You might have guessed it. I did end up taking the case. It took all night, the last of my darkwater and a horrendous nightmare involving unspeakably ugly demons crawling out from the Abyss to change my mind.
You know why your mind is your own worst enemy? It's because it knows everything you know, all of your fears, all of your insecurities. And when you let it have free rein, like when you're asleep and under the influence of darkwater, it's like having a whole school of Dewey's harping at you.
Ashamed to say, I had to go hassling Dewey.
“You, ah, hey there, Dewey. I don't suppose you know where I can find that lady who visited me?”
That set him off, “Oh-ho! My, my, Tedrick, are you saying that I was right? Are you?”
“Can you tell me where she is or not?”
“I can tell you, brother,” he said, waving his arms this way and flipping his tentacles down, “but can you tell me...”
“I need the job.”
“Uh-huh, right. And...”
“And I need the clams.”
“What about me? Huh? What about me?”
“You – you were not as wrong as I thought you were,” I said.
“Close enough. I was hoping for something a little more appreciative, brother.”
“It's the best you're going to get. Now, you going to help?”
He took me up the main. We went up the lower-shelf, past the middle section, past all the upper-class business owners. This wasn't completely foreign territory for me, though I was feeling very out of place.
“Where, ah, exactly are we headed?” I asked.
“That way,” he said, pointing with his tentacle.
“Yeah, I get that. We've been going that way since we left,” I said, “and soon we'll be running out of Reef.”
“Almost there,” he said.
For someone so chatty, he was strangely silent. I put it down to him being out of breath having swum such a long distance. I made a mental note to wear him out more often.
Soon, we left the main and came along a drop off. The only thing on the other side was the Medici tower, the tallest and grandest looking rock on the Reef. It towered so high that at high tide the peak was still out of the water. It commanded a view of the whole Reef that-a-way and the plains that-a-way.
I stood in awe of the sight. I mean, I'd seen the tower – you can't miss it – every day on the plains but I'd never had a reason to venture closer than a couple of lengths. If it was imposing from far off, it was downright dominating close up.
Designed with defence in mind, the surrounding scarps and ramparts forced your eye up to the bastions jutting out midway. All the way up to the surface where the swells were gushing against it, little windows, like eyes on a mussel, peered out across the land.
Sure, it was decorated at every opportunity by dazzling coral that easily hid the parapets from view, and someone had made a special effort to plaster the lower walls in purples, pinks and blues. There was even a long stream of kelp that ran up the other side.
It doesn't matter how much make-up you stick on a Hammer, it's still a damn Hammer. Make no mistake. If you have no business to be near there, you don't hang around the Medici Tower. The two dark guards posted out the front reinforced that message.
I said, “Uh, Dewey...”
“Yes?” he hummed.
“Does she work for the Medici or something?”
“Or something is closer,” he said, pointing to the lady herself, coming out to see us. “She is a Medici.”
“What?”
“What? Don't tell me... didn't you know? That's Coraline Medici,” he said.
“Cor – Coraline Medici?”
“You heard of her, right?”
“The Coraline Medici?” I quailed.
Of course I'd blanking-well heard of Coraline Medici. Everyone had heard of her. I had never seen her, though. She was popular fodder for the reporters, gossipers and criers. She was reportedly the wealthiest spud next to her brother, Belvedere who, subsequently, owned the plains and was therefore my ultimate boss.
I said quickly, “I gotta go.”
“She's already seen you, Ted. You go now, you blow it!”
“You – you urchin! You knew I wouldn't take the case if I knew who she was, didn't you!”
“Just gave you a friendly push in the right direction, brother, that's all.”
“Remind me to pound the buff out of you, brother!” I seethed, wiping my mitts over my face and smoothing my rippled skin to something presentable.
She and her entourage, a couple of large, no-nonsense types, stood before us.
“I told you he'd come around, Ma'am,” Dewey said. “I'll leave him with you.”
“Best you scram while you've still got a working siphon!” I muttered.
“You can thank me later.”
“Oh, I will.”
Dame interrupted, “Are you two done? I am a busy woman and you are on my property.”
There was that perfectly formed, stony face again.
“Sorry, Ma'am, I am,” I said and took a breath. “I have decided to reconsider your offer. If you're still offering, that is.”
