“One more?” Julia eyed her hopefully.
“Your wish is my command.” Taylor clicked the Keep Watching button.
Julia nuzzled deeper into the sofa and took a sip of her wine. “I know this isn’t a date, but this is the best date.”
Taylor couldn’t help but smile. “Maybe you’re going on the wrong kind of dates.”
Julia eyed her with sarcasm. “You think?”
“Remind me why you’re doing this again?” She knew, but she wanted Julia to say it out loud, own really wanting it.
Julia sat up, nearly sloshing her wine over the edge of the glass. “I’m proving a point.”
“To whom, exactly?”
She frowned. “Myself.”
“Okay. Just making sure.”
“You think I’m crazy, don’t you?”
“Not crazy.” She knew dangerous territory when she saw it.
“But you don’t get it.”
She might not get Julia’s methods, but she could appreciate the sentiment. “I get the spirit of it.”
The frown became a scowl, but then Julia shrugged. “I guess that’s close enough.”
The episode started and conversation lulled. Taylor half-watched Liz’s ill-advised attempt to make things work out with Dennis, again. When the credits rolled, she turned to ask Julia if she’d learned anything about settling, but found her sound asleep. She looked peaceful and, although she’d hate the word, vulnerable.
How could this woman stir her most primal desires and her desire to protect at exactly the same time? Even as she asked the question, she knew the answer. She didn’t like it, but she knew it. She was halfway in love with Julia Pierce. Halfway being a conservative estimate.
Taylor collected the dishes and glasses from the coffee table and brought them to the kitchen. She returned to the living room and shut off the TV. Julia didn’t stir.
Taylor grabbed a blanket from the back of the sofa and laid it gently over her. Should she try to angle Julia into a position that would leave her less stiff in the morning? No, that would likely wake her up. She grabbed a pillow instead and set it next to her in case she slid down during the night. There, that was better.
“Don’t go.” Julia mumbled the command, eyes half-lidded.
“I’m not going far,” Taylor said. “Just to bed.”
“Can I come?”
Taylor froze. Did she hear right or did she imagine it? Or was Julia talking in her sleep?
“Just to cuddle. I promise I won’t get handsy.”
Okay, so not imagining it. Not dreaming, either, if she had the wherewithal to throw in caveats. There was no way humanly possible this would go well, but equally impossible was denying Julia’s almost timid request. “Of course.”
Julia pushed the blanket to the side and extended her hand. Taylor closed her eyes and took a steadying breath. And then she took it.
It felt at once natural and surreal to lead Julia up the stairs to her bedroom. She let go of Julia’s hand long enough to flip on the lamp near the bed. She turned and found Julia looking down at her dress, frowning.
“Do you want a T-shirt to sleep in?” Because that wasn’t the stuff of fantasy.
Julia smiled. “I’d love one.”
Taylor went over to her dresser and pulled one out. She handed it to Julia. “I’ll give you a minute.”
“Thanks.”
She went to the bathroom, bracing her hands on the vanity and staring at herself in the mirror. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust herself to act like a gentleman. No, it was her own feelings she worried about, letting them tumble out into a messy pile at Julia’s feet. She shook her head. “Get a grip, Winslow.”
After counting to fifty, she returned to the bedroom. She found Julia in her bed, covers pulled up to her chin. “I didn’t know which side of the bed was yours.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Not like she’d be getting any sleep.
“Come on, everyone has a side.”
“Fine. Left.”
Julia scooted over to the right. “See? That wasn’t so hard.”
Taylor got into bed and switched off the lamp. The nearly full moon gave the room an iridescent glow. Julia had turned onto her side to face her. Taylor cleared her throat. “Do you need anything else? I should have asked.”
“I’m good. Thanks for letting me crash.”
“Anytime.”
Julia smiled. “Good night.”
“Night.”
Julia closed her eyes but Taylor kept hers open. She’d given a lot of thought to what it might be like to spend the night with Julia. None of those thoughts—or fantasies or daydreams—had looked like this. But she couldn’t quite manage to bring herself to be disappointed.
This was probably a terrible idea. Getting closer to Julia made it seem like maybe something was there, something more than a roll in the hay. But that could be wishful thinking as much as anything else. Pursuing it would be a huge risk, to her ego yes, but also to her heart.
