On her next day off, demented by the thought of having an imbecile child, Katie decided to ask advice from the only person she would dare to tell. Lottie wouldn’t breathe a word of it to anybody else.
The shop was busy with women snapping up the loaves and rolls Bob McRuvie put through still hot from the bake-house, and Katie beckoned Lottie to the end of the counter. ‘Could I have a private word with you?’
The baker’s wife smiled. ‘There’s no chance of privacy here, but I suppose I could leave Kirsty on her own for a wee while after the rush is past. Say … the back of two?’
It was ten past two when she arrived. ‘Now, what’s up with you?’ she asked, as soon as she sat down. ‘I could see there was something. Has that Dennis been ill-using you?’
‘It’s nothing to do with Dennis.’
‘Has Sammy been getting into trouble at the Salutation?’
‘It’s worse than that, Lottie. I’m … I’m expecting.’
‘I some thought that would happen. Well, you’ll just have to tell Dennis he’ll have to marry you. Hang on, though! You said it had nothing to do with him.’ Lottie’s round, cheery face darkened, her eyes filled with horrified suspicion. ‘It’s not Sammy’s, is it? My God, Katie, surely you didn’t let him … ?’
‘I didn’t let him, I couldn’t stop him.’ Tears were edging down Katie’s cheeks now.
‘Don’t upset yourself, lass. How are you so sure it’s his? You’ve been sleeping with Dennis for a good while now.’
Unlike Katie’s neighbours, mostly devout members of one religious denomination or another, who had treated her like dirt because she was living in sin with Dennis, Lottie had never condemned her, so she told her everything.
After hearing the sequence of events on that fateful night and morning, the baker’s wife screwed up her nose. ‘Aye, I see your trouble. You’re not sure whose bairn it is?’
‘I’m nearly sure it’s Sammy’s,’ Katie sobbed. ‘Oh, Lottie, what am I going to do?’
‘You could tell Dennis it was his. He’d never know.’
‘He would if the baby wasn’t right in the head.’
‘Aye, maybe it’s not worth chancing it. Well, there’s only one thing for it … you’ll have to get rid of it.’
‘Could I do that?’ Katie’s face held a hint of hope.
‘Lord bless you, lassie, of course you could, but mind, it depends … how far on are you?’
‘Six weeks, not any more.’
‘Aye, well, that’ll not be so hard to shift. A double dose of castor oil or liquid paraffin should do the trick.’
‘You think so?’
‘Well, it might, and then again, maybe no, but we’ll keep trying, lass.’ Standing up, Lottie gave a low chuckle. ‘I’d better get back, but I was thinking, it’s a good thing I’m not one of them Brethrens or Catholics, for this would be against their beliefs, but me? I look at it this road. The Lord made a mistake when he gave Sammy a boy’s brain and a man’s needs, so it’s up to us to sort out the consequences.’ Laughing loudly, she went out.
Katie did not feel like laughing, but she did feel a lot better, and lifting her purse, she ran along to the chemist for a big bottle of castor oil. Back inside, she forced down two large tablespoonsful, gagging over the thick, cloying liquid, but determined to make it stay down.
That evening, unfortunately for the poor girl, was one on which Dennis did not ‘go out with his mates’, and she was ashamed at having to grab the torch and go to the lavatory so often. The purgative was giving her pains so severe that it was all she could do to stop herself from doubling up in agony, yet there was no sign that the remedy had worked.
Dennis frowned when she trailed back in after her fourth visit in twenty-five minutes. ‘What’s up with you?’
‘I’ve got diarrhoea.’
‘Keep away from me, then, in case it’s catching.’
At bedtime, she lay down on the couch, not undressing because she knew she would be kept on the move, but around three in the morning, when the effects of the castor oil wore off, she finally managed to get some sleep.
She was still awake first, and had the kettle boiling when Sammy came through to shave the whiskers which had started to sprout on his upper lip. He had been very proud when he first noticed them, and even prouder when she bought him a razor. After lathering his face with soap, he turned to her. ‘Shaving means I’m a man, doesn’t it, Katie?’
She nodded sadly. She had no doubts about him being a man – she had living proof of it inside her.
When Dennis came through, he asked, ‘How’s the belly?’
She wondered what he would say if she told him what was really wrong with her belly. ‘It’s a lot better now.’
‘I’ll not be home till late tonight. We’re playing another pub at dominoes.’
‘That’s good.’ It was good, Katie thought, because it meant she could take some more medicine in the afternoon, and he wouldn’t be here to see her tearing outside every few minutes in the evening.
On her way home, after eight, she went to the McRuvies’ house door – the shop was closed – to tell Lottie that the castor oil had failed in its intended purpose. ‘I took some more at half past four,’ she added, ‘so I’ll keep my fingers crossed that it works.’
