I see the two of them walking down a dirt road, holding hands. Looking at each other and laughing. They’re younger and happier. They’re my parents. And they still love each other.
They look back at me and then wait.
“Come on.”
They wave me on, and I start running up the hill.
There is a spot in between them where I belong.
I keep running, and running, and running.
But I can’t get to them.
And soon they just turn their backs and keep walking.
Except they start walking in opposite directions, making me scream out to them to turn back around and wait a minute and just hold on …
I’m nudged in the seat and look up to see Lily standing there. I’m in the hospital room in Asheville where I rode in the ambulance with my mom. She’s still in bed sleeping, though it looks like there’s sunlight behind the closed blinds.
“Are you okay?” Lily whispers.
“Yeah.” I stand up and motion to the door.
We walk down the hall and out to the main waiting area. Lots of doctors and nurses are walking around this morning. I had texted Lily last night and told her what happened in a nutshell. I tell her everything again but don’t have much more to add.
“She’s fine?”
“I guess,” I say. Which is true because I’m not sure how to define “fine.”
I don’t think Mom is fine or will be for some time.
“Can we just go?”
“Go where?” Lily asks.
“I don’t know. Anywhere. I just want you to take me somewhere.”
We’re standing on the front lawn of the massive Biltmore Mansion, and I seriously am feeling like I’ve entered another universe.
Maybe that’s Lily’s whole point in bringing me here.
“Are we going inside?”
She shakes her head. “Only if you want to.”
We actually waited until nine o’clock to pay and drive onto the massive estate. We’re walking over toward the place called the Italian Gardens, where pools and lawns are connected and hidden by walls of stone and shrubs. As we walk, Lily takes my hand.
“Imagine that this place is ours.”
All I can do is laugh.
“No, seriously. Come on.”
“Okay,” I say.
“We’ve been married a year. This is our estate.”
“Really?”
I look at her, her long hair pulled back in a ponytail this morning, her workout pants and shirt still making her look incredible.
“What?” Lily asks.
“Well, if we were married—”
“Stop. Do guys all have a one-track mind?”
“Well, I’m just being honest.”
She stops for a minute. “And that’s all I am to you, huh? Some pretty face with long legs?”
“I never said that.”
“What do you like about me—about me—the me part that’s below the surface?”
“I like how you take control.”
She seems to like my quick answer. “Okay.”
“And I like how you’re confident in, well, pretty much everything.”
“Not always.”
“A lot more than I am.”
“You should be confident, Chris. Really. You have everything going for you.”
“Oh, yeah, of course. I mean, my family life is crazy and just getting crazier. But sure—I have everything going for me.”
“I mean you. Nobody else but you.”
We find a bench to sit on in front of a pond. Lily sits toward me with one leg folded into the other.
“I really mean that, Chris. You know—I’ve met some real losers in my life. I’ve dated some too. You’re different. You really are.”
“Why? Different can be bad.”
“You’re just—you’re a gentle soul.”
This sounds ridiculous. “Oh, okay.”
“I’m serious.”
“Look—I’m not always gentle. I can be rough.”
Lily looks at me and shakes her head. “Oh, okay,” she repeats.
“I’m serious, too.”
“Maybe I need something gentle in my life. Hmm? What do you think about that?”
She places a finger over my hand and rubs the tiny hairs on it. Then she turns my hand over and does the same on my lines.
“Going to read my future?” I ask.
“Yes.”
“Okay—go ahead. What do you see?”
“Hmm—I see you happy. Yes, I see Chris Buckley finally happy. Smiling in the sun—laughing even.”
I think of that snapshot that I found—that I was given—the one that faded.
It’s just a coincidence that’s all.
“What’d I say?”
“Nothing. Keep going.”
“I see love in your future. A love that surprises you.”
“Really?” I smile. “So do you see yourself there?”
“No.”
I fold up my hand. “Ouch.”
“Those two things don’t go together.”
“What don’t?”
“Happiness and me.”
“I’m happy right now.”
“I only bring temporary happiness, Chris. That’s all. And for now, for you—that’s okay. But you need more. You definitely need more than I can bring.”
“Stop—what—why are you saying that?”
“I’m just being honest.”
I shake my head and take her hand. “Lily, you make me very happy.”
“You need someone—you need someone like that cute blonde at the party. What’s her name?”
“Kelsey.”
“Yes, Kelsey. I can see her in your future.”
“I’m not interested in Kelsey,” I say. “I’m interested in you.”
“I know. And sometimes—that’s just not the best thing, Chris.”
I look at her and have no idea what she’s talking about. “I can’t think of anything better.”
She smiles and then looks away. I want to ask what she’s thinking, but I don’t. I don’t because it looks serious and sad and I don’t want any of that, not this morning.
“Come on—let’s check out the grounds,” Lily says, standing and pulling me up too.
“I liked sitting there with you.”
“I know,” she says with a nod. “I was liking it too. And that—that could be trouble.”
“So what? A little more trouble in my world won’t matter. I’d like that kind of trouble.”
She looks at me for a moment as if she’s considering something, as if she’s actually contemplating my words. But then she just starts walking.
Naturally, I follow.