1 Howard the Duck and Beverly. I don’t believe anything can quite match the sheer horror of Lea Thompson beginning to do certain things to a giant anthropomorphic duck in bed in 1986’s Howard the Duck.
2 Return of the Swamp Thing. If there is going to be a challenger to a giant duck and a woman in bed together, it would have to be a giant plant creature and a woman. In Alan Moore’s Swamp Thing, Swamp Thing and Abby Arcane have sex in an incredibly interesting and passionate way. In one of the more brilliant issues of the series, Swamp Thing produces a tuber that Abby eats and she experiences a psychedelic journey that blows her mind. As handled by Alan Moore, Stephen Bissette. and John Totleben, it truly is magical. When they tried to adapt that idea into the film Return of the Swamp Thing, it did not translate so well. Here, Swamp Thing tells Abby (played by Heather Locklear) that he can’t give her the kind of love she wants. When she asks why not, he tells her, “Because I’m a plant.” She quickly retorts, “That’s okay, I’m a vegetarian.” They then proceed to sort of make out while she takes bites out of him, causing her to dream about having sex with a human man. Not quite as original or romantic.
3 Batman. In the 1989 film, Bruce Wayne has dinner with Vicki Vale at his mansion. She gets drunk while he is stone sober. He has sex with her anyway and then proceeds to blow her off in the morning (nice, Batman, real nice). When he goes to visit her apartment later to “apologize,” things get weirder. She berates him for treating her so badly and he responds the best way he knows how: he throws her down on her bed (literally in the middle of her telling him he is acting like a jerk) and says, “Look, you’re a really nice girl and I like you a lot but for right now, shut up.” Shady ethics, here, Batman.
4 Watchmen. This is a bit of a tough one, because while it certainly is a strange sex scene, it is translated well from the comic and the intent is that it is supposed to be strange. During the film, the ultrapowerful Doctor Manhattan is slowly losing touch with his humanity, so much so that he sends two clones of himself to have sex with his wife while he is in another room doing work. It’s undeniable that the sight of multiple blue naked guys having sex with a woman is bizarre, though it is true to the novel.
5 Watchmen again. Score two for Watchmen and awkward sex scenes. Later on in the film, Laurie tries to have sex with her friend Daniel (who is the former superhero known as Nite Owl), but Daniel cannot perform. The two then go out and save some lives in their superhero identities and once they’ve finished, they are together in Daniel’s owl-shaped aircraft and, suddenly, he’s ready to go. The two have sex and, in an incredibly cheesy gag, the flamethrower on the ship is accidentally activated in sync with the climax.