There are only so many radioactive spiders and exploding planets out there, so over the years, some characters have gotten the short end of the stick when it comes to their origins. Here are five of the lamest superhero origins in comic book history.
1 Bouncing Boy. Bouncing Boy is Chuck Taine, who might be the only superhero whose origin entirely revolves around him being incredibly incompetent. You see, Chuck was working as the errand boy of a famous scientist when he was ordered to deliver a special new fluid to the science council. Chuck, naturally, decided to stop and watch some robots fight first (the Legion of Super-Heroes era’s equivalent of a baseball game). While at the game, Chuck accidentally drank the fluid instead of his soft drink and, voilà, superpowers! He has continued to be one of the lamest superheroes ever since.
2 Flash. Jay Garrick, the Golden Age Flash, gained the ability of superspeed when he fell asleep one night and inhaled a lot of hard water vapor. Yes, hard water vapor. So, in effect, he inhaled steam. He inhaled steam and gained superpowers out of it. Very quickly, they changed it to being heavy water vapors that he inhaled. It still does not make any sense, but it makes a lot more sense than inhaling magical steam.
3 Ultra Boy. Ultra Boy is a longtime member of the Legion of Super-Heroes and one of its most powerful members. He was a bit of a tough guy before he became a hero, but then his space speedster was swallowed by a space whale (yes, a space whale), which exposed him to radiation that gave him his powers. Guess what Ultra Boy’s real name is. Just guess. Okay, I’ll tell you. It is Jo Nah. Jo Nah, who got swallowed by a space whale. I guess Jerry Siegel (who created him) was flipping through Picture Tales from the Bible that day!
4 Black Condor. Black Condor appeared during the Golden Age for Quality Comics (DC eventually purchased him with the other Quality characters like Plastic Man). When he was a young boy, Richard Grey was traveling with his parents on a caravan in Mongolia. They were attacked by marauders, and Richard alone survived. He was then taken in by superintelligent condors who taught him how to fly. Eventually, a local hermit discovered him and taught him how to speak English. He arrived in the United States upon catching wind of an assassination attempt on Senator Thomas Wright. He showed up too late to save Wright, but coincidentally, Wright was his exact double, so he assumed Senator Wright’s identity by day and was the Black Condor by night! Raised by condors and assuming the identity of an exact double who is a senator—that’s quite a powerful combo!
5 Whizzer. Young Robert Frank was on a trip to Africa with his father, Dr. Emil Frank, when he was bitten by a cobra. Fearing for his son’s life, Dr. Frank gave his son a blood transfusion from a mongoose. This somehow gave his son the power of superspeed. Hey, it’s better than inhaling steam, right? The better question is—what’s sillier? His origin or his superhero name?