Torie lounged on the sofa, a mug of hot tea in her hand. A blanket was tucked around her and Bones lay on the floor in front of her. Drawers opened and closed in the kitchen, the sounds of Keith cleaning up their breakfast floating into the room.
He’d stayed with her last night. Being the true gentleman he was, he’d slept on the couch. After she’d calmed down enough to tell him what happened, what had set off her panic attack, he didn’t want to leave her alone. And quite frankly, she didn’t want to be alone.
She hadn’t had a panic attack in years. Not as an adult, anyway. They scared the hell out of her. If it weren’t for Keith, who knows where she’d be? She thought of yesterday morning. It was so perfect. Such a beautiful Christmas. But then her dad’s voice in her ears sent her reeling. All those horrible memories flooding back, taking her places she vowed never to go again.
And Keith. He’d held her and comforted her unlike anyone ever had. When he’d begun humming, his chest rumbled with the sound, calming her and quieting her trembling. What man did such a thing? Held a hysterical woman in the middle of the floor and hummed to her because that chased away her darkness?
The man moving around the kitchen, that’s who. The man who’d stepped into her life and shown her what it meant to be loved. Really loved.
She set her tea on the coffee table and pulled the blanket up tighter to her chin. The loss of control that came with a panic attack bothered her to no end. So much of her childhood was about someone else closing in on her and taking over.
Becoming a cop had helped her lose that feeling of helplessness, the physical and mental training for it about control and grace under pressure. But Keith was right. Things with her dad were different than what she faced each day at her job. It was personal.
Memories she had stamped down for years popped to the surface like a creepy Jack-In-The-Box and she couldn’t slam the thing back down and close the lid.
The kitchen door opened and closed and muffled voices filled the kitchen. Keith had suggested Rae come over and talk to her. The old Torie would’ve somehow played down yesterday’s episode, but the old Torie also wouldn’t have had an attack in front of anyone. She’d let her guard down with Keith. Trusting him had opened her heart in a new way. She trusted Rae as well. And he convinced her that talking to Rae would help.
Rae came in the room and gave her a hug. She patted Bones on the head before sitting on the other end of the sofa from Torie. Torie could feel the warmth of Rae’s hand through the blanket as she set it on her foot. A connection. A gesture of friendship that said she was there.
“Are you one of those counselors that just waits for your client to talk first?”
Rae laughed. “You’ve met me, girlfriend. You know I’ve made talking an art form. Quiet is not my specialty.”
“Boy, isn’t that the truth,” came from the kitchen doorway. Keith stood there, drying his hands on a dishtowel.
“You hush yourself now, Hulk. And stay in the kitchen where you belong.” Rae waved a hand his direction as she spoke.
That earned her a deep chuckle from Keith. “Yes ma’am. I’ll just get back to my chores.” He winked at Torie then waited for her smile in return before going back into the kitchen.
“He loves you something fierce, you know that?”
“I’m beginning to.” Torie moved and put her legs along the sofa, her feet now right near Rae’s side.
“I’ve been around him for a while now and let me just say, he’s never looked at anyone, ever, the way he looks at you.”
Torie’s insides warmed at her friend’s words. Sure, she could see it in Keith’s eyes, but to have someone who’d known him a while say it made it that much more real.
“He also sounded beyond concerned when he called me. You gave him quite a scare.”
“I know. I didn’t mean to.”
“Of course you didn’t.”
Torie sighed and took a sip of her tea. She placed the mug back down and looked at her friend.
“How much did he tell you?”
“Just that you’d had a panic attack. Said he’d leave the details up to you.”
Torie shook her head. He really was a vault, not telling anyone anything without her permission. Reason number 412 she could trust the man.
“And I only need to know the details you want to tell me.”
And yet another reason she could trust Rae. She took a deep breath and let it out, leaned against the back of the couch. Having told Keith her whole story gave her the courage to do it again. She poured out the details of her past to Rae, who listened without interruption.
