Frankie

A swarm of executives are milling about in our area on the studio lot today, some people I haven’t seen in a while, and quite a few whom I’m meeting for the first time. The energy feels off today. Tense. It gripped me the moment I scooted in, quickly evaporating my Zen-like high after waking up next to Finn for the fourth straight morning. He knew today was the day Maverick and Eva were to read a very emotional scene between Griffin and Gabriela. Eva hadn’t shared the news with him, but I had.

“Keep an open mind,” he urged me, being a total professional. “We’ll talk later, I’m going to be reading through the two scripts Sebastian sent me last week.”

I know he’s thrown that in because he wants me to feel that landing the part or not landing the part, he will survive, that this is just another day in Hollywood, and the next script might be the one if he’s not Griffin Chase.

To say I’m conflicted is an understatement. I have put myself in a really bad position. Any why? Because I couldn’t resist this big, handsome guy with eyes bluer than robin’s eggs. Parking my scooter behind the table, I take my usual seat and an assistant comes by with a large tumbler of coffee as I’m pulling my notebook from my bag. Nervously flipping through the pages, the notes I’ve written about each of the actors and their attached headshots jog the visuals in my mind of their auditions.

I’m really apprehensive about seeing them. Seeing Eva and Mav, that is. Hey, Eva, I’m fucking your ex. Oh, and Mav, you know that guy you keep running into — yeah, well, I’m doing him and he’s auditioning for the same role as you. Break a leg. Oh wait, ha-ha, I already did that for you.

“So, I see you’ve already managed to get yourself into trouble out here.” I’m caught off-guard, but that New York accent is unmistakable, and if I’m not mistaken, my agent, Caryn Crane, is not supposed to be out here in LA for a few days.

What the heck is going on?

“Caryn.” There’s surprise in my tone. Yes. I am surprised. I reach up to give her a hug since getting out of my chair is cumbersome with my leg. “You’re out here early.”

“Yeah, I understand there’s an important audition today.” She takes the seat next to me, and catching the assistant’s eye motions to her that she would like coffee, too.

“Yes, a little later, we’ve got some other folks reading first.”

I have not spoken to Caryn in a few days, so her learning about the audition schedule, and then getting on a plane and flying out, means someone has been feeding her information with the goal of insuring that her client, one Francesca Simonelli, chooses Maverick Dailey for the role of Griffin Chase. I’m no dummy, that is definitely what is going on here, and now my agent’s presence, which I usually enjoy, is making me feel like I am being boxed into a corner.

Everything feels very off today, and it is not a figment of my very fertile imagination.

“Where are you with the new manuscript?” she asks, after guzzling nearly the entire tumbler of coffee in two quick swigs.

“It’s coming along, a lot of interesting characters and they’re beginning to really coalesce.”

“When can I have the first fifty pages?” Amped up on caffeine, she spits out the request in the rapid-fire-style speech of a cable TV political pundit.

“Not yet. I haven’t even gone back and done my first read through. Lord knows what it says on those pages.” And I haven’t looked at my manuscript since Saturday because I’ve been having non-stop sex with a hot man on every single surface, horizontal or vertical, in my hotel suite. Bed, couches, chairs, windowsill, and yes, nailed against the wall just like he promised. And damn, it was fine!

“I don’t want to miss the deadline.”

Geez, she’s in a mood. “Have I ever?”

“Let’s keep it that way.” Her tone is testy.

“Is there something you want to say to me?” I keep my voice low so that no one can hear our conversation, which is bizarre, at best. Caryn and I generally work well together. Lord knows I’ve made the woman a fortune over the past few years. So, why the attitude with me now? And what the heck is she doing out here early? Something is going down and I think it’s called Project Railroad Frankie.

“I don’t know. We’ll see.”

A sharp pain stabs the lower left side of my gut as I realize that it’s all about the bottom line and not what’s best for the film, even with Caryn.

