Madison smoothed her skirt and stood outside her childhood home. Just driving through the little community of Roach had been like going back in time. If she closed her eyes, she could practically smell the sweet honeysuckle perfume that Mama had worn and taste the fresh-picked peaches she and Brook had eaten as children.
She remembered when the now-rickety porch swing had been brand new. She and Brook would sit next to Mama and listen to her read Bible stories. The big oak tree in the front yard used to have a tire swing, and she and Brook had taken turns pushing each other. When Daddy would come home from work they’d both climb on, and he’d push them as high as he could until Mama called them all to the table.
Her childhood had been happy. It was too easy to forget that after the way everything had turned out. The realization made her take pause at the front door. Sure, they’d gone through some tough times. Her grandpa’s illness and death had been difficult. And those long months when Daddy had been out of a job. But things hadn’t actually fallen apart until Mama had been diagnosed with cancer.
At the time, Madison had expected that everything would be okay. She couldn’t imagine it any other way. But then Mama had taken a turn for the worse, and things had never been the same.
Madison rapped on the door and waited. She’d known this day was inevitable, but she hadn’t expected to feel so many emotions.
The door slowly swung open, and for the first time in years, she stood face to face with her daddy. “Hi,” she said.
His weathered face broke into a smile. “Maddie,” he said. He pulled her into his arms. “I’ve missed you so much.”
She followed him into the house, not bothering to tell him not to use her old nickname. “The place looks exactly the same.”
“Probably just like it did the day you left.” He sat down in his old recliner. “Have a seat.”
Madison sank onto the same couch she remembered as a kid. She and Brook had watched Scooby-Doo every Saturday morning while they ate their Cheerios. “I wish you’d have let me bring you something to eat. I could’ve picked something up.”
Daddy shook his head. “Brook has put so many casseroles in the freezer, I think I could go for years without ever stepping foot into the grocery store.” He smiled, but it didn’t go all the way to his eyes.
Madison knew why. He didn’t have years. According to Brook, he might only have months. “I’m sorry you’re sick,” she said softly.
He nodded. “At first the doctor thought the problem was just with one kidney. But pretty soon it became obvious both were failing. I’m on dialysis now.”
“What about a transplant? Couldn’t you get on the list or something?” Madison wasn’t totally sure how that worked, but surely there was something that could be done.
“I’m on the list. But it can take years for there to be a match.” He shrugged. “And at this point, I don’t have that luxury.”
“But it could happen, right? I mean, they could call you with a kidney?”
He cleared his throat. “The chances are slim.”
“What about … someone you’re kin to?” From the way Brook had talked, Madison hadn’t realized a transplant was even an option.
“Brook’s already been tested. And your uncle Harold. Even Scott, though we aren’t blood related. None of them are matches.”
So that explained it. Scott’s anger the other day had seemed a little out of place. The fact that Madison hadn’t even known they were all being tested to be potential donors must’ve been too much for him to handle. “Why didn’t anyone call me?” she asked quietly.
Daddy met her eyes. “I told them not to. Of all people, I could never let you do that. It’s not like loaning someone a car or some money. And I knew if Brook called you, you’d get tested just because she wanted you to. And the truth is, I know I don’t deserve for you to give me that kind of gift.”
She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off. “Maddie, I messed up with you. A lot. The way I behaved after your mother’s death is inexcusable.”
Madison’s eyes filled with tears. “You were grieving.”
“So were you. And you were just a child. I want you to know that right after you left home, I got sober. Have been ever since.”
“I’m glad.” And she was. He hadn’t been a big drinker before Mama died, but it seemed like after that he just gave up on everything.
“I’m so sorry.” His voice cracked. “I watched you scrimp and save so you’d have the money to buy a brand-new prom dress. And what did I do? Ruined it for you.”
