84. Lovely

What I really want to say is I’ve missed you so incredibly much, but instead I mutter a “Hi.”

What Kelsey probably wants to ask is Why haven’t you spoken or contacted me these past few weeks and what’s going on to make you avoid me? but instead she says “Hi” back.

My mom talks with her parents. They know each other from Thanksgiving, which we spent at their house, and Kelsey’s parents even invite us over, but Mom politely declines.

I want to say Do you mind if I just borrow Kelsey for a week or two? but instead I just listen to the parents talk.

Kelsey possibly wants to say You’re an idiot if you think I’m going to wait around much longer for a moron like you, but instead she does the same thing I do.

I want to hug her and tell her it’s okay, but I don’t know how to do it in this context. I’m already a bit disoriented from sitting in the church pew, feeling overwhelmed and both happy and sad. Now I only feel sad. Now Kelsey just reminds me that not all prayers are answered in the way you hope they will be.

Then Kelsey and her parents are saying good-bye.

There’s one moment.

Just one.

I go to say something, and then Kelsey looks at me and smiles and nods and says, “Bye.”

What does that mean?

Is she saying good-bye to us? Is she through?

But the smile—it was a sweet smile.

Does she have any other kind?

Has she moved on without my knowing?

She’d still be her sweet, adorable Kelsey self, right?

I leave church a bit confused but knowing that I can’t do anything to threaten her life. Well, to allow it to be any more threatened than it already is.

“She’s a lovely girl, Chris,” Mom says as we’re in the car driving back home.

“Yeah.”

Maybe Mom wants to say more about Kelsey, to ask where things are or make some suggestions, but she doesn’t. Which I appreciate, because I couldn’t even begin to try and explain where I’m standing with the pretty blonde.

Yeah, we’re a couple, kind of, but then again, who knows what’s going to happen these last few weeks of school and after graduation?

I just keep reminding myself of the pastor’s message, and of the words of hope I heard.

I keep reminding myself because I know eventually the reminders will fade away like they always seem to do around this place.