Julia was nervous. Like, first date butterflies kind of nervous. Which made no sense, really. Unless she thought about the look in Taylor’s eyes when she said Julia had talent. Or let herself imagine what it might be like to have a talent, much less an artistic one.
No, Taylor was likely humoring her. Using a memory conjured up from their youth to give her nuggets of encouragement. Pumping up her ego so she could withstand the slings and arrows of dating. Definitely not angling to sleep with her. Sure, she’d been increasingly flirty, but it all seemed to be part and parcel of her wingman role. Taylor made no attempts to do anything other than hang out and offer pep talks and commiseration, which turned out to be this weird combination of encouraging and deflating at the same time.
Would today be any different? She didn’t have any prospects to dish over or anything. She could come up with something, but part of her wanted to spend time with Taylor talking about anything but her love life. Maybe talk about Taylor for a change. She filed that plan away as she finished getting ready.
When Taylor pulled into her driveway, she grabbed Meemaw’s picnic basket and pulled the front door closed behind her. Taylor got out to greet her, taking the basket and opening the passenger door. She smiled at the gesture, mostly because Taylor clearly did it without even thinking.
They headed north along the lake. Julia didn’t bother to ask where they were going. With the sun shining and nothing else on her agenda, she was perfectly content to put herself in Taylor’s hands.
It wasn’t the first time she’d been in Taylor’s truck, but something about it struck her. Reminded her of the fantasies she’d had as a little girl about falling in love with a country boy and taking endless rides down two-lane roads. Before she’d realized she wasn’t attracted to boys at all. Before the pace and promises of life in the big city had lured her away from those childish dreams.
But what if they weren’t so childish after all?
“Penny for your thoughts?” Taylor glanced at her, hand draped casually over the steering wheel.
Ha. If Taylor had any clue where her mind was, she’d turn that F-150 right around and drop Julia on her doorstep. Because as much as Julia might be thinking about Taylor’s lips and her body and the things they could do in the bed of that truck, she was also thinking about all sorts of sappy forevers. What might have happened if she’d never left.
“You don’t want to know.” Because even if Taylor professed to be old school romantic, there was romantic and there was crazy lady whose divorce papers were barely final.
“What makes you say that?” Taylor’s tone was gentle, not at all defensive.
“I’m thinking about what a colossal mess I’ve made of my life.”
Taylor pulled off the road into a clearing. She cut the engine, but the radio stayed on. “You don’t think you made the best decisions you could with the wisdom you had at the time?”
No one, not a single other person in her life, had framed it that way. Not when she left. Not when she eloped. Not when she came home with her life in shambles. Julia didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. “I don’t know.”
“From where I sit, you launched yourself into a life, into a place, you knew nothing about. That’s brave.”
“Or foolish.” God, she’d been so foolish.
“Who isn’t a little foolish at nineteen?” Taylor shrugged. “It didn’t work out. Things don’t always. It doesn’t mean they weren’t worth doing.”
Julia braved a look at Taylor’s eyes, expecting to see that blend of encouragement and pity she’d come to know so well since arriving back home. But that wasn’t what she saw. It was almost as if Taylor regarded her with admiration. “Do you believe that or are you trying to make me feel better about my really bad decisions?”
“Do you need someone to make you feel better? Or want that?”
Did she? Again, no one had ever bothered to ask. She lifted a shoulder. “Maybe.”
“From where I sit, most people aren’t brave enough to take the leap you did. That says something.”
Right. Julia nodded. Right. “Thanks.” Afraid her emotions might be close to getting the better of her, Julia turned her attention to their surroundings. “Are we here?”
“We are.” Taylor noted the abrupt shift, but didn’t comment on it. They’d had a moment. That was more than enough for her. At least for now.
The spot counted among her favorites, with cornfields on one side of the road and forest on the other. The fields belonged to her second cousin and the woods were public land, so she never hesitated to wander either, or to sit in the shade and think about life. Hopefully, Julia would find it even half as magical as she did.
She got out of the truck and pulled equipment from the back seat. She hadn’t bothered with special lenses or accessories, just a pair of cameras. Julia joined her, peering over her shoulder. “So, you’re going to tell me what to do, right?”
