At the place where the dirt road leading to our cabin starts, I tell Lily to drop me off. She tells me to be in touch. I just nod and get out of the car and then begin walking back home in the dark.
It’s a short walk, but it feels like the longest walk of my life.
I’m still too shocked—bewildered—freaked out—to shed a tear. I don’t want to shed a tear for Lily.
Yet my own thoughts and actions betray me as well.
Would you have “fallen” so hard if she had weighed two hundred pounds and had pimples?
I want to be angry, but I fell for a fantasy.
They wanted me to fall for another Jocelyn.
They knew I’d fall for another gorgeous girl.
You’re an idiot to have thought it could happen twice.
Maybe I’ll keep walking past my cabin and up to Staunch’s place. I’ll just wave my hands and tell him to take me, the joke’s over, the game is done, he’s won.
Take me and then what?
Is there some special, secret throne I need to sit on? Where the rats will come nibble on my legs and take turns gnawing on my face and then I’ll slowly grow crazy like that possessed king in The Two Towers?
I start to wonder about everything else that’s happened.
Can I trust Mom? And Dad?
What about people like Harris? Or Brick? Or that whole sham of a summer school?
All I can think of is one person who I feel I can trust.
The same person I danced with tonight, a dance that made me forget.
I look at the moon and wish and hope that Kelsey is thinking of me.
If only she knew what kind of jackass I am.
Maybe she already does. But maybe she’s okay with that.
Lily said that if things continue to appear like it’s over between us—and if Staunch decides she’s not worth keeping around—then she’s in trouble. I wonder if someone like Kelsey could be in trouble as well.
Lies, lies, and more lies.
That’s all I’ve gotten since coming to this cursed place. This cursed and damned and demented place.
Now I have to play their game. I have to suddenly start lying myself. Maybe that will be the only way I’ll find out what their grand plan is. And how I can escape it.
Dad is up when I get back home. He’s got his reading glasses on, but the book in his lap is closed. He greets me with a tired “Hi, Chris.”
I say hi and then go to the fridge to get something to drink. I’m sweaty even though it’s not hot outside.
Suddenly I have an urge to ask Dad something, so I go and sit across from him.
“Can I ask you a question?” I say, just to make sure I have his attention.
“Yes.”
“Have you ever lied to me? Like—ever? About anything?”
Dad looks confused but immediately shakes his head. “No.”
“No, look—I’m serious. Like recently—with Mom and the whole faith thing and North Carolina and your job. Have you ever once lied to me? About anything?”
“No.”
“Do you swear?”
“Chris, I promise you. I haven’t lied. I don’t know what I’d lie to you about. Where’s this coming from?”
I nod and stand up. “It’s nothing—just life. Just this dark creepy place we live in.”
“Who lied to you?”
“Everyone. At least that’s what it seems.”
“You know you can trust me. At least I hope you know that.”
I nod and say yeah.
I know that now.