Wherever your attention alights, at this very point, experience.
—Malini Vijaya Tantra
• Apply suspending judgment
• Learn how to accept things as they are
• Practice mindfulness on all levels—physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual
• Bring it all together for mindfulness moment-by-moment
Yoga breathing, postures, and meditative focus shape you every day and in every way. Bringing your mind fully into each present moment, each posture, and each breath enhances yoga practice and facilitates therapeutic work. Mindfulness training begins by suspending judgment, allowing you to widen the scope of your experience. Learning to develop nonjudgmental awareness and acceptance is extremely helpful for therapeutic progress. Mindfulness, with its nonjudgmental awareness and acceptance is a skill that takes practice. So, doing the mindfulness exercises in this chapter is important for building your skills. You can break the process down into various components, and you will practice mindfulness of the body, emotions, thoughts, and the thinking process to build your skills. Eventually, it will all come together, and what began as a deliberate effort will become a natural and spontaneous adjustment to life, awake and aware, without worrying and evaluating, simply being present.
Roger was tough. His biceps showed through his close fitting T-shirt, and his short-cropped hair revealed a menacing tattoo on his forehead. His eyes riveted through you, and when he spoke, he sounded like a series of loud growls. He was referred to therapy because of his aggressive behavior. Although therapy was not his idea, he said, “I don’t mind being here because I’m f. . .ing tired of getting locked up!” (He generously sprinkled expletives throughout his speech. We leave it to the reader to fill those in.) “I don’t know how it happens. I’m cool! The only reason I get in fights is that people are such idiots!”
We taught him mindfulness, so that he could learn to observe his experience and suspend judgment. He practiced in the office and at first observed surface things, “I notice I’m sitting. I am aware of you looking at me.” We asked him to notice his sensations and body experience. “I feel fine,” was his first response. We encouraged him to follow his sensations, feelings, and thoughts for two or three minutes at different times during the week, and he agreed to do it. When he returned, he told us that as he did it more often, he began noticing things he usually overlooked. He listened to people’s voices as they were talking with him. He heard his own voice, and it sounded louder and harsher than other people’s voices. He became aware of how people around him acted afraid. And he observed that when people spoke to him, he felt irritated by certain voice tones he heard, for no real reason. As we discussed his observations each week, he began to recognize that his irritation was actually fueled by his own inner issues. By observing and listening closely, he noticed that he was feeling angry much of the time. His anger sensitized him, and he attributed annoyed meanings to overtones he heard in other’s voices that they were not intending. With this realization, he was able to work on the source of the anger within him, and he stopped perceiving annoyance in others. Instead of radiating beware, his way became a more peaceful one: to be aware.
Mindfulness offers a distinct approach for observing actions, thoughts, and feelings. But when you look more deeply, you may not always like what you see. You might feel like passing judgment on yourself or others before you really understand. Keep in mind that negative judgments about what you are experiencing narrow down what you notice, leading you to miss key aspects. Mindful awareness involves being objective—simply looking and sensing what is really there. Like a scientist who is gathering data, don’t jump to conclusions or use the new information you gain to form biased opinions. Instead, be objective. For the purposes of mindful awareness, suspend your judgments and simply let the experience unfold. Trust the process and you will develop an open mind. Be aware.
To begin suspending judgment, notice details of your physical experience. Accept the bad along with the good, and cultivate detachment.
Survey yourself from head to toe and recognize all your different parts. Describe each part to yourself. For example, notice your hair—its color, texture, style—your eyes, etc. But stay factual. You might observe that your hair is a certain color or straight or curly or long or short. Perhaps you see qualities that you never quite noticed before. Don’t add evaluations, such as my hair is too dark or too curly. Simply observe your hair as it is, dark and curly.