“I’m going to tell you there are no rules.”
She frowned. “Come on. I need some direction, something concrete.”
“Do you remember how to work the focus?”
Julia nodded.
“That’s all you need to know.”
She made a face.
“Are you seriously pouting right now?” She was and it was way cuter than it should have been.
Julia bit her lip, then laughed. “No.”
“Good.” Despite the laugh, she still looked unsure. “Just do what you did at the wedding, what you used to do in high school. Take pictures of whatever captures your interest.”
Julia squared her shoulders. If the pout had been cute, the look of determination added an endearing quality to the mix that made Taylor want to sweep Julia up in her arms and never let go. “Okay.”
Taylor handed her a camera. She gestured to one side of the road, then the other. “Field or forest?”
Julia grinned. “Let’s start with forest.”
“After you.”
Julia stepped gingerly into the brush and Taylor followed. The woods weren’t dense and the ground easy to navigate. Sun filtered through the leaves, creating interesting pockets of shade and light. Not ten feet in, Julia paused and raised the camera to her face.
Taylor planned to take some photos as well, but for now she simply watched. Julia angled her head back and forth, bent down low and then got onto her tiptoes. Did she even realize she was smiling?
Almost without thought, Taylor lifted her own camera and started snapping photos of Julia. The look of intense concentration, the flash of delight when a butterfly flitted by. She was so caught up, she didn’t even notice becoming Taylor’s subject.
Taylor alternated between taking photos of Julia and of their surroundings. She didn’t want to cross into creeper territory. Even if Julia was the most captivating thing around.
She hadn’t given too much thought to how she wanted the day to go, or what she hoped Julia got out of it. But watching Julia slide so effortlessly into her element, even if it was an element she didn’t know she had, made Taylor happy.
After about an hour, they stopped for lunch. Taylor put down the tailgate and spread a thick blanket across it. Julia’s picnic consisted of turkey sandwiches and chips, paired with a bottle of just thawed rosé. The simplicity of it made Taylor smile. It also made her think of a hundred picnics like this, a lifetime of them. She shook off the thought before it could take hold.
And then Julia whipped out an ancient looking Tupperware. Inside, the most insane brownies she’d ever tasted. “Is there actual crack in these?”
Julia licked a crumb from her finger. “A girl never reveals her secrets.”
Taylor peeked into the container, then helped herself to another. At least they were small. “Your refusal to answer is pretty damning.”
Julia raised a brow. “I can see you’re really torn up about it.”
“It’s an addiction I’m willing to risk.”
“All ingredients are legal, I promise.”
After finishing her third brownie, Taylor insisted Julia put the lid on the container and move them from arm’s reach. Julia laughed but obliged, tucking away the leftovers and their used napkins and cups. With the picnic basket packed away, they sat side by side, feet dangling off the back of the truck. She hoped Julia couldn’t read her thoughts because, if she could, she’d be hightailing it out of there so fast she’d leave a cloud of dust in her wake.
Her secret must be safe because Julia remained, head dropped to one shoulder like she didn’t have a care in the world. “Thank you for this. The day away from thinking about my life and the chance to dabble in something creative.”
“I’m hoping you come to see what a natural you are.”
“Maybe.” Julia smiled like she appreciated the compliment but didn’t necessarily agree with it.
“Why are you so hesitant to believe you might be really good at something?”
Julia’s smile turned into a scowl. “I’m good at plenty of things. I can talk up anyone, I obviously make the best brownies on the planet. Art is different.”
“Wasn’t your ex-wife an artist or in the art world or something?”
“Her family owned galleries. Paintings mostly, and some sculpture. Really modern stuff. It always felt a little beyond me.”
She didn’t want to be in the business of talking smack about Julia’s ex, but something in the comment hit a nerve. “Did she make you feel that way?”
Julia didn’t answer for a long time. “Maybe? But not on purpose I don’t think.”
“Things don’t have to be malicious to do harm.”
Another stretch of silence. “Yeah.”
