I’m not exactly sure who is having this party. Harris thinks it’s a freshman, and I feel sorry for the kid when I get there, because his averaged-sized two-story house on the corner lot is being destroyed. Inside and out. This isn’t like the nice little chaperoned get-togethers that Ray used to have. This is an out-of-control party just waiting for the cops to arrive.
Cops to arrive.
It’s a funny thought.
Somehow I want to stick around to see it happen.
But as it turns out, something else happens.
Someone else arrives on the scene.
I should’ve known that a nice night out would have to be ruined. How in the world could I possibly be granted a good night’s rest after a fun time out?
“Chris, we need to talk.”
It’s Lily, looking stressed and serious and very un-made-up for a night out. She’s in jeans and a blouse with a jeans coat over it, her hair up in a ponytail. Of course she still looks striking, as always, but she’s dressed like she just woke up and threw on the first things she could find.
At first I shake my head and try to walk around her. I know Harris told her I’d be here, of course. It’s okay. I figured she’d be here tonight. I just expected her to be a little more like her flashy self.
I feel a tug on my shirt, and I stop and turn.
“Chris, I need to talk to you. Now.”
I sigh. “Maybe you should talk to someone else. Like—I don’t know—the guy you were hanging out with. But I guess he wasn’t really the talkative type, huh?”
She curses at me and then grabs my shirt in the front and jerks me forward.
“Just shut up, okay, and stop with all this. You need to follow me outside right now.”
She’s talking up close to me, but in a manner that I haven’t seen before.
I nod.
Yeah, I’m not messing around with her. Not with that look.
I follow her outside of the mayhem that’s not going to last much longer. Several guys run by holding beers in both of their hands. Others are outside on the lawn in costumes. Somewhere back in the house is Harris.
“Did you drive?” she asks.
“No.”
“I parked down the street.”
“What do you—”
“I mean it, Chris, just shut up and come with me.”
We walk down the street past a few houses. I get into her car and she starts it, looking all around us as she does. Then she heads down the street.
We’re in the car for a few minutes before she decides to talk.
“I’m going to drive somewhere—I don’t know where—just far away, okay?”
I nod. I’m suddenly a little worried. I don’t think that it’s just a Chris-Lily thing, not anymore.
She gets on the highway heading toward Asheville. The stillness is like an itch I can’t scratch. I see her turn off on an exit that says Blue Ridge Parkway, then we drive for another five or ten minutes before reaching a small parking lot. She turns off the car and then opens her door, quickly climbing out into the cool night.
I follow, wondering if this is going to be some kind of dramatic, romantic gesture in the dark. Or if she’s a psycho killer who’s finally had enough of me.
We reach a short stone wall about three feet tall. Below it is just darkness that descends. I’m sure on a bright and sunny day the view from here is spectacular.
She breathes in and out as we stand facing each other, the cool breeze blowing against us. I can see the moon shining bright and it makes me think of that song that I danced to with Kelsey.
Maybe I’m a lucky guy who’s really unlucky with girls. I don’t know.
“Chris—this—I just can’t believe how sick I feel,” Lily says. “I haven’t been this nervous about something for a long time.”
Nervous about what? Is she pregnant with our child? Which would be funny since we were never even together.
She sighs and rubs her hands together. My eyes have adjusted to the moonlit parking lot we’re in. I can see her clearly, that face still so beautiful, those eyes still so striking.
“I’m not sure how to say this, but I’m just going to tell you everything, okay?”
“Okay,” I say.
“Just hear me out before you start—saying whatever, okay? Before you start asking questions. Do you understand?”
“Sure.”
She nods and then decides to sit on the stone wall, taking my hands in hers and then guiding me to sit down across from her. She releases my hands even though I don’t want her to.
“Chris—back in May, I was—well, let me back up. Last New Year’s Eve my boyfriend, the guy you saw me with—twice actually—broke up with me. He’s nothing but garbage. Nothing but bad news to me. Everybody around me has told me that, and I know it’s true. But—well, it’s been hard. He left me. Just totally left me with nothing and nobody.”
