Blaise kept glancing at the time on the cell phone lying on his desk. He couldn’t help it. Kiara was due at the gym in twenty minutes for a session with her trainer, and he wondered if she would show. He hadn’t seen or heard from her since their argument, and questioning where they stood was making him crazy.
“You haven’t heard a word I’ve said,” Rowan said, tossing a pencil at Blaise.
“Sorry.” Blaise caught the pencil against his chest before swiping a hand over his face. “My mind was somewhere else.”
“On that girl again, huh?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You’re still sabotaging it?”
“Rowan, don’t,” Blaise warned, glaring at his brother.
“If I don’t, who will? Everyone else is afraid of you.” He sighed. “You know I’m just looking out for you. I want you to be happy, and from what you’ve told me about Kiara, she could make you happy if you quit making it your mission to drive her away.”
“I’m not trying to drive her away.” Blaise was frustrated, because that was exactly what he seemed to be doing.
“You’re sure as hell not trying to make this thing more solid, are you?”
“I want to.” Blaise was tired of feeling insecure and uncertain about what they had. He wanted to be confident, sure that they loved each other enough and believed in each other enough to go the distance. “I just don’t know how.”
“Why can’t you talk to her the way you talk to me?”
“What?” Blaise stared at him, processing the question. “What are you getting at?”
“You give it to me straight. Why can’t you do the same with your lady?” Rowan asked.
Blaise didn’t even have to think about it. “I guess I don’t want her to know how…” Defenseless I feel with her.
“You don’t want to appear weak. Admit it.”
“If you know, why the hell did you ask?” Blaise snapped the pencil with one hand and tossed the broken pieces at Rowan. “You enjoy watching me squirm, or what?”
“No, I’m trying to help you realize you’re never gonna get what you want from your relationship until you figure out how to be honest with her. Let your guard down. Show her the real you.”
“Since when are you such an expert?”
Rowan chuckled. “It so happens I’m an expert at screwing up relationships. I’ve driven away every woman who’s ever cared about me, and I see you making the same mistakes I’ve made. Probably the same mistakes you’ve made yourself dozens of times.” He sighed. “Look, all I’m saying is if you want a different outcome, you’ve got to change things up.”
Before Blaise could respond, someone knocked on the door. “Come in.”
Kiara poked her head in, her smile fading when she spotted Rowan. “Oh, I’m sorry to interrupt. I can come back later.”
“No,” Rowan said, jumping to his feet. “I was just leaving. Come on in.”
Kiara seemed hesitant since Blaise wasn’t the one issuing the invitation. “Um, are you sure?” she asked Blaise.
“Definitely.” Blaise beckoned her. Damn, she looked good in her black cotton-spandex tank top and running shorts, and her long hair tied up in a ponytail.
“Since my brother seems to be a little tongue-tied,” Rowan said, hooking a finger over his shoulder as he smiled at Kiara and offered his hand, “I’ll make the introductions. I’m Rowan. You must be Kiara.”
“Yes, I am.” She shook Rowan’s hand, smiling warmly. “It’s nice to finally meet you. Blaise has told me so much about you.”
Rowan winced. “I’d like to tell you it’s not true, but I’m afraid it is.”
“Hey,” Kiara said, gripping his forearm, “nobody’s perfect. I’m not here to judge.”
Just like that, she melted Blaise’s heart. The fact that she was willing to overlook his brother’s mistakes as easily as she’d overlooked his gave him hope that maybe she wasn’t looking for perfection after all.
“I’ll catch up with you later, Row,” Blaise said, sitting up straighter.
“Yeah, sure.” Rowan grinned at Kiara before looking over his shoulder. “Do not screw this up.”
Kiara closed the door behind Rowan before facing Blaise. She seemed a little uncertain. “Hi.”
“Hi, yourself.”
“I’m sorry for the way we left things.” She stood behind one of the two guest chairs, gripping the back of the wooden frame.
“It wasn’t your fault. It was mine. I’m the one who should be sorry, and I am.” He’d had countless hours to replay that night in his mind. If he hadn’t let old insecurities dominate their time together, that argument never would have happened. Her body language made him uncomfortable. He wanted her to be sitting in his lap, with her arms around his neck, not halfway across the room with a solid barrier between them. “I guess the question is whether we can put it behind us.”
She blew out a long, slow breath. “I really want to.”
“Good, so do I.” He grinned. “So why the hell are you still standing way over there? Get over here, girl.”
She wasted no time obeying his command. The armless chair allowed her to straddle him, threading her hands through his hair. “I missed you as soon as you left.” Her lips met his.
“I missed you too, baby.” He buried his face in her neck, breathing in her scent. “How’d your meeting go?”
“Great, I signed him.”
“Awesome, congrats. We’ll have to celebrate later.” He nuzzled the skin behind her ear and grinned when she trembled. “How ‘bout the dinner with your friends? Did you have fun?”
She pulled away slightly, planting her hands on his shoulders. “Um, Eli was there. I had no idea he would be until I got there.”
“Huh.” Blaise could allow his jealousy to rise to the surface, but he didn’t want to end up back where they’d started, so he held his temper. “How did that go?”
“You’re not upset?” she asked, sounding surprised.
“That depends. How did it go? Did he give you a hard time?”
“He tried, but I put him in his place.”
He tightened his grip, drawing her closer. “That’s my girl.”
“You’re not going to ask what happened?”
“Don’t need to. I trust you.” And he did. He knew she wouldn’t end up in her ex-boyfriend’s arms looking for comfort just because they’d had a fight. She was better than that. They were more solid than that.
“Thank you.” She slid her hand over the stubble on his jaw. “Seriously, that means a lot to me.”