If you discover something about yourself that you don’t like, take note of it. Know that you are noticing something you don’t like. You may decide this quality should eventually be changed, but for the moment, observe the experience you are having: “wanting change.” What are the qualities of “wanting change?” Are there any emotions that go with it? Are there any body sensations? Notice that you want change, without self-criticism. Observe it, note the feeling that you want to change, and accept it as another experience. If you begin to evaluate it as a negative quality, notice that you are doing so. Whenever you can simply observe, you will find that perception opens. Thus, this is a two-part exercise in that you are, first, allowing your experience to flow, but then you are also noticing it as it occurs. Let yourself be aware of the moment and in the moment. Keep your observations clear and descriptive. Learn to accept your experience of yourself, without making comparisons or criticisms to something outside of this moment. Then you will be able to appreciate the full range of experiencing, just as it is. And you will be able to choose how to respond.
Mindfulness can be practiced in many ways. Here are some variations to help you become aware of your body, emotions, and thinking processes.
Sit down in a chair or choose one of the sitting positions, and turn your attention to your body. Begin by noticing your body sensations as they are occurring. Perhaps you might sense your skin temperature or the softness of the chair you are sitting on, or possibly a tight muscle or relaxed breathing. Let your attention move moment-by-moment as you become aware of one sensation or another. As each moment is new, you will find that the next moment is not necessarily an exact replica of the last. Follow the flow of your sensory experiencing for several minutes.
Remember, don’t pass judgments on your experience. If you find yourself saying, “I like this sensation,” or, “I hate that one,” notice that you are making a judgment, and if you can, set it aside. Instead, experience the sensation and accept it just as it is.
Notice your sensations when you are in different body positions (standing, sitting, or lying prone). When you first wake up in the morning, begin by taking a moment to feel your body as you lie in bed. Once you get up, pay attention to how you sit up, step onto the floor, and slowly stand up. Take note of your body positions whenever you have a chance throughout your day. You can even extend being mindful of your body while you walk. Wherever you find yourself, as you go about your day, take a moment to notice your physical sensations.
Many people find that paying attention to breathing is one of the easiest ways to begin the process of becoming more aware. Having worked with breathing in Chapter 5, you will already have built some skills. You may find mindful breathing a natural way to bring yourself into the practice of mindfulness. Perform this exercise regularly.
Sit on a small pillow on the floor and cross your legs. If you have difficulty sitting on the floor, please feel free to sit in a chair. Let your hands rest comfortably on your legs. Keep your back relatively straight so that your breathing passages are free and unrestricted. Close your eyes and breathe normally.
Notice as you bring the air in through your nose. Feel the air in your nasal passages and sense the movement in your chest and diaphragm. Stay with the sensation as the air travels into your lungs. Next, follow the air as it moves out. Note how your diaphragm pushes down as the air travels up and out through your nasal passages. Feel the sensation of air pushing out as it leaves your nose. Now follow the next breath in the same way. You will notice slight variations, because each moment is new and each breath is a new breath. And you will recognize that breathing involves many different sensations.
Continue breathing mindfully for several minutes. If you catch your attention drifting away from your breathing, gently bring it back. Follow your breathing, just as it is. You may feel yourself calming as you breathe and remain aware of your breath. The sense of inner peace this engenders will become a resource.
You can extend mindfulness to your emotions by turning your attention to what you are feeling right now.
To start the process, sit down for a moment and close your eyes. Turn your attention inward and notice what you are feeling. Perhaps you feel calm as you sit quietly. Follow the feeling and notice if it changes. Perhaps now you feel happy or excited about what you are doing. Then, as you continue to pay attention, does your emotion change again? Let yourself become curious and explore each feeling as it arises. Sense the location of the feeling in your body, how it changes over time, and what it becomes as you stay attuned to it and aware of it.
Don’t judge whether each feeling is good or bad, or whether you like it or don’t like it. Instead, observe, accepting each feeling just as it is. You are merely gathering information that will be helpful to you on your mindful journey. By observing your feelings, even the ones you might not like, you will learn more about yourself. And as you eliminate adverse reactions to a negative feeling, you will become more accepting of what is, as it is, and be more able to move on to the next feeling.
