The Ultimate Guide to Solo Sex

WOMEN’S FIRST EXPERIENCES WITH masturbation are very telling. But it was equally interesting to me to delve into what women’s current masturbation practices look like. You can find so many guides and how-tos online about what works. But the truth is that the only thing that matters is what works for you.

And the results are in. We all masturbate differently, and yet we all masturbate the same. When we do it, we think about having sex, about being men about having sex with celebrities, about being forcibly taken (albeit still with consent). We watch porn or replay in our minds the porn we have seen in the past, or we read erotica. We use toys and fingers, pillows and furniture.

The shower and bed are the most common locations for masturbation. And the ever-present element is the clit, which, for ninety-nine percent of us, needs direct stimulation in order to achieve orgasm. Although many survey takers said they greatly enjoy vaginal penetration along with clitoral stimulation. (And some of you like to throw a little anal stimulation in there as well.) No surprise there, since the “blended orgasm,” characterized by combining clitoral stimulation with penetration and sometimes anal play, is what leads most women to their most satisfying—or ultimate—orgasms.

Here are some of the stories from the women I surveyed about their own personal and current masturbation practices.

I lie on my back and watch porn or fantasize about other women while I use one finger to make myself come. If I’m in a hurry, I’ll use a vibrator. Just recently I inserted the vibrator into my vagina and fucked myself while watching an MMF bisexual threesome.

I masturbate with the Magic Wand and a hand towel folded over it (two layers). I lie on my back and think about various things, usually someone being fucked. Sometimes it’s gay men. Sometimes it’s my partner. It varies, but the more I can lock into a specific visual, the better. I need to be able to see the fucking and coming in my mind’s eye in order to come.

I have never been able to masturbate manually without some other object. Most success is by humping a pillow. I do not masturbate often and I don’t think much about it except a means to a pleasant end, especially for stress relief.

I do it different ways—sometimes just stimulation of the clit, and sometimes I insert something in my vagina and stimulate the outside. I always have to rub my clit or I can’t come. My husband helps occasionally. I used to use a toy, but it’s easier and faster with my hands. I think about being a man and having sex with a woman. I have figured out I like the perceived control a penis has.

These days I still rely on intense friction on my crotch with my hands, but also I’ve used a little battery-operated “bullet” vibrator. I don’t use any penetration methods, just friction on the outer parts. I often use visualization of being taken against my will because for some reason those types of thoughts bring me to a quick self-orgasm.

I use lube and make sure everything is all slippery. I then use my vibrator to stimulate my clit and the surrounding lips while watching porn. I come in one and a half and two minutes unless I want to edge for a little, which delays it by maybe a minute.

Oh, I do it rough. I like to do it somewhere where I might get caught. I think about the girl I’m with usually. I’m into BDSM. So, it’s not always making love when I fantasize about them.

With toys and thinking about women’s thighs, inner thighs and hip bones (grabbing onto them while she straddles me).

I masturbate at least every few days. I use a bullet vibrator and lie on my belly. I put a pillow between my thighs and grind my hips against the pillow and bullet. I read erotica or watch lesbian porn—usually oral scenes or vaginal fisting scenes that end with squirting. Lots of moaning sounds. I usually orgasm two or three times before I am satisfied.

I don’t care much for penetration, so I mostly just finger my clitoris. Sometimes I use a vibrator, but not very often. I’m a butch so I mostly fantasize about topping another woman, frequently with a strap-on. I’m really into breasts and fantasize a lot about sucking them while fucking her.

Most often I masturbate in the shower with the showerhead. I always fantasize about women. I also masturbate with a bullet vibrator, and I either fantasize or look at a Penthouse letter magazine.

I think about my wife most of the time, and sometimes I look at porn or read something that turns me on. My go-to position is still on my belly, but now I like vaginal and clitoral stimulation.

Wow, this section could be a book. Even in an anonymous setting, this is challenging to discuss. I masturbate in my bed when I wake up horny, in the bathroom sometimes for assured privacy, standing in the shower, or on the living room couch. My thoughts drift toward women with large boobs. It’s all about the boobs, I’m ashamed to admit. I wish it were their intellect or their sense of humor. Anyway, I’ll put them in situations pairing them with a butch sometimes, imagining a torrid love scene. Sometimes I take on their identity and have the starring role in the sex scenes. Other times I just enjoy looking at their boobs and achieve orgasm that way.

