With Julia not needing to be at work until midafternoon, Taylor talked her into sleeping in. Well, sleeping in for them. It was quarter of eight and they’d not even bothered with coffee yet. Waylon, who’d gone out when they got home around midnight, continued to snore from his bed.
“I could seriously get used to this.” Julia stretched, then snuggled back against Taylor.
Taylor trailed her fingers up and down Julia’s arm. Despite what she’d said to Chris about wanting to talk to Julia, she still hadn’t been sure. Even after tying Julia up, she’d not been able to discern if what they had was crazy sexual chemistry, with a lot of trust of course, or something more. Last night had tipped the scales. She’d wanted it to be romantic, but it had felt like Julia had given her heart. And any part of her own Taylor still held, she’d laid at Julia’s feet.
Neither of them had said as much, and it almost felt like they didn’t need to. But Chris was right. Not talking about it was chicken shit. And now Julia had opened the door. She had absolutely no reason not to walk through. “Would that be so bad?”
“Nope.”
“We could make it official?”
Julia lifted her head and looked at her. There was curiosity in her eyes, maybe some confusion, but no panic. “Official.”
“Call it a relationship. Be exclusive.” Why did the words sound so silly coming out of her mouth? “Or, as Chris has taken to teasing me, go steady.”
Julia laughed, putting a hitch of apprehension in Taylor’s chest. But then she looked at Taylor with what Taylor could only describe as delight. “I’ve never gone steady with anyone before.”
“You were married.”
“Yeah, but we never talked about it or were intentional or anything. Erica was a tornado, and I got sucked up in her.”
The description made Taylor frown. “I don’t ever want to be that for you, even if it has kind of a romantic ring to it.”
Julia sat up. “That’s just it. I don’t ever want that again. I got lost in it.”
Taylor sat up as well. They were in serious conversation mode now. “You shouldn’t get lost or overpowered or anything else.”
“Well, maybe overpowered a little, sometimes.”
Taylor couldn’t help but smirk. “And with consent.”
Julia grinned. “Enthusiastic consent.”
As fun as it would be to turn this conversation into foreplay, it wouldn’t give her the answer she needed. “But aside from that…”
Julia’s face took on a serious expression. “Aside from that, I want to be equals. I feel like I have that with you, in all the ways that count.”
The depiction, so close to how Taylor would describe what she wanted, what she hoped she and Julia were building, made her heart thud. “Same.”
“And you’re saying you want to do that with just me?”
“Yes, but I understand if you’re not there. You’re coming from a very different situation than I am and I don’t want to downplay the significance of that or make you feel like you have to agree to something you’re not ready—”
“Taylor?”
She took a breath, grateful for having her self-conscious ramble cut off. “Yeah?”
“I want that with you, too. Only you.”
Was it as simple as that? “You do?”
Julia laughed again. “I do. It’s been on my mind, honestly, but I wasn’t sure you’d believe me.”
Taylor frowned. “Why wouldn’t I believe you?”
Julia simply raised a brow.
“Well, yeah, but it feels like things have changed. I mean, we spend a lot of time together.”
She angled her head. “We do. For the record, I haven’t seen anyone else since we started sleeping together.”
Even if the idea of that made her happy, she didn’t want it to come at Julia’s expense. “I hope you didn’t feel like that was an expectation.”
“I didn’t. I just, I don’t know, dating isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. At least not for me.”
“I get why you did it, though, why it was important.”
“Oh, sure, you say that now.”
Taylor cringed. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I’m teasing. You were honest and supportive, when I really needed both.”
That made her feel better. “Thanks.”
“But back to the topic at hand—us going steady.”
Taylor chuckled at the phrase, even though she’d been the one to bring it up, then schooled her face to a serious expression. “Yes. Right.”
Julia took her time looking Taylor up and down. Taylor could feel her gaze linger on her mouth, her breasts. “We should definitely go steady.”
Despite the silliness of settling on that phrase, Julia’s declaration made Taylor’s heart beat a little faster. She nodded and, for lack of a more thoughtful reply, said, “Good.”
Julia went from sitting to her hands and knees. She closed the short distance between them and kissed Taylor long and slow. “If we’re going steady, does that mean I get to have sex with you anytime I want?”
Taylor moved quick, nudging Julia onto her back and bracing her body over her. She had the distinct pleasure of seeing Julia’s breath catch. “Don’t you already?”
Julia gave her a coy smile. “Mostly. But I like the idea of making it official.”
“I believe it’s one of the key rights and responsibilities of going steady.”
“Excellent.” Julia’s arms came up and wound around her neck. She pulled Taylor down and Taylor happily obliged, kissing her lips, her jaw, her neck. And then they went about making it all the more official.
* * *
Julia floated through the first half of her shift in a semi blissed out state, body sated and heart full. She poured wine and chatted with customers, and in between she stocked shelves and daydreamed about Taylor and how she might set up her studio when she found a space she could afford. It made her wish she could go back and tell her sad, just-divorced self to hang in there, that things were about to get better than she ever imagined.
She took her break around four, taking her sandwich outside so she could enjoy the sun and send Taylor sexy texts. She had a couple of messages from Taylor waiting, but also a voice mail from Sasha, the woman at the art program. Might as well listen to that first, then cheer herself up with flirting.
She played it, then played it again. The message was brief, only fifteen seconds. Sasha’s voice was cheerful and energetic, a friendly hello and a request to call back.