Turning my chair to face her, I consciously try to will away the agonizing distress which is now migrating toward my chest, dragging with it an overwhelming trail of sadness and a stifling feeling of isolation. I knew today wouldn’t be easy, but I had no clue it would get ugly this early.

“Well, then, let me say it to you. If you are not here to support me, there is no reason for your presence.” I can’t even believe these words are coming out of my mouth after all Caryn and I have been through together with this book. But I’m her client and it’s my back she should be guarding.

“There are a lot of people who have a lot at stake here.”

“And the odds are in their favor that each and every one of them will make a killing on this film, and that’s just based on a percentage of my readers going to see it.”

“So, what’s your beef with Mav?” She cuts to the heart of it.

“Beef with Mav? I don’t have a beef with Mav. I think he’s an amazing actor and a truly terrific person.”

“Then why are you putting everyone through this?”

I’m stunned. Yet, I’m not. She has been summoned to LA to manage me. And the only thing I need to manage at this moment is my temper, because I’m about to blow like an oil well in west Texas. And that shit is messy.

“Because I don’t look at Maverick Dailey and say to myself he is Griffin Chase. My gut says it would be a gross miscasting and no one really cares about that, but me. And all the people who are so concerned about it, well, their names are not out there. This is not their brand. They’ll make their money, but they don’t have the name exposure with this project that I have. Maybe I’ll feel differently after seeing him and Eva Armeni today. I’m keeping an open mind, Caryn,” I assure her.

Everyone is beginning to filter in to start the day’s work, and at this point, I’m just so annoyed with Caryn and whoever the hell told her she needed to come out here and talk to me. Actually, I’m not annoyed, I am seething. Flipping through my notebook, I busy myself looking at bios of people who will be auditioning today so that I don’t have to have a conversation with anyone around me.

I knew today was going to be funky with having to deal with Mav and Eva, but I really didn’t anticipate this turn of events souring the day so early. The morning had started out so well with an amusing conversation with Finn as I stood before the bathroom mirror putting on extra make-up.

“Hey, mind if I shower while you do your make-up?” he asked, coming up behind me and kissing my shoulder. Looking at me in the mirror, he tilted his head, questioningly, not used to seeing me with a heavy layer of foundation on my face.

“I’m not going to see your ex with two black eyes that you gave me. “ I answered his unasked question, addressing his reflection.

“Tell her that I did it to you attempting a new yoga sex position.”

His smile was both delicious and evil, and I’d have given anything just to crawl back into bed with him and spend the day there.

“Yoga sex? Is that really a thing?”

Feeling his arms wrap around me and watching his muscles hide my arms, had me smiling. “I have no clue.” He laughed. “But I do know that she’ll think it’s the new hot thing and search everywhere for it.”

“Downward dog,” I had snickered.

“Save that thought for later.” He then kissed the side of my head before disappearing into the shower.

Looking through my notebook now at the studio, my eyes see nothing on the pages, my internal lens remains focused on the scene in my head with Finn.

Cleanse. Finn can’t be here now. Compartmentalize.

Two actresses fill the morning with their auditions for Gabriela’s part, and both women are good, believable, and possibly worth a second look. It almost feels like I’m the only one paying attention and everyone else is just biding time until the main event. There is no doubt in any of these people’s minds that Maverick Dailey should play Griffin Chase in Fleeing an August Moon. No doubt at all. Their only question is who will play Gabriela and they are anxious to see Eva read, because Mav’s request to bring another actor in for a role like this is unprecedented, so sight unseen, they are convinced she is Gabriela.

And the buzz has already started. It is the only topic at an interminable lunch in the executive dining room with the table’s occupants talking as if it is already a done deal. Their only question appears to be if Eva is the right actress to play opposite Maverick.

I feel anxious. I so want to be openminded about this audition, for Eva as much as Mav. I’m sleeping with her ex and it just feels like she’ll know, even though I’m sure Finn has said nothing to her about us. I don’t know why I’m so nervous, it’s not like she’s going to smell him on me or anything. I can’t help but smile thinking about sniffing his pillows and blanket those first days when I was convalescing in his bed. If I close my eyes, I can recreate the scent.

