After smashing that pole while drunk, I slowed down on my drinking and drug use for a while. I found time to go to my four-year-old niece's birthday party on the weekend with my family. Marilyn and her friends wanted us all to meet at the local pub, so ten of us headed over there after the birthday party. My sister and her friends got rowdy in the bar and threw popcorn. The bartender threatened to call the cops.
My sister’s friend sarcastically said to the bartender, “Okay, we'll wait right here to be arrested.”
Then the whole group ran out and escaped in their vehicles, without incident. Except me. Unfortunately, I had to wait for my old truck to warm up to drive. I made it a good ten feet before the police pulled up in front of me, pulled me out of my truck and cuffed me. I was thrown into a squad car with two cops. One cop drove while the other sat and watched me as if I were going to become violent or escape.
Once I arrived at the police station, one of the cops asked my address and said, “Ohhhh... You’re a Murphy, huh?? Lots of traffic out of that place. Your brother is Jason, right?”
“Yea,” I replied.
“I see drinking runs in the family.”
“You crazy Murphys,” another cop laughed.
The thing was that that wasn’t funny to me. We had been through a life of hell that they could never understand. It was just getting harder to hide. I thought to myself, “Someday I’m going to move to a town where my family is not known by the police.”
I was released a couple of hours later, but had a court appearance on Monday and my license revoked as they read off the list of charges. I couldn't remember doing half that stuff, but I nodded and pleaded not guilty and was released on bail.
When court finally ended, I was mandated to participate in an alcohol and drug program. Not taking it seriously, I still drank, smoked and snorted anyway. I showed up to an AA meeting drunk and was tossed out for being visibly intoxicated. I joked with the people in charge, “Hey, no one told me I couldn't go drunk! I thought it was a meeting for alcoholics.” It's safe to say they were not amused.
That night, I fell asleep and had a strange experience. Knowing I was screwing up my life and continuing to relapse, I questioned if I ever got better. In my dream I saw a vision of an angel telling me, “It will be okay. God is with you.”
This comforted me in a sense as I hoped there was a bigger and better plan out there for me.
After my DUI, my nose was in a constant bleeding state from all the coke usage. The doctor warned me to kick the drug habit or I would die soon. Terrified, I quit cold turkey and cleaned up my act during the next couple of weeks. Withdrawing was hell. It was a really bad rollercoaster of pain, hallucinations, depression and just an overall sick feeling. Eventually my body and mind got better and better. I became calm and somehow free. The feeling became euphoric after experiencing the extreme downs from the heavy withdrawals.
After thirty days, my spirit was reborn and I felt much lighter. My good friends forgave me and I even met a new girl. She occupied my time in a good way. This time I somehow managed to keep a relationship for a while. I realized I didn't need drugs and alcohol to be happy. My drinking was limited to a few beers on the weekends for social events.
Unfortunately this didn’t last long and I was off the wagon again. My girlfriend dumped me and I lost my job. I was ready to quit drinking again when my friends showed up to do some Friday night partying. We all went to a local night club. That night I did not want to go overboard. I walked into the bar and faced the dance floor when I felt a tug at my shirt. When I turned around I was awestruck by most beautiful girl I had ever seen.
She said, “You had a string on your back so I took it off.”
I responded, “Do you always go around taking strings off men you don't know?” She smiled, so I bought her a drink.
“What is your name?” I asked.
“Jody,” she answered.
After flirting all night, when the bar closed I walked her to her car and asked for a kiss. At first she said, “No,” but I insisted. We stood kissing in the rain for about five minutes.
Then my friends, whom I had forgotten had come with me, honked the horn. “Let's go, Sean. Just get her number!” Mad-Dog yelled. At first she didn’t want to give it to me. Then she wrote it on a map book I had in my truck.
I asked, “Wait, is this your real number?” I guess I didn't believe someone like her could be interested in me. Because of my years of abuse, I didn’t think I deserved a good life with a beautiful girl. I immediately knew she was different and I felt something incredible.
After that night I made a decision to quit the drugs again and I started to act like a man. I was fed up with my own excuses. I feared that Jody would find out about my past and I couldn’t afford for her to meet the old me. I needed to rewrite my story. I hadn’t had a lot of luck so far and I was only making things worse for myself with my self-destructive patterns. This could possibly be the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with and I had no intentions of messing that up. I finally cleaned up my act and fell head over heels in love. This was my motivation to move forward.
Finally clean and sober, I thought it was a good time to reconnect with Janie and tell her all about Jody. She would be proud of me for getting my life together after all. I hadn’t seen her around the house for quite some time. One afternoon in the kitchen, I asked Peggy and Marilyn, “Hey, have either of you talked to Janie in a while?”
“Sean,” Peggy said, “no one has heard from her in months. We don’t know where she is. Mom is really upset.”
“What? Is she still with Joe Lynn?” I asked. “Have you seen her friends?”
“We have tried everything,” Peggy said.
I guess as I was going through my own drinking binges, I hadn’t noticed her absence and asked if she were okay. But I knew what she was doing.
This house, this town, this family. They all reminded her of the painful memories of the past. She needed to escape. To be free from it all for a while. I felt a little twinge in my heart. I had to fight the demons alone now.
“Janie will be okay. She is strong,” I reassured them. I was the only one who knew just what she was capable of surviving.