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Emma’s bedchamber was littered with items of clothing. From an outsider’s perspective it must look like a garment explosion had occurred inside the room.
Kitty glanced around as Emma continued to choose the items she wished to pack.
“I cannot believe you are leaving tomorrow, Emma,” Kitty sighed.
She turned towards her friend and nodded. “Nor can I. And despite leaving and not being able to spend time with you, I am truly excited about this trip.”
“You deserve some peace, Emma. The past few weeks have not been easy for you. I can understand why you wish to distance yourself from Somerset,” Kitty said, her expression filled with concern.
“What is the matter, Kitty?” Emma asked, placing one of her favorite coats inside the large trunk beside her.
“I am worried that you are perhaps being a tad rash. Running away from your problems is not going to solve them, Emma,” Kitty answered. “In fact, it will only make matters worse.”
“Worse than they already are? I doubt that is possible,” Emma scoffed. “And I am most certainly not running away. I merely require a break from these people, the whispers, the gossip. Never in my life had I imagined what it would be like to be spoken of in such a manner. The prejudice, the judgment. I will always remain a light-skirted woman. It is utterly unjust. People who do not even know me now think horrible things about me.”
The duchess sighed. “I cannot even begin to fathom what you’re going through, my dearest Emma. I truly wish there was something I could do to help you.”
“There is not a soul alive who can do anything to make this go away.”
“Not even William?” her friend asked.
“Especially not Lord William,” Emma muttered.
“Will there ever come a time when you will tell me exactly what happened between you and him?” Kitty asked her.
Emma stared at the duchess for a moment and sighed. “Perhaps it is time I told you everything.”
“Only if you wish, Emma.”
She nodded and approached her bed where the duchess was seated. She sat beside her friend and pursed her lips. “Perhaps it is time for me to tell someone, and I would much rather it be you than anyone else.”
Kitty smiled with encouragement and sat quietly while Emma drew in a deep breath.
“As you are aware, my introduction to Lord William was nothing short of disastrous, to say the least, and we despised one another. We did not wish to be in each other’s company at all. We avoided one another as best we were able. When the duke locked us in the study, we argued and said rather despicable things to one another. Then something happened that I still cannot explain. Something rose up inside me and...”
“And what?” Kitty asked. “Was that when you threw a book at him, as the duke told me?”
Emma chuckled and shook her head. “I did not throw a book at him. I would never throw a book, Kitty.”
“That was my initial thought as well.”
Emma inhaled another breath and whispered, “Lord William and I were intimate, on the desk. The books toppled over due to that.”
A cringe formed on the duchess’s face for a moment and she pursed her lips briefly. “I certainly did not expect that.”
“Nor did I,” Emma admitted. “It happened, and as much as I tried to convince myself that it had been a massive mistake, I could not. In actuality, I couldn’t stop thinking of him, and I scolded myself for doing so. He is most certainly not a man whom I would usually spend my time with. He was everything I hated and despised in a man, and yet, I fell in love with him. I attempted to convince myself that I was mistaken and that what I felt could not possibly be love, but...”
“Love comes when we least expect it, Emma,” Kitty pointed out.
“I am aware of that.”
“And the rumors of you and William at the ball?”
“Those are true, and I do not regret it in the least,” Emma sighed. “At that moment it was exactly what I wanted. He was perfect, despite my head telling me that he was wrong for me.”
“And why would your head tell you such a thing?” Kitty asked.
She sighed and lowered her gaze. “William is certainly not the kind of man who would usually pique my interest. I will not deny that he is handsome and charming, because he is, but his beliefs regarding how a woman must behave are not something I share. That is not something I can simply overlook, Kitty.”
“Perhaps William had changed his views?”
Emma couldn’t help but chuckle. “A man as stubborn as Lord William does not abandon his beliefs, especially not for a woman.”
“At what stage did you decide to follow your head inside of your heart, my dear friend?” Kitty asked and cocked her head in question.
Her shoulders slumped.
“I was on the brink of admitting to him that I had developed feelings for him, but then he arrived at my parents’ townhouse and did something rather ludicrous,” Emma told the duchess and chuckled bitterly. “The foolish man asked me to marry him.”
“He did?” Kitty exclaimed. “What did you say? Why did you not tell me? When did this happen?”
Emma was momentarily stunned and overwhelmed by the duchess’ numerous questions and bit her lower lip. “It happened nearly a week ago. He arrived at the townhouse and insisted on speaking with me, not worried about my father’s threats if he were ever to come within a block of me, or the townhouse. William told me that he was sorry and he wished to make things right. Then he asked for my hand.”