A small part of Torie was sad to be sharing all of this with anyone before telling Aimee, but as she talked, her heart healed a bit more. Letting others in instead of shutting them out was the salve her wounded heart needed all along. She’d talk to Aimee when she returned from her honeymoon. It would be fine. Aimee had always been in her corner. Caring for her, loving her. No questions asked.
Torie finished her story. Tears had fallen as she spoke but not the sobs that had wracked her when she’d first unloaded it all on Keith. Her broken heart was scarred, but mending.
A few minutes passed before Rae said anything. “Oh my. I’m not gonna lie. I wasn’t expecting anything like that.”
Torie nodded.
“You are so tremendously brave.”
What? Brave? How could Rae say that? She was terrified. One message from her dad and she was a quivering child again, wanting nothing more than to crawl in that corner of her closet and pray to never be found again. There was nothing brave about that.
“I mean it, Torie,” Rae continued. “You’ve put up with a lot of crap in your life and here you are, successful in your work, fighting for others who can’t fight for themselves. Putting yourself between others and harm’s way, protecting them. And now you’re trusting us enough to let us carry this with you. That’s bravery, sweetie. It really is.”
Torie shook her head. “I have no idea how you’re seeing that.”
“Because you didn’t let your dad win. He tried to break you, but he failed.”
Tears wandered to the edge of her lashes, threatening to fall. “No. I’m broken. That’s for sure.”
“Oh, we’re all broken in one form or another. There’s no way around that. But because of your gram and Aimee and Keith—people who have shown you what true love that cast out fear looks like—you’ve not only survived, you’ve prevailed.”
Torie thought about Rae’s words for a moment. Those people in her life did love her as is, brokenness and all.
Rae continued. “Your dad took things from you that he never had a right to take. But in your pain and times of fear, you’ve moved forward. That takes courage.”
The sound of Keith’s baritone humming came from the kitchen. Rae giggled. “He is just too precious, isn’t he?”
Precious was a word Torie would use for a puppy, not the man that moved around the other room humming a song by The Supremes. But as she listened, precious did somehow fit.
“He carries a lot too, Torie. Stuff I don’t think he’s even told you about yet. He will. I know he will. But those boys come home with a lot of…memories. Things they’ve seen that they just as soon forget but can’t. But I’m glad he found you. Lean on God, lean on him. You two will be stronger for it.”
That thought brought a peace Torie couldn’t explain, but she still had her doubts about their future. What would that look like?
“I’m not sure what comes next.”
“I wish I had to answer for you, sweetie. You and Keith need to figure that out together. But know this, you have whatever you need to face your dad. You do. Physically and emotionally. You’re not a little girl anymore. You’re a grown woman who can stand up to him. Remember that.”
She pointed her thumb over her shoulder towards the kitchen. “And you’ve got that huge lug in there to back you up. I don’t know about you, but that would give me peace of mind something fierce.”
Torie laughed. Rae was right. She wasn’t a kid anymore. No longer the little girl that ran to the neighbors for help that fateful night, she could do this. She could face whatever was to come.
***
Keith sat at the kitchen table nursing his third cup of coffee. He could hear the women talking in the other room but couldn’t make out what they were saying exactly.
He was no stranger to panic, waking in the night with sweat running down his face and chest over a nightmare. But to see Torie struggle for breath, to hold her while fear gripped her, terrified him. Not a man who liked being out of control, there was nothing he could do for her but hold her. Be there with her while she waded through the storm.
But what about when he couldn’t be there? He still had one more year in the Marine Corps, another year of missions. Could he and Torie get through that? He tried to push down the insecurities that crept in from his past, but he couldn’t.
The thought of Torie returning to San Diego alone tore at his gut. Her father would find her, Keith didn’t doubt that. And yes, Torie could handle herself on a lot of levels, but with her dad? Keith gripped his coffee mug tighter.
He snapped from his thoughts when Torie and Rae entered the kitchen. They were both laughing, a sign that calling Rae was a good idea.
“Hey, Hulk.” Rae leaned over and hugged him. “I gotta go, but thanks for calling me. You take good care of her, okay?” She smiled at Torie then at him.
“Will do.”