Strange. She would have figured regrets could be left in a message. Unless. Even as she considered the possibility, Julia shook her head.
Sasha said to call anytime before ten, so she did. Julia left her sandwich on the picnic table and paced back and forth. When the call ended four minutes and eighteen seconds later, she stared at her phone, then her abandoned dinner and surroundings. Was this what an out-of-body experience felt like?
“What’s wrong? Did you see a skunk?”
Caroline’s voice pierced the bubble of her thoughts and brought her back to the present. “No.”
“A ghost, then? You look kinda spooked.”
She blinked a few times in that weird way of being conscious of blinking. “Not spooked.”
Caroline came over and put a hand on her shoulder. “Something’s up. Sit.”
“I’m fine.” But as she said it, she let Caroline guide her to the bench.
“Don’t be stubborn and weird. Talk to me.”
The stern tone made Julia chuckle. Caroline had always been bossy, but being a mom had taken it to a whole new level. She took a deep breath. “I’ve been offered a six-month artist residency in New York.”
“What?” Caroline’s voice pitched high, in surprise or perhaps disbelief. “When did this happen? How?”
Despite telling herself she wouldn’t, Julia flashed back to all the times Caroline questioned her judgment or her ideas or her commitment to something. Her stomach tightened and her left eyelid twitched. “The offer happened just now. Literally. I submitted a portfolio of photography last month.”
Caroline closed her eyes and shook her head slowly. “Wait, wait, wait. Back up. Start from the beginning.”
She did, explaining the contest and the interview, the specifics of the position. She talked about the program itself and what her role would be. “I honestly never expected to get it. I mean, I don’t have any formal training or teaching experience or anything.”
She expected Caroline to agree, to declare that the whole thing was unreal, or worse, sketchy. But when Julia finally stopped talking, Caroline tapped the tip of her index finger against the table. “You’re a people person, though. You always have been. That’s why you’re so good at the winery.”
The compliment caught her off guard. “It’s all those years of working retail.”
“Maybe, but it’s also a talent, part of your personality. And your photography is amazing. There’s no debating that.”
“Um, thanks.” As much as part of her still craved her sister’s approval, getting it made her strangely uncomfortable.
“I’m not surprised you got it, just that you applied. I thought you were happy here.” Instead of being judgmental, Caroline sounded disappointed.
“I am. It’s not that I have a burning desire to move back to the city. I just, I don’t know, needed to do this. Needed to feel like I could.”
Caroline nodded. “Are you going to take it?”
Julia blew out a breath. It was a question she remained completely unprepared to answer. “I don’t know.”
“It’s six months?”
“Yeah.”
“Would you stay there when it ended or come back here?”
“I’d definitely come back here. This is home.” Only in saying it out loud did the certainty take root. This was home, and not in the sad, nowhere else to go sort of way. Her family, her future, the life she wanted—all of that was here.
“Does Taylor know?”
Julia took a deep breath. “Not yet.”
“Does anyone?”
“No.”
“I feel special, then.” She smiled. “I’m really proud of you.”
Despite how much closer she and Caroline had become in the last couple of months, Julia couldn’t remember her sister ever uttering those words to her. Although, she realized suddenly, she couldn’t remember ever saying them to Caroline either. She vowed to change that. “Thank you.”
“So, when are you going to tell Taylor?”
The dread of that conversation, dread she’d managed to tamp down in telling Caroline, bubbled up. “Tonight.”
Caroline cringed. Apparently, the dread came through loud and clear. “Are you worried about how she’s going to take it?”
She thought back to the conversation she and Taylor had about ambition and priorities. And the one that morning about going steady. “Worried might be a bit of an understatement.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
The offer, so simple and such a sisterly thing, made Julia’s heart swell. “You already have.”
Caroline waved off the compliment, but snagged Julia’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “That’s what we do, right?”
It wasn’t, or at least it hadn’t been. But she really liked the idea of making it so. “It is.”
Feeling like they were approaching the limits of heart-to-heart, Julia shifted the conversation to Ellie and Luke. Caroline, God bless her, cracked a joke about her changing the subject, but rolled with it. Julia scarfed down her sandwich while Caroline talked, even though her stomach had that jittery feeling that made food the last thing she wanted.
When they got up to go inside, Caroline gave her shoulder a gentle bump. “For the record, I think you should take it.”
A few months ago, she would have taken that kind of statement as an assertion of Caroline being smarter and wiser, swooping in to prevent poor hapless Julia from making yet another mistake. Now, though, it didn’t feel that way at all. It felt like encouragement, laced with a belief that Julia could—would—be successful. “Thank you.”
“I mean, you should definitely do it in principle, but even in practical terms. It’s the quiet season at the winery. And I’m guessing there aren’t a ton of weddings or senior pictures and stuff to do in the winter. You wouldn’t be missing out on much here.”
She’d had that thought herself. It was one of the things she used to justify submitting her work in the first place. “Yeah.”
“And, like, if money is a problem, I can help out.”
Again, the statement could have felt condescending, but it didn’t. “Thanks.”
“If Taylor loves you, she’ll support you.”
Caroline’s use of the word love put a knot in Julia’s stomach. Not because she hadn’t used that word to think about Taylor, but because she had. And the fact that she’d kept this whole thing under wraps suddenly felt like a rather colossal problem.