“I might be. Why the change of hearts?”
“Honestly, Ma'am, you were right.”
Dewey butted in, “Hey! What about me?”
“You,” I said with a pointed mitt, “scram!”
“Sure, sure,” he said, adding sotto voce, “just don't blow it.”
I made sure he was on his way before I turned back around. I know you shouldn't turn your back on a lady, especially a Medici, but I have equal feelings about turning my back on a cuttlefish.
“I know you're busy, Ma'am, and I don't want to upset you. Is the offer still good?”
“Are you dedicated? Will you finish what you start? Then it is,” she said.
“First thing I need to know, Ma'am, is who I'm looking for. I need a full visual description, plus what they do, what they like, their habits and movements.”
“Of course. Where to begin? His name is Belvedere Medici.”
My beak fell open.
“He is my brother and we share a similar patterning.”
Belvedere Medici. The Belvedere Medici! It took every fleck of will I had not to jet away right there and then.
“I see,” I said.
I had to play it cool. Mister Cucumber. That's me.
I said, “If I may summarise, to avoid any ambiguity, you see, and to get the record straight. Belvedere Medici, your brother, is missing and you want me to track him down.”
“Yes.”
“What gives you the impression that he is missing?”
“He hasn't been seen for a few tides.”
“Could he be on holiday? An off-shore business meeting?”
She shook her head, “No. Emphatically, no.”
“Do you know much about your brother's tide to tide business?”
“More than he does,” she smiled.
Well if that didn't pique my interest. Unfortunately I had been suckered into this case and I was too busy getting involved to back out of it.
I looked at her entourage, “Is it prudent to let these guys listen in?”
“I take it this means you will accept my offer.”
“I'm afraid to say I do, Ma'am.”
She dismissed them to stay at a safe distance and led me along toward the tower. I followed her inside and up a column. Pretty soon I was inside the tower proper.
It was as impressive inside as outside, if not more so. Every wall was ornate. The ceiling and floors in each room had been polished so that you could see your reflection by gazing up or down. The ascent was via a slowly winding ramp that cleverly allowed you to absorb every room you passed before you hit the next.
I stole a glimpse out of a few of the windows as we went up. At each interval I felt more and more giddy as my view of the Reef increased. By the time we hit the top, I could see exactly why the Medici had taken up residence here.
“This is quite a place you've got here,” I said, admiring the reliefs that had been carved along the walls. “These all family?”
“From Belvedere and myself, to Father and Mother, all the way back to Great Horatio Medici. He was a thinker, a doer, creative and spirited,” she said. “Drink?”
“I won't refuse Ma'am and more than that I'd be most appreciative.”
She embarrassed me by offering me the palest darkwater I had ever tasted, so fine that it had no trace of bitterness, only a mellow burning. That was definitely something I could have gotten used to.
“So you say you haven't seen him for a few tides. Exactly when was the last time you saw him?”
“Well, I guess...”
“Don't guess, honey. I need something solid.”
Her eyes darkened. I shouldn't have called her honey, I know. It just slipped out. It's just how I talk, you know, when I'm getting down to the nitty-gritty.
“Er, sorry, Ma'am. Please be precise.”
“Very well. I know it was five tides ago.”
“Five tides, you say. What time?”
“Second feeding. I know because we were discussing just how much smaller the schools are recently. The silvers are declining in number. That's an ill omen, you know, for both us and the Reef.”
“I can only imagine. So did you and Belvedere part on good terms?”
She exploded in a rippling, blistering red.
“What? How dare you! The implication that I might have had anything to do with his disappearance is abhorrent!”
“Ma'am, please, I'm not casting for anything more than the facts. I need you to be as straight as a stinger-barb with me,” I said. “I'm not one to judge. Just need to know his state of mind the last time you were with him, you know, if he was emotionally unstable in any way.”
She composed herself. Usually when I dropped that spiel, the receiver would either blubber about apologising or clam up and get all defensive. Coraline only settled herself down, wiped her face and touched the tips of her delicate mitts together. A lady of a different breed, eh?
“Gritswell, if you must know, I did not leave him on the best of notes.”
Seeing how fired up she could get a the drop of a rock, I wasn't surprised. Discretion, fellas, discretion.