She disappeared through the kitchen door and was gone.
Torie sat across from him at the table, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, Bones faithfully sitting beside her, sniffing the air for signs of food items that might be worth begging for. Unfortunately for the dog, Keith’s coffee mug was all that sat on the table.
He rose and fixed Torie a cup then set it in front of her.
“Thank you. The tea was lovely, but something stronger sounds great.” She lifted the mug to her nose and breathed in before taking a small sip.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. Talking to Rae helped. A lot. Thank you for calling her.”
He’d initially called Rae in somewhat of a panic himself, a tad worried Torie wouldn’t be thrilled he did so without asking her. Relief flooded him now. Some color had returned to her cheeks and her eyes weren’t as sad. Yes, it had been a good idea.
“She’s helped me through a lot. I thought she’d be a good listening ear.”
“I’m glad you have such good friends.”
“They’re your friends now, too.” He winked. “When Tony and I came back from our first tour, we had some…baggage to carry from it. He found Rae’s support group at his church and went to a few meetings. He convinced me to join him. I teased him at first. Said he was only going because he had a crush on the tiny redhead that led the group, but he was right. Being there helps chase some of the darkness away.”
Torie reached across the table and took his hand in hers. “I’m so sorry.”
He shrugged. “It’s part of the deal. I knew that going in. Nothing can prepare you for the reality of it though. That’s why Tony and I like to talk to and work with guys who are just starting out in the service. Walk them through some of what they see and do.”
She sat back in her chair again and took a sip of coffee. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Shoot.”
“Is that why you have to have a light on when you sleep?”
He narrowed his eyes. How did she…?
“I got up in the night and came downstairs. You’d left the kitchen light on so I turned it off. When I got up this morning, it was on again.”
He nodded. “Busted.” Man, he hated how that made him feel like a child.
“Hey.” Torie looked him, her hazel eyes boring into his. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you. How about I tell you something embarrassing to level the playing field?”
He chuckled. “Okay.”
“When I was a girl, I had a corner of my closet I would climb into when I needed to shut out the world.” She blinked and looked out the window. “I still do. Thankfully, my closet’s a lot bigger now so there’s room for a grown woman curled up in the corner but…”
Keith’s heart ached for her. That wasn’t embarrassing. It was gut wrenching.
She’d tried to play it off as if her curling up in the dark wasn’t some big deal, but it was.
“Torie…”
She cut him off. “Hey. It’s okay. Really. Like you said, sometimes we have to do things to chase away the darkness. And it goes away. It does.”
He nodded.
“Keith, we need to face the fact that I have to go back. I’ve decided to leave the day after tomorrow.”
His teeth clenched and he swallowed hard. He’d known all along she couldn’t stay. They had to face reality. But having it staring him in the face wasn’t something he could prepare for.
“Why so soon?”
“Because I can’t keep running, keep hiding. Rae reminded me that I have it in me to face whatever happens with my dad. I’m a cop, for crying out loud. I could chase him down and put his butt back in jail. But I’m trapped by fear if I don’t do something. And I have my friends on the force. I have backup. I’m not afraid to tell my story anymore.”
He understood. Man, he understood. But he didn’t have to like it. “How do you think your dad got your number?”
“I honestly don’t know. But I can’t imagine how he could track me just from that. He’s smart, but not that smart.”
“He was smart enough to get your number.”
“True. I’m thinking if I go back, use my resources at work, I’ll be in a position to find him before he finds me.”
“Then I’m going with you.” He crossed his arms and stared her down, waiting for her to protest.
She smiled. “Okay.”
Wait. What? What happened to the woman who’d stood toe-to-toe with him just months before when she went in guns a-blazing to rescue Aimee, telling him he had to stay behind?
“You can wipe that look off your face, Captain.” She laughed. “You’ve taught me it’s okay to not do everything alone.”
“We leave the day after tomorrow then.”
“Yep.”
“Well, we best make the most of the time we have left here then, don’t you think?”
The twinkle in her eye said she agreed, as did the smirk she tossed his way from behind her coffee mug. “Whatever you say, Captain.”