I think I’m going to quit and come home.”
“What?” Ava shouted into the phone. “Are you crazy?” “Look, I’m obviously not ready to be unleashed on the real world and should just dive back into my cave where I can’t hurt anyone, including myself. Brad would get over it if I left. I’m sure he has a bevy of women at his beck and call to choose from.”
“Oh, puhleeze. You know I love you, Had. But it’s time I whop you over the head.” Ava took a deep breath.
Uh-oh.
“Had. Get. Over. Yourself.”
“What?” How could she say that? Hadley had been hurt. She’d had a rough life. She deserved sympathy, not accusations.
“Listen, girl. Let go. You’re holding so tightly to the past and to what bad people have said or done to you, to losses in your life, that you’re ignoring the words and love of the good people all around you. Hadley, we all have struggles in life. I had alcoholic and abusive parents. I’ve been teased and suffered bigotry for my race and family history. You’ve suffered, I’ve suffered. We’ve all suffered. You’re nothing special for your pain.”
Hadley crumbled in tears. How could her best friend say something so cruel to her?
“Let me finish. You’re not special for the pain you’ve suffered; you’re special for what you’ve done to overcome that pain. You’ve shown exactly how strong you are by how you’ve overcome your body image, your fears, and your lack of experience in matters of the heart. I admire you so much for how you’ve changed your life. Stop finding your identity in your pain, and find it in your strength.”
Hadley sniffed. Was Ava right? Was that what had been going on? Was she missing the mark?
“It’s time to let go, Had. Actually, way past time. The real you has been revealed. And she’s pretty awesome.”
“So what do I do now that I’ve messed everything up?” Brad. Noah. People thought she cheated. She should return to the safety of Chicago where things made sense.
“You stay put. You finish the race you set out to win. You make amends with that cute youth pastor who is obviously still head over heels for you—”
“Noah?” Hadley laughed. “Oh, come on, Ava. He hates me. I’ve been nothing but mean to him.”
“Hate is just undercover love, Had.”
“Brad … you home?” Hadley knocked on the front door. No answer, but the lights were on. Maybe he was around back. She walked through the dewy grass and climbed the steps to his deck. She smelled grilled food but didn’t hear any sounds. They hadn’t made any plans that night, but wouldn’t it be cool if he’d sensed she was coming over?
It had been a rough day. Hadley had been fighting demons, and she needed someone to talk to—a shoulder—well, not to cry on, but to lean on. Hopefully, Brad was home and would be her friend. She knew he wanted more than that … and they were definitely headed in that direction, but it would take Hadley time to catch up to where Brad wanted things to go. She’d have to share her reasons with him one of these days—maybe tonight if all went according to plan.
Brad’s deep laugh boomed from the deck of his boat. Probably on his cell phone. He said a few words that Hadley couldn’t hear as she took a few steps out onto the deck.
“Oooh, Brad. I like it when you touch me like that.”
Hadley froze where she stood. Her world spun out of her reach, and her ears rang. What was happening? She couldn’t even find clarity in the sounds around her anymore. She shook her head to clear the cacophony. She needed her senses clear because this was going to get ugly—she just knew it.
“I’ll be right back, Crystal. Don’t you go anywhere. We need more drinks.” Brad bounded onto the deck like a man on a mission.
“Crystal, huh?”
Brad stepped into the moonlight and locked eyes with Hadley. He blanched and looked from her face back to the boat, then back to Hadley—still grinning stupidly. He dropped one side of the smile, then the other. He lowered his eyes. “Look, you have to understand, Hadley. Men like me … we—”
“Have needs? Don’t tell me you were actually going to say that. How cliché. Silly me for thinking we had something special. For thinking you were special. You’re selfish, immature, and a big, fat liar.” Hadley looked him up and down. A disgusting shell of a man stood before her. “Look at you. Your clothes are all messed up. You’ve been drinking. You’re a snake, and I’m so glad I came here tonight.”
“Why couldn’t you just call first?”
“What, call first and miss all this? Hah. Showing up here to surprise you was the best move I’ve ever made.” Hadley turned on her heel. Head high. Don’t stumble. Don’t trip. Don’t fall. She strode away in the moonlight, tossing her ponytail over her shoulder.
“Good-bye, Brad.”
Hadley sailed her bike into the yard and let it fall to the ground. She climbed onto the porch. Numb. Norma’s rocker looked the most inviting, so she sat on the edge. Unmoving.
A minute later, maybe thirty, Norma poked her head out the screen door. “Come on in, dear. Come to Norma.”
Hadley rose and followed Norma into the kitchen.
“I can tell you’ve had a rough day, darlin’. Sit down right here and tell Norma all about it. I made you a mug of hot honey milk. If that doesn’t soothe your soul, nothin’ will.”
Hadley took one look at the steaming mug and then back at the warm heart that had prepared it. A single tear escaped. She swiped at it, and three took its place. Then more and more appeared until her shoulders were shaking with sobs.
“Oh, sweet baby. Tell me. What is it?” Norma engulfed Hadley’s body in her arms.
“It’s just—wh–why—do—I—why—can’t—I …” She sobbed and gulped. The words just wouldn’t come.
Norma let her cry and rocked her back and forth. “Shh. Shh. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”
“Why can’t they just love me?”
“Who, baby?”
“Him … Them … Anyone.” Hadley went limp on Norma’s shoulder. It felt so warm and safe. Like home.
Norma clucked her tongue. “Sweet girl, I don’t think the problem is that you need love from someone else. I think the problem is that you need to learn to love yourself. Look at ol’ Norma, here. Shoot fire, honey, it’s been decades upon decades since I’ve known the love of a man. But it hasn’t made me think any less of myself. I love myself. You know why?”
Hadley raised her eyes and looked at the dear old woman.
“No. Why?”
“Because I’m home. I’m safe in the arms of my Father, and I know how He feels about me.”
“But mine is dead.” Tears brimmed Hadley’s eyes.
“No, sugar. Not that father. I’m talking about that one.” She jabbed a meaty finger at the sky. “And He is very much alive. I sure would love to introduce you to Him. Want to meet my Daddy?”
Hadley nodded. “Yes. Please.”