“No? How so? Was he in a mood? Had he been drinking?”
She shook her head, “It wasn't him. It was me. Well, it was both of us. You see, the plains haven't been as productive as they might be. The smaller shoals and the detestable weather mean that the yield has dropped a substantial amount. At least fourteen percent from the last eighth.”
I burbled appropriately, “As much as that!”
“I don't expect you to understand, Tedrick. Another eighth like that and we're going to have to start looking at going from half-shifts to lay-offs.”
Now that was language I could understand.
“Substantial is a strong word, Ma'am. How many are we talking?”
“About a quarter of the workforce until things improve.”
“If things improve,” I said. “I'm guessing you had a difference of opinions as to how to tackle the situation.”
“The plains will always be there. Our claim is solid,” she sighed, waving her perfectly formed mitts about. “We've had issues in the past, my father told me so, but we'd always ridden them out. I wanted to weather it out, he was talking about selling.”
“Selling? Hmm. Belvedere and you are born into this. It's in the family, your heritage. It must be something pretty solid to make him flinch.”
She snorted, “He is not exactly the type to hold his ground when faced with adversity. To be honest, though, it has never been this serious before. The yield has been on a steady decline for some time, completely out of character for any cycle. Our coffers are running low and all our hopes were pinned on this last cycle.”
I nodded. You don't go and sell the family business on a whim. This was something to make note of.
“So did Belvedere mention who he was considering selling to?”
“No. He didn't have to.”
I raised my eyes as my stomach sank, “Tommy?”
“Who else? With control of the largest sand-plain on the reef, he'd be unstoppable. He's already got tentacles in the Union and he has been making life difficult on the ground by stirring up the workers. This drop in yield is all he needs to hit us hard and haggle a bargain.”
It made sense. Tommy's goons had brewed up a right brouhaha only a short while ago, getting the workers to strike on the pretext of conditions. Not that conditions had changed, mind, but any excuse is a good excuse for tools down and once you get the heavies involved, you either brave or stupid to keep shovelling.
Don't know what it's like in your world, but scabs don't get treated that nice over here.
“And there's every chance that he, himself, has been the cause of the decline in silvers. I was actually on my way to talk to the Law regarding a cuttlefish that was apparently found near the barrier.”
“You think he's poaching?” I asked. “That's brazen, if he is. What will you do about it? Surely you can't post guard all across the barrier...”
She glowered, “That is not part of your concern, is it? How I run my company is my business.”
Time to ease off that approach.
“I get it. Look, can you tell me if Belvedere had any enemies, of the notable variety I mean.”
“Besides Tommy Two-Tone?”
“I've got his number already. Any other names you can supply?”
“Then take your pick,” she said, sweeping an arm to the windows. “The higher you get, the more visible you get, the more people you have wanting to take you down. Everyone wants a piece of you.”
“Please, Ma'am. Anyone specific?”
She rubbed herself down, “Gunther, from the Hershcroft Plains has always had it in for Belvedere. Palu of Wewo Farms also comes to mind.”
“Palu? He's an old mussel! Er, if you don't mind me saying, that is.”
She smiled darkly, “He's an old mussel with a lot of clams and a grudge. And he has an outstanding debt to us.”
I said, “OK. So what about the Law? Is there anything I should know about? Any dirt that someone might hold over Belvedere?”
I held up a curled mitt at her protest.
“Again, I'm not here to judge. Kidnapping often involves blackmail and blackmail involves a struggle of power, and that power comes from one party having it over another party.”
She flushed a few times before settling herself.
“We've always operated within the constraints of the Law, Mister Gritswell.”
“That's not what I'm asking.”
“All our activities are above board. We pay our tariffs, our employees and our suppliers. You can check the ledgers yourself, if you like.”
“That won't be necessary, Ma'am. I'm not that good with numbers, anyway.”
She smirked, “You cheapen your skills, Tedrick. Now, is there anything else you need?”
I finished off my palewater and looked around. It certainly was a lovely view at the top. Not so close to the shore where the waves were crashing, the swells sploshed lightly against the top of the tower, creating a constant rhythm of swirling, dancing bubbles that refracted the light from the Golden Pearl into a million facets that obediently disappeared a heartbeat before the next swell.
