61. Serious

I’m here at New Beginnings Church because Mr. Meiners told me it would be too soon to come to their Sunday service. He said he’ll be in touch.

That’s what everybody says these days.

I’ll be in touch.

Cue the menacing “Muahaha!”

I’m here sitting in a chair and listening to music in order to see Pastor Marsh afterward.

That means I have to stomach another one of his twenty-minute talks.

Today he’s talking about taking control of your life. A nice self-help pep talk that he probably copied from Dr. Phil.

Yeah, I watch television too.

But as Marsh talks and sounds so sickeningly sincere, I figure something out.

This guy wants one thing and one thing only.

Control.

And the fact that he grew up around here and then came back means that he figured out he could have a little control in a little place for a little man. He couldn’t find it out in the big bad world so he decided to come back to this little bad town.

And he wants me because he thinks he can control me.

Marsh can’t control Kinner. He probably doesn’t even have a clue who and what Kinner really is. But little old Chris Buckley—there’s someone he can control. Just like his little old wife.

So make him believe he can control me. That will be the trade-off.

His control—the idea that he is in control—versus making sure that Kelsey is okay.

Making sure that Kelsey stays okay.

When the music starts playing to signal the end of the service, I already know exactly what I’m going to say to the good old pastor.

“I’ll do whatever you want me to do.”

He’s got his smug politician’s smirk on his face and doesn’t seem to blink at my comment. “It’s good to see you, Chris. As always.”

“I’m serious.”

“You always are.”

“I just want to make sure that one thing happens.”

He glances around and keeps smiling. Marsh definitely has a better way of being a fake around other people than someone like Staunch does.

Then again, everybody is scared of Staunch. People aren’t supposed to be afraid of the pastor.

“Perhaps we can talk about this at another time?”

“I want you to protect her.”

His face grows grim for a second as he seems to slip to another place. But that’s just for a second. Someone comes up and talks to him, and I just wait. I stand there and wait and don’t even think about leaving. When the pastor is finished he stares at me again.

“I will do my best.”

“No,” I say. “No, I need to know that she is going to be okay. I’m sorry, but I don’t think your best means anything.”

“Some things are out of my control, Chris.”

“Really? Even if I’m there to help?”

He laughs for a minute, as if I’m an idiotic teenage boy who doesn’t quite get what he’s talking about.

Which, in fact, I am.

“She will be fine.”

“For real?” I ask.

“Yes. For real.”

I’m ready to leave, but then Marsh calls my name. I turn around.

“Just remember. It’s okay to play around. But don’t make any serious commitments.”

“What? With Kelsey?”

Marsh shakes his head, glances around, then grows scary serious again. “No. With God.”