16. This Life
I don’t know whether I should laugh or shiver.
My mother plows down the long driveway from Aunt Alice’s house. It’s twenty minutes after the quote of the day involving us somehow going to hell. That was the climax of the morning as far as I’m concerned. The only thing that could have topped that would’ve been the mannequin standing up and asking me to play a game of checkers.
I’m waiting for Mom to say something.
When she does, it’s a keeper.
“Well, that brings the term dysfunctional family to a whole new level.”
We laugh. I mean really laugh.
Sometimes when life is so amazingly awful, that’s all you can do. That’s one option, at least. It’s either laugh or cry. We’ve done our share of both.
“Was she always that friendly?” I joke.
“She saw Robert. At least I got that out of her.”
“Maybe she buried him in the backyard.”
“Stop.”
“Did you smell it in there?”
“Yes.”
“That wasn’t a normal smell. That wasn’t the sort of something’s-gone-bad-in-the-garbage smell. That was the sort of Dahmer-next-door smell.”
“Stop it.”
“I’m serious,” I say.
“It’s probably just some dead animal.”
“Oh, well, in that case, it’s fine.”
My mom laughs at my sarcasm. “I didn’t realize—I didn’t know she was like that.”
“What do you mean?” I ask. “You didn’t realize Aunt Alice was completely whacked?”
“Stop.”
“This was fun. Can’t wait to meet some more relatives.”
“Chris—”
“I’m not even going to say it.”
“Then don’t.”
But of course I do. “I don’t get why we came back here.”
“I thought you weren’t going to say it.”
“Did I say that? Sorry, my thought spoke out loud.”
“We’ve had this conversation a hundred times.”
“And a hundred times, I keep getting the wrong answers.”
“There’s no right answer I can give you,” Mom tells me.
“Sure there is.”
“No. Because all you want to hear is that we’re leaving this place. And that’s not going to happen. We’re staying.”
“Even if that means we’re going to hell?”
“Your Aunt Alice has some issues.”
“You think?”
“Chris, be respectful.”
“This just keeps getting better.”
“What?”
“Everything. This place. This life.”
“Stop it.”
“I can’t wait to get home and find out that the authorities are coming to get me. Maybe I’ll be placed under house arrest. Or better yet, confined to stay a month with Aunt Alice.”
Even though my mother doesn’t want to, she laughs.
That’s all either of us can do.