Chapter 12

Keith tried not to alter his grip on Torie but he couldn’t help it. Whether to keep them both upright or because his first instinct was to get her as close to him as possible, he wasn’t sure, but he wrapped his arms around her, one hand holding her head against his chest.

Good Lord, what had this woman been through? His mind raced in a thousand directions as he held her tight. Her body moved with the tears that now flowed, sobs muffled against his shirt. His heart ached for her as she let out what must’ve been years of pent-up emotion. Such a strong woman. Tough on the outside, warm and gentle on the inside. His Dragonfly, was right.

He had no clue how long they stood there but he didn’t care. He’d hold her forever, let her cry until she collapsed if that’s what would make her world better. Thoughts of wringing her father’s neck with his bare hands flashed through his mind but he pushed those away. Torie needed him. And he needed her. He’d walk to the ends of the earth for this woman. He loved her. Sure, he could tell himself otherwise, but he’d be lying.

He’d figure out how to handle that revelation later. For now, the precious woman in his arms was his main focus. Her breathing settled and although his shirt was soaked, she wasn’t crying as much anymore.

She pulled back a bit and wiped her face. “Oh…I’m sorry about your shirt.” She swiped at the wet spots as if that would dry them up.

He bent down to look her square in the eye. Those lonely, hazel depths, red rimmed and full of tears grabbed hold of him and melted his heart. “Don’t worry about my shirt. It’ll dry just fine.”

She nodded and looked down, her hands still flat against his chest. He took them in his and kissed each one. He pulled her to him once more, her arms wrapped around his waist inside his coat. His bulk engulfed her as he held her once more. The lemon scent of her hair filled his senses.

She took a deep breath and sighed, her body now almost limp against his. How long had she gone without having someone to lean on? Had she ever had anyone to lean on?

So many questions swirled in his head without answers. But there would be time for those later. Right now, his only task was taking care of Torie. She sniffed and took a step back, wiping her face with both hands.

“Sheesh. I’m so sorry. I never lose it like that. Honestly.”

He could see her struggling to put up the wall she was so used to keeping in place. The one that said she could handle anything on her own. No help needed. That was the last thing he wanted.

“Don’t apologize. Maybe you should lose it more often.”

She gave him a weak smile and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “Ugh. Man. I am seriously a mess.”

“There’s a small washroom in the back of the barn, right near the workout area. You can use that to clean up if you want. I’ll just get the horses put away. Take your time.”

She nodded. “Thanks.”

She brushed past him and into the barn. Keith took off his hat and ran a hand through his hair. He put his hat back on and started taking Patsy’s saddle off, yanking on the straps with more force than necessary. Adrenaline pumped through his veins at the thought of anyone touching a hair on Torie’s head.

She’d said her dad was abusive and that she went to live with her gram after her mother died, but she never mentioned what happened to her father. Why hadn’t Keith caught on to that? And why would she be in danger from him?

Torie came out of the washroom and sat on a hay bale as Keith finished putting the horses away. She’d offered to help but he said no. He could tell she was exhausted. He hadn’t realized just how worked up she was about horseback riding until this morning and then the meltdown over her dad only added insult to injury. Guilt tore at him over not seeing her angst about riding. It had all worked out the way he figured it would, but he had no idea just how much was lurking under the surface for her.

Well, he was aware now.

Bones sat next to her on the hay bale, doggy bliss written all over her face as Torie rubbed the dog’s head and back. She’d reach over and lick Torie’s cheek every few minutes. Cheeks salty from tears, no doubt. God bless that dog. She’d been his comfort too many times to count. He was grateful now she stuck close to Torie.

With the horses washed down and back in their stalls, Keith tucked Torie into his truck and drove her back to Dane and Aimee’s cabin. Bones rode in the truck bed. Keith figured Torie would want to go inside, lock the door, and not come out for days, so he was pleasantly surprised when she said, “Do you wanna come in for a bit? I could make us some lunch.”