“What are you smiling about?” Richard Lesser, the film’s director asks.

“I’m just thinking about this audition. It’s really exciting for me to see Maverick Dailey perform a character of mine. Especially such a beloved one,” I explain my smile and see Caryn just observing me out of the corner of her eye.

As we settle back into the audition room after lunch, I check my phone. No messages. I want to send something to Finn, but what could I say. Everything seems inappropriate under the circumstances. Putting my phone back in my purse, I look up just as Sherri is ushering in Mav and Eva. The room erupts with greetings. The first thing I note is that they are both dressed for the part. Mav is in a suit, shirt open at the collar, silk tie loosened, and Eva has toned down the glam to almost nothing. Her make-up is minimal, exposing her natural beauty and in-line with Gabriela’s character.

Making his way through the greetings, a pro at working the response to his presence in a room, Mav shares lots of back-clapping and kisses before finally making his way to where I am sitting.

“Francesca.” He smiles at me, taking my hand and not letting it go.

“Maverick,” I answer as formally.

“How’s the leg doing?”

“It’s definitely hindering my style.” I laugh. He still hasn’t released my hand.

“You’ll have to fill me in on the details of how it happened.”

“Bad position during yoga sex.” My delivery is deadpan, and it slips out naturally just as Eva sidles up next to Mav.

“Yoga sex, what is that?” Her eyes are wide. “I think I need to know about this.”

Smiling at her, I warn, “Just be careful. It can get rough.” Mav’s eyes widen, and catching his gaze, I add with a shrug and a widening of my smile, “Rough can be good.” And we both laugh.

“We need to spend more time together, Francesca.”

“It could happen,” I flirt back.

Looking over Maverick’s shoulder, I notice a film crew is beginning to set up, cameras are placed, lights on high poles brought in, and assistants are checking light meters. This is the first time I’ve seen this during the audition process, and it dawns on me that this is an actual screen test we’re going to see this afternoon. The stakes have just risen immeasurably. This is real. Very real. The rise of excitement swells in my chest, grabbing oxygen’s place in my lungs, my breathing becomes fast and shallow.

“It never gets old.” Mav gives my hand a squeeze.

As if the curtains in a darkened room have been ripped open, I see before me a reality that never seemed real. Not until this moment. And it is certainly not lost on me that one of the biggest movie stars of our time is standing before me, sharing the moment.

His hand moves to my shoulder. “Excuse me, I’m just going to go into another room for a few minutes and get myself ready.”

Nodding, I understand what he’s saying to me. He needs to go off and get himself into that place, his raw place. I remember the fevered pitch of my emotions when I wrote the scene he and Eva are about to perform. I’d finished writing it at four in the morning and curled up in my bed, knees hugged to my chest, destroyed by Griffin and Gabriela’s heartache, and desperate to let go of the pain I’d internalized.

“You and Maverick seem to get along nicely,” Caryn is by my side again, commenting.

“Yeah, we do. He’s a really good man.” Keep an open mind, Frankie. Keep an open mind.

“Eva is very pretty. I’ve only ever seen her looking very stylish. She really looks better with a natural look. I’m glad she came in character to play Briela.”

“Me, too.” I’m so keyed up I’m finding it hard to speak.

“It’ll be interesting to see if she can hold her own with Maverick. He’s such a powerful actor.”

“We shall see.” And once again, I remind myself. Keep an open mind, Frankie. Put out of your mind that she is Finn’s ex. With benefits, as she put it.

Richard stops next to me. “I’m still in awe that you asked him to do this and even more blown away that he’s here doing it. We’re in for a treat.” As an afterthought, he mutters, “I hope she can hold her own.” That seems to be the overwhelming consensus of the room, the same exact phrase spoken twice in less than a minute.

“We’re ready,” an assistant informs Richard, who instructs another assistant to let Maverick and Eva know that we’re ready for them.