This was a world away from my hole. A world where I didn't belong. I felt like an interloper, just something that got washed in off the last tide.
I said, “There is, actually. Where would Mister Medici normally spend most of his time? An office, perhaps?”
“Hardly. He would spend more time in his hole.”
“Ah, then may I see his hole?”
She hesitated, “It's a short swim across the way. I can let you in.”
“Please.”
I followed her out. The muscle at the door nodded as we passed. He sized me up and grunted to himself. I trailed her across the way. From the corner of my eye I spied two sprightly Mercartors, scouts no doubt, that flanked us as we progressed.
This dame never went anywhere without protection, it seemed. Sure, they were only Mercs, but those were the ones I could see. When she made the long trek from her ivory castle to visit my pad, she must have had an army trailing her. She would have parked them behind the rocks and outcrops. Smart, really.
A black, writhing bulk darted quickly in front of us. I lost my cucumber-coolness and flinched back. For half a second I thought it was an eel.
“This is where he lives,” she said, looking casually back over to the hulk, “It's alright, Ferdinand, he is with me.”
Ferdinand's face remained fierce. He didn't like me, I know, and if I had met him in a bar or a dark alley, I wouldn't be dumb enough to stick around.
You hear stories about guys like him, monumental Collosi who were born from the race of the twelve-armed gods of long ago. Rippling with strength – he could have torn her apart as soon as look at her – yet stolid and loyal. One guy like that was his own disciplined army.
I shrank to the left to avoid him.
I think she sensed my nervousness.
“Don't mind Ferdinand, Tedrick,” she said. “He will not harm you.”
Unless you order him to, I thought. I went inside with her, getting out of Ferdinand's line of sight.
“Sorry, Ma'am, you see, where I live, anything that impressive would be running a standover gig or hitting up the bookies when they left the races. Only, if you don't mind my saying, you can tell he's got sense going on in that noggin of his.”
She seemed pleased, “He is as smart as he is strong. Ferdinand is Captain of the Guard and heads up all security matters.”
“So what's his take on things?”
“His take?”
“Surely he's got an opinion. I'd like to hear it.”
“His opinion, Tedrick, is his own and does not concern you.”
“He's Head of Security!”
She nodded, “Yes, and he is occupied in that matter. I can't spare him to leave his duties to take this investigation. We've got all manner of troubles with thieves in the stockpiles, intruders on the sand-plains, the never ending threat from smugglers and runners. And that's just the tide to tide activities. Why else do you think I hired your services?”
“I was wondering,” I admitted. “That settles that. So, this is his place, huh?”
“Yes. It is self contained, semi-detached from the tower. This is where my parents used to live. The bedroom is there, kitchen and larder over there, living room is, well, everywhere. Gosh, I wish he had cleaned up! The maid hasn't been...”
“No, Ma'am, please. Don't touch anything. If this is how he's left it, then that's how I've got to see it.”
“But it's an awful mess!”
“Call the maid once I'm done.”
The water hit a simmer. I don't know, maybe I could have said it more tactfully, or less forcefully or something. If clams could buy tact, I could do with taking out a loan.
“I am not accustomed to being told what I can and cannot do, Mister Tedrick, especially by one from the Lower Regions.”
I shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. “You can do as you please, Ma'am, no skin off my mantel. Only in order to do my job, I need certain allowances. Like leaving a room be while I pick it over.”
“Very well. Let me know when you are finished and I shall call the help.”
“Thank you, Ma'am, that is all I ask.”
She stood by the doorway, knotting her arms over and over, watching me as I stepped over the mess.
There were discarded crab-shells. Fish bones. Scales. There were empty darkwater pods. There were flints discarded in a pile on a table in the centre. Some bachelor pad, eh!
I'm quite skilled at scoping a scene undisturbed. By perching myself up on the tips of my mitts, I can skulk around a room and leave no trace. It takes a while, and I'm sure I look like a right guppy while I'm doing it, but that's the best way to preserve a scene.
I examined the bits, one by one. The crabs were imported. Young swimmers. Fancy. These critters don't live anywhere near Borobo. In fact, when I looked closer, I found some armour with a defined ridge, fletched with tiny barbs along a straight edge. Bugs, if I wasn't mistaken. Very fancy indeed.
