Julia read the website for what had to be the hundredth time. The contest rules were simple, the deadline a full two weeks away. All she had to do was submit ten photographs with a shared theme and short personal statement. Simple. And she was utterly terrified.
In truth, the contest guidelines had nothing to do with the ripple of panic. It was the prize: a six-month position as an artist in residence at a program in the city aimed at connecting disadvantaged kids to the world of art. Not that she wouldn’t love to work with kids. No, it was the six months in the city part. What would have felt like a godsend only a few months prior now crippled her with indecision.
She’d waffled for days, unable to come up with a single person she could tell. Someone whose opinion she trusted. Someone who didn’t have a stake in where she ended up. She’d resorted to lists, old school tallies of pros and cons. The result was a dead tie. She could think of as many reasons why it was a terrible idea as she could why she should suck it up and do it.
In the end, fear won out. Not fear of the unknown, but fear of her own cowardice. Of missing out on yet another opportunity because she didn’t believe in herself. Of thinking way too much about what other people might think. Of what would happen, not if she failed, but if she succeeded.
Once the decision was made, an almost eerie calm settled over her. Whether it had to do with making the right decision or the assurance she could do it all in secret, she didn’t know. All she knew was she was taking a chance. And it was about fucking time.
She pored over the images she’d captured to date. She dismissed the ones she’d taken at the winery—interesting but they didn’t scream wanting to work with kids. The ones from her afternoon with Taylor were cool, but so rural. She worried they wouldn’t translate to an urban program.
Julia wrestled with another bout of indecision. She mulled over her options all through her shift and got caught zoning out. Twice.
The second time, Caroline snuck up on her, hovering right over her shoulder and saying, “What’cha thinking about?”
Julia jumped a mile and almost clocked Caroline in the nose. Not intentionally, of course. “Nothing.”
“Well, I know that’s not true. It’s Taylor, isn’t it? You can be gaga. It’s cute.”
“I’m not gaga.” She was, but that wasn’t the point. “I was thinking.”
“About Taylor?”
“No.” Which was the truth, although she’d confess to daydreaming about her girlfriend before she’d own where her thoughts really were.
“I know I was kind of anti you getting involved with anyone, but I’m glad you and Taylor hooked up.”
Julia snickered at the choice of phrase. “Thanks.”
“I mean it. Taylor’s awesome. She’s a stand-up person, you know? Has integrity.”
Oh, she did. It made her insides all fluttery and it overwhelmed her and terrified her all at the same time. Especially if she allowed her mind to wander to words like relationship and the future.
“What? Why are you frowning?”
“I’m not.”
“Are you breaking up with her? Because that would be a terrible idea.”
She had a flash of the old Caroline, the one who needed to insert her opinion into anything and everything related to Julia’s life. “I’m not breaking up with her. I wasn’t even thinking about her.”
“So, what were you thinking about?”
She’d walked right into that, hadn’t she? “Photography, if you must know.”
Caroline’s eyes lit up. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. I ran into Amanda at the gym and she couldn’t stop talking about how great the pictures you took of Cal are.”
She didn’t have a lot of experience being the subject of positive gossip. It was sort of nice. Although, was it called gossip if it was nice? “He’s such a great kid. The second he warmed up, it was easy to get good pictures.”
“Still.” Caroline frowned. “Taking senior pictures is a big deal.”
Julia braced herself for a lecture on how she had no formal training and probably shouldn’t be putting herself out there as a real photographer.
“If his mom is thrilled with them, you must have done an amazing job.”
The compliment stopped Julia in her tracks, or would have, had she been moving. Even with their newly fortified relationship, praise wasn’t really part of the package. “Um, thanks.”
“She said she gave your name to all her friends and was pretty sure you were getting lots of requests.”
“Yeah.” She hadn’t shared her foray into photography with Caroline, in part because it still felt new and she didn’t want to jinx anything. The other part was opening herself up to Caroline’s special brand of well-intentioned but slightly judgmental curiosity. The kind of backhanded compliment that could deflate her quicker than a thumbtack to a balloon.
“That’s really great, Julia. Why are you being all weird and shy?”
How could she explain without unearthing a lifetime of being the slightly less smart, slightly less pretty, way less successful sister? “I don’t want to jinx it, I guess.”
“If you have talent, there’s nothing to jinx, right?”
“Right.” Not unlike Ellie’s birthday, everything about this felt different from the dynamic she’d grown accustomed to with Caroline through the years. Old habits, it seemed, died hard.
“Would you do us? Like a family portrait? We haven’t done one since Luke was born, and it kind of makes me feel like a bad mother.”
It was hard to know what caught her more by surprise—Caroline requesting her photography services or owning any weakness as a parent. She sighed.
“Why are you scowling?”
“I’m not.”
Caroline’s expression hinted at the old, bossy sister she knew. “You’ve always been a terrible liar.”
Julia laughed. It might be an insult, but it was true. In the spirit of all this new connection, she decided to be honest. “I was kind of expecting you to not take it, or me, seriously.”
“What do you mean?”
“Pat my head and say, ‘Oh, look. Julia is trying to do something and is probably in over her head, but good for her for trying.’” It came out snarkier than she intended, but she had years of low-grade resentment stored up.
“That’s so condescending. I would never say that.”
“You’d think it, though, and say some slightly nicer version of it.”
Caroline frowned. “Is that what you think of me?”
“It’s more that I’ve made it super easy for you to think that of me. I’m kind of a mess.”