It wasn’t an invitation to hear her entire story, but it was an invitation he most definitely wasn’t going to turn down.

“I’d love that. Why don’t you go on in and get showered and changed. I’ll go to my place and do the same. Meet you back here in about half an hour?”

She looked down at her jeans and smiled. “Good call. Horse smell is…unique.”

“It certainly is.” He took her hand in his and kissed it. “See you in a few.”

She nodded and climbed out of the truck. He waited and watched until she was inside before he drove away.

 

 

***

 

 

Torie wiped the condensation from the bathroom mirror. Her eyes were still a bit red from crying, but the puffiness for the most part was gone. Thank God. And the horse smell was replaced with a soapy scent mixed with her lemon-scented shampoo.

She threw on some old, comfy jeans with tears in the knees and her favorite sweatshirt. It was gray with SDPD written across the front in blue. It was huge and soft and enveloped her like a treasured childhood blanket. Pulling her wet hair into a clip, she looked at her reflection and groaned.

Normally if a guy were coming over to hang out with her, she’d have her best outfit on and her hair perfect. But this wasn’t just any guy. This was Keith. A man who didn’t give one hoot what she was wearing or how much makeup she had on. And quite frankly, she’d never had a guy in her life okay with just hanging out. It was refreshing, really. She could be herself with Keith. Truly herself. Enough of herself to have a total breakdown in his arms.

She shook her head and moved to the kitchen to make their lunch. Rummaging through the fridge, she pulled out deli meat, cheese, tomato, and pickle. Had she really totally lost it on him? Crying like a baby into his shirt? Ugh! She cringed as she laid out sandwich fixings on the counter. She was tougher than that. She’d pushed through so much in her life, proved herself over and over again. Why did she let her guard down with Keith?

Her heart knew but her head wanted to fight it. Her head argued it wasn’t fair to get involved with someone like Keith. He could never forgive her or get past who she really was. But her heart said she wouldn’t know unless she tried. Keith was more real with her than anyone had ever been. He’d shown her in a mere few days how it felt to be cared for. Cared about. Dare she say cherished? It was all so new to her. No one had ever taken an interest in her. Not beyond how she looked on their arm anyway. But Keith was different. Different in so many ways.

She slathered mayonnaise and mustard onto six pieces of wheat bread. She wasn’t sure exactly how Keith liked his sandwiches but from what she’d seen of him so far at meals, he wasn’t a picky eater. And she figured it was safe to start with two sandwiches for him instead of one.

She smiled as she pieced together each sandwich, cut them in half, and placed them on plates. He was a big boy, that was certain. Her heartbeat sped up at the memory of his kiss. One minute he was helping her down from Patsy’s saddle, the next he was kissing her senseless. Her legs had been wobbly from the horseback ride, after that she could hardly stand. But his arms held her tight. Safe. Supported. Keith was a man she could lean on.

Looking out the kitchen window, she whispered a short prayer. She was tired. Tired of being afraid. Tired of keeping everything to herself. Tired of living her life alone. She would tell Keith her story. She’d tell him the truth about her. And let the chips fall where they may. It was a risk, yes, but one she was ready to take.

She added pretzels to their plates and placed them on the kitchen table with napkins and two glasses of ice water. Perfect. She turned her head towards the door at Keith’s knock. It was now or never. With a deep breath, she headed to the living room and opened the door.

 

 

***

 

 

Keith knocked on the door and waited. He had no clue what state Torie would be in since she’d let herself cry it out on his shoulder. Well, chest. His shirt held buckets worth of her tears, it would surely take a week to dry. But Torie’s heart? That was another matter entirely. Would that ever mend? And would she be willing to let him help her try?

He heard her footfalls against the wood floor behind the door. She opened it and leaned against it, one bare foot stacked up on the other. Her toenails were painted a bright blue. Man, even her feet were gorgeous. He took in the sight of her for a moment. She wore an old SDPD sweatshirt and torn jeans. Her wet hair was twisted up in one of those clip things that looked more like an element of torture than a hair accessory. No makeup, no fuss. Just her. She’d never looked more beautiful.