I like to watch lesbian porn online and I typically use my favorite Lelo double-barrel dildo which stimulates my clit as well. I can masturbate manually, but I really enjoy the sensation of the vibrator on my clit and in my pussy at the same time.

I love to watch lesbians eating pussy. I am primarily straight (slightly bisexual) but I prefer relationships with men. I don’t often fantasize about a male partner or watch straight porn, although occasionally I do. Perhaps it is because I get that often enough. But it is more difficult to find a female partner or threesome, so I enjoy fantasizing about that aspect. I have had several female lovers and I very much love going down on a woman, so that is what I enjoy watching while I masturbate. I love videos of a woman sitting on another woman’s face or diving between her legs.

Once I feel myself have my first orgasm, I occasionally work through it and come again once or twice. But most often, I am satisfied with one orgasm, and then I am tired and usually nap. When my boyfriend masturbates me manually, he usually keeps going until I have come multiple times and beg him to stop, but I don’t push myself that hard.

(Note: Here, the survey taker refers to her boyfriend stimulating her manually as masturbation. But “masturbation” refers to touching yourself. What the survey taker is describing is sex (or one sex act, anyway), just as oral sex and penetration may be called sex or a sex act.)

I read fanfiction to get in the mood—mostly Xena or Lost Girl fanfiction. (I am a purist when it comes to my pairings. Xena with Gabrielle or Bo with Lauren only.) Sometimes to make myself really come, I try to read a jealousy-themed story. But only as long as there is a happy reconciliation between my two favorite characters. And I’ve found that I need vibration now to cum, as well. I love vibrators but I can’t seem to penetrate myself. In fact, I’ve never been penetrated by anyone or anything. Even something as small and thin as an earbud wire or cable. My fingers can come close, but I don’t think I’ve ever touched my G-spot.

I have a We-Vibe Tango. I put it on my clit and it doesn’t take long. I have a lot of fantasies—group sex, humiliation, etc. Things I wouldn’t really do because I’d worry about my relationship or safety.

I like to use toys that penetrate as well as vibrate on the outside.

I like a lot of sensation play—feathers or fleecy or silky fabrics. I enjoyed wet, nubby towels when I was younger. I have a pretty impressive collection of gay male porn (quite a few videos, a lot of photo books), and sometimes I’ll indulge in those beforehand. (Those usually tend to make me want to add anal stimulation, go figure.) I often picture two guys together in my head—they might be edging each other, playing with a toy together, or just lazily sixty-nining or stroking each other at leisure. (Lately, I do seem to have more traditional fantasies of a very willing, beautiful submissive guy wanting to pleasure me at my every whim! I definitely have some strap-on fantasies, too...)

Half the “session” is spent searching for a porn scene that actually turns me on, rather than grossing me out. So much of porn seems to me like the girl is feigning interest for the guy. I hate that. I like to watch someone who’s truly turned on. This is why I’ve recently turned to gay male porn. I love that I have proof that those two guys are turned on. I know it because there’s visible evidence of their orgasms! I basically watch porn for the orgasm. When someone else is aroused to the point of orgasm, that’s the thing that enables me to be turned on to the point of orgasm.

I like a firm but soft pressure. So I use a silicone cock ring with textured nubbies around it on my first two fingertips and rub my clit, usually while watching a few minutes of porn or at least thinking about the lady I’m interested in at the time or about a previous sexual encounter. Only rarely will I use a vibrator, sometimes for just my clit, and other times for penetration.

I tend to masturbate only in front of my partner today. I think about her and the ways that she looks at my body while I’m masturbating in front of her. It is very erotic.

Now [my masturbation habits are] device-based. I have had the habit of creating romantic stories in my head that last for weeks, pretty much my own self-scripted movies. They range from sexy bodyguards, to office romps, to high school football players. Ha!

I use several toys. I also like to use random objects. Anything taboo makes it sexier, dirtier. I love pushing the limits even when I’m alone. I enjoy taking photos while I play and Snapchatting them to a small audience. It makes the moment that much better. I enjoy playing until I am squirting everywhere and can’t possibly take it anymore.

On my belly, rubbing my clit on the sheets or a pillow, in a thrusting manner. I usually imagine that I am butt-fucking a straight man—consensually, of course!

Well, oddly enough, I prefer my own hand, even though I sell and own bedroom accessories. I usually fantasize about sharing and being shared by my husband. Thinking about watching him get off makes me super hot.