The pain came rushing back, fresh as it had been that day. When she’d finally gotten into her piggy bank to get the money out, just enough cash to buy the dress she’d had her eye on all year, the bank was empty. She’d ended up wearing a hand-me-down from a girl at church. Instead of feeling like a princess, she’d felt like a pauper. “That’s all in the past now.” His taking the dress money to buy booze had been the last straw. Madison had spent the weeks between prom and graduation living with her grandparents. She’d left Roach the morning after graduation.
Daddy put his head in his hands. “And then not showing up to your graduation. And you the valedictorian. Just like your mama had been.” He wiped his eyes. “There’s no excuse.”
At the time, his excuse had been that he was passed out in his truck outside some seedy bar. “We really don’t need to rehash this. I’m fine now. Everything is fine.” She wasn’t sure if it was, though. Thinking about those incidents brought her so much sorrow. But seeing the pain on Daddy’s face didn’t give her the satisfaction she’d always expected it to. Instead, it made her feel worse. Both of them had wounds that ran deep. And now he needed a kidney.
“I’ve tried to make up for it though.” Daddy reached over and took a thick book from the coffee table. He handed it to her. “I’ve been keeping up with you.”
She frowned and flipped through a few pages. “These are press releases.” She looked at him with wide eyes. “Press releases that I wrote.”
He nodded. “Brook taught me how to use the computer. I’ve been keeping up with everything you do. Ads you write, events your companies have participated in, and a few times I’ve found announcements in the newspaper when you’ve gotten promoted.” He grinned. “Whenever I start to feel like a complete failure, I flip through that book and just think to myself that by the grace of God and the good influence of your mama, you’ve somehow landed on your feet. Despite all I did to screw up.”
Madison closed the book and placed it carefully on the coffee table. “It’s really sweet that you’ve kept track of me.” Sweet and surprising.
“I love you. I never said it enough. But I guess when you’re facing the end, you start to realize what’s really important.”
Madison stood. She couldn’t handle much more, and she wasn’t sure he could either. “I should go now. You look tired.”
“It’s amazing how just a little bit of conversation takes my energy these days.” He rose from the recliner. “I remember when I could work twelve-hour days and still come home and have enough energy to chase you girls around the yard.”
She nodded. “Get some rest.” She reached up and kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll come back again soon.”
He walked her to the door and watched as she got in the car.
As she pulled out of the driveway, she could still see him waving. Tears filled her eyes until she couldn’t see the road ahead. She slowed the car down and pulled blindly onto the side of the road as she gave into the sobs.
She knew they couldn’t get back the years they’d lost. And only the Lord knew how much more time they had. But somehow she had to find it in herself to forgive and forget.
“Thanks for the generous offer,” Grant said into the phone as he paced the length of his small living room. “But I have no plans to compete in the fall.”
“We’d love to have you,” Mr. Richards said. “Now that you’re a hometown boy, you’d be a great addition to the tournament. If you change your mind, you know how to reach me.”
Grant ended the call and tossed the phone onto his scarred coffee table. He’d pulled the worn table out of a Dumpster a couple of years ago, expecting it to be a temporary addition to his house, but had never gotten around to replacing it. It kind of matched his decor scheme anyway.
Mr. Richards directed the fall bass tournament and had been calling monthly for the past three months. Grant turned him down every time, but the man didn’t want to take no for an answer.
He sank onto the couch and looked around his sparsely furnished cabin. Madison would hate this place. The way his mind kept drifting to her was really starting to irritate him. Yesterday he’d taken an older couple out on the lake, and the woman had squealed every time she came close to a worm. He’d laughed and imagined how it would be to take Madison fishing.
Except that he knew she’d never go for that. And the last time he’d been involved with a woman who viewed his lifestyle with disdain, it had only caused him heartache.
Grant stood and grabbed his tackle box. No point in sitting around here dwelling on it. He’d have to face Madison tomorrow for a day of caching. But this afternoon, it would be just him and the great outdoors. Solitary.
Just like he wanted.