Kitty was practically bouncing on the bed in excitement. “And what did you tell him? Does he know of your trip?”
“I had not decided on the trip at that stage. The idea only came to me the next day,” Emma answered. “I declined to marry him, as I was well aware he only suggested it to rectify my tainted reputation. It was not a proposal filled with love. It was a proposal of pity and filled with his own guilt. It had nothing to do with what I wanted. It was only his need to feel less guilt within himself, and I refused to be a part of that.”
“He was not the only one at fault, Emma,” the duchess pointed out gently.
“And what does that mean?” she asked defensively.
“Both you and Lord William are adults and the times you were intimate were consensual, were they not?”
Emma would never lie about that. “Indeed.”
“Then it is partly your duty to assume some of the responsibility that goes along with the act.”
“Kitty, whose side are you on? You are supposed to be my friend,” Emma rolled her eyes.
“I am your friend, which is precisely why I can be honest with you. I am not on anyone’s side. I only wish for both of you to realize that despite all your differences, in both opinions and morals, there are only two other people who were are as perfect together as you and William are for each other,” her friend said.
“And who is that?” Emma asked and crossed her arms with annoyance.
“The duke and I.”
Emma pouted, “But that is different.”
“How is that different?” Kitty challenged.
“Your husband did not think you ought to be quiet beside him, and submit to his every whim. That is not who the duke is.”
“But he was,” the duchess pointed out. “Emma, you must remember they grew up with the same father, the same values and the same teachings. It is only their manners that make them seem so different, but the situation was rather similar. I desperately wished for the duke to care for me, even before we met for the first time. I had utterly wrong expectations, thinking he would be a lovely man who adored me from the moment he saw me. He did not. I was not what he expected, and it terrified him, overwhelmed him, and made him seem distant and cold.”
“He does not seem that way now,” Emma said, surprised to hear this from her friend.
“Indeed. He has grown very much since our first meeting, as have I, and we will continue to grow together.”
“How did the duke make his feelings for you known?” Emma asked.
“He found me in my mother’s garden and told me that he had been in love with me from the moment he had seen me, but he had been too terrified to admit his feelings. I was betrothed to another man, as I had broken our own a few days prior.”
“Only a few days?”
Kitty had been engaged to two different men within a week? That was unexpected!
She sighed and nodded. “My father and mother were rather adamant that I marry as soon as possible.”
Emma placed her hand on the duchess’. “I am sorry that I was not there for you during that time, my dear friend.”
“There is no need to apologize, my dearest Emma. You were visiting your grandmother and I did not wish to trouble you with my foolish dilemma,” Kitty smiled.
“Your dilemma was not foolish, even if it did involve a foolish man,” Emma sighed and rolled her eyes. “Both the Seymour men truly are foolish.”
Kitty chuckled. “Indeed. But we love them despite that.”
“Unfortunately,” Emma sighed once more. “Perhaps we are the foolish ones for doing so.”
“I often think that very thought.”
Emma and the duchess giggled together for another few moments, as they had done many times before.
Finally, Emma sighed. “I do love him, Kitty, but he has not done anything that makes me believe that he loves me in return. Time is running out, and no matter how much he might possibly beg me, I am not staying. This trip is not a means to distance myself from him, but rather it is something I am doing for myself.”
“I am sincerely happy to hear you say that, Emma, as you should never allow a man to have such power over your decisions. You never allowed it in the past,” Kitty said with a smile.
“And I will continue to do so,” Emma stated, “which means I will never marry.”
“Oh, do not fret. Men who think you are intimidating are cowards. And you deserve to be with a man who is better than that.”
“Do those men still exist?” Emma scoffed.
The duchess smiled with assurance and nodded. “Now, shall we continue to pack?”
Emma smiled, tears of gratitude filled her eyes and she threw her arms around Kitty’s shoulders, embracing her tightly. “I will truly miss you every moment that I am away.”
“And I will certainly miss you,” her friend answered, her voice breaking slightly. “If there is one thing I can request?”
“For you, I will do anything,” Emma said sincerely.
Kitty looked into her eyes and Emma noticed the sadness within them.
“Please promise me that you will not stay away too long. I would not wish for you to miss the birth of your godchild.”
A tear rolled down Emma’s cheek and she embraced her friend once more. “I promise. I would not miss it for the world.”