It’s not something we plan, but then again, it’s the only way I’ve wanted Lily to walk into Harrington High on her first official day.
I remember just how lonely I felt walking through those doors and into those hallways. Granted, Lily’s the sort of girl who should never, ever feel lonely, simply because so many guys are going to want to talk to her. But after picking her up on my bike and driving her to school, we enter the building holding hands like those lovesick couples who seem attached at the hip. It’s actually Lily’s idea, taking my hand and laughing and then proceeding to walk in with me.
It’s a great feeling. Knowing that there’s someone there beside me to take the blow of having to come back here for a whole other year.
The guys are all looking at us. So are the girls. Basically, everybody is interested in the new girl.
Before reaching my locker, a locker that’s in a new place this year, I spot someone that I’ve somehow managed to forget about.
Kelsey smiles at first, but then sees Lily by my side.
Then Lily says she has to go. And she gives me a nice little peck on my cheek.
Someone bumps into Kelsey, but she doesn’t look around. She just keeps staring at me.
I want to say hello and say something—ask how her summer’s gone—but she’s a bit too far away. And by the time I reach into my locker and put my bag and books away, she’s gone.
That dance at prom with her seems like years ago.
That guy dancing with her seems long gone.
I discover that Harris is in three of my classes, which is great. I’ve seen Brick several times—the first time getting a nice bear hug from him. I’ve even seen Roger and Shawn and said hello.
Tiny steps. Or baby steps, they say.
This year will be endurable.
Right?
But then midway through the day, I find something that seems like—well, that seems like a typical Harrington High experience.
I roll my eyes and sigh.
It’s an envelope
of course
that opens up to a letter
naturally
that’s handwritten and mysterious
would it be anything else
and that’s signed at the bottom by Poe.
I stop and look at the name. Yes, it’s from Poe. I recognize her handwriting.
You can delete emails but you’re going to have to physically throw this sucker away.
My heart is beating faster and I look around to see if Poe is anywhere near. Not because of Lily—no, it’s because—there’s a hope that she’s around because—I don’t know. I’d just like to know she’s around.
I read the letter immediately. No more of this secret, spy-like behavior. I’m done with that.
Chris!!??
Where are you and what are you doing?
I sent this to the only person I could think of who I know has your back and used to have mine. Hint, it’s not a she. And boy does he love his M&Ms.
I’ve tried several times to email you this summer. I tried calling a couple of times but then gave up.
What is happening with you? Are you okay?
I did something stupid this summer. I actually spoke to someone who is affiliated with the FBI. I didn’t tell her everything. Or anything, actually. I just sorta tested the waters. But in the following week, I swear someone started to follow me. I’m paranoid. Dad had something bad happen at work, but maybe it was just coincidence—I don’t know.
I haven’t given up, but I just—I have no idea what’s happening with you. Are you in trouble? Please—just contact me somehow. Just to let me know you’re okay.
Poe
The letter makes me angry. Not because of what Poe said, but because I’ve ignored her for so long.
Some friend you’ve been, huh?
I feel guilty.
You can try to bury the past but it will never go away.
I’m heading to class when I see Kelsey again. She looks more tanned than I remember her being. And where are her glasses?
She spots me and looks away, brushing her hair and quickly moving with the group she’s with. I’m not about to chase her down. I don’t have art this year, and so far she’s not been in any of my classes.
You’re already feeling bad about Poe, don’t go feeling bad for Kelsey too.
I really don’t want to feel bad. I want to be a new person and let things go. I’m older—I’m seventeen. A lot has happened that neither of the girls knows about.
Lily spots me and comes by and gives me a hug.
Things are different now. The story has changed.
I really want to believe that.
But somehow, I don’t think I can.