She had a pang of guilt for making Julia feel bad, even for a second. But maybe she’d said something that really needed to be said. “Either way, you’re good at this. I hope you can believe me, believe in yourself.”
“Thanks.” Julia leaned over and bumped her shoulder lightly against Taylor’s.
The movement caused a lock of Julia’s hair to fall in front of her eyes. Taylor let herself reach out and tuck it behind Julia’s ear. The gesture brought them even closer. The look in Julia’s eyes was one Taylor couldn’t quite decipher—a mixture of appreciation and longing maybe. She had no way of knowing if the longing was for her, but it proved irresistible.
She dropped her gaze to Julia’s mouth for a second. Julia didn’t flinch or pull away. If anything, her gaze grew more intense. Was it permission? Invitation? Without waiting to find out, Taylor gave in to her own longing. She brushed Julia’s lips with hers, only to find Julia’s mouth even softer and more perfect than she’d imagined.
Julia grasped Taylor’s arm, but instead of pushing her away, she held tight. Taylor angled her head to give herself better access and took the kiss deeper. She put one hand in Julia’s hair as Julia’s tongue came out to tease her bottom lip. She’d thought so much about what it would be like to kiss Julia, but this, having Julia kiss her back, was more than her brain could handle.
In the distance, a tractor roared to life. The noise yanked Taylor back to reality, and to what she’d done.
“I’m sorry.” She resisted the urge to groan at her own idiocy.
Julia’s eyes flashed, but gave nothing of her thoughts away. “Sorry you kissed me or sorry you stopped?”
“Both.” How could she have been so stupid?
“What, exactly, does that mean?”
“It means I really wanted to kiss you, but I overstepped.”
Julia seemed to consider for a moment. “Overstepped, okay. Your line? Or mine?”
She sighed, but it came out as more of a growl. “The one we agreed to mutually.”
Julia waved a hand back and forth. “Oh, this is like the wingman code or something, isn’t it?”
“Sure. Yes. That’s it.” Better to cite that than her fears Julia would break her heart.
“Not very convincing.”
Taylor nodded, maybe more vigorously than necessary. “It is, at least partly. You’re trusting me to look out for you and I’m edging in. It’s skeevy of me.”
“Even if I wanted you to edge in.”
“Julia, I can’t be one of your one-night stands.” It hurt to say it; she couldn’t imagine being it.
Julia offered a small smile that tested Taylor’s resolve. “You’d never be just that.”
“But I don’t want to be that and your friend. Or your friend with benefits. Or any of those things. I’m not built for it.”
Julia lifted her chin, a hint of defiance in her eyes. “So, you won’t even go on a date with someone who isn’t immediately ready to contemplate forever.”
“I didn’t say that.” Was she trying to pick a fight? It sure felt like it.
Julia closed her eyes and let out a breath. “I know. I’m sorry.”
Taylor didn’t know what to do with the abrupt shift. “There’s nothing to apologize for.”
Julia opened one eye and offered her a half smile. “I was being testy. That’s reason enough.”
“Pretty low-level testy.” She’d much rather let it go than have any hard feelings.
The other eye opened and she shrugged. “Still. This dating business is harder than I anticipated.”
“Aren’t you having fun?” Taylor couldn’t imagine it being fun, but it wasn’t her place to say so.
“It’s fun, but takes a lot of energy. Between that and working at the winery, I’m not used to being on so much of the time.” She looked at the ground then into Taylor’s eyes. “That’s one of the reasons I like hanging out with you. It’s easy.”
A pang of regret fisted in her chest. “Until I went and complicated it. I’m the one who should be apologizing.”
“Please don’t.” Julia shook her head. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
It felt like it. Even if part of her thrilled at Julia not regretting kissing her. “Still. I don’t want to be one of the things that sucks your energy.”
“You don’t. Promise.” Julia gave her a look that seemed flirtatious. Maybe in other circumstances, it would be. It was a small consolation, but she’d take it.
“Shall we poke around some more?” Because if they continued to sit there, she’d probably start thinking about Julia’s mouth again. Or maybe her body. Because while she generally considered herself a bastion of self-control, spending time around Julia was proving a dangerous temptation. Temptation that teetered on the edge of torture.