You don't find those just crawling about. They're imported.
I made a note to figure out where he got them from. It was a long shot, but there weren't too many people who could supply exotic bugs, and while I had no reason to suspect that a crustacean supplier had anything to do with his disappearance, I could leave no stone unturned.
The darkwater pods were local. Nothing remarkable there. There were a couple of kali-root brews on the shelf, some of the higher end Zostera rums. Half-chewed Cormanian keelsticks – man, this guy knew how to waste the good stuff – were in any crevice that wasn't occupied by crab shells or fish bones.
Soft tufts of grass lined the windows, obscuring the view from the outside, not that anyone would be able to get close enough to peep in. He liked his privacy, then, and was somewhat paranoid.
A pile of clams was lying in plain sight on a bench. That, coupled with the number of eyes I passed on the way in ruled out robbery or thuggery.
If he was kidnapped, there'd be evidence of a struggle, you know, like broken pods or upturned furniture. If the place was normally neat and tidy, it would be a snap to spot the tell-tale signs but with all the buff lying about I couldn't figure anything. I left that option open.
“Did he often have shindigs here, Ma'am?”
She said, “Shindigs? Please. Belvedere was far too busy to partake in such frivolities. I suppose you've been listening to the reporters?”
Ah, there was the wall going up. I was going to have to work to keep it down.
“Just asking, Ma'am. A bachelor is a bachelor, after all. Does he have any close friends, allies, anyone of a close nature?”
“Male or female?”
“Either.”
She said, “Well, there's Jethro, his best friend from way back. He is on holiday in Rowara. Has been since, oh, at least ten tides ago.”
“And lady friends?”
“None. No one serious, anyway.”
“I see.”
“And what does that mean?” she snapped.
“It means I understand,” I said, shivering from the sudden cold-snap. “He is a hard worker, burn the candle at both ends like. No time for socialising beyond the necessities to prevent himself going crazy.”
The water thawed. Just a bit.
“Yes. Well, that about sums him up. Are you finished in here?”
“Just a second. I'd like to check out the other rooms, if you don't mind.”
“If you must. I shall wait here.”
You wouldn't have thought it possible, but the bathroom was even messier than the living room. I had to practically cling to the roof to step over the piles of detritus across the floor.
Something moved inside and I scrambled to a defensive position, poised with legs on the roof and walls.
A broad, polished shell dominated the far wall. Ha! How about that. I was jumping at my own reflection. I paused, curious to see how I looked. It wasn't vanity. It's not every day you get to see how others see you.
That was me. A rufous and yellow spotted mantel. Dark eyes looking out from a smooth head. I twirled my arms, checking my size. Not big, not small, somewhere smack-dab in the middle. That's beneficial in my line of work, see, because if you're too big, you can't slip between cracks and if you're too small, you're liable to get beat.
I can hold my own in a scrap, no problems, and I've even taken on guys twice my size and got away with only a few scratches. It's a skill to know when to stand your ground, when to hide, and when to jet the heck out.
Turning to leave, my eyes snagged on something out of place. It glinted, winking at me from underneath a furry lump of who-knows-what. I lifted that up and on the floor was a pearlescent band. I held it up to the light and it glistened like only byssus can.
It was small, colourful, the kind a bachelor wouldn't wear, rather the kind a bachelor's friend might wear. On a large disc were the letters BM.
I tucked it underneath my membrane and carried on through the rest of the rooms. Each was in a state much like the other, in desperate need of cleaning out. I couldn't tell if anything was missing. Everything was out of place.
Satisfied there were no other items of interest, I thanked Coraline and let her know that I was prepared to start my investigation.
“If you need anything else, you know where to find me,” she said.
“Sure do.”
She thrust some clams at me, “Take this, for whatever expenses you incur.”
“Uh. Thanks, but you don't need to make any payments until I have information for you. That's the regular arrangement.”
“Consider it a gift. I don't want anything to get in the way. This company needs Belvedere back and if I risked his skin over a few clams...”
She started to choke.
Out of sight from her crew, she had mellowed some. Problem with letting your guard down is that you can take yourself by surprise. I stroked the tip of a mitt.
