50. All My Maybes

Maybe I don’t want to learn anymore.

Maybe I don’t want to try and fight.

Maybe I want to go to bed without a worry in my head or my heart.

Maybe I just want to forget about Jocelyn.

Maybe this pastor is a quack, but aren’t most of the pastors out there?

Maybe I should just throw the rest of those emails away and never think about them again.

Maybe I should realize that Jocelyn is gone and Uncle Robert is gone and Mom is basically gone, just like Dad, and I’m on my own.

Maybe I should bolt up my curiosity just like I bolted up that piece of wallboard in the bathroom cabinet downstairs.

Maybe the wind wouldn’t sound as menacing if I didn’t have a dozen other things to worry about.

Maybe I need to just stop, drop, and roll.

Maybe all my maybes will eventually start turning to gibberish.

Maybe I need some sleep.

Maybe it will come.