“Hey.” Her voice was almost a whisper.

“Hey yourself. You doin’ okay?”

“Yeah. Come on in.” She motioned him inside and closed the door behind him after he entered.

“I whipped up some sandwiches from some stuff I bought at the store the other day. Is that all right? I wasn’t sure exactly what you like so I guessed.”

She looked nervous. Vulnerable. It was a new side to her. One he liked. It meant she trusted him.

“I’m a man. I’ll take a good sandwich any way I can get it.” He winked at her. She smiled. Mission accomplished.

He followed her into the kitchen. The table was set with two place settings, each one holding a plate filled with pretzels and a sandwich. Well, his held two sandwiches. He grinned. Yet another reason to fall for this woman. They both took a seat and Keith said a short blessing over the meal.

They ate in quiet for a few minutes, Keith not wanting to push her to talk if she didn’t want to. He loved her company. Loved that she didn’t feel the need to fill silences, was just content to be together. He was quickly seeing all the things he loved about Torie and it scared him less and less. She was a tough woman. Maybe she could handle living in his world. But he was putting the cart way before the horse. There was still obviously a lot he didn’t know about her yet, and he’d been rather private about his life as well. They’d have to move through that if they wanted any kind of future together.

One step at a time.

Torie took a swig of water and a then a deep breath. “I really am sorry I lost it on you after our ride. It was such a beautiful morning, and I had to go and ruin it with my meltdown.”

Keith shook his head. “You didn’t ruin anything. And you’re right. It was a beautiful morning.”

She nodded in agreement. “I guess you’re probably wanting to know more about my dad now.”

“I want to listen to whatever you want to tell me.” And he meant it too. He would never push her. Ever. He knew better than anyone what it was like to have gut wrenching memories tear at you, scenes from war that no one should have to carry. He retreated like a bear to its cave when people tried to push him about what he’d seen and done as a soldier. The last thing he ever wanted was to make Torie feel that way.

She took another deep breath and placed her wadded-up napkin on her plate. She’d picked at her sandwich, only finishing half of it along with about two pretzels.

“I told you my dad was abusive. And he was.” Tears sat on the edge of her lashes, threatening to fall. They didn’t. Just stayed there, a shiny veil in front of the hurt that lurked behind.

“My parents were from a small town in Colorado. They met in high school. Mom was a beauty pageant queen, of all things. Turned heads wherever we went.”

Keith sat with his arms resting on the table on either side of his plate. He’d devoured both sandwiches and now listened with rapt attention to every word Torie spoke. Seeing the beauty that sat across from him, it made perfect sense her mother had been a stunner. That DNA was definitely passed on.

“Dad was your stereotypical small-town boy. Outgoing and popular. Captain of the football team, Mom was head cheerleader, etc., etc. Anyway, they married after high school and had my brother then me.”

Keith kept his face like stone, unmoving and not responding to the news that she had a brother. His mind, however, spun like a pinwheel. She had said she had “no siblings to speak of.” Must’ve meant the brother wasn’t worth mentioning.

Torie looked away from him and out the kitchen window. “He began hitting my mom not long after they were married. From their arguments, I gathered it was his way of controlling her. Or trying to, anyway. She had men look at her all the time. My dad couldn’t stand it. Said she asked for it, flaunted herself to the men in town. She didn’t, of course, but he knew she wouldn’t leave the house after a beating. Didn’t want the world to see proof of her own private hell. He started abusing me when I was about twelve.”

A tear drifted down Torie’s cheek and landed in her lap.

“You really don’t need to continue, Torie. I get the idea.”

She looked straight at him, the pain in her eyes tearing a hole in his gut.

“No. I need you to know the whole story.”

He nodded. She continued.

“My brother became a drug addict and left when I was fourteen. Just before it all happened.”

“What happened?”

“My dad killed my mom and he blames me for it.”