“It ain't that bad Ma'am. Keep your bulb round.”
She swept her suckers over her face and rested her mitt on mine.
“Please. Tedrick. Do your best. I know what kind of octopus you are. If anyone can find him, it's you.”
I said, “Coraline, Ma'am, you're a strong woman. Lord knows you have to be to keep this operation going. I'll find him for you. What I need to know is, will you be able to handle whatever news I bring back?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean people don't disappear for no reason and step one of my job is figuring out that reason, no matter what it is. You never know when you start to dig just what you'll find.”
“I understand,” she nodded. “You just find him Mister Gritswell. Do whatever you have to do.”
“Yes, Ma'am. That's my plan.”
And it was. I needed the gig. More than that, I was beginning to warm to this dame and the suckers she laid on my mitt told me it wasn't all one sided.
Outside the tower I stopped. I was down at Reef level, still in the upper, but the giddiness I felt before was gone and I was hit with a cold wave of reality. I was in it up to my tube.
A high profile client. A lot of clams involved. A business resting on the outcome. It was going to be tough.
That didn't bother me none. The tougher the shell, the tastier the crab.
***
On the way back I passed by Botherwash and paid him to get a list of bug suppliers in the region. I had the clams, why not start greasing the old pipes, eh?
He's always been a reliable snout, discrete and inexpensive – the best kind.
“Been a while, Ted,” he said in that warbling monotone he's got.
“Yeah, it has Both.”
“Last I heard, you was washed up.”
That's Botherwash. Not afraid to call it like he sees it. He didn't mean any offence. He was just curious.
“I am. I mean, I was.”
“What turned you round? A woman? I'll bet. It's always a woman. Man'll bite off his own arm for the right gal. Heck, he'll bite off two for the wrong 'un.”
“It's not a woman.”
“Maybe it's not,” he said with a wink, “and maybe it is. It's none of my business no how. These clams good?”
Again, he meant no offence, so I didn't take any.
“Yeah, they're legit.”
“So you're back in the game? For good?”
“As long as I can stay alive.”
“Not long, huh? That's bad news for me. I was lookin' forward to working with you again. Gives me something to do while I'm not doing anything.”
“Wait, you're unemployed? When did that happen?”
He shook his head and puffed out his syphon, “I'm always employed. Just not for clams.”
“What happened to your job at the anemone farm?”
He said, “Didn't work out.”
“Why not?”
“Just didn't. Foreman said there was no room for no guy what spent his time chatting to the nemos,” he said.
“You were... chatting to them?”
“Makes 'em grow better. Everyone knows it. Honest truth. They just think that if a coot does it, somehow it's nuts. I dunno. Maybe I am nuts. I'll let others decide.”
He gestured to his small garden behind him. In it was a collection of flourishing anemones, silently picking at the water with their tendrils. They were fat and shining, in colours of red and green and black.
I said, “Looks pretty good to me.”
“Exactly. They just wanted an excuse.”
“What's their real beef?”
“I wasn't part of the Union. Never've been. Funny how no one had no beef until that flake of a rep got up the foreman's tube. Now all of us non-unionists got given the flick, without so much as a thanks-for-comin'. Give 'em the best part of my life and that's how I get repaid,” he said. “But that's in the past, and this is the present and you, Tedrick, are my future. Don't get yourself hurt.”
“Thanks, I'll try not to. See you round, Botherwash.”
“Yeah.”
I left him to his rock and his garden. Sure, he was of the old school, but, you know, he wasn't really at the age for retirement. He still had the smarts in him.
Strange how the decisions you make can have a bearing on others. Looks like he was pinning his hopes on me, that I was the stop between him and the Abyss.
I wish I had the hearts to tell him that I was one stroke away from experiencing the dark, cold depths myself. All of that just added to the pressure.
Not that I needed another incentive to crack this case.
Something jabbed me under my membrane. Call it what you like, it was perfect timing. I wheeled and jetted back.
“Forget somethin'?” he said.
“Yeah. Kind of.”
“Not much of a detective then, if you're going' around forgettin' things.”
I laughed. He didn't. Come to think of it, I can't ever remember a time that he did.
“Not like that,” I said. “Here. You've been around. What do you make of this?”
