Paisley sent her small staff home early. Business was slow, and she needed a little chaos to keep her mind occupied.
She had set the date for her surgery, and though the idea of changing her mind hadn’t even occurred to her, she knew that her sisters wouldn’t understand.
And she had to tell them. She had to shore up her support system. She had to be sure she had someone to care for her.
True to their typical sister intuition, they must have known she was keeping something from them. They hadn’t asked about the lump in her breast for a while, but Paisley could sense that they wanted to. Paisley always managed to find something to rush off to, but her luck had apparently run out. They ambushed her at the ice cream shack precisely at closing time.
“What’s up?” she asked Reed and Simplicity, knowing from the expressions on their faces that the time for discussion had arrived on the back of the Grim Reaper. No way would they let her escape the scythe as they chopped their way through her barriers.
“Time for you to tell us.” Reed spoke up first, while Simplicity studied Paisley with visible empathy.
Paisley wanted to put it off longer, but she knew she couldn’t run this time. She didn’t have the energy to do so.
She nodded her acquiescence and gestured for them to sit under the screened-in picnic area she had had built.
She positioned herself opposite her sisters and went through some of the mental exercises she used before a court case.
“I know you’ve both been wondering what’s going on with my health.” She smiled as they nodded. This wasn’t going to be an easy conversation—Simplicity was already blinking away unexpressed tears. “I’ve scheduled my surgery for next week.”
“When were you planning to tell us?” Reed asked, her face set in stone.
“I’ve wanted to talk to you both. I’m sorry. It’s been hard.”
Simplicity reached across the table to grip Paisley’s hand.
Paisley inhaled deeply, grateful for the smell of the rain that lingered after the storm had passed through earlier that afternoon. The scent soothed her, making a difficult conversation a little more relaxing.
“I’ve opted to have a bilateral prophylactic mastectomy and a bilateral prophylactic salpingo-oophorectomy. A mouthful, I know.”
Both sisters wore the same look—eyes drawn close, mouths pursed, worry obvious.
“English, please,” Simplicity attempted a smile as her voice came out in nearly a whimper.
“I’ll be having both breasts removed, and also my ovaries and fallopian tubes.”
“Why?” Reed shouted. “Did they find more cancer?”
“Not yet. It’s preventative.”
“Paisley, we should talk this through. Get a second opinion, ask—”
Paisley cut her off. “I’ve done all of that. I’ve worked it out already, and my mind is made up. I couldn’t complicate the decision-making process by letting the people closest to me talk me into or out of a treatment plan.”
Through gritted teeth and a throat full of choking emotions, Reed responded, “You should have let us be part of this, Paisley. We are here to help you!”
“I know you are.” Paisley reached her free hand across the table and grabbed Reed’s fist. Tears welled up in her own eyes. She had hurt them, as she had known she would. But she had to process this her way, and though it pained her to see her sisters hurting, she had to make a decision that was right for her. “I’ll need you both. More than ever.”
Simplicity sat up straighter, sniffing away tears. “I respect your decision, Pais, and I know you wouldn’t jump into anything. But why such extreme procedures? Why not just have them cut out the lump and do chemo or radiation or whatever they do nowadays?”
Paisley smiled at the omission of the natural stuff Simplicity was more a fan of.
“I had a lump before.”
“What?” The word, coming from Reed, sounded like a combination between a shout and a squeal.
“A couple of years ago. I went through the treatments, hid my sickness, and kept working. I didn’t want anyone to know.”
Reed jerked her hand away from Paisley. “I can’t believe you.”
Paisley rushed to explain. “It was before Mom died. None of us were close then. I didn’t think it was important enough to tell you. I didn’t tell anyone, really. My boss knew that I was undergoing some sort of treatment and would have to work around appointments, but that was it. It didn’t seem like a big deal at the time.”
Reed glared at Paisley.
Simplicity held her hands up in the air in a meditation-like formation, chanted something, and then asked Reed to calm down and give Paisley the support she needed now.
Paisley smiled at her sister. Simplicity had always been the baby, but she had been maturing lately and had proven herself to be a stable influence in the family, in spite of her own challenges.
Reed glared at Simplicity for a moment, but relaxed her face and turned back to Paisley.
“If the treatment went so well that you could work through it last time, why the drastic measures now?”
