him beyond the big, bad soldier-boy image he didn’t seem to mind portraying. And she liked it. Truthfully, she liked both sides. A lot.
Nerves did a little dance in her tummy. She wanted to spend time with Keith, very much so, but wasn’t sure she was ready to visit Christmas past or explain why she never had a tree. It wasn’t as if she’d never had a good Christmas. The years with Gram were good. Simple, but good. Gram couldn’t afford much, but would still find a way to give Torie something. A favorite book that had been hers as a girl, a knitted scarf. And every year, Gram would read the Christmas story from the Bible. Torie would sit at her feet and listen with rapt attention about the baby born to save the world. She loved that story. But like most stories, it was too good to be true. Jesus may have come to save the world, but she was beyond saving.
And it’s not like Torie’d never, ever had a Christmas tree in her house. For heaven’s sake, living with Aimee was like living with an eternal little kid. She’d decorate the apartment each year but still, come Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, Aimee was with her family. Torie was at work.
The sound of Keith’s truck outside brought her back to the present. She placed her book on the coffee table and kicked the blanket off her legs. Triple-checking herself in the mirror, she took a deep breath. “It’s not a date, Walker. He’s helping you get a tree. No big deal.”
That’s what her mind said. Her fluttering heartbeat didn’t seem to agree.
***
Keith parked his truck next to Torie’s outside Dane and Aimee’s cabin. He’d never peg her to be the type to drive an old Ford truck, 2002 if he took a guess, but nothing about Torie made sense. She had the look of a runway model but worked as a cop. She had an underlying tenderness that for whatever reason, she guarded with a tough exterior. To keep people out? To protect herself? But protect herself from what—or maybe who? The desire to know nudged his insides.
He’d observed her after dinner at his parents’ house the night before. Curled up under a blanket in a big chair by the fire, her body language said contentment. But her eyes said something else. She’d put up a brave front when his mother hounded her about a Christmas tree, fake smiles and all, but loneliness clouded the hazel depths of her eyes. And Keith wanted nothing more than for her to look at him and know she didn’t have to be alone. Not for this holiday anyway.
Last night as he drove away from the cabin, he’d glanced in his rearview mirror and the image of her wrapped in his coat, her hand on her cheek, warmed him the rest of the evening. He hadn’t meant to kiss her. He wanted, no needed, to keep his distance. Keep it friendly. But she’d looked at him with those lonely eyes of hers, and the strength of a thousand horses couldn’t have held him back.
And hell, a simple kiss on her cheek had sent a fire through him. What might happen if he actually kissed those lips of hers? He shook his head and patted Bones who sat beside him looking at him as if to say, “We’re here. What are we waiting for?”
“Excellent question, girl. Let’s go see a lady about a tree.”
Keith climbed out of his truck, Bones jumping down behind him and trotting over to Torie, who stood on the front porch.
“Hey girl! I didn’t know you were joining us today.” Torie squatted down and rubbed Bones behind her ears. Bones gave her best happy panting doggy smile.
“I hope you don’t mind. She likes to join in whenever possible.”
“It’s absolutely fine. I’m so glad you brought her.” Torie leaned in towards the dog, who was more than happy to kiss Torie right on the nose. Torie giggled.
Lucky dog.
***
“You ready?” Keith asked.
“Yep. Let’s do this.” Torie walked to the passenger side of Keith’s truck where he’d gone around to hold the door open for her. She thanked him and climbed in. Bones hopped in on his side and sat between them.
They bounced down the dirt road, Rascal Flatts singing on the radio about wishing to rewind the perfect night, experience it all over again. It was chilly out, but the sun warmed them through the windshield. Bones’s fur was soft under Torie’s hand as she rubbed the dog’s back. Keith hummed to the music.
Whatever potential weirdness she worried about with him today after last night was gone. Contentment filled the cab of the truck and Torie soaked it in. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt this comfortable with a man. She’d dated, sure, but that was different. That was putting on her best smile and keeping things light. Nothing felt light with Keith. Not heavy either. Things with him were…comfortable. Safe. She let her guard down and was herself. Sheesh, she hadn’t even put on makeup since she got here.
Keith’s humming filled the cab of his truck. Torie smiled.
“What?”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“You were smiling at me.”
“Was I?” She teased. “I just didn’t see you as a…humming sort of guy.”
