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Fifteen minutes before the alarm should have gone off, Laynie’s terrified screams jolted Billy awake.
Steven leaped off the bed and dashed out of the room before Billy had managed to figure out that something was wrong. He took off at a jog after Steven to Laynie’s room, thankful that they’d both taken time to slip on sleep pants before falling asleep last night.
When he arrived in the doorway, Steven already had the tiny, sobbing little girl wrapped up in his huge arms. He stroked over her red hair, making shushing noises to calm her down.
“What happened?” Billy asked quietly.
Steven looked at him with a shattered gaze. “She got scared when she woke up in a strange place, and I wasn’t here. I don’t think she remembers arriving home last night.”
“I thought you left me,” Laynie sobbed into Steven’s chest.
Steven jerked like she’d hit him. Devastation filled his face.
Billy’s heart broke right in half at the words. No child this young should have to go through the trauma of losing a parent. God, her tears were like a punch in the gut to him. He couldn’t imagine how much they hurt Steven to hear.
He wished Tawna were still alive so he could yell at her for keeping Laynie from Steven. To deny these two people this connection burned. But that just made guilt crawl through his gut. He shouldn’t hate a dead woman. He needed to fix his attitude just so Laynie didn’t see it. She didn’t need any more sadness in her life.
He crossed over to the two people who were coming to mean more to him than life and palmed both of their bowed heads. “Does anyone around here like blueberry pancakes?” he asked.
Laynie stilled and lifted her tear-stained eyes to him. “You make those here?” she asked, awe making her voice sound like little more than a whisper. “I thought we could only get those at the Rise and Shine Diner.”
That was probably a restaurant she had gone to with her mothers.
“Well, I’ll have you know that blueberry pancakes are my specialty, but I only share them with people that I like a whole lot. I don’t know...” He crossed his arms over his chest and widened his stance. “Do I like the two of you enough to share them?”
Laynie leapt off of Steven’s lap, her tears and fright forgotten. “Oh, yes. You love us. Come on.” She grabbed hold of his and Steven’s hands and began to drag them out into the hall. “Let’s go. We have blueberry pancakes to eat.”
Normally, he’d be freaked out about her use of the word “love” with all the commitment that word entailed. But as he exchanged a grin of relief with Steven, it occurred to him that she just might have used the perfect word.
Love...
Yeah, he was there...with both of them.
***
THREE DAYS AFTER THEIR arrival back home at the ranch, it seemed to Steven like things were starting to settle down.
Laynie still didn’t let him get too far away from her side, which he understood. He hoped she would become more secure in that he wasn’t going to disappear on her, which had to be the way her mothers’ death had felt.
Their first full day back in town, they’d spent it on base getting Laynie enrolled as his dependent, so she would be covered under his military healthcare. He talked to the family support center about getting some grief counseling for her. Her first appointment was scheduled for tomorrow. He was both nervous and hopeful for that. In the end, he just wanted her to feel healthy and secure in her place in his life.
They’d also visited with the local school district to enroll her in school for the fall. Luckily, Maria had been on top of all that and had recommended he go by the school district offices in Midland to get her paperwork for transfer.
They were only a few weeks away from the start of school, and he worried how Laynie would deal with the transition. So many times, she seemed like she was doing great, but then she’d have a complete meltdown when she couldn’t find him.
He worried about her, but he had to believe that would improve over time.
As for his injury, every day he was feeling better and better. His recovery was going well, and he hoped that he’d finally be cleared to drive again when he went back to the doctor for a checkup this week.
As for now, he was comfortable working out in Billy’s home gym. He had just finished doing his breathing exercises and some light cardio. He was feeling the lack of structured workouts and couldn’t wait to get back to it. Laynie had gotten really quiet about thirty minutes ago, but she’d been hanging out in the corner of the room coloring and drawing, so he hadn’t been worried, even if she was hidden down behind the big chair she’s been sitting in.
He peeked around the chair and smiled. She’d fallen asleep, exhausted after spending the morning chasing barn cats. His heart melted as he examined her sweet, innocent, freckled face. She was so animated and full of life when awake. It was weird to see her like this...so still...and here. That fact still boggled his mind.