Caroline folded her arms and Julia braced herself for an argument. “You are not. You’ve come through a terrible situation and you’re making a whole new life for yourself. I’m proud of you.”
She didn’t like to use the word dumbfounded, but it fit. Between this and Caroline calling her a catch a couple of weeks before. “You don’t have to say that.”
“Of course I do, because apparently you need it.”
Did she? Wanted, maybe, but that was different.
“I’m not super effusive with the warm and fuzzies.” Caroline moved her hands back and forth in a clear demonstration of her discomfort. “I’ve gotten better with the kids, but I figure people know when they’re rocking it.”
Julia chuckled. “Spoken like someone with a healthy ego.”
“Ha.”
If Caroline confided having some deep-seated insecurities, Julia might actually fall off her chair. If she’d been sitting in a chair. “No?”
“Let’s just say, the older I get, I realize the less I know.”
The comment resonated on so many levels. Maybe that’s why they were getting along so well. They were finally on the same page. “Well said, dear sister. Well said.”
“So?”
To her credit, Julia didn’t immediately think the worst. She didn’t know what to think, but she didn’t think the worst. “So?”
“So, you’ll take our picture?”
Right, that. “On one condition.”
Caroline rolled her eyes but smiled. “I’ll pay you. I don’t expect a freebie because we’re family.”
“I’ll do it for free if you let me put you on my website. You’ll be my first family session.”
“You have a website?” She sounded surprised, but Julia didn’t hold it against her at this point.
“Not yet, but I will.”
Caroline grinned and stuck out her hand. “Deal.”
* * *
Taylor was supposed to be staining a glider, but her eyes and her attention kept drifting to Julia. She’d stopped by for lunch before heading to work and now was wandering around the workshop. It was an arrangement that would be easy to get used to.
After the rundown of her latest bookings, Julia had shifted the conversation to other things she’d like to photograph, which included revamping Taylor’s website with new pictures of her work. Taylor didn’t give her website much thought since she was pretty close to maxed out on wholesale clients, but Julia’s enthusiasm proved infectious.
“You could do a whole section on custom pieces because I bet a lot of people would like something custom, but don’t know exactly the sort of thing they want until they see it.”
Taylor made a joke about consumerism and the power of suggestion, but Julia gave her a stern teacher look.
“You want more custom work, don’t you?”
She did, even while remaining skeptical of opening a shop. “You’re right. I do.”
“And what if, instead of shooting things against a plain background, we put them in a real setting?”
It wasn’t a bad idea, but Taylor couldn’t figure how it would work. “But where would we get those settings? My house would get redundant pretty quick.”
“What if we reached out to your previous customers? I bet a lot of them would be happy to have you stop by and take a picture.”
It would be fantastic and it would solve the problem of not having a ton of inventory. The prospect of all the legwork, on the other hand, did not sound fantastic in the least. “That’s a lot of phone calling and talking and driving around.”
“You’re even worse of an introvert than I am.”
“Yup.”
Julia frowned, then poked Taylor’s midsection. “What if you contracted with me to do it?”
Taylor raised a brow. “I’m not sure I could afford you.”
“Stop.”
She threaded her arms around Julia and pulled her close. “You stop. You’re developing quite the reputation, and following. You’re in demand, Ms. Pierce.”
Julia leaned back slightly and looked into her eyes. “I kind of am, aren’t I?”
“I’m not sure why you’re still surprised by this.”
She huffed out a breath. “Not surprised, just, well…”
“Surprised?”
She smiled and lifted a shoulder. “Maybe.”
“I think it’s a great idea and I’d be more than happy to enlist your help. I won’t let you work for free, though.”
“I was afraid you might say that.”
Taylor laughed. “Is that supposed to make me feel bad?”
“No.” Julia’s eyes gleamed with mischief. “It’s my lead-in to suggesting a barter.”
“A barter, huh?” She couldn’t imagine Julia wanting anything from her she wouldn’t gladly give.
“I saw this console table with matching end tables online and I was hoping I could sweet-talk you into making them for me. Or some version of them. I’m not picky.”
As anticipated, Julia’s ask was for something Taylor would happily do for nothing in return. Well, not nothing. She’d have the satisfaction of making Julia smile, of knowing something she created belonged to Julia. But even as she opened her mouth to say as much, she paused. She might be comfortable in the value of her work, but Julia was still getting there. A trade would put them on equal footing. “I like where you’re going.”
“Excellent.” Julia nodded as though they’d come to some high stakes agreement. “You get me contact info for the clients you have in mind and I’ll get to work.”
“You’re very sexy when you boss me around.”
“I’m going to remember you said that.” Julia came around the worktable and gave Taylor a kiss that made her insides hot and her knees weak. “At least when we’re outside the bedroom.”
“Oh, really?” Taylor wanted to find out exactly what Julia meant by that, but doing so would probably make her late to work.
Julia’s smile was coy. “Maybe.”
“Okay, then.” Taylor cleared her throat. “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”
“Absolutely. I have girls’ night at Amanda’s but I shouldn’t be crazy late. I’ll text you.”
“Perfect.”
Julia left and Taylor returned her attention to the glider and the stain. But as she worked, she couldn’t stop her mind from wandering. It started on the image of Julia in a tight pencil skirt and a pair of glasses, complete with clipboard. It didn’t stay there long, though. No, Taylor spent most of the afternoon wondering if Julia’s comment about the bedroom meant she liked being bossed around inside it.