10

‘So now you have started taking drugs?’ Mahesh barked angrily as he arranged packets of Maggie and some other stuff on the cooking platform. It had become his Sunday ritual. He would come by every week to check on me and would also bring some food items.

‘I think I need to look for a job. How long will you spend all your money on me?’ My head was in my hands. I was still shocked with the recent experience.

‘Don’t try to change the topic. Why did you take that drug?’

‘I was drunk. And I had no idea—it was a drug. Bilal just told me that it was something called LSD,’ I said.

‘LSD is a fucking recreational drug,’ Mahesh shouted. ‘And it is worse than cocaine and heroin. It causes hallucinations. It makes you see things that are not actually happening.’

His explanation, although in the form of yelling, convinced me that I was not actually going mad and that gruesome episode of Tara and Ronit was just a hallucination. ‘And since you think of that girl who dumped you all day long, you hallucinated of her,’ he added, as if he was reading my mind.

‘I see . . .’ I sighed in relief.

‘If you ever take that horrible drug again, I swear on my mom, I will throw you back to Indore.’

‘I will not. Relax.’ The word ‘Indore’ gave me chills.

‘I miss the person you were,’ Mahesh spoke after a long pause, pouring some milk into two coffee mugs.

‘So do I,’ I whispered, lighting a cigarette.

‘There is still time, Kunal. Stop this nonsense and come back to college. My father can talk to the principal. He will take you back. I promise,’ he almost begged.

‘Those books—thick as fuck—they need concentration and interest. And look at me . . . do I look interested in any of them anymore?’

‘All this just because a girl dumped you?’

‘No. All this because there is no fire left,’ I gave the most honest answer possible. ‘The day I really feel like doing something—I will. Trust me. It’s just a bad phase. This too shall pass.’

‘It won’t go away until you decide,’ Mahesh said as he tore open a coffee pouch.

‘Then I will decide it soon.’

‘How soon?’

‘Pretty soon . . .’

He did not argue further and began to put coffee powder in the mugs.

‘Why coffee? Let’s have some rum,’ I said with a puff. ‘We have not taken a drink together in a long time.’

‘I don’t drink anymore.’ Mahesh’s words came to me as a shock.

‘Fuck . . .’ The cigarette dropped out of my mouth. ‘You kidding me, right?’

‘I am serious. My girlfriend asked me to swear on her that I won’t drink and smoke again. So I gave them up.’

‘Are you fucking with me?’ My mouth hung open at his reply. Mahesh—in a serious relationship? That was worth a drink. I opened the bottle of rum.

Women! They are strange. One good woman made that spoilt brat give up alcohol. And one wrong woman changed me from a sober person into an alcoholic. They are right when they say that women are more powerful than men. They can fuck the shit out of us.

‘By the way, who is this new girlfriend of yours?’ I asked. ‘New chick?’

‘It’s not casual this time. I committed to her.’ Mahesh looked serious. That guy was changing for good. Actually, he was becoming me—in reverse.

‘What happened to your plan of sleeping with women of every ethnicity?’ I mocked.

He just smiled. ‘I am changed now.’

‘Good.’ I took a big sip. ‘What’s her name?’

‘That doesn’t matter.’

‘It does. Let me know the name of the girl who changed my friend so much. She must be someone very special, hmm?’

‘I did not tell you about her for long time. I was worried about how you would react. I thought, maybe, you will feel bad about it.’

‘Why would I feel bad about it?’ I was confused.

‘Because her name is Kamna.’

~

‘When you left your cousin’s apartment and moved to this place, Kamna called me often. She was worried for you,’ Mahesh started, leaning over the cooking platform, holding a mug of hot coffee. I sat in my bed and listened to him silently, having a peg of rum in my hand. ‘She often cried over you, begged me to help you. She was so sweet, so sincere, so innocent. She was too good to not fall for. I did not even realize when I started loving her.’

He paused and waited for my reaction. I just nodded.

He was right, Kamna was too good to not fall for—unless you are an idiot like I was.

‘Then one day,’ he continued, ‘while she was asking about you, I told her, “I don’t know if Kunal loves you or not—but I love you.” And I meant it.’

He seemed torn with guilt, although he had done nothing wrong. It was Mahesh who had repeatedly asked me to pursue Kamna, but it was I—the stupidest person alive—who had ignored his suggestion. I remembered telling him to stop talking about Kamna whenever he started her topic.

‘Come here,’ I said and kept the glass of rum aside.

‘I thought you will hate me for this—so I failed to gather the courage to tell you about us,’ Mahesh confessed, walking to me. ‘I hope you are not angry with me. I really love her. And if you would have loved her, I would have never let that thought cross my mind. You know—’

‘Ssshhhh . . .’ I got up and hugged him. ‘Why would I be angry? You are my best friend and your happiness makes me happy. She is a gem of a girl. Just make sure you never break her heart.’

‘I will not,’ Mahesh promised as he hugged me back.

Human nature is weird. I should have been happy for Mahesh—he finally had an amazing girl in his life who was setting everything right for him. I should have been happy for Kamna—she had finally fallen in love with someone who loved her. But, I was not happy. I felt fucked. I felt like another part of my life had been cut off that day. But no, I did not let Mahesh have the slightest hint of the turmoil that was taking place within me.

Since both of those wonderful people in my life were now happy with each other, I too pretended to be happy.

What else could I do?