He had a daughter...a family.
Both Laynie and Billy. He’d never expected either one of them, and now, he couldn’t imagine his world without them.
Billy was somewhere out on the ranch, repairing some fence line. Steven expected him to be back in a couple of hours for their planned afternoon snack.
Yesterday, Laynie had convinced the two of them to buy some cookie dough so she could bake some cookies for them. They’d already proven—several times over—that they never could tell her no. But fresh chocolate chip cookies...those were never a bad thing.
His cell phone rang, and he rushed over to it before it could disturb his daughter. His caller ID said the call was from the base.
“This is Major Hardesty.”
“Steven, this is Colonel Winston. We have a.”—Gage hesitated as if searching for words—“situation out here.”
That didn’t sound good, but Steven tried not to react with immediate panic, which had become his go-to reaction when something unexpected came from the Air Force wing these days. It had been a weird month.
“I’m listening.”
Gage cleared his throat. “There’s a couple at the front gate, insisting that they’re your parents, and they need to be let on the base to see you.”
“Oh, god.” Steven groaned. He’d ignored a couple of calls from his mother this morning. But after listening to her first voice mail where she berated him and went on about something about his dad’s church being in an uproar, he’d decided that it was better for his mental health to deal with her later. That had obviously been a mistake.
“I’m sorry, Colonel. Let me call them, and I’ll straighten this out. You said it was both my parents?”
“Yes.” Gage hesitated. “I never realized who your father was.”
Steven sighed. “Yeah, I don’t usually spread that information around too much.”
The change that came over people when they realized his father was one of the most famous evangelicals of their generation always amazed him. And it wasn’t necessarily a good thing. It was like they suddenly thought he would start judging them by his father’s extremely high standards. Wouldn’t ever happen.
“Okay, I’ll call my dad and give him directions on how to get here.” If they’d made it to the base, they obviously had a rental car from whatever airport they’d flown into.
Oh, god, this was going to be bad. They wouldn’t understand any of the decisions he’d been making, which was why he’d been avoiding them. It was easier to just not deal with the judgment.
When he hung up the call with Gage, he took a deep breath, checked to make sure Laynie was still asleep, and then called his father.
“Steven,” his father answered. “Where are you? We’re at the gate, and nobody will let us onto the base.”
“Yes, I heard. You know that I’m the one that has to get you signed in.” His parents didn’t normally come to him. They preferred he come to Chicago. But they had gone through the whole gate security process before.
“We know,” his father said with a strained voice. “But you haven’t been answering your phone.”
“I know. I’m sorry about that, but I’m not currently living on the base and I can’t come meet you, so I need to give you directions on how to get here. Do you have some paper handy?”
For a moment silence filled the line. “So...something has happened. We were told...”
He cringed, not even wanting to think about what kind of rumors might have made it to them. His life hadn’t been a picnic the last month. “Dad, I promise I’ll explain everything when you get here. Just get some paper, so I can give you the directions.”
There was some rustling in the background, and his dad was back. “Okay, I’m ready.”
That was the problem. His parents might think they were ready, but they had no idea how much his life had changed. And he sure as hell wasn’t ready to have to defend his decisions to them yet.
***
BEFORE STEVEN WAS READY, the distinctive crunch of the gravel on the drive announced someone arriving. Billy still wasn’t back, and Steven had been too chicken shit to give him a call to warn him that his parents were on the way.
He knew Billy would want to be here to support him, but Steven figured this was one round of condemnation he needed to face on his own. Luckily, Laynie was still asleep, too, so maybe he could explain her presence to them before they saw her. Explaining how they were grandparents and had been for seven years without any of them realizing wasn’t going to be pleasant.
He stepped out onto the porch as his parents climbed out of their rental, a luxury level sedan. He hadn’t seen them in several months, but they didn’t look like they’d changed much. His mom had reaped all the benefits from her weekly spa visits, looking much younger than her fifty-nine years. His dad on the other hand employed the benefits of one of the best plastic surgeons the Midwest had to offer so he could stay camera-ready on a weekly basis.