The question, the one that kept her up at night even without Julia lying next to her: was she willing to risk it?
* * *
Julia woke to Taylor’s arm planted snugly around her middle. She didn’t remember positioning herself to be the little spoon, but that’s exactly what she was, her back pressed perfectly against Taylor’s front. A flash of self-consciousness hit her but was drowned out by how good it felt to be in Taylor’s arms.
Good in a way none of her hookups had felt. Good in a way she’d maybe felt with Erica years ago. Good in a way she’d almost forgotten.
She squirmed slightly, mostly to relish the sensation of Taylor’s body so close. Taylor let out a low groan and her grip tightened. So. Fucking. Good.
She’d just started thinking about how she could stay exactly like this all day when Taylor shifted. Started might be a more accurate description. Like she’d woken up and realized where she was and who she was holding.
Julia put a hand over Taylor’s, trying to make the moment last a hair longer. “Good morning.”
Taylor didn’t relax, but she didn’t pull away either. “Good morning.”
She scrambled for something else to say. “I hope I didn’t make things awkward last night.”
This time Taylor did shift. “You didn’t.”
Julia rolled so they were facing each other and propped her head in her hand. “Your mouth is saying one thing, but your body language is screaming something different.”
Taylor mimicked the posture and frowned. “I think I’m just confused.”
“Confused that I wanted to stay?”
“Confused about what you want. Because last night feels like the exact opposite of what you’ve been saying you want, of what you’ve been doing.”
The trace of accusation in Taylor’s voice made Julia bristle. Not because it wasn’t true, but because it was. “I don’t really know what I want. That’s the problem.”
Taylor’s whole demeanor softened and she closed her eyes. She opened them with a sigh and an encouraging smile. “Your ten-year marriage ended like two months ago. You’re not supposed to have it all figured out.”
“Yeah, but—”
“No buts. I get why you feel like you need to play the field, make up for lost time. There aren’t any rules aside from going about it with honesty and integrity.”
Rather than making her feel better, the understanding made her feel selfish and small. “You think I’m a train wreck, though.”
Taylor shook her head. “I never said that.”
Never saying it and not thinking it were not the same thing, a fact not lost on Julia. “You wouldn’t go out with me.”
Taylor rolled her eyes and flopped onto her back. “That has nothing to do with thinking you’re a train wreck.”
Julia lifted her chin. She should drop it, but she couldn’t. “Then why?”
With almost alarming speed, Taylor rolled back toward her. The look in her blue eyes was so fierce, it took Julia’s breath away. “Have you forgotten the fact that I asked you out?”
Oh, she remembered. “And then took it back pretty much the next breath. You weren’t shy in judging my choices.”
“I wasn’t judging.”
Julia sat up then and pointed a finger at Taylor. “‘I don’t want to be a notch in your bedpost.’ I’m pretty sure that’s what you said. If that’s not judging, what is it?”
Taylor sat up, too. She let out a groan and her head fell back. When she righted it, she once again looked into Julia’s eyes. “I like you. A lot. Have I not been obvious enough about that?”
She’d figured Taylor liked her well enough. Who would hang out with and sign up to be the wingman of a woman she didn’t like? But at the same time, why would Taylor sign up for that role if her feelings were anything more than friendly? “Now I’m confused.”
Taylor chuckled. “Maybe we could continue this conversation with coffee?”
If a small part of her never wanted to get out of a bed shared with Taylor, the rest of her needed caffeine. And to figure out exactly what was happening between them. “I approve this plan.”
Taylor climbed out of bed, giving Julia a glimpse of navy and white polka dot boxers. She hadn’t noticed them the night before, which was probably a good thing. She’d have had an even harder time keeping her hands to herself otherwise. “Would you like a pair of shorts or pajama pants or something?”
She looked down. Probably not the best idea to go prancing around Taylor’s house in a pair of lacy hip-huggers. “That would be great. Shorts are fine.”
Taylor opened a drawer. “Boxers okay?”
“Perfect.” Sure, lounging around in the boxers and T-shirt of someone she’d spent the night with fell into the category of girly daydreamy things, but it didn’t need to be a big deal.
Taylor dug around for a moment, then pulled out a pair in plaid that sort of matched the colors of the shirt Julia wore. Did she do that on purpose? And why did Julia find it so damn charming?