Already I have questions, but I keep my mouth shut.
“By this springtime, I was pretty desperate. There’s a lot of stuff you don’t need to know about—some of my bad habits that cost a lot of money. Well, come April and May, I was desperate. And I met someone who offered me a job.”
I nod, trying not to think. It’s better when I don’t think.
“The guy’s name was Staunch. That Staunch. Yeah. Your neighbor. The guy who owns half of this town.”
“You’re working for Staunch?”
Whatever I might have expected, it’s not that.
“Just—listen. Okay? Yeah, I’ve been working for him. He hired me to come to summer school, to come to high school. He hired me, Chris, for you.”
“For me? Why?”
“So you could fall for me.”
Blank.
“And just—look, when he met me—it wasn’t even him, it was someone who worked for him, someone looking for someone like me, I was desperate and didn’t know where to turn. And I’m still in that boat, Chris. I didn’t move here with my mom. I don’t even know exactly where my mom is. I have ideas, but it doesn’t matter. My father bailed a long time ago. It’s a long, sad soap opera that you don’t need to hear.”
Still blank.
“They set up this meeting with Mr. Staunch. He comes in here with all this money and with the promise of a better life for me. And all I had to do was make you start liking me. Nothing too serious, that’s what they said. Just something that will ‘keep a teenager’s mind occupied.’ His exact words.”
Raging fire replacing the blankness.
“So you’re not …” but I can’t even complete what I’m saying.
“My name is Lillian, Chris. Lily, Lillian, whatever. I’m twenty-four years old. I look older because, you know what? I am older. They chose me because I can act young and fit in.”
She looks older because she is older.
I’m an idiot. And I just—I don’t want to be here anymore.
I want to be back on that dance floor with Kelsey.
No, I take that back. I want to be back in Libertyville, back at school as a junior, back when none of this happened. Back when I was normal.
“Chris—the part of this that makes me sick—the you and me part—that’s real. Everything that’s happened between us—I mean it when I say you’re a great guy. A special guy. And I swear—I expected to find just another guy wanting what all men want. But you—you were different. Even after everything happened. Or almost happened.”
I try to swallow, but my throat is so dry and raw. I feel like throwing up.
“They were going to pay me for a year. And with everything happening back in Atlanta—that seemed too good to be true.”
I feel dizzy.
Dizzy with lies and deceit.
“Everything was going great until Kurt came back and I messed up, Chris. I messed up.”
“Messed up?”
My words are slow, just like my brain and heart and soul. Slow to grasp.
“I should have never—I should have been more careful,” Lily says. “But then my ex found me and told me he loved me and all that, and I gave in. Just like I always did. You weren’t supposed to see that, Chris.”
“Sorry I messed up your plans.”
She shakes her head, looking at me. “Listen to me—you can—you deserve to hate my guts for lying to you and messing with your mind. But you have to understand—the stuff I’ve told you, about the rose tattoo and you getting that card. Nobody knows about that. Only Kurt. And he has nothing to do with them, with Staunch. After you got shot and then suddenly seemed fine, I knew that there was something strange and crazy going on here. And now I’m afraid they’re going to do something else. Maybe try and hurt Kurt. Or maybe hurt me.”
“No,” I tell her.
“No what?”
“That’s not going to happen.”
I still have no idea how to wrap my thoughts around this—this lie. But she’s not going to die because of this and because of me.
“Why did Staunch want us together?”
“They didn’t tell me, and I didn’t ask,” Lily says. “They just said to show a teenager some fun. But like I said, keep leading you on. They didn’t want things to get to the next level.”
I laugh. “Of course not. I mean, sure, lie and hire some girl to be with me. But not really be with me, because of course that would be far too kind for them, wouldn’t it?”
“Chris—”
“So you’re just like some hooker they got off the street.”
She looks at me as if I’ve just slapped her in the face. Her face grows grim and her lips tighten.
“I guess I deserve that,” she says.
All I can think to do is curse. I shake my head and look around me. “Why’d you bring me out here to tell me this?”