Looking at the girl’s wan face and drawn cheeks, Lottie said, ‘You know, I was right angry at Sammy at first, but now I’ve had time to think … it’s Dennis I blame. He should have stopped when Sammy came into your bedroom.’
Katie heaved a despondent sigh. ‘It’s too late to worry about whose fault it was. I’d better go though, or Sammy’ll be wondering why I’m late.’
Beth having sent him away because she was not feeling well, Dennis was in a vile humour when he arrived home, scowling when Katie said, ‘Why are you in so early?’
‘The dominoes were off. One of our team was ill.’
Fired by the whisky he had drunk on his way home, he pulled Katie down on the couch, and despite her struggles of embarrassment because of Sammy’s presence, his kisses grew more and more passionate until he opened her blouse buttons and slid his hand inside.
‘I’ve seen them.’
At Sammy’s announcement, Dennis whipped round in surprise. ‘What d’you mean? What have you seen?’
Sammy’s smirk held deep self-satisfaction. ‘Katie’s tits.’
Furious now, Dennis turned back to her. ‘You surely to God didn’t let him … ?’
Fastening her blouse with fumbling fingers, she said, ‘I didn’t … oh, Sammy, please don’t say any more.’
‘There’s more, is there? Go on, Sammy, tell me.’
Delighted at annoying Dennis, Sammy went on jubilantly, ‘I kissed the pink bits that stick out.’
‘Stop it, Sammy,’ Katie pleaded, but Dennis put his hand over her mouth. ‘Go on, Sammy,’ he repeated, harshly.
The heady exhilaration of boasting was too much for Sammy. ‘My thing got great big and I knew where it had to go, so I put her on my bed, and oh, it was good! I felt like I was going to burst, and I did burst! Is that what happens when you do it, Dennis?’
It was a moment before the full impact of what Sammy was saying struck Dennis, then he roared, ‘Great God Almighty, Katie! You let this damned idiot … ? I don’t know how could you let him near you!’
She tried to keep her panic under control. ‘It was the morning after he saw us … he wanted to kiss me, and I thought it would stop him being so jealous of you … and I couldn’t find my nightie so I’d nothing on under my wrapper and he took it off … and I let him …’ Her voice broke now, and the rest came tumbling out between hysterical sobs. ‘I thought he’d be happy just doing that, but he got all worked up and I couldn’t stop him.’
His face livid, Dennis yelled, ‘You let him kiss your tits and you were surprised you couldn’t stop him? Christ, Katie, you were asking for it! Were you comparing him with me? Is that what you’ve been up to? I knew something was going on, but I never thought you’d sunk as low as that – with your brother!’
‘No, Dennis,’ Katie wailed, ‘it was only once.’
‘He’d never have stopped at once.’
She clutched his sleeve. ‘It’s the truth, Dennis!’
Jerking his arm away, he snarled, ‘You’re a bloody liar! You’ve been at it for weeks. I should have known that was why you wouldn’t let me … does he satisfy you better?’
His open hand hit her across the mouth, and at that Sammy gave a menacing growl and lumbered to his feet, his fists flailing, but being more agile, Dennis dodged to avoid being hit and made for the door.
Trying to restrain Sammy, Katie cried, ‘Dennis! Where are you going?’
‘To a woman that wouldn’t let the likes of him come within a mile of her.’ He fled as Sammy broke free.
As the door slammed, Sammy looked at Katie uncertainly and tried to put his arms round her, but she screamed, ‘Don’t you dare touch me! It’s all your fault!’ Sinking down on the couch, she burst into another flood of tears, and he stood for a moment, his face showing the pain her accusation was causing him. Then he turned slowly and went into his room, and Katie could hear his sobs over the sound of her own.
In only a few minutes, she had to grab the torch and fly out to the lavatory, noticing, even in her haste, that there was no sign of Dennis in the pend. He really had gone, and he likely wouldn’t come back.
The castor oil continued its work several times over the next half hour, and her insides were so sore from the many purgings that she wished she could die. Suddenly, she began to recognize a different pain, a pain which started lower down and increased in strength until, at last, something slipped out between her legs. Standing up, she shone the torch down the pot, and saw – nestling among the watery mucus which was all that was coming from her bowels now – what looked like a lump of liver, but she knew that at its core was the tiny foetus that would have developed into a baby – Sammy’s baby.
She felt a lightness inside her, as if all her internal organs had been removed, not just the unwelcome inhabitant of her womb, then she was gripped by guilt and hesitated before flushing it away, but the deed was done and she could do nothing to undo it even if she wanted to.
There was no sound from Sammy’s room when she went in, and she went to bed wondering if the abortion had actually been the result of the castor oil or of her shock at what had happened. Then, recalling what Lottie had said, she was sure that God had used Sammy himself as the instrument to undo the consequence of His mistake in the young man’s physical make-up – but why hadn’t He taken into account the effect Sammy’s revelation would have on Dennis?