I handed him the pearlescent band. He picked at it, felt it with his suckers and sniffed it, even chewed it a little.
“Looks like a band. Byssus, well crafted. Mother-of-pearl and common shell beads. Monogram on the main. Kinda fancy. Wouldn't catch you more than ten clams, but.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Oh, er, what was that you asked?”
He blinked at me. Ah, Botherwash. I shoved some clams at him.
“So,” I said louder, “what makes you say that?”
“Ah! Now you're being all detective-like. Well, it just so happens that I am an authorama, er, an arthopomo, what I mean to say is that I'm an expert on this here thing.”
“You're an authority? On jewellery?”
“Yes-sir, not that it's worth ink to those who know, but for those who don't, like yourself, I've seen more of these than most. Why, before my protracted stint in the anemone farming gig, I was a purveyor of goods to the whoring industry.”
Well that was entirely unexpected.
“The whoring industry?”
“Whores! Broads! Hookers! Hoochies! Them Ladies of the Night!”
I hushed him, “Sure, sure. I get you.”
“Not sure you do, the way your staring at me.”
I failed my arms and tried to hide my blush, “Botherwash, I just never pictured you in, um, that kind of setting.”
He drew himself up, “Now look here, I weren't no hooker myself, son.”
“No, no...”
“And I weren't no pimp, neither!”
“I never said.”
“Only that I worked for those who supplied goods to those who supplied service for others, you see?”
“Uh. Yeah, I get it. Goods. Right. So what did you actually provide?”
“Oh, the usual. Scented water. Root extracts. Fermented blends. Rubs, ointments, unguents and balms. Keelsticks, the hallucimawhatsit kind, see. Kelp curtains, sheets and sheaths. Jewellery, make-up, favours, mirrors and the like,” he said. “This here is a particular kind of bracelet what gets given to a particular kind of gentleman who's in a spot where he right shouldn't be.”
He winked. I stared blankly. He winked again, like that was going to make a difference.
“Geez, son, ain't you never...”
“Ah ha, well, I'm not saying I haven't.”
“Right, polite company and that crap. Listen, even if you did partake you aren't the kind of guy who'd use this.”
“Use it? Uh, I'm not sure...”
“Are you going to listen or are you going to cycle through your colours?” Botherwash said, holding it up. “Now, this here is a favour-bracelet.”
“A favour-bracelet?”
“You can tell because of the monogram on the centrepiece. And see how it got tied? The gal, you see, she puts it on her arm like this,” he said, demonstrating. “So when she's swimming to go visit, no one sees a thing, only some cheap jewellery. Then, when she arrives, she turns it around like this, showing up the pearl and the monogram of the gentleman, what proves she's in his favours and she's permitted to enter his premises like.”
I said, “Why go through all the rigmarole? Is this some kind of society thing?”
“Society thing? Pal, you're not getting it. When I'm sayin' gentleman, I'm talking a guy with more clams than you got suckers. I'm talking a guy what don't mess around with working. I'm talking a guy who wouldn't be caught dead a-comin' and a-goin' from a den from where the ladies call out,” he said. “That's the kind of guy.”
“Funny you should mention, because that's just the kind of guy I'm looking for. From what you're saying, this favour-bracelet means that a gal was with my guy, and that gal wasn't exactly of the upper-crust variety?”
“Now your catching what I'm casting!”
I looked again at the bracelet, studying it closer.
“My next question -”
He held out his mitt. I dropped him another couple of clams. Botherwash didn't mess about. I still reckon he would have found out just for the exercise, but.
“That settles that, then. Say, I can't do both at once, what's your preference? The bugs or the bracelet?”
“Hmm. Well, considering the bracelet is more personal than the bugs, I'd go for that first. Whoever was there may well have been the last to see my guy alive.”
He was quietly buzzing, “Hot Hammers! A real case! And clams to boot! I'll have your answer for you by the next tide. Leave it with me, Tedrick, leave it with me.”
I thanked him, shot him a few more questions about his day and headed on home. There I lay down on my rock and thought.
It made sense that Coraline wouldn't admit to his clandestine activities. The Medici family had a reputation to uphold, after all. They weren't to be associated with the darker side of society, even if they did dip their mitts in.