I usually think about naked girls; sometimes I also think about penetrating them (with a penis). Some other times I think of my girlfriend smiling while we have sex, touching and licking her, etc.

I am a single mom so I typically have to get it done quickly. I have a little pink vibrating bullet and it’s wham, bam, goodnight ma’am. It only takes me three to five minutes to achieve orgasm. I tend to think about previous relations I’ve had. I’m bisexual so I like thinking of men and women. Nothing specific. No fetishes.

I generally lie on top of my crossed thumbs to exert a fairly hefty pressure on my clitoris and combine the pressure with a small up-down rub. As a personal challenge, I have occasionally attempted to masturbate to orgasm faceup, but it’s not comfortable or reliable. I have to be very worked up for that to be successful. When masturbating I think about imaginary scenarios of impregnation, never imagining a real person or persons as the partner or partners. I generally do this at least once daily.

What I do depends on what I’m thinking about. If I’m thinking about gay (male-male) sex then I’ll use a butt plug and vibrator. Normally I’m thinking about being a muscular tattooed guy with a massive dick and having sex with a tattooed skinny, muscular girl with dark hair. I normally focus on how much she likes it and what she is saying (like how much she likes my dick, etc.) while using a vibrator and large dildo.

I use my fingers, a small vibrator, or sometimes a larger one that I insert. It doesn’t take me long. I usually pinch or otherwise stimulate my nipples.

I read BDSM porn to get the juices flowing. Then, once I feel like I am turned on enough, I like to “feel full.” I put in a butt plug; insert something in my vagina, whether it is my barbell, a dildo, or just my fingers; and use my wand on my clit.

I like my G-spot. I like sticking my fingers in my vagina and working them back and forth, and I feel the sensation of my hand moving fast and rhythmically, making vibrations go throughout my body.

Depends. There’s the quick fix. This is when the mood strikes me rather suddenly for whatever reason. I’ve had it happen at the office, out with friends, sitting at home watching TV, whatever. It’s unpredictable. If at home, I’ll sometimes use a quick visual aid (porn) to help get the imaginative juices flowing, because again, this is a quick thing. Nearly one hundred percent of the time, I’m pressing my clit against something and using my body weight to rub against it—table corner, chair edge, washing machine, etc. It’s over in less a minute or two, generally.

If I use porn, it’s girl-on-girl porn most of the time, most often oral. Girls with toys do nothing for me. Though sometimes it’s a rough sex visual with a guy and gal.

If I don’t use porn, then I imagine something similar. Me going down on a gal, her on me, or both at the same time. Or I imagine rough sex with a guy. Sometimes a guy and a gal. Sometimes I need not think about anything at all.

Then there are the bedtime events. This is something I’ll sometimes do before going to sleep. This is more involved, and is solely based on imaginative fantasy. I will kind of act out—sort of—what I’m imagining, though there really isn’t much movement involved. Generally this is something along the lines of a man (or men) who have me captive in some way. But I’m very attracted to the man—of course—but he’s my captor so I can’t let myself give in, right? He forces me, but I totally want him to. Sometimes he forces me to be with another woman, too. The man in fantasy is usually based on a book or movie character I find very hot. The woman or women are generally nonspecific. This doesn’t always end in climax. In fact, I’ve fallen asleep in “the middle,” so to speak, many, many times. It’s something I’ve done since I started masturbating oh so many years ago. Sometimes it’s purely a mental exercise, with next to no physical component. Not sure that counts as masturbation, then.

And then there are times I use my vibrator or the jets in my tub. Sometimes my anal vibe, too. (My vibes are waterproof.) Usually I’m not really thinking about anything specific. It’s just pure physical pleasure and doesn’t always end with climax. (In fact, most often it does not.) It’s just a matter of feeling the sensations. I will often do it until I get so sore I can’t do it any longer. Completely hedonistic. No thought involved.

I masturbate using toys, my fingers, anything that feels good, and some different types of lubrication, for different sensations. I tend to play with my clit to start with until I begin to get wet—I may use a vibrator on it, or my fingers. Then I slide a vibrator into my pussy. If it is a rabbit, it has the vibrating ears that buzz on my clit at the same time, and the base of the vibrator has beads on it that rotate and stimulate my G-spot. This is one of the best vibrators I have found and I usually come within minutes. If I masturbate using just my fingers, I will rub my clit until I’m wet, then move my fingers in and out of my vagina. Once they are wet I’ll move them back up to my clit and rub it in circles, changing pressure as to how it feels best. The wetter it is, the nicer it feels. I tend to think about whatever is a turn-on for me at the time. It can vary, from a person I fantasize about being with to a scene of a sexual act that appeals to me to a man or woman touching me.