As everyone sits down, the production team takes their places. I’m glad this is being filmed, and have a feeling I will be studying it as soon as I can get my hands on a copy, and then watching it obsessively.

Mav and Eva stroll in hand in hand, Griffin and Gabriela walking through the night toward a spot at the border where it will be easy for her to cross into Mexico without authorities stopping her and demanding documentation that does not exist. They stop in the middle of the floor before the cameras and stand there, staring out blankly as if the darkness of night looms before them.

Gabriela: I don’t see a line. Where is the line?

Griffin: You know where the line is?

Gabriela: Where? (looking around)

Griffin: It’s here. Right here. (Mav’s fist goes to his chest) A thick, relentless black line, ripping me in two. That’s where the line is, Brie. It’s here. (Mav pounds on his chest) It’s right here.

Gabriela: I don’t think I will ever be ready to say goodbye to you, Griffin. I’ll never actually be ready. (Eva pauses, letting out a short, derisive laugh) You know, I feel like I’ve been saying goodbye to you my entire life.

Griffin: This time is by far the hardest. We never went our separate ways with the thought that this might be it. There is a very distinct chance that this is our forever goodbye and I want to stop you. But, I know I can’t. So, let me be by your side. I need to make sure you get there safely.

Gabriela: I can’t let you take that risk. I can’t let you give up everything. You know that. I would never let you give up everything.

Griffin: I am giving up everything, Briela. I’m giving up you.

Gabriela: You can’t walk away from everything you’ve built, everything you believe in, and have fought for. The work you are doing, it’s too important. Especially now, with the world blowing up around us.

Griffin: It’s not just my fight. It’s ours. One we should be fighting together. Not apart. Not with the specter of you never returning.

Gabriela: You have a mission, Congressman Chase. And I have one, too. Unfortunately, at this time, a border and the law are not yet on our side.

Griffin: (Putting his hand on her cheek) I don’t know that I’ll be able to get you back into the country when you are ready to come back. Living with that uncertainty and being too far away from you to ensure your safety…

Gabriela: I’ll be okay. This guy I grew up with taught me how to take care of myself when I was seven years old. (She smiles at him and reaching up, lays a hand on his cheek) You have a fight to lead. Please don’t question that because of me. You can’t walk away, and I understand that. People need you, Griff, a lot more people than one girl who watched you grow up to be an extraordinary man. I’ve had you a lot longer. They need you now.

Griffin: That doesn’t make this moment any easier.

Gabriela: And that makes me love you even more, Griffin Chase.

Griffin: (Taking her into his arms) I’ll wait for you, Brie. You know I’d wait forever to have you back in my arms again. I promise I will do everything in my power to make that happen. You have my vow. Right here. Right now. (He looks up) Standing here under these stars. You have my vow. (Wrapping his arms around her tighter) I’m going to hold you again, you know that, don’t you? If I don’t do anything else in my life, I will hold you in my arms again.

Gabriela: (Tears streaming down Eva’s face) You need to let me go.

As I watch the scene unfold, I’m in awe of the two of them. The emotion is palpable, and as the scene progresses, I feel it just ripping at my chest as the lump in my throat expands and grows denser.

Their gestures are both intimate and believable and it’s evident that Maverick and Eva have been working together, perfecting their timing into explosive, punctuated beats that dictate the breath of everyone in the room. And it’s Eva whom I can’t take my eyes off of. Mav is Maverick Dailey, he doesn’t give a performance short of brilliant. But, it’s Eva who is drawing me in, siphoning my emotions, and wringing me dry. I’m riveted.

Is she out-acting Maverick Dailey? The Maverick Dailey! How could that be? Am I the only one seeing this? I wonder.

With the scene nearing its climactic end, I’m reaching down into my bag for tissues. Caryn nudges me to give her one. Caryn Crane crying is probably a sight very few people have ever seen. She is tough New York bitch, personified, and right now she is trying to hide her tears.