He stayed in the shadows of the porch, never more aware of how much muscle mass he’d lost during recovery. No reason to step out into the sunlight where that would be even more obvious.
He grinned and tried to look friendly as his parents approached. “Well, it looks like you found it okay.”
“Yes. Your directions were good,” his father said, but he frowned as he approached and looked Steven up and down. “So, it’s true.” He stepped up on the porch. “You were shot and didn’t call us.”
His mother followed right behind his father and a little sob hitched in her throat as she drew up alongside of him. “You’ve lost so much weight. Why didn’t you tell us? Do you hate us? You knew we would want to be there for you.”
He blew out a breath. “I’m okay. Getting better every day.” How did he explain that he couldn’t handle their smothering version of love?
He couldn’t, so he went with the most diplomatic answer. “I didn’t want to worry you. I have friends here.”
His father glanced around the ranch property. There was no hiding that it was a large, successful spread. “Who lives here? I know you mentioned that you and Felicia rode horses, but I didn’t realize she had a ranch.”
“She doesn’t. This belongs to our friend, Billy. He’s been nice enough to let me stay here.” And welcomed me into his bed. He probably shouldn’t mention his relationship with Billy right now. Or ever, if he didn’t want them to disown him.
His mom stepped up to him and cupped his cheek. Heartbreak swam in her eyes. “Why didn’t you call us? Do you know how devastating it was to hear you’d been shot from someone else?” Her voice rose hysterically.
“How the heck did you hear about it?” The base had worked diligently to keep the entire affair under wraps, easier to do since the shootings had taken place out on Billy’s remote and secluded ranch. Because Dalton had killed himself, there hadn’t been an arrest and the crazy PR nightmare of explaining why two men in wing leadership rolls had been shot by a subordinate soldier. The Air Force definitely didn’t want that kind of publicity.
“The mother of the boy who shot you and then...died...” His father winced.
Steven nodded for him to go on. “Dalton Kennedy.”
“Yes, that was his name. His mother wrote to me seeking guidance for how she could go about forgiving herself for not realizing he needed help. She hoped that maybe if I could forgive her and say a prayer for her, that maybe she could learn to forgive herself.”
Fuck. Steven sank into one of the rocking chairs. “It wasn’t her fault,” he murmured.
If anything, it was his fault that he hadn’t seen the warning signs that Kennedy hadn’t been coping as well with the situation he’d found himself as well as he should have. But no one had recognized the signs of Airman Kennedy’s downward spiral. Steven’s only defense was it was next to impossible to catch everything in a squadron of six hundred airmen. But fuck. Airman Kennedy had sat at the desk just outside his office. He’d interacted with Dalton every single day. There had to be some signs that he’d missed, although he hadn’t managed to remember any yet.
But he didn’t want to get into all that with his parents, or at all. The nightmares had just begun to ease since Laynie had come into his life.
Laynie. The bright spot—along with Billy—in his life.
God, he had to warn his parents about her.
“Listen, we can talk about all this. Why don’t you both come in, because there’s something that I need—”
A terrified scream echoed from inside. “Daddy!”
Laynie.
Steven swung back toward the door, ignoring his parents’ shocked expressions. He barreled through the front door of the house, cursing himself for staying apart from her for so long.
He tried to be there when she woke up, because if he wasn’t, it could take a couple of hours for her to get over the trauma of waking up alone. God, he hated that it traumatized her like this.
He rushed into the workout room and found Laynie huddled in the corner of the leather chair, sobbing with Whiskers clutched to her face.
He pulled her into his lap as he sat, wrapping his arms around her, trying to make her feel secure and protected. “Shh, Laynie, it’s okay. I was just out front talking to some very special people. I didn’t leave. I promise. I would never leave you.”
His parents walked in, and his mother gasped.
Laynie stiffened in his arms as she peeked around to their guests. “Who are they?” she whispered, her voice still sounding thick with tears.
He glanced up at his parents.
His mother clutched at his father’s arm. “Oh, Steve, do you see it?” she asked his dad as her eyes filled with tears.