I can find anything in my room to help me get off: pencils, erasers, deodorant, earphones, teddy bears, tampons, toothbrushes, plastic eggs...I’m not joking. Sometimes I leave my panties on, sometimes not. I make sure to have alcohol or something to sterilize my improvised sex toys. But by far I love tampons the most. Plus they are hygienic. I used to use vibrators before, but I stopped. They help me get off quickly, but the orgasm isn’t intense enough. And I usually spend half an hour masturbating. Yes, I can get off quicker, but after discovering G-spot orgasms it’s hard to go back to mediocre clit orgasms.

(Note: In fact, all orgasms are clitoral. The G-spot is part of the clitoral complex. See my book O Wow: Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm for more on that topic.)

Sometimes I cross my legs while lying on my side and thrust my hips while Kegeling. Or I might lie on my back and use my hand, but not usually directly on my clit—just manipulating the mons to get indirect stimulation.

I masturbate by using my index and ring fingers to spread myself open and my middle finger to rub my clitoris.

I use a B.O.B. vibrator to stimulate my clit. That’s all I need to have an orgasm.

Generally it’s always the same. For me, masturbation is about scratching an itch, so it’s usually quick. I use a vibe on my clit, and I have a few different things I think about. I also have a little thirty-second video a friend sent me of him wanking. I love listening to his grunts. It can push me right over the edge. Sometimes I’ll have a longer session where I’ll have three or four orgasms, usually a couple of clit ones and then a deeper one.

I always use a vibrator. I have never managed to get myself off manually. I just don’t have the knack, and yet I can come from a guy’s fingers really fast, easy, and multiple times.

I must admit to masturbating on the toilet. It’s private (lock on door). I’ve been known to disappear in there for a quick wank with my Kindle. I like how wide my legs go and I can look down my body to see my hand working.

My set (quick) system is using a dildo. There’s a corner wall in the bathroom that I press the bottom of the dildo against once it’s inserted inside me. I’m down on all fours, and can reach up and easily touch my clit. I like the sensation of my breasts pressing against the cold tiles (again, super sensitive!). I can get off this way in under a minute. My nice, long, complicated masturbating involves piles of lesbian erotica, vibrators, nipple clamps...it’s a complicated affair that I do maybe four times a year. I masturbate the “quick” way every day.

As embarrassing as it is to say, I still use a pillow. I can’t get off using my fingers. I straddle one end with another pillow under it to make it taller and just rub against it at a relatively slow pace. I sometimes think about various fantasies, but it’s usually when I’m fertile that I really feel the need to masturbate.

Usually I’m in bed. I’ll begin touching my breasts, then between my legs. My finger explores between the folds, and then I make circular motions on the clitoris.

If I am not alone [in my house], I’ll sit on the toilet and use my hand.

It’s still all very clit-focused. I’m usually either lying on my back in bed or sitting leaning back in a chair, although sometimes standing up and leaning against a wall. It’s mostly done with just one or sometimes two fingers on one hand, stroking and rubbing my clit. If I’m dressed, I won’t usually get undressed; I’ll just loosen my clothes enough to get a hand in.

I do it for my man and think about how he spanks me before fucking me.

I usually start by playing with my breasts and lightly stroking my erogenous zones on my lower stomach and inner thighs. I like to be well warmed up before I start playing with my labia, stroking inside and out, or just rubbing in a circular motion. Depending on my mood, I typically move on to either a vibrator or dildo. I generally prefer the vibrator, which I often grind against.

It’s usually before I go to sleep. I warm my hands up, place them on the outer part of my labia majora—give a gentle hello and get warm. Then I lick my finger and play with my clit for a while. Building up and building down. I usually have to think about how good it feels. And it is really that simple. I rarely use toys and especially not when I masturbate. The majority of the time I masturbate to go to sleep if my mind is racing and it won’t shut up.

I like to lie on my back and almost always imagine some really sexually submissive scene (often involving bondage or even humiliation, which I’ve never actually done with a partner), and when I start getting excited and wet, I finger myself. That’s pretty much it. I am in general not a submissive partner, though, and would be angry if someone attempted to humiliate me, so I am not sure why I find this so exciting for masturbation purposes.