Mindfulness can be helpful when you are having a very strong emotion that takes over and fills you with urgency. If this occurs, choose to observe what you are feeling for a specific length of time, for example, 5 minutes. Take note of the sensations, the thoughts that go with the emotion, any impulses to act, and anything else that comes into your awareness. But remember, don’t judge it as awful or wonderful—just notice it as you sit quietly. Without trying to stop what you are feeling, notice how the emotion gradually changes or is transformed over time. Typically, as you pay attention to troubling emotions mindfully, at first they fill your mind, and then they become less severe. So, if you mindfully experience a negative emotion, the feeling will eventually lose its intensity, while you will increasingly find yourself feeling calm. Take note of how you experience change in your body sensations as well. Notice that your cheeks cool down, the uncomfortable feeling in your stomach goes away, and perhaps your tense muscles loosen. As pointed out, meditation has a moderating influence on emotions, making them easier to cope with. So stay with the emotion if you can, and be alert and aware of each changing moment. Trust that time will bring relief.
Through mindful awareness, you can observe the typical thinking processes that seem to fill each moment, and begin to recognize that you have an ongoing series of ever-changing thoughts. And with this awareness comes greater clarity, balance, and calm.
Being mindful of your thoughts begins by first recognizing what you are thinking in the moment. Sit quietly and close your eyes. Notice what you are thinking as you think it. Follow the flow of your thoughts. Imagine you are sitting on the bank of a river, watching leaves and twigs flow by. Don’t jump into the river but stay back on the shore, watching. Keep observing and letting each thought drift past. If you find yourself drifting downstream with a thought, climb back on shore and resume observing.
Now, instead of focusing on what you are thinking, move your attention to the flow itself. Do the thoughts flow by quickly or do they move slowly.
How does a thought come into your mind? Does it suddenly appear, seeming to come from nowhere, or does it drift in slowly and gradually? Notice, too, how the thought leaves. Does it disappear suddenly as you move on to another thought, or does it fade away gradually as another thought arises? Are there spaces between thoughts or do they occur one after the other?
Continue attending to the flow of thoughts without getting caught up in any particular thought. Don’t make any judgments about it. Simply accept your thinking processes just as they are. Notice any changes that might occur as you remain mindfully attuned to your thoughts.
Body sensations, feelings, and thoughts are present in every moment. Bring your mindfulness practice together and feel aware and in touch with what you are experiencing in the moment.
Bring all the ways of being mindful to the present moment. Pay close attention to whatever you are experiencing right now. Scan through your body and notice any sensations. Observe your feelings and notice any thoughts you might be having. As you become centered in the moment, be present.
Your experience transforms moment-by-moment. Whenever possible, turn your attention to your moment-by-moment experience. Be in touch mindfully as often as possible. In time, mindfulness will become habitual and natural.
Pick a short activity that you perform every day, such as brushing your teeth. Make a conscious effort to attend to it mindfully, from beginning to end. Before beginning, stop for a few seconds and breathe with awareness of each breath in and out. Then begin the activity: Notice the taste of the toothpaste, the temperature of the water, and the sensation of the toothbrush on your teeth. Feel your arm as it moves, and notice your body position at the sink. When you have finished, take a few seconds to pay attention to the sensations of your mouth and face.
Another activity that lends itself well to minute mindfulness is taking a shower or a bath. Any brief activity that you do regularly can be a good place to start. Continue to bring mindfulness more and more into each day by attending to other short activities.
1. Keep a journal of your mindfulness practice. Practice all the exercises in this chapter, writing what you experience as you experience it.
2. Spend a set amount of time each day, perhaps at different times of the day, writing in your mindful journal.
3. Record your moment-by-moment experience without evaluation or judgment.
a. When you do this exercise, the writing will be spontaneous and almost unconscious.
b. Don’t stop to think back about a feeling or emotion, just stay in the moment. Later, you might want to read what you wrote.
c. Remember, don’t judge your journal entry.
d. Accept each mindful entry as it is. You will grow through the process!