The drama seems to die down for a while.
I guess I should rephrase that, since I don’t want to use the word die anymore.
The drama goes away.
But Lily doesn’t. She remains nearby.
And my feelings toward her—these wild and uncontrollable urges inside of me—only continue to grow.
There are reasons for that.
And they’re not all because she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve seen around here since …
Don’t.
No.
Lily is more than a pretty face.
She also seems to be the only one around here interested in taking care of me. Not interested in what I’m doing and why or where I’m doing it. But just interested in how I’m doing.
Period.
There are others but you just don’t want to think about them.
I silence this voice by putting black duct tape on its mouth. I don’t want to think about anybody else. I just want to focus on Lily.
I lose track of how often we text each other. We’ll talk on the phone and I’ll drive out to see her, but the rest of the time I’m constantly sharing random thoughts with her.
I still don’t know what “we” are or if we’re anything at all. I know she’s expressed feelings—well, some feelings at least. She’s even kissed me. But there hasn’t been that thing that I keep wondering (hoping) will come. The moment when I stop being the little boy hanging around with her.
You never had a chance with Jocelyn because she was gone in a blink.
I don’t want to think that, but it’s true.
I don’t want to waste time with Lily. So I’m not.
Yet—I still don’t know how she feels toward me. Besides liking me and my company. Which is all fine.
But.
I’m just not sure.
But wait. Didn’t you say the drama was gone?
Maybe I’m doomed to be surrounded by drama. Even if it’s of my own making.