A deep chuckle shook him and a dimpled grin peeked out from under his pulled-down Stetson. “Oh really? Do I want to know what a humming sort of guy looks like?”
She shrugged and continued to stroke Bones’s fur. “I’m not saying it’s bad. It’s…nice, actually. Calming.” She laid her head back against the seat and closed her eyes.
“You okay?”
“Mmmm-hmmmm. Never better.” She meant it too.
Feeling his eyes on her, she opened hers and looked at him. “My world is pretty intense. I didn’t realize until I got here how often I don’t…”
“Don’t what?” His gaze intensified then turned to watch the road.
“Let go, I guess.”
“What are you holding on to?”
“I guess that’s the million dollar question, isn’t it?”
He put his hand on top of the one that sat on Bones’s neck, continuing to guide his truck with the other. He didn’t say anything. Just held her hand. No pat answer, no more questions.
Choking back tears, she turned again towards the window. Tahoe was so beautiful. Earth tones and snow white streaked by—so many colors.
Keith’s thumb rubbed across her knuckles, the tenderness of the gesture warming her insides. They rode the rest of the way in silence, and for the first time since Gram died, Torie didn’t feel alone.
***
“We’re here.”
Keith parked his truck in the dirt lot. He came around and opened Torie’s door for her, Bones climbing out behind and trotting around to sit by his feet.
“Where are we?” Torie asked.
“A Christmas tree farm.”
“Huh. Okay.”
Keith had no idea what Torie’s past was like but he was beginning to grasp it wasn’t good. He’d guessed right when thinking she probably had never gone and chopped down her own tree before. The look on her face said it all. Confused, unsure, and a little intrigued.
“You ever cut down your own tree before?” He reached in the bed of his truck and pulled out a large saw.
Her eyes grew wide. “Um. No.”
He laughed. “It’s okay. I have. This is gonna be fun.” He winked at her and took her hand, guiding her towards the trees. Rows and rows of them, side by side, in all shapes and sizes. The farm had a small covered area where people could borrow saws if they didn’t bring their own. Alan Jackson sang about letting it be Christmas from a stereo system behind the counter where clerks were taking money for trees. Keith paid the fee then guided Torie through the front gate. Bones trotted happily beside them.
Keith stopped halfway up the first row and turned towards Torie. Arms spread out wide, he said, “Take your pick, my lady. Any one of these is yours. Just tell me which one and I’ll chop it down for you.” He pointed to the saw in his hand.
Torie looked at the saw and then at him. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
Her bright eyes glistened the color of a plush meadow on a spring day and she giggled. Keith’s body tingled all the way to his toes at the sound.
“Okay!” She wrapped her coat around her and looked around. “I don’t know where to start.”
“Well, do you like a full, plush tree or one that’s maybe lighter, a little more sparse?”
Her smile faded a bit. “I’m…not sure.”
Right. She hadn’t done this before.
If Keith wanted to make this a good memory for her, he had to stay focused. Not get lost in her hair that cascaded down over her camel-colored coat like a golden waterfall. Or those eyes that mesmerized him.
“Let’s just start walking and you let me know if something catches your eye.”
He took her hand again and led her down the path, keeping her near trees whose size would work in the cabin. Nothing too tall or too wide, but definitely her perfect Christmas tree. Everything in him wanted to give her that.
She pulled back on his hand and stopped. “That one is pretty.” He turned to look where she pointed.
“Yes it is. But you’ve gotta check it from all sides.”
She nodded. “Okay.”
She walked around it, looking it up and down. “No. Let’s keep looking.”
He nodded and followed as she took a turn and tried a different row of trees. After a while he noticed she liked fuller, plush trees, just like he did. She’d narrowed it down to two and was looking back and forth, trying to decide.
He watched as she eyed both trees. At one point she ran her teeth along her bottom lip, deep in thought. At that moment he wanted nothing more than to kiss those lips.
“That one!”
Her excitement brought him from his thoughts. Which was a good thing. He needed to keep his cool.
His eyes followed Torie’s pointing finger. “That’s an excellent choice.”
“You think?”
He chuckled. “I do. Let’s get this cut down and back to the cabin for you to decorate.”
Her face lit up and she grinned from ear to ear. “You’re right. This is fun.”
Keith smiled back then knelt to cut down the tree. He pulled gloves from his pocket and put them on. Only about a six-footer and not super wide, it didn’t take him long to cut his way through. Handing Torie the saw, he picked up the tree and headed to his truck. She followed behind, Bones trotting along beside them.
