4. The Only Battle

The sound of a bird chirping wakes me up.

I can see sunlight coming through a window—actually like a wall consisting of one giant window—and landing at the foot of the bed I’m in. I’m under heavy covers, and my eyes are having a hard time opening.

When they’re finally opened for good, I brace myself for the pain I know will be there.

But nothing comes.

My eyes look out what appears to be a bay window at the front of the room. All I can see are trees and bushes and flowers. A door to my left at the base of the bed seems to be open. Wait—no, it’s a screen door.

For a second I try to get up, but then feel light-headed and know I’m going to fade away again.

“Chris?”

For some reason I think of Frodo waking up and seeing Bilbo. He’s in that faraway place where the elves live. He’s alive and everybody’s happy to see him and everything looks warm and glowing.

Wait—am I wearing a white nightgown?

“You might want to drink a little of this,” the voice says.

I open my eyes, and there sitting on the side of the bed is Iris. Those wide eyes bursting with sweetness. For a second she looks about twenty years old, but then my eyes adjust and I see the wrinkles all around her face.

“Try and sit up for a few minutes.”

I do as I’m told, and she gently brings a glass cup up to my lips. It’s a warm tea of some sort. I take a little, then keep taking it until I finish it.

“This will help you heal.”

“Where am I?”

She smiles. “In a safe place.”

“A dream?”

Iris shakes her head. “No. You are alive and conscious, Chris. And at a very important juncture in your life.”

I sigh and can only say, “Huh?”

“I’m not going anywhere. Just take it easy for the moment.”

“Are you a ghost?”

She raises her eyes and appears a bit offended. “I might be old, but I’m not dead, thank you very much.”

Iris takes the cup and then walks into another room. I sit propped up, trying to keep my eyes open, wondering what I’m doing in this small room with the bay window surrounded by a garden outside.

I wonder if Jocelyn is going to come out next and serve me some cookies and milk. Or maybe Lily will come and offer me a drink of something I couldn’t buy in the store.

The chirping bird seems to have brought a crowd with him. They’re all outside singing away like some choir. It’s pretty.

I believe Iris when she said this was a safe place. I’m not sure why, since most everybody I’ve come to know has lied to me.

Maybe they don’t lie to you in dreams.

But this doesn’t seem like a dream. I feel my face and can tell that it’s partially swollen. My lips have cuts on them, and one eye is a bit harder to see out of.

All of that, yet I don’t feel pain. Maybe Iris gave me some kind of weird drug.

I’ll have to ask for more before I leave.

It’s weird, because it’s January, yet the screen door is letting in the sounds of springtime or summer.

I hear steps and see the thin figure in black come back into the room.

“Where am I?”

“In Solitary, not far from where you were beaten up.”

“But it’s—the door—it doesn’t feel cold.”

She nods, glancing down at me with curious eyes.

“What?”

“You took a nasty beating,” she says. “You’re not very pretty to look at.”

“Guess my modeling days will have to be put on hold.”

She smiles, and it’s good to see something so—so pure. Like the morning sun coming in.

“All of the events surrounding you, Chris … is it impossible to take them all in?”

“I don’t know. I guess, when I think of everything.”

Iris takes a chair and then sits next to my bed. “Remember when I told you about those unseen places? About the spaces in between?”

I nod.

“This is one of those. The Crag’s Inn—that was another.”

“What happened to you? I didn’t mean—Jared lied to me—if he’s even called Jared. He told me he was my cousin and then he came with me and I didn’t know—”

“I know. It’s okay.”

“The place burned down to the ground. I can’t believe he actually did that.”

“He wasn’t the one who did that,” Iris says.

“Then who?”

She doesn’t answer but only looks out the window. “That place was only temporary anyway.”

I don’t understand how she can say that. “But the history—I swear I didn’t mean to bring him there.”

“It served its purpose. And perhaps—maybe that was just one step in your journey toward God.”

I’m still waiting for this to be a dream. Or for Iris to be a ghost. Or an angel. Because how could she know something like that?

Nobody knows, not my father and not Kelsey and not anybody.

She smiles, either reading my mind or being able to hear the thought.

“I’m like you, Chris. I can see things that aren’t obvious to others. And I see it in you.”

“See what? Do I have some halo around me now or something?”

“I see you’ve kept that wonderful wit about you.”

“What do you see? You actually see something in me?”

“Call it a glow, a hue, perhaps a color, and the look in your eyes.”

I glance at my arms, but I don’t see anything.

“Chris—you were able to come into this place. I could not have brought you here if you didn’t believe.”

“Like the inn?”

She nods. “You were allowed to come to the inn because your heart was opening up. And you were starting to see. But then—you ran the opposite direction. You tried to do it yourself.”

I can’t believe she knows this. “Have you been spying on me?”

“I don’t need to spy to know. You’ve been missing. I’ve been unable to reach you. And that was your own choice, Chris. You were almost lost for good.”

“Missing? Lost? What—I’ve been here the whole time.”

She stands for a moment and goes to look out the door. Then she comes back by the bed.

“There has been a great war going on. Over you, Chris. Not just with those you’ve been able to see. But with those whom you’ve just started to see.”

“I don’t know if I really wanna see anymore, you know?”

“A gift like you have—like we have—it’s not to be taken lightly. It is very serious. It’s very powerful.”

“To see the boogeyman?”

She looks at me the way Mom might. “You’re seventeen years old, and I know you feel like that’s old, Chris, but you are still just a child.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m wanting to encourage you. I understand all the questions and the grief and the anger and the confusion. I had the same thing. God works in all of us in different ways.”

“I just want this to go away.”

“No. I don’t believe that. I think that deep down you want to know what to do now. You tried on your own, and you failed.”

“So tell me—all these things I see—every time I trust someone they lie—everything I do seems to backfire.”

“Pray.”

I just look and wait for something more.

“That’s what you need to do now. Pray. In earnest. Seek God’s will.”

I think of that train ride in Chicago where I finally said enough and gave it all over to God.

And just a day later I end up getting beaten almost to death by a cell phone.

“‘The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed are those who take refuge in him. Fear the Lord, you his holy people, for those who fear him lack nothing.’”

I look at the woman sitting across from me. “Are you my guardian angel?”

Iris shakes her head and laughs. “I’ve done many, many things that I regret. That is the curse of so-called wisdom, to learn how much you’ve failed and see how far you still have to go. You wouldn’t want me as your guardian angel.”

“Yes, I would.”

“See—right there,” Iris says. “That fire deep inside. You are stronger than you think, Chris. And you are young enough not to know any better. Which is good. Because you’re going to need that for the road ahead.”

“For what? What’s going to happen?”

“I don’t know. I can’t see the future. I just know that one battle was won. A very big battle. Perhaps the only battle that you really needed to win.”

“What’s that?” I ask.

“The one over your soul.”