I’m sitting on the steps leading up to our house, not wanting to go inside, not wanting to stay out here. I’m shivering, but I’m not cold. I’m breathing fast, but I’m standing still.
I’m not sure how long I’ve been outside.
I’m not sure of anything.
Then again, when have I been sure of anything since arriving here?
I don’t hear the car engine, but I do hear the door shutting somewhere below in the dark. I just sit and wait. If they’ve come to get me—the bad guys or the shrinks or the priests—then so be it. Let them.
But instead I see an angel walking up my driveway.
She wears shorts and a tank top and she holds her arms as if she’s cold. When she reaches the edge of where I’m sitting, she just stares at me.
If I could have any superpower, it would be to read the minds of girls. Then and only then I’d be indestructible.
She walks closer to me and reaches out to take my hands.
Suddenly I’m not thinking of the house up the road. Or the mother up the stairs. Or great freaking gramps hovering around somewhere. Or anything else except these soft hands touching mine, then touching my cheeks, then holding my head gently and moving it toward hers.
Lily doesn’t say anything as she leans over and kisses me.
I kiss her back and try to make up for the lost kisses I’ve wanted and dreamed about. To make up for the lost time I’ve spent avoiding her for some reason I couldn’t honestly tell her.
As I reach out in hungry teenage desperation, Lily moves away for a moment and then whispers to me.
“Chris—let’s take it slow.”
I nod, but I don’t want to wait on anything anymore, including this.
“Just—give it time,” she says. “Not now, not tonight.”
But then she kisses me as if to make a promise.
I wish I could make the kiss last the night.
“I don’t want to leave you tonight,” Lily tells me, looking down at me in a way that I haven’t seen before.
Not trying to look glamorous or sexy or seductive. But looking just like—like a girl who’s a bit lost and even more confused.
“I thought—”
“Just because I said I want to take it slow doesn’t mean I don’t want to stay with you.”
I’m not sure how to answer this because—well, this hasn’t really happened before.
“Can I sit next to you?” she asks.
And I feel like a moron, apologizing and then moving over so she can fit next to me on the step. I see her shiver, and I put my arm around her. Lily leans into me and gets comfortable.
“Yeah, just like that,” she says. “Is this okay?”
I nod, suddenly feeling like—like somebody. Like a man. Like a protector.
“I want to just stay like this for a long time,” Lily says softly.
“Me too.”
So we do.