Keith placed the tree and saw into the bed of his truck. He took off his gloves and tossed them in as well.
“You want some hot chocolate?”
He loved how Torie’s eyes lit up once again. Man, he’d move heaven and earth to make that happen time and time again.
“Sure. That sounds great.”
They walked back to the small entrance of the tree farm where a young teenage girl stood behind a counter selling hot chocolate. Three picnic tables sat nearby. Keith paid for two hot chocolates and handed one to Torie.
“There you go, ma’am.”
“Thank you, kind sir.” She smiled up at him as she took a sip. Her hands wrapped around the paper cup to soak in the heat.
Keith took a sip, letting the chocolate sit on his tongue a moment before swallowing. The cool air and Christmas music mixed with the sweetness in his mouth made a perfect combination of holiday cheer. But nothing matched the joy that radiated from Torie. He didn’t know what she meant before about holding on too tight, but he was glad she had let go today. With him. More and more he wanted to make her smile. Make her feel safe enough to let go. But would she let him? And was he willing to take a chance again?
He looked down at her, now hunched over to pet Bones. The dog licked her cheek. His heart still longed for another chance at forever, but he wasn’t sure it could survive another break.
She looked up at him and smiled, a small drop of chocolate on her chin.
Oh yeah, she could break his heart. But man, for the first time in years, he was considering it worth the risk.
She stood and took another sip of cocoa. A second drop landed on her chin. With a smile, he reached out and swept his thumb across, wiping the drops away. She laughed and looked away, embarrassed. They sipped their drinks and watched as families tied Christmas trees to the tops of minivans, kids jumping happily around their parents. One couple placed a tiny tree in the trunk of their car then kissed like newlyweds. A young couple headed to their first apartment to decorate and celebrate their first holiday together, Keith guessed.
“Hey you two,” the young teen girl said, pulling Keith’s attention from people watching. “You’re under the mistletoe.”
He looked up and then at Torie, whose cheeks had turned a deep shade of red.
“That we are,” Keith said, answering the young girl. But his eyes never left Torie’s.
He took the cup from her hands and placed their hot chocolates on the table nearby.
“I would hate to be one to break from tradition,” he whispered, taking her face in his hands and placing his lips to hers.
Her mouth was warmth and softness and chocolate. A combination that left his mind spinning and his body on fire. He didn’t linger long. As much as he wanted to stay there for hours, maybe days, his need to be cautious won out. He pulled back and looked into her eyes, now a smoky green.
She smiled. “Traditions are nice…”
“Yes. Yes they are.” He stepped back, putting some space between them, instantly missing the connection.
Bones pawed at Torie’s leg. Huh. Guess he wasn’t the only one who’d taken a liking to Torie. She patted Bones on the head and scratched behind her ears. The dog had the nerve to look at him with blissful eyes as if to say, “See, she likes me best.”
“You finished?” Torie asked holding up their cups.
“Yeah. Thanks.”
She took them to a trashcan nearby and tossed them. On her way back to Keith she walked right through a huge mud puddle, mucking both boots almost to the ankle.
“Ugh! Seriously?”
Keith couldn’t help it. One look at her standing there, both feet buried in mud, arms out to the sides and her nose scrunched in disgust, and he lost it. Laughter from deep down worked its way out to where his body shook and his stomach hurt. It gripped him so hard he had to lean forward on his knees.
“Ha, ha. Very funny, Captain America. I’m glad you’re entertained.”
He stood and took a long breath. “Oh, man. Thank you. I haven’t laughed like that in I don’t know how long!”
Torie glared at him, only making her look more beautiful, if that was even possible.
Without a second thought he strolled over, bent down, hoisted her over his shoulder, and headed to his truck.
“What the….? What are you doing?”
Her shrieks came from the vicinity of his lower back and she kicked her legs. “Hey now. Quit fussin’ or you’ll get us both all muddy. I’m helping.”
“This is helping?” She was still perturbed, but at least she’d stopped kicking.
“I got you out of the puddle and I’m escorting you to the truck. Yes, I’d call that helpful.”
A grunt from over his shoulder was all he heard as he made his way across the parking lot. Bones hopped and nipped at Torie, who hung across his shoulder like a doll.
Keith laughed. He wasn’t too sure if this day would be a good memory for Torie. He hoped so. But it was for a fact, one of the best days he’d had in a long time.