Taylor left the room and Julia pulled on the shorts before padding after her. She walked into the kitchen to the whir of a coffee grinder. Of course Taylor ground her own coffee. Julia shook her head and tried to focus on the moment. Not on the way every minute she spent with Taylor fucked up the neat little compartments she’d created for the people in her life.
“What’s wrong?” Taylor looked at her with concern as she filled the carafe with water.
“Nothing. I mean, everything, but nothing.” What were the odds Taylor would take that answer and drop it?
She pointed a finger at Julia. “That is why we’re going to talk.”
So, no. “Do we have to?”
“Julia Pierce, are you afraid to talk about your feelings?”
Her therapist in New York may have used that exact phrase on more than one occasion, but Taylor didn’t need to know that. “No.”
Taylor smirked. She actually smirked. “Good.”
They lingered quietly while the coffee brewed. It should have been awkward, but it wasn’t. Before long, they sat on the sofa, the one they’d sort of cuddled on a few hours prior. Julia sipped her coffee. Maybe they wouldn’t have to talk about feelings after all.
“I wasn’t judging you.” Taylor set her mug on the coffee table.
“So you said.” Although she’d yet to come up with another interpretation.
“I didn’t want to casually date you because I’m pretty sure I’d end up wanting more.”
Oh. Why didn’t she see that coming? “Really?”
“I maybe, sort of, had a thing for you in high school. Seeing you again made me realize it never really went away. So, when you said you wanted to date, or hook up, or whatever, with anyone and everyone, I knew better than to be one of those people.”
It all made sense now. Even as it made no sense at all. “You liked me in high school?”
Taylor shrugged. “Not in an obsessed, unrequited love sort of way. Just your garden variety crush.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“We weren’t tight. I didn’t even know you were queer. Until you hooked up with Erica.”
And once that happened, she had eyes for no one else. Would she have made different choices if she’d fallen in love before Erica came along? Not that she could do anything about it now, but she couldn’t help but wonder. “I wish I’d known.”
Another shrug from Taylor. “It’s fine. And being friends now is fine.”
“But you don’t want to be anything more.” She tried to ignore how disappointed the idea left her.
“It’s not that at all. I…” Taylor looked up at the ceiling. “I don’t need to think we’re going to end up together, but like I said before, I can’t just be a hookup. A good time you have once and never think about again.”
She thought about the feeling of Taylor’s arm around her in bed, the look in Taylor’s eyes as they shared sandwiches after taking pictures together. “You could never be that.”
“Look, I don’t need you to stroke my ego—”
Julia didn’t let her finish. She closed the space between them and she pressed her lips to Taylor’s. She’d meant to get Taylor’s attention, get her to stop talking nonsense. But once she started kissing Taylor, she couldn’t seem to stop. Taylor wound her fingers into Julia’s hair and took her bottom lip between her teeth. Not aggressive, exactly, but commanding, confident. And completely different from the tentative kiss on the tailgate of Taylor’s truck.
When Taylor eased back, it took a second for Julia’s head to stop spinning. “Um, wow.”
Taylor’s smile was as confident as her kiss, and maybe the tiniest bit smug. “I was thinking the same thing.”
“We weren’t going to do that.”
Taylor cocked a brow. “I know.”
“But I’ve been wanting to.”
“Same.” Taylor nodded slowly. Was she encouraging her or putting the brakes on?
“Do we get to do it again?” Please say yes.
Taylor didn’t answer for a long time. It took every drop of energy Julia had to sit still. Wait. Wait. Wait. After what felt like an eternity, Taylor said, “Yes.”
Thank God.
“But not right now.”
It was all Julia could do not to pout. “No?”
“If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it right.” The firmness in Taylor’s voice was a total turn-on.
“And how does that go?”
“You’re going to let me take you to dinner and be romantic and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.”
“Old school.” Despite the teasing tone, the idea made her insides all fluttery.
Taylor crossed her arms. “Do you have a problem with that?”
“I do not.”
“Good.”
Julia leaned forward, resting her elbows on her crossed legs. “When do we get to go on this date?”
Taylor picked up her coffee and took a sip. “You name the day.”
The part of her all about instant gratification wanted to say tonight, but she had to work until seven and again the next morning. “How’s Thursday? Six o’clock?”
“I’ll pick you up.”