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The nausea didn’t leave when I walked away from Nick. The thought of him leaving haunts me—it’s all I think about. The problem is, I don’t know how to make him stay. It has to be his decision, I know that, but it still sucks, and the suspense is killing me.
Busying myself around the farm takes all my strength, but I do it. The farm is my priority even if my soul is being tortured in the worst possible way. I can’t let my birthright suffer too.
James stops by mid-afternoon, as promised. We’ve been sitting on the porch, sipping sweet tea, and chatting about the details of my divorce. My heart really isn’t into it, but I’ve got an agenda, and I hope his enormous ego works to my advantage. I’ve no intention of becoming romantically involved with James, but if I play my cards right, having him around might help my situation with Nick. Especially since Nick is jealous of him—if Nick’s jealous, it means he cares—I’m holding on to that thought, even if it sounds insane.
“James, would you care to go stargazing with me this evening?” Even as I ask the question, I regret it, but somehow keep up the charade.
“Stargazing?” James laughs as if surprised by my bold invitation. He stares at me, surprised, but my straight face confirms the seriousness of my invite. He shrugs, nodding his head. “Sounds intriguing, I’d love it.”
“Well, we are close to dinner. Why don’t you head out to talk your business with Nick and then come back to the house? We’ll have dinner and go over the final details—we can head out after dark.”
“Sounds good.” James packs up his briefcase and goes in search of Nick.
I smile to myself, knowing that I’m digging a thorn in Nick’s side. He dislikes James on every level. In fact, he barely tolerates James—most people don’t, but he’s an awesome lawyer, even if he’s as greasy as an oil slick in July.
Sending James off to harass Nick brings me great joy.
Yup, I’m being childish, but more or less, I just want Nick to come back to me. I truly have no intention of the dinner and stargazing amounting to anything romantic, but I’m counting on James smugly bragging about the date with Nick. Bragging is James’s second language. An evil smile curls my lips—I hope Nick stews in it.
Aside from the business of the farm and my divorce, there isn’t much to talk to James about. I struggle, trying to keep up the mundane conversation during dinner. James seems immune to it and is content to ramble on about himself, so I ride it out and continue with the senseless banter.
It’s no use.
Wishing for an escape, I curse myself for inviting him out to gaze with me. It was a stupid mistake, and now I’m forced to share downtime with James when all I really want to do is put an end to the dry conversation, I’m currently entangled in.
Desperate to end the evening, I feign distress, which isn’t difficult because the thought of spending another moment with James seems like the worst kind of torture.
“James, do you mind if we take a raincheck on the stargazing. All this talk about divorce has sort of brought me down, and I’m really not in the mood anymore. Plus, it’s been a long day, and I’d really like to turn in early.”
“Of course,” he says with an understanding nod. “Another time.”
Thank you, Jesus!
A few minutes later, James drives off, promising to be in touch once the divorce papers are filed.
After tidying up, I race upstairs, change into a yellow, spaghetti-strapped sundress, pull my hair into a ponytail, grab my gear, and race to my spot.
Stretching, I let go of a deep cleansing breath—I’m so grateful I blew James off. I set up my telescope, eager to lose myself among the stars. When I lean into the eyepiece, happiness washes through me, bringing with it a sense of peace. Time passes as I become one with the night sky. Orion is exceptionally brilliant tonight. I admire his glorious light, my eye to the universe is exactly what I need—it’s as if Daddy is smiling down upon me.
My blood runs cold when arms encircle me from behind, and a man’s hot breath brushes my neck. For one terrifying second, my heart stops, my body goes rigid, and the hair on the back of my neck stands up. The pounding of my heartbeat in my ears intensifies as the unfamiliar body invading my space tightens its grip.
“I thought I’d come back. I knew you’d change your mind,” James whispers into my ear, before kissing my neck.
“James.” I release my breath, relieved that it’s only him, but at the same time extremely annoyed. “What are you doing here? I was serious about wanting to be alone.”
His arm tightens around my torso while his free hand trails down my waist, grasping my dress, and pulling it up towards my hips.
“Don’t be coy, Zeta. I know you want me.” His lips trail my neck, and I catch the stench of his gin-soaked breath. He wasn’t drunk when he left, but he certainly reeks of it now.
“I don’t want this.” I struggle against him, but stand firm, determined not to sound like a whimpering fool. The fact that he’s here, trying to arouse me is laughable. “Your arrogance is truly astounding, James. Let me go.”
“Uh-huh.” He groans, ignoring my protest as he nuzzles my neck. Furious, I lift my foot and bring it down hard on his toes. Releasing me, he jumps back, fury twisting his face. He growls but he’s grinning, thinking it’s a game, and then lunges forward, crashing into the telescope and tipping it over. I leap out of the way, but he comes at me again, laughing and grabbing my dress, tearing a strap from my shoulder.
Before I can react, I’m shoved aside as a body jumps in front of me and punches James square in the face, knocking him to the ground. It all happened so fast, that it takes a minute for me to realize that my rescuer had been Nick. I stand panting, trying to process the situation while staring at James’s unconscious body. The next thing I know, Nick is by my side, pulling me into his arms.
“Are you ok?” He grips my chin, lifting it to meet his gaze.
My strength, the last drop I had been clinging to, dissolves. I shake my head as tears began to flow. It’s then that a new worry crosses my mind, and I look past Nick at the telescope. Pushing him aside, I rush over to assess the damage. Thankfully it’s brass, so it’s tough as nails and there’s no damage to the lenses. I pick it up, release it from the mount, and pack it into the case. Tears blur my vision, but I silence the desire to sob and focus on the task in an attempt to forget what just happened.
It’s no use. I tempted fate and created a nightmare situation for myself. I’m not convinced that James would have raped me, he was really too drunk to fight me, but the what could haves are twisting through my brain at an unreasonable rate. I’m not surprised by James’s behavior, but it isn’t my focus—it’s my behavior I’m most disgusted with.
Nick approaches and helps me collect the gear, not speaking. His presence only makes my humiliation that much stronger, and to top it off, his nearness makes the painful longing in my chest unbearable.
“I brought this on myself,” I whisper through my tears. “I invited him out and then I couldn’t go through with it and sent him home. I flirted with him, maliciously. I shouldn’t have done it.”
“He shouldn’t have come back after you told him to move on.” Nick walks over and kicks James who moans but remains down.
“I wanted to make you jealous, so you would come back to me. I was hurt, and I wanted to hurt you back. I wanted to make you mad.” A huff of laughter escapes the tears. “I behaved like a stupid reckless teenager and if you hadn’t happened by...”
“Well, it worked. I’m mad, but not at you—never at you.” He moves to stand before me, staring into my eyes, but he doesn’t reach for me.
The intensity of his gaze and my overzealous emotions collide, forcing me to lose all control and sob like a baby. It can’t be helped. My heart aches for this man, who won’t take what I so desperately want to give.
Dumfounded, Nick watches me collect the gear and walk away. He makes no move to stop me, which only just breaks my heart more.
I sob all the way home, shower, and crawl into bed, crying myself to sleep.
Sensing I’m not alone, I awake in the night to discover a protective arm pulling me tighter into little spoon position. Somehow, Nick knew I needed him. Grateful for the comfortable silence and warm embrace, I relax and snuggle in, feeling safe, even if only for the night.