“Yeah, well, you mean everything to me.” He smacked her bottom. “Get your sweet self out there and get that session over with so I can take you home.”
She looked intrigued. “Hmm, what do you have in mind?”
He drew her lower lip between his teeth. “Make-up sex. Lots and lots of really hot make-up sex.”
***
Kiara was surprised to find Rowan waiting for her outside his brother’s office.
“Your trainer’s running late. You mind if we talk before your session?” he said.
“Sure.”
He gestured toward an empty office. “Let’s go in here. Sadie’s left for the day.”
“Okay.” She followed him, suddenly uneasy. Was he going to warn her off, tell her he didn’t think she was right for his brother? “Um, what’s up?”
“My brother’s crazy about you. Surely you know that.”
“I’m crazy about him too.”
“Good.” Rowan perched on the edge of the desk. “I’m glad to hear that.” He sighed. “You know Blaise and I have been estranged for a while, right?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t think he’s had anyone looking out for him in a long time. I mean, he has friends, and he had his manager and trainers, but—”
“They’re not his family.” She squeezed his hand. “I get it.”
“Blaise was always there for me growing up, and I guess I feel like I let him down, getting messed up with all that shit. I want to make him proud now and have his back.”
“That’s why you wanted to talk to me?” Kiara asked, touched by the sentiment. “To make sure that I’m not going to hurt him?”
“You may think this is none of my business, and you’re right, but—”
She smiled. “It’s okay. I know this is coming from a place of concern. Tell me what you need to know to put your mind at ease.”
“Do you love him?”
Wow, that was direct. “Yes.”
“Could you see yourself spending your life with him?”
Kiara held her breath for a minute before she responded. “We’re still getting to know each other. We have a long way to go before we decide about the future.”
“But you’re not discounting the possibility?”
“No, of course not.”
Rowan seemed to weigh his words carefully. “He needs somebody that he can count on. A woman. A partner.” He sighed. “He likes to pretend that he doesn’t need anyone, that he’s a tough guy, and he is…”
“But everyone needs someone, right?” She’d always thought so. That was why she’d never stopped looking for the one.
“Yeah.” Rowan shrugged. “The way we grew up, we learned pretty early on that you can’t trust anyone, not even your parents. That’s why it’s so hard for Blaise to trust a woman.”
“I suspected that.” Kiara hoped the one other person who could shed some light on Blaise’s childhood would trust her enough to let her in on their family secrets.
“He’s been through a lot.”
Kiara touched Rowan’s shoulder. “You both have.”
“Yeah, but he was the one always trying to drag me out. I can’t tell you how many times he hunted me down, beat the shit out of my dealer, and dragged me back home. He tried so hard to help me find my way, but I kept getting lost. Eventually he realized there was nothing he could do, that I was taking him down with me.”
“I’m sure that was a very painful decision,” Kiara said softly. “I know how much he loves you.”
“He did the right thing. He walked away because he had to—he didn’t have a choice. I guess that’s part of the reason I wanted to talk to you. I feel like I may have been the person to break his spirit, and you’re the one who could help to rebuild it.”
Kiara was touched that Rowan thought so highly of her, but she couldn’t deny that his words were a heavy burden. “I think having you back in his life has already helped with that.”
“He’ll try to push you away. Not because he wants to, but because he questions whether he can really have a normal, healthy relationship. He’s never had one, and we sure as hell didn’t have a good example of that growing up.”
“I understand.” She did understand, even if she couldn’t relate.
“Do you understand?” Rowan looked her in the eye, refusing to allow her to look away. “Do you really? He won’t make it easy for you. You’ll want to leave him. I know you will because he’ll make you crazy by questioning you all the time about what you see in him.”
“How do you know all this?” Kiara asked. “Has Blaise talked to you about me? About us?”
Rowan shrugged. “He needed someone to talk to. He didn’t want to, though. I practically had to drag it out of him. But if addiction’s taught me one thing, it’s how harmful keeping everything bottled up like that can be. Especially since Blaise isn’t fighting anymore. He doesn’t have that outlet.”
“Would it be selfish of me to admit I’m glad he’s not boxing anymore?” Kiara said, feeling guilty for voicing her feelings to someone who may have a very different take on the situation.
“No, it’s not selfish.” Rowan slid farther back on the desk, letting his feet dangle an inch or two above the floor. “You love him. You’d worry about him if he were still in the ring. But make no mistake, Kiara, he lost a big part of himself when he had to retire.”
“I can imagine.” She knew how she would feel if she couldn’t work anymore. It would crush her.
“This gym is helping some, and working with fighters again…” He clasped his hands between his knees. “That’s a double-edged sword. He never wanted to be the guy outside the ring. I think he’d be a great trainer or manager, but his heart is still inside the ring. That’s where he feels he belongs.”
“I know.” Kiara walked around the small office to put some space between herself and the truth so she could breathe. “You don’t think he’d ever try to fight again, do you? Against doctor’s orders?” Seeing him take that kind of risk, knowing the outcome could be catastrophic, would kill her.
“He’s never said anything to lead me to believe he would,” Rowan said. “I think now that you’re in his life, he feels he has too much to lose.”
Kiara had mixed feelings about being the reason Blaise wasn’t willing to put his health on the line. She wanted him to love himself enough to want to stay safe. “I should see if Max is ready for me. I don’t want to keep him waiting.”
Rowan eased off the desk and walked toward Kiara. Gripping her shoulders, he knelt enough to look her directly in the eye. “Thanks for talking to me. I just wanted to warn you that it’s going to be hard with Blaise, but I know he’s worth fighting for.”
“I do too.”
Rowan hugged her. “Thank you. That’s all I needed to hear.”