“I don’t want to have to keep going through it. Yes, I worked, but it was a killer. I don’t want to deal with twice-yearly mammograms—and I don’t have time for it. I’m terrified of missing a cancer until it has grown large enough to spread. Not to mention the possible harm from radiation during those frequent exams.” Paisley tossed her head back and stared at the ceiling, where a spider spun a web. “I’ve already been through this once. I can’t deal with the stress of thinking I’ll end up like Mom. I’d rather eliminate the possibility.”
As her tears freed themselves from her eyes, her sisters rushed to her side and hugged her from all angles. She allowed herself to let it all go, right there in the safe embrace of her safety net.
When a crying-induced headache started pounding at her temples, she pulled away.
“I have to tell you guys something else.”
Her declaration was met with silence, but they sat beside her, their backs to the picnic table while her legs were still tucked under the table.
“I had genetic testing done, and I tested positive for the BRCA 2 gene.” Paisley took a moment to gather herself as her sisters continued to stare. “That’s a big part of why I’m treating this so aggressively. But you both should be aware that…”
Paisley fought the tears that loomed, ready to wash her away in a flood of fear and horror and the kind of despair that can cripple someone.
Her sisters each grasped one of her arms, anchoring her in a way that nothing else could.
“You need to know that,” she sniffled, “because I tested positive, there’s a fifty percent chance of you testing positive for the gene, too.”
Simplicity leaned forward and rested her head on Paisley’s shoulder, while Reed seemed unable to look away from Paisley’s chest.
“Imagining what I’ll look like when this is over?” Paisley asked.
Reed raised her eyes as her lips formed into a quirky grin.
“Actually,” she said, her voice lighter than it had been since coming to the ice cream shack. “I’m thinking of how cool it will be to finally have bigger boobs than you.”
***
Since Asher had to be in the area to meet with the construction team to discuss plans for setting the groundwork for the building that would become the main area used for the rehab, he figured he’d take a walk over to see how Paisley was doing. He hadn’t heard from her since their date night—if he could call it that. The longer he waited to see her, the more awkward the reunion would become.
He hadn’t expected to hear sobbing coming from the screened-in picnic area. He especially hadn’t expected the sobbing to be coming from Paisley.
He had almost rushed forward to demand to know who or what had hurt her, but a small voice in the back of his head made him stop.
What if he was the one who had hurt her?
What if she was commiserating with her sisters about how badly he had treated her?
He considered eavesdropping, but realized that would make him even less of a man than he was starting to think he was.
He turned to leave, hoping to remain undetected, but then the word treatment caught his attention and he became immobilized.
Paisley was sick.
He tuned out much of what they were saying, but tuned back in when one of Paisley’s sisters started asking her, matter-of-factly, about what they could help with following the surgery. And, if he wasn’t mistaken, the word cancer had been bandied about.
Asher pulled at his collar, unsure why he wasn’t getting air. The first taunting drops of rain fell on his head, and a loud burst of laughter cut through the fog as the wind around him picked up. Before his brain could send the command for his legs to walk, the sky opened up and dumped barrels of water directly on him. He didn’t mind. Maybe the rain would wash away the horrible fear clawing at him. Or erase the truth of what he didn’t want to have overheard.
Maybe the rain would put an end to the suffering of everyone who ever touched his life.
Because he couldn’t watch another person he loved perish.
Asher bolted away, dashing through the woods with no concern about the puddles splashing mud up onto his one good pair of khaki pants.
***
Asher wiped the dust off his father’s desk. He hadn’t been in his dad’s office for weeks. All of his time had been devoted to keeping his customers’ cars in good repair, attending his classes, putting his rehab plans in place, dealing with his brother’s messes, and trying to raise his niece. And obsessing about Paisley.
Falling in love with Paisley.
He pressed his fists to his temples, trying to rid his brain of that errant thought.
How could he love anyone who would keep this sort of secret from him?
Asher opened the bottom drawer of the desk and pulled out the old photo album his dad had kept there. Next to it was a bottle of whisky his father had kept since deciding to become sober. He had lost himself to his booze after the loss of his wife—Asher’s mother—but when he realized what a mess he was making of his kids’ lives, he quit cold-turkey. He had kept this bottle here, beside the photo album, to remind him of what he had to lose.