I lie on my back with my thighs and stomach tensed, press my Magic Wand firmly against my clitoris just above the tip, and wiggle it up and down.

Mostly I use my fingers on my clit and also rub them across the area inside my outer lips. Sometimes I insert a finger from the other hand, but not for the whole time. I always rub and play with my breasts on and off throughout. I use vibrators and other objects sometimes, but not that often. When I am alone, usually I masturbate as soon as the urge takes me and don’t stop to get my toys out! I mostly lie on my back but sometimes I do it standing or sitting. I’ll also sometimes watch in a mirror—all of me, including my face.

It depends on how I’m feeling at the time. Most of the time I will use my hands and just massage, teasing myself for some time. I don’t like to rush it. I like the buildup. If I’m in a hurry, I will add toys to the equation.

I have a box of toys that I take out and set beside me in bed. I have a variation on a theme that I use for self-pleasure. If it is at night I sometimes light a candle and incense. I start by putting lube on my breasts and my vulva and sometimes my anus. I begin touching myself, my breasts, my clitoris and stroke the inside of my vagina, but mostly play with and stroke my clitoris. I then put either my glass dildo or more often Betty [Dodson]’s Vaginal Barbell into my vagina. I move my hips in the Rock ’n’ Roll movement I learned in Betty’s class. I keep the barbell inside, of course, and start stimulating my breasts, mostly by touching my nipples. My right nipple seems to be more responsive than the left one. In the last ten years I have enjoyed somewhat painful stimulation to my breasts. I start with a low level and after a while begin to increase the pain to levels that I like. I use an attachment from one of my vibrators that has very soft teeth on it and I use this to stimulate my nipples. It is very pleasing and makes me very hot. I continue to play with my clitoris. I don’t do this all the time but if I’m in the mood I put clothespins on the flesh of my breasts. I put one on near my nipple. This heightens my nipple stimulation. After a while I might add more clothespins. Sometimes I add a blindfold, as this heightens my pleasure, too. Sometimes I add anal penetration. Also, I stimulate my clitoris with smooth things, like stainless-steel sex toys that have a nice ball on the end. I like the coldness. Sometimes I add more clothespins to my abdomen. The pain heightens the pleasure. What can I say? I recently purchased, through a sex store, some kind of small instrument that has a small wheel with sharp edges and something that has a point that is sharp but not too sharp. These are made for sex play, so they are not harmful to the point of breaking skin, although they might sound that way. I am still getting used to this instrument, how to use it for maximum pleasure.

I start using my vibrator when I am very excited. I use the Magic Wand on low and usually keep it on low. Every once in a while I might use the high speed, but low is my favorite. I usually take off the clothespins as I get very excited and just concentrate on my orgasm. I love the buildup of coming, and I sometimes turn off the vibrator for some seconds and turn it on again. I continue this way for a while, sometimes coming quickly, sometimes not. Sometimes I get on my stomach if I am frustrated with not coming while on my back. At times I try to come again if I have time and inclination. And sometimes many times, if I am in the mood! Also, I do masturbate when with a partner sometimes, all throughout the sexual encounter. Sometimes I use a vibrator, sometimes just my fingers.

I lie on my side, one hand resting between my legs, and I squeeze my legs (and inner muscles) much as I would as a child.

Now I mostly use a Magic Wand and a dildo. I love the feeling of my lips vibrating slightly against the dildo while the wand works my clit. It works amazingly well. I don’t always fantasize. In fact, more often than not I read and masturbate.

When I do fantasize, I work the dildo in and out of my vagina while I use the wand. It basically feels like a dick and gets me super wet. It’s the best orgasm when I do that. I like looking at GIFs of dicks sliding in and out of wet vaginas and assholes.

The orgasms by hand are almost entirely more pleasurable. The orgasms from the Hitachi do not feel entirely satisfying, probably because they build and release too quickly, and I do not really get into the arousal like I do when I touch myself.

As you can see, most women need relatively direct and steady clitoral stimulation. Outside of that? Well, there really are no particular limits, parameters, or rules. Women do it all kinds of places in all kinds of ways with all kinds of props. I hope that will both put your mind at ease and assure you that you are perfectly normal, as well as inspire you to do whatever gets you seeing stars.