130. True Faith

All these deaths, yet this is the first funeral I’ve been to.

We’re at a small church just outside of North Carolina, about half an hour away from Solitary. Mom said that her parents attended this church years ago, but really, I think she just wanted a church far away from this town. A church specifically out of North Carolina.

There’s only a handful of people here. There’s not much to say. Even Mom doesn’t want to say anything about her brother. I guess when things end up the way they did, there’s nothing to say. But there is a body to lay to rest.

Kelsey and her parents are by my side. Dad is here as well.

As we stand around the grave site, I stare at a tall figure in black who looks like a widow grieving her husband. Heidi Marsh is in fact grieving, but the tears on her face are for the wrong guy. At least, the wrong guy technically.

I can’t help but think of Jocelyn and the makeshift gravestone I made for her. She deserved so much more.

There are others I think of too. Lily, of course. Wild Lily who proved to be yet another sad surprise in this scary town. She didn’t deserve to die like that. Nobody does.

When the pastor prays his final prayer, I feel tears falling down my face. They’re not just for my uncle; they’re for all those who died. For what? For what purpose?

I remember Iris’s words: There has been a great war going on. Over you, Chris. Not just with those you’ve been able to see. But with those whom you’ve just started to see.

When the last amen is uttered, I grip Kelsey’s hand.

I continue to thank God for her, for saving her life and sparing mine.

I never want to stop thanking Him, either.

“Chris?”

I stop and turn to see Heidi Marsh looking at me from behind large black sunglasses and a wide black hat. I know enough to know that no matter how big a hat or shades might be, they can’t keep out the hurt.

Heidi has got to be torn in pieces. Yet she still looks like the movie star she did when I first met her.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” she says.

My loss?

I shake my head. “I don’t—I’m not—”

But my teenage tongue gets the best of me. After all this, some pretty lady still makes my mouth get all gooey.

“He spoke very highly of you and always did,” Heidi says. “You surprised him by being the man he was afraid to be.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

Heidi takes off her shades to show bloodshot, swollen eyes.

“You made the night finally go away,” she tells me, her long hands holding onto my wrists. “You stood up for something good. You stood strong. You kept your faith.”

I fight tears.

No, not in front of her. I’m a man, I can take it, I can be strong.

“Don’t ever lose that part of you,” Heidi continues. “Your uncle … I think he was a lot like you, at least when he was younger. But he let it slip away. He let it get away, and he knew it. Because when he looked at you it was like looking in a mirror.”

The tears are falling again. I wipe them away but know I can’t hide them.

“Robert always wanted—always hoped—that one day I’d be able to leave this place. He’s finally getting his wish, thanks to you.”

I nod, feeling sad and full and unsure what to say.

Heidi gives me a hug, and I smell her flowery perfume. Then she walks away.

I catch up to Mom and Kelsey and the others. I peek at the figure in black walking back to her car.

I wonder how soon I’ll be following her out of this place.