Asher twisted the cap off and brought the bottle to his nose. The dark, malty scent brought memories of his dad fumbling with his tools while working on the Ferrari, alcohol on his breath. Of getting so enraged by his trembling hands that he threw the tools across the garage, causing them to clank against the row of toolboxes. Of Asher stepping in with soothing words and a promise to have it fixed in no time.
As he breathed in the strong alcoholic scent, Asher flipped through the pages of photos. Mom and Dad’s wedding. A few shots from their honeymoon. Baby pictures. Happy family memories.
Dead memories. Dead happiness.
Dead is what happened around him.
Asher brought the whisky to his lips.
Having to keep his shit together took far more energy than it would take to succumb to the pain. Why couldn’t he be like everyone else in his family? Why did he have to be the one to keep the world spinning?
He took a long sip, recapping the bottle as he allowed the whisky to swirl around his mouth. To coat his tongue. To remind him why he never wanted to rely on a substance to hide his pain.
The alcohol burned its way down his throat.
After a moment or two of quiet reflection, Asher put away the photo album, tucked the bottle of whisky back beside it, and pulled out the blueprint he had drawn up for the land.
He had one mission in life that he could control. He’d build that damned rehab if it was the last thing he did. No one and nothing would get in the way of that goal.
***
The thing she loved most about her sisters was that even after a crying session that left everyone feeling uncertain, they could behave as if everything was normal.
Paisley hated the idea of anyone tiptoeing around her because of her diagnosis. Pity was not a party she wanted to attend, and being treated like a delicate flower would turn her into a Venus Flytrap.
Reed had lamented that Rogan had canceled their plans that evening due to something that came up with one of his construction jobs, and since the kids were all at their grandmother’s for the night, Reed invited Simplicity and Paisley to the main house for a taco and nachos night.
Paisley couldn’t deny she had no interest in being alone, so she cheerfully offered to pick up the supplies at the grocery store, promising Simplicity that she’d get stuff for vegan tacos, too.
Reed ran into a snag with a guest’s reservation, so she was delayed in the check-in building, leaving Simplicity and Paisley to do the preparation.
“I know you don’t want to talk about your situation anymore…” Simplicity began. “But I just wondered what Asher thinks about all of this?”
“Asher? Why would you ask about him?” Paisley tried to laugh off the question. She hadn’t said anything to anyone about anything going on with Asher.
“You know I always know these things, Pais.” Simplicity swayed as she sautéed the beans and mushrooms and soy protein in her skillet. “Besides, everyone in town is talking about it.”
Paisley slammed her knife on the cutting board, sending the freshly shredded lettuce soaring onto the counter. “Talking about what?”
“Oh, you know,” Simplicity sang. “Loooove. And how the new girl in town is working her way into the heart of their beloved Asher. He’s quite popular around here. I had no idea.”
“They must be talking about someone else.” Paisley sliced into the tomato, watching the juice squirt out and wishing it was the blood of the gossipers.
“Nope. I saw your car at his house the other night. I know evvvvverything!”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, come on, Pais. I wasn’t spying on you—don’t get mad. And I didn’t mention it to Reed. I had to go down that street to pick up the veggies an old friend of Ethan’s had harvested from his garden for me, and I happened to see your car. Didn’t take much detective work to figure out whose house it was.”
“Well whatever you think you know, you can wipe it all from your mind now. I went over there for sex. Dirty, scandalous, adult sex. I needed something to keep my mind off the fact that I was going to be de-womaned, and he was the only guy I knew within easy driving distance.”
“You may think it was all about sex, but based on the rumor-mill, you have stolen his heart.”
Paisley rolled her eyes at her sister’s melodramatic, overblown romanticism.
“I can assure you, his heart is not the part I was after. Nor the part he gave me.”
Simplicity tossed her head back and roared in laughter. Paisley admired the no-holds-barred way in which Simplicity lived her life and showed her emotions.
“I don’t know why you’re so opposed to falling in love, Pais. It’s amazing. Oh my goddess, I can’t even imagine what life would be like if I didn’t basically force Ethan to fall in love with me.”
Paisley had had her doubts about the dark and damaged Ethan, but time seemed to be proving her wrong. He was madly in love with Paisley’s little sister. Love had truly transformed them both.
“If you tell anyone I said this, I’ll deny it,” Paisley began, pointing the knife at Simplicity and making the meanest courtroom face she could muster. “But I’ll admit—seeing you and Reed so in love makes me, I don’t know. I guess it makes me wish I could find what you guys have.”
