103. Now We Are Free

You know that feeling you have when you think something’s about to happen, but it hasn’t happened just yet? That feeling you get, like a silent buzz going off all around you? If you were a superhero it would be your Spidey sense, but unfortunately you’re not exactly a hero and you’re really not super.

But you are ready.

Ready to take on the world, right?

That’s what the guy speaking to all you graduates is talking about. You’re thankful it’s not Pastor Marsh. That’s the absolute last thing you’d need right now: a motivational speech by that guy. Yet in your cap and gown, as you sit on a chair, not really paying attention to the Mr. Believe-in-Your-Dreams guy, you have a feeling that Marsh is somewhere behind you. You know Staunch is, because Gus is graduating. Staunch and Marsh are probably sitting together, playing hangman on the graduation brochure.

The letters spell out CHRISTOPHER BUCKLEY.

The man talking about following your dreams doesn’t get that you want to get far, far away from your dreams. Because people die and get suffocated in your dreams. Nope, no dreams for you.

You glance back and see her, the lighthouse that never shuts off in this foggy sea. She catches you looking back and shines a smile your way.

It reminds you that so far, everything is good.

It’s May 19, and so far, everything is fine.

You haven’t decided what college to go to and you haven’t sold your soul to the Devil.

So far so good.

Your mom is sitting behind you too, waiting to see you walk across the small stage in this gym, the same gym you had prom in a week earlier. Your name will be called, and you’ll receive a piece of paper that tells you you’re finally free. Dad couldn’t be here, and it’s okay because this isn’t the important event he needs to be at.

Dad needs to be there when you and Mom get back home.

Back in Libertyville, you probably wouldn’t have felt so joyous. You would have been joking with the guys and planning how to celebrate. But now you feel like the guy at the end of Gladiator. No, not the main hero whose corpse ends up being brought out of the stadium, but his friend who talks about finally being free.

The kids around you don’t understand. Not even Kelsey.

Your parents have a slight understanding, but not really.

Marsh and Staunch—well, they might understand the most, but they don’t care in the least.

No, you’ve been a prisoner here for long enough.

Today you’re not just graduating.

Today you’re being set free.

You take that slip of paper but know that you’ve learned far more around these classrooms than inside of them.

You celebrate with the rest of the students, but not really.

When it’s finally time and you’ve said good-bye to high school, you do the thing that matters most.

You find Kelsey and hug her and stay at her side.

You’re going to keep doing this until May turns to June and then maybe, hopefully, if God allows it to happen, you will truly be set free when you leave this solitary place forever.