His dad frowned down at the two of them together as if trying to puzzle out what he could obviously see.
Steven knew that the similarities between how they looked were noticeable to anyone who saw them together.
Steven took a deep breath to steel himself. “Well, Laynie, those are your grandparents. My parents. Would you like to meet them?”
Her distress was suddenly forgotten as she nodded quickly. “I’ve never had grandparents before. Momma said I didn’t have any.”
Steven tried hard not to clench his jaw. “That’s because she never met my parents.” Not the full truth, but not a lie either. He’d have to walk a careful line with how he presented Tawna’s actions and lies to his daughter as she grew up. Right now, Laynie didn’t need the additional stress of knowing how much her mother had lied to her.
Steven stood while continuing to hold Laynie tight to his chest—something he hadn’t been able to do a week ago—and faced his parents. “Mom, Dad, this is my daughter, Laynie. Laynie, this is your grandma and grandpa.”
The tears now dripped freely down his mother’s cheeks as she reached toward Laynie. “How...when...”
“It’s a long story, Mom, and I’ll explain it all later. But for right now, this is the important stuff. This is my daughter, Laynie. She’s...” He frowned down at her like he couldn’t remember. “How old did you say you were? Seventeen?”
Laynie giggled. “No, silly. I’m seven.”
Steven nodded sagely. “Seven? Oh, that’s right. That sounds familiar now.” He lifted his hand toward her stuffed animal. “And this is her best friend, Whiskers, who is a stand in for her real best friend, Hart, who lives in Midland, Texas. Laynie lived there until last week, but now she lives here with me.”
“And Billy,” Laynie chimed in.
He nodded. “Yep, we definitely can’t forget him.”
“I don’t understand,” his mother stuttered. She lifted a hand as if to touch Laynie, but then pulled it back. “Where’s her mother?”
“My moms died in a car wreck. We put them in the ground, but Daddy says they aren’t really there, that they’re in my heart, now.” Laynie stated it all so matter-of-factly, as if that wasn’t a huge bombshell of heartbreak and tragedy all rolled up into one.
“Oh, you poor thing.” This time when his mother reached out to Laynie, she didn’t stop. She grabbed hold of Laynie’s hand, offering comfort.
Steven looked at his father, who’d clenched his jaw, no doubt catching on that Laynie had been living with her lesbian mothers and not liking it. Well, that was too bad.
His mother gave him a hurt look filled with pain and confusion. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
“Mom,” he said gently. “I didn’t know. Laynie’s mom left instructions on how to get hold of me if the unthinkable happened. Before that phone call—last week—I didn’t know, either.”
Steven smiled down at his daughter, who studied him intently. He needed to be careful. Laynie might be young, but she was smart. Not much got by her. “I haven’t known her long, but I know I love her, and she makes a fantastic chocolate chip cookie. Hey,” he said to her like he’d just had an idea. “How about we go into the kitchen, and you and Grandma can make the cookies that you promised Billy?”
Laynie’s eyes lit up and she scrambled out of Steven’s arms. “Come on, Grandma. I’m an expert cookie maker. I’ll show you how.”
His mother laughed. “Well, there’s no way I can say no to working with an expert.” They joined hands, and Laynie led his mother down the hall.
Steven met his father’s shrewd eyes as he said, “It looks like things have been rather eventful in your life.”
Steven nodded. “To say the least.”
His dad crossed his arms over his chest. “And you didn’t think we’d want to be a part of, or at least know, the barest of facts about all this?”
“Dad,” Steven said and ran a hand across the back of his neck. “I never set out to keep anything from you. Things just kind of snowballed, and I’ve been doing all I can to stay on top of it all.” He glanced down the hall to where the females had disappeared. “Look, we can talk about this later. Laynie doesn’t do well for long without me nearby. After her mothers’ deaths, she’s having some separation anxiety.”
His father’s eyes narrowed. “Yes, we definitely need to talk about the fact that your daughter has been growing up in a household built on atrocities.”
Steven clenched his jaw. Nothing good would come from this visit. Nothing.