37. The Terrible Beauty of Being a Teen

It’s something like this:

“How’s it going?”

“Okay.”

“How’s Mom?”

“Fine.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“And how’s school?”

“Okay.”

“Are you in track?”

“Just started.”

“What about driver’s ed?”

“Been going for three weeks. A few more to go.”

“That’s not bad.”

“No.”

“Staying out of trouble?”

“No way.”

“Tell Mom to give me a call. When she can. Okay?”

“Sure.”

“Take care, okay? I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay.”

“And Chris? Be on the lookout for something I’m sending in the mail. Just a little something. Okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

I hang up the phone and then wipe tears off my cheeks. Not that anybody’s going to see me crying. I don’t even feel bad for crying. It just sorta happened the moment I started lying to Dad.

But I have no choice.

In something like sixteen months, the man who I couldn’t stand is now the very person I wish would come and rescue me. But when I was in Chicago, look what happened. Uncle Robert had to come find me and tell me to come back or else. Or else something would happen to Mom.

I can’t mess up this time.

So once again I just act like a typical teenager with little to say and little to feel. Dad hasn’t been around me much my whole life so he doesn’t know me. Kelsey knows me better than he does. Maybe even someone like Pastor Marsh knows me better.

So as I lied on the phone and deliberately made it a short and simple conversation, my mind and heart and soul all screamed to be heard.

To be found. To be taken away.

Dad has no clue.

Just because a kid doesn’t say much doesn’t mean there’s not much going on inside.

That’s the awful truth about being a seventeen-year-old boy.

One more year and I become a man, right?

But it happened a long time ago.

I’m just awfully good at faking the whole not-much-going-on thing.

There’s too much going on, Dad. Can’t you read my mind?

I force myself to stop crying, not because I’m a seventeen-year-old man. But because it’s not going to get me anywhere.

I need to devise a plan. Starting now.

February is almost here, and that means that May 28 will be here soon.

I need to figure out what to do.

And who can help.