Mav and Eva end the scene as he watches her turn away and start walking. The surprise is Eva actually walks out of the room as he stands statue-like watching her leave. The room is silent, no one is breathing. Everyone is with them on a desolate stretch of land illuminated by moonlight. Maybe forty-five seconds pass before Maverick moves and the character of Griffin Chase is gone, just like that. A few moments later, Eva re-enters the room to spontaneous applause.

Maverick Dailey as Griffin Chase. I’m probably the only one in the room still questioning if he truly is Griff. His performance was masterful. No one expected anything less, even me. Yes, he could be Griffin, but he’s not my Griff. Eva, on the other hand, as much as I hate to say it, Eva Armeni is Gabriela Sotomayer. The guy I’m screwing’s ex is the perfect actress to play the female lead in the film of my book.

The guy I’m sleeping with’s ex. My character. My movie. Methinks this town is incestuous.

I wish I was alone to let this sink in, because processing it in a roomful of people is not working for me. My emotions are ping-ponging, as they have been since my first breakfast with Finn, accentuating the confusion I’ve been having about stepping over lines and deciphering what’s real and what’s just living out fantasy in a town that serves up fantasy the way it serves up avocado toast.

“What’d you think?” Caryn whispers in my ear.

“I think she out-acted him,” whispering back, I put it all out there for her.

“Yeah, me, too. He was great and they are great together. Good chemistry. But she was the shocker here.”

Looking up to find Eva heading straight toward us, I smile at her. “You did a great job. I can’t wait to see the tape.”

“Thank you. I was so nervous. I mean, it’s such a huge role and all. And obviously acting with an actor of Maverick’s caliber was really stressful. Plus, this is your character, you created her, and I hope you saw her in me.”

Well, her tune has certainly changed since the night in the ladies’ room when it clearly wasn’t clicking in her brain that I was the gatekeeper to this role, and that her future in this film boiled down to me. Her main focus was that her ex with benefits and I had a visible connection. Tactical error on her part.

But, she is the best Eva I have seen to date.

“I did. You were excellent,” I reassure her.

Clutching her chest, she closes her eyes and smiles. “That means the world to me, Francesca.” And now her acting is over the top, her insincerity not masked the way she’s hoping it will be.

I do not like this woman. Mustering a smile as insincere as her declaration, I just can’t bring myself to answer.

“So, did I do okay?” Mav is now by Eva’s side and I can turn my attention to him.

“Do you ever not?”

His smile is both disarming and charming. “Probably more than I’d like to admit,” he shares, breaking into laughter. Reaching out, he takes my hand, threading his fingers through mine. “Thank you. I appreciate you allowing me to read for Griffin.”

“You know everyone thinks I’m nuts.” I look around, clearly referring to making a superstar audition.

“It was actually a good experience for me. Gets me back to my core, so I’m actually glad you did.” At least when he speaks, I feel the sincerity. Leaning in, he admits in little more than a whisper, “I had fun.”

The smile crinkles at the corners of his eyes, make me smile. There is something so likable about this man. Maybe he’s acting and it’s all part of the ploy, but my gut tells me he’s not, and I hope that he and I can actually maintain a friendship when this is all over.

“Give Jua a kiss for me.” I squeeze his hand.

“Will do. Let me know if you want to take a ride up there. I’ll come pick you up.”

“I don’t know if she’d like that. She’s kind of possessive of you. I saw her give me the stink-eye.” And from the corner of my eye now, I see Eva’s doing the same. It’s obvious that she is not fond of my friendship with Mav. Is it bad that I wonder how she’d react if she knew I was involved with Finn?

Within moments of Maverick and Eva’s departure, Marlena, the Executive Producer, announces a dinner meeting. In attendance will be me, Caryn, Richard, Sherri, and the head of the studio himself. If I had to venture a guess, I’d say that I’m the only person learning about this dinner meeting for the very first time.

Now Caryn’s early arrival makes perfect sense. They figured they’d humored me with Maverick’s audition and that was done.

I’m about to get squeezed.