“I don’t want them knowing about this.”
“This is crazy,” I say, laughing, standing up and walking a few steps away from her.
Some of the pieces seem to fall into place.
I told myself I wouldn’t trust someone after Jared and what happens? Huh?
“Chris,” she says, standing and walking up toward me.
“Please don’t touch me. Like, ever again. You got that?”
She nods and waits for me to say something.
“And that other guy? Who you said was your father? Who was that?”
“The guy who first found me, someone who works for Staunch.”
This is beyond ridiculous. Beyond mean. Beyond anything I can think of.
“Why would you do something like this?” I ask.
“Because there are worse things I could do for money,” Lily says. “And I’m not going there.”
“Wow, you deserve a medal.”
This time Lily curses at me.
“But—why?” I ask. That’s all I want to know.
“Why what?”
“Why did they hire you?”
“I told you, they wanted me to—”
“I know that, but why? What’s the point been?”
“They wouldn’t say. They just wanted me to keep you preoccupied. To keep tabs on you. To have you enjoy things.”
“And then what? Were they going to pay you to marry me? Then send you away before the honeymoon?”
“I don’t know.”
I curse and look up at the sky.
This place is just bonkers.
“Listen, if you want answers, I know how we can get them,” Lily tells me.
I shake my head.
“Brick sometimes like to brag about things in front of me. He once told me he had major dirt on Staunch. I asked what it was and how he knew, but he wouldn’t say. But I don’t think he was lying just to impress me. Maybe—maybe he has some kind of info on Staunch that we could use.”
“That ‘we’ could use?”
“That you could use,” she says.
“Why, then? Why were you going to go ahead and, you know. After they said not to. Just to lead me on. Did you feel that sorry for me?”
She grabs one of my hands again and places it in her own. “Chris—Chris! Look at me. Please. I’m not the monster here. I—I think you’re adorable. I really do.”
“Gee, thanks. Where’s my ticket to Disney World?”
“Stop it. I told you—I was in love—I’m still in love. And love doesn’t go away. Sometimes your heart doesn’t stop bleeding, either, once it’s broken. Sometimes your heart just keeps swimming in that dark pool. Unable to see anything. Unable to breathe. But somehow in some way continuing to beat.”
“So then you went and broke mine?”
Lily shakes her head. “No, I didn’t break your heart. I hurt your pride. And ended a flirtatious thing. But love—it’s more than that.”
“And you think you know?”
“Love is allowing someone to come back after they break you. Love is giving everything to someone. Love is being unafraid. Love is not sex. That is part of the greater picture, but never all of it.”
I stare at her.
“You’re still a kid. I’ve never met a seventeen-year-old so sharp, but you still are a teen.”
“You have no idea,” I say.
“I don’t. But I do know this.”
“What?”
“You’re sweet,” Lily says.
“I don’t want to be sweet.”
“But you are. And you’re special. Something big is going to happen sometime down the road. It involves Staunch and that icky pastor and it involves you. That’s all I know.”
I close my eyes while she’s still standing there, holding onto my hands, squeezing them now.
“Chris, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for lying. It’s been—it’s grown far too easy for me. But no more lies, okay? I promise you. I’ll tell you anything and do anything. I just—I’m afraid something bad might happen if they feel I’m no longer doing my job. I mean—you won’t even talk to me since Kurt came around.”
I sigh. I’m angry, but I’m also confused and tired.
Yet I know I’m not going to do anything that manages to get her hurt or killed. I just won’t.
“What do you want me to do?” I ask her.
“Forgive me.”
She hugs me, and I finally manage to put my arms around her. But everything about her and about this is different.
I’ve been so stupid for what—how many months? Since June, right?
What do you guys want with me? And why send someone in to simply get my mind off things?
I have this scary thought. This sick thought.
All of this—everything bad that’s happened—has come after my run-in with Marsh and my dare to God to come and hunt me down.
Maybe God decided I wasn’t worth it anymore and took His ball and went back home.
Leaving me in the dark with liars and thieves and murderers.
Leaving me in the dark.