Simplicity’s face turned dreamy. “There’s nothing better than love!”
A sharp pain struck Paisley in the middle of her chest.
“I can think of dozens of things that are better.”
“Such as?” Simplicity turned back toward Paisley.
“Such as finding a forgotten twenty dollar bill in your winter coat pocket.”
“Mmm, that is nice,” Simplicity agreed. “But that twenty dollar bill won’t give you orgasms every night. Or morning. Or aftern—”
“Okay, vibrators,” Paisley forced the next thing on her list in an effort to stop her sister from talking about her sex life. “Vibrators are better than love. They come in different sizes, colors, vibration strengths, and you can stop using them as soon as you’re done. And you don’t have to worry about the awkward morning after.”
“There are ways to incorporate vibrators in your fun…”
“Geez, Sim. Okay, something more innocent. Ice cream. Way better than love.”
“Do you know what the dairy industry does to cows?”
“Flowers. Flowers are better than love. Reliable, beautiful, fragrant.”
“Ethan grows the most amazing flowers. He ripped up his whole greenhouse when he declared his love for me, and he surprised me by planting the whole big room full of wildflowers. He said they remind him of me. His wildflower.”
Paisley couldn’t even muster the urge to roll her eyes. Okay, that was freaking romantic. Even to the least romantic heart in town.
Collapsing into the kitchen chair, she buried her head in her outstretched arm.
“Okay, fine. Love sounds wonderful. Really fucking wonderful. Okay? I give in. You win.”
Simplicity jumped and cheered. “I won against the lawyer who never loses!”
“But it doesn’t matter, because I’ll never have it.”
“Aww, Pais. Why would you say that?”
“Please, Simplicity. What man is going to choose a woman of childbearing age who can’t bear children? And one who doesn’t have breasts? Let’s be realistic here. And to answer your question, Asher doesn’t know about the whole titty sickness thing.”
Paisley returned to her chopping, leaving her one and hopefully only moment of defeat behind.
“But it’s okay,” she continued. “My lifestyle doesn’t lend itself to relationships. And I don’t plan to stay in this town forever, so even if there was something between Asher and me, it would have to end at some point, anyway.”
“There are ways to work around all of that, Pais. And no matter what body parts you lost, you’d still be a sexy, gorgeous, desirable babe.”
Paisley smiled at her sister. “Stop hitting on me.”
Simplicity’s laughter lifted the mood.
“What am I missing?” Reed pranced into the house, her excited and busy energy carrying her into the kitchen.
“Oh, just Simplicity finding my pathetic life amusing.”
Reed chastised Simplicity with a look, and Paisley suddenly felt guilty. She had given Simplicity more than her fair share of those looks, never fully realizing that Simplicity was far more insightful than Paisley or Reed had ever given her credit for. To Simplicity’s credit, she took the look in stride and shrugged.
“You know me!”
“Actually,” Paisley began, “Simplicity was cheering me up after I told her my woes.”
Reed took plates and glasses out of the cabinet as she waited for Paisley to share.
“Guys, this is the first time in my life that I haven’t had a clear goal and clear plan.” She dropped the knife and threw her hands up in the air. “This is the first time in my life when I can honestly say, I have no idea what I want!”
“You want to be a romance novelist, remember?” Reed pointed out gently.
“Yeah, I think we’ve ruled that one out.”
“And you have a highly successful ice cream business.”
“I don’t want to peddle ice cream forever. It was a way to honor Mom. Besides, Asher won’t sell it to me, and I hate being at the mercy of anyone else.”
“I’m sure you have ways of convincing him…” Simplicity chirped.
“No. He has honorable goals for that property. He needs to see them through.”
She watched her sisters exchange looks, and she didn’t bother stopping to interpret those glances.
“I don’t even know what I’m saying. Of course I have a plan and goals. I’m going to get this fucking cancer out of me, eliminate as much of the possibility of future cancer as possible, and then I’m going back to kicking ass in the courtroom!”
“But for now,” Reed said, moving the bowl full of cooked, seasoned meat to the counter to join the rest of the taco goodies, “We eat.”
After Paisley consumed her second taco, Simplicity’s words became as heavy as the loaded down tortillas.
For the first time since meeting Asher, she wondered what he’d think about what she was going through.
And